working vs stay at home

I'm "mostly" happy and fulfilled as a SAHM. Sometimes I like the idea of working part time, I may look into that after our 2nd one is born and we get a helper... I'm not particularly "careersy" though... but I do want to be employable because I know that if anything happened to my husband, I'd need to be able to be the breadwinner.
 
you should definitely stay at home because you WANT to stay at home, not because you are forced to by other pressures or because someone else has told you you HAVE to stay at home. I know that it is often not black and white and if you decide to stay at home, you will definitely miss some aspects of your work. But what you decide on should ultimately be the choice that does make you happier than the other choice. Otherwise, it's just a disaster waiting to happen and at some point, you will start getting resentful and your kids will feel it.

I also don't think there is anything LESS challenging being a SAHM than going to work. Sure, the challenges are different, but the "work" in a way is often just as hard and more often than not, the SAHM gets bigger personal rewards (obviously not financial rewards, but if you can afford it, the personal rewards are better I think).
 
I believe there are plenty of reasons for anyone to feel unhappy or guity whether you are working or staying at home. Perhaps it is easier to not feel bad if one is working simply because you are making money - a way of showing that you are being appreciated. It is a tough decision but o ce you have decided(or have no choice), either way, you need to remind yourself of the positive aspects all the time. And I think it is important to feel appreciated and hence validating that your work is useful, be it nice encouraging words from husband or friends, or salary if you have a paid job.
I agree very much that staying home is often boring-could be busy physically but still boring. My solution so far is to start some projects that is not baby related and doing them when baby does not need your attention. Eg. Investment plan, researching a topic, making recipe book, etc. This would create a good conversation topic with husband too.
Grass seems greener on the other side, but it helps to remind yourself the bad things on the other side too. Like if you are staying home, that you don't have to deal with unreasonable boss, play office politics, pretend to be nice to clients etc.
I believe one have to put in the effort to make youself happy. Keep a positive attitude and do not be affected by others' negative comments.
 
personally, i think SAHM is a 24x7 job, so i don't have any guilt at all staying at home looking after my children. you can't put a price tag on the love and the security you give them. my mom was a SAHM and i never had to bring keys when i go to school (she's always home when i come back from school) and her help is always a phone call away when i was at school. i had home cooked meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. while growing up, i didn't know this is precious. but looking back, i really want to give my children the same experience growing up. my opportunity cost of staying home is quite substantial and i'm compromising my career to stay at home. however, i have no regrets. if i work now, i'd lost all the opportunity i have to watch them grow and i wouldn't trade it with anything else.
 
Hi hkmom1,

am not sure if you had made a decision... but should i be in time to contribute my experience, here's my 2 cents':

I'm a sahm and though I quit my job long before I had my baby, and am currently a really happy and well adjusted mom 24/7 at home, I would strongly suggest you take a solid 1-2 months unpaid leave (if boss and situation allows that it is!) to see if it would works well for you being at home with your baby. I personally don't think that everyone is suited to be a sahm, and the shift in roles and responsibilities once you choose to stay at home are huge.

Some things to consider are

- financial situations,
- if your husband is supportive (both financially and emotionally),
- if you have help taking care of your baby (and also to add, are you willing to share the responsibility of babycare with say your helper or family? or are you up to be the sole caregive? because some moms i know are control freaks and they end up being stressed and worked up when they are at home with their helper or in laws...),
- should you be much less employable in future, would you be resentful? the chances of reentering the workforce get slimmer the longer you are out of touch, but should you be willing to accept this, the higher the chances of you being happy at home...

for myself, i fared well in my job and was happy in my firm, but i quit deciding and knowing i did not want to work for someone else. i was supposed to work on business plans and voila! the pregnancy kit shows positive. we were trying for quite some time and were thrilled we were able to conceive.

i am generally a laid back and chill person... i think i'm happy as a sahm, largely because i have a very supportive husband who loves being at home, and i travel with baby quite often to see our families (it helps to break the monotony of endless household chores,) and lastly because i do have aspirations to start my own business some day. though i don't have the energy to pull things together anytime soon, it keeps me going. we live within our means and are quite careful with money.

hope you would be happy with your decision either way! =)
 
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Of all the subjects I've ever read in a thread on Geobaby, I know this one really pulls at the women here's heartstrings. I know this because of the amount of text that has been typed about it.

