Parents giving up adopted child

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sunniefaith

Registered User
I read the papers on Sun and am just filled with shock and horror at what some parents can do to an adopted child. Maybe I don't know the truth or their side of the story, but still, I'm just gobsmacked by some people. Maybe I'm feeling this way because we are intending to adopt a child. But whatever it is, adopting a child is more than adopting a dog from the pound. There is just no return policy, especially after a couple of years.

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/afp_asiapacific/view/316715/1/.html

Their story has even made it to Spore.
 
This story originally appeared in the SCMP. It's a European diplomat stationed in HK who gave up the Korean child adopted during his station in Hong Kong.

Whatever the background of the story or reason, a child is NOT a pet and even a pet should NOT be abandoned.
 
I find it astounding too, I just hope that all the other options have been explored - my feeling is that the mother is probably suffering from depression, or extreme stress or exhaustion - akin to mothers of babies who lose their bond. I hope that the parents have been fully assessed by medics and that they have all tried counselling too. What I don't understand is how the mother can give her child up after 7 years - to me the need for a genetic bond is irrelevant after 7 years of nurture. What about the future other children let alone the adopted one? Sounds like it's the mother who needs help.
Sadly I believe this case will not help matters for other Western parents seeking to adopt an asian child.
I hope that in a few years we hear of a relatively good ending to this story.
 
I was thinking that it might be post natal depression as well. But what amuses me is this. After years of being with Dutch parents, the child can only speak English and Cantonese. Why can't the child speak Dutch? Isn't it sad that the girl was adopted when the mother that she was sterile and can't have a kid. So now, after having 2 kids of her own, does she then realise that she doesn't want the adopted child now?

I sincerely hope that my speculations are all wrong. Does anyone know the true story behind?

And Ali71, yes, this will definitely have an impact on Western parents who are genuinely seeking to adopt a child. How sad...
 
it's terrible

I also read about the news.
I think it's terrible..

The poor girl only can speak Cantonese & English so she can't go back to S. Korea , so seeking a family in HK who can take her.
a Few couples tried to take her (American/Korean couple and Chinese/Korean couple in HK) but they couldn't because of the adoption procedure is difficult. I think they got rejected by some conditions.

The thing I don't understand about that dutch diplomat family is why did they leave her in Hong Kong.
I mean they adopted her in KOrean while they are working in Korea, then moved to Hongkong. THen they just leave her to HK government and flew back to their home.
They just abandoned her in HK. The terrible thing is they didn't even apply for the dutch citizenship for her So that girl doesn't have a citizen of Dutch nor korean.
That's the most strange part. I heard she also hasn't got the right to stay in Hongkong.

I just can't understand after raising for 7 years and just abandon the child. I heard they are saying that the girl is not eating their food. that's the reason . I mean they live together for 7 years and she would have adopted to the food and different culture. She was adopted when she was 4 months.

let's just hope she gets a good new family. She is already 7 years old, so she will know that she's abandoned. that's the saddest part.
 
Leeah's mom said:
The thing I don't understand about that dutch diplomat family is why did they leave her in Hong Kong.
I mean they adopted her in KOrean while they are working in Korea, then moved to Hongkong. THen they just leave her to HK government and flew back to their home.
They just abandoned her in HK. The terrible thing is they didn't even apply for the dutch citizenship for her So that girl doesn't have a citizen of Dutch nor korean.
That's the most strange part. I heard she also hasn't got the right to stay in Hongkong.
Click to expand...

You mean they've already left? This is even more shocking!
 
yeah

I read other news articles just now (updated one I guess)
It says she was abandoned a year ago and HongKong government takes care of her until now and looking for a new family.
I am not sure whether they actually left HongKong, but they don't care about her definitely. She has been staying at the orphange since ( alomost a year) and attending the local school.
that's why she's speaking cantonese.

She doesn't have the dutch citizenship because they didn't apply for her , but she has the korean citizenship though.

Some say that they got pregnant with their own child in hongkong so that's the reason why they abandoned her.
the Dutch diplomat said " it's a personal matter " and he also insists they had the problem of different culture since she was adopted. "

But the thing is if they had the problem from the start, why didn they do that after 7 years??? 7 years is a very long time. And you know she was only 4 months. I just don't get it!!!!
THey should have considered all those problems before deciding to adopt an asian girl!!
 
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Leeah's mom said:
I read other news articles just now (updated one I guess)
It says she was abandoned a year ago and HongKong government takes care of her until now and looking for a new family.
I am