I think that women living in HK who haven't lived elsewhere sometimes need a bit of perspective. (Or those who have been in the city so long they don't really remember what the "outside" is like).

While reading these posts I can sense the amount of angst and desperation that women in this city struggle with when the consider the career vs. family situation. One poster noted that when she lived in Australia she had a more balanced life because of the understanding and flexibility of employers.

I think HK is a very odd place, actually. This is the only super-modern, developed city I know of that has no minimum wage established. To me, that says something about the value of the employee in this city. Employees are disposable here and they are treated that way--whether they are low-wage construction workers or high tech finance workers. The laws serve the employer much more than the employee.

People are fighting for their lives here and the ironic thing is while they fight for their right to remain "employable" at the same time their employment is stealing their life from them. There is a very famous quote from the Bible which asks, "What value is it for a person to gain the entire world yet lose her soul?" Women (and men) in this city are losing their souls in the process of trying to gain financial stability. Many people want to be wanted/needed professionally and who would mind having more financial stability? I think that it's understandable--that's what I want, personally but I think it's really important to look at all aspects--the motive (why am I REALLY doing this?); the ends vs. the means as well as who will be collateral damage in the end (the kids? the mom? the entire family?--certainly the company never suffers, right?)

I just think that money is blinding. In my situation, I guess it's hard to imagine the pull of money that many women here are facing. I haven't ever worked in a job where I brought in an amazing amount of income--a job that I felt like if I left it, I would be left behind and out of the loop. I feel like women make their own way in this world and if one company won't hire you or one industry gives up on you because you took time off to tend to the things that really matter in life (and your quality of life including relationship with your husband and children definitely fit in that category) then it's their loss. It's never too late and it's never hopeless to go back into an industry you left. The only issue is the narrow-sightedness of looking only within HK! Hong Kong is not the beginning and end of the world!

I've just been inspired by so many women who took nothing and made something out of it--they didn't need an employer to decide their fate--they chose their own road. Most of them suffered but in the end most of them triumphed as well.

I think HK people grow up with the mindset and ideal to do the financially responsible thing (take the higher paying job with more prospects no matter what the cost to your family and personal life). It's a good thing to be financially responsible but goodness, there has to be a balance that comes in there sometime.

So, my story is that I work part-time in an industry I never imagined myself working in to begin with. I do it as therapy for myself. I am slightly driven to go forward in this career but not to the point where I'll "do anything" to get there. I earn money which helps my family. I am challenged. But, at the same time I have at least 1/2 of my month free to be with my son and my family or just be myself. I guess, I just never want to be "owned" by corporate anything--to me that would signify personal death.
 
Hi MayC, it's an ignorant comment, do not pay any attention to it. Be assure of yourself and your choices. And be very proud of your own achievement.
 
**HUGS** MayC

MayC said:
My BIL's son replied, "Oh your mum only has a low job unlike my mum". His mother tried to shush him.
Click to expand...

That just goes to show doesn't it... his parents are so busy working that they've forgotten to teach him to mind his manners!

Thanka said, "What value is it for a person to gain the entire world yet lose her soul?"

Makes me wonder what will be in the soul of such children in the future. I wouldn't want my child to measure me in terms of how successful I am in my career (am a working mum) as I know given my family and circle of friends, if my child made such a remark, I'd be a total failure.

Gosh! MayC... you've done well by making those decisions for your child!
 
in defense of the child who spoke out of turn... he's still little, he's still learning...

when i was about his age, i answered the phone one day and told the caller that my mum couldn't come to talk because she was busy.... HAVING A STINKY POO!

MAYC, if i had been you, i probably would have come back with,
"Well, we know that your mum prefers to spend her time at the office but I prefer to spend time with my children. Because I love them so much, it is important for me to be with them as much as I can be...."

and left it at that...of course directing it at the mother, not the child....
 
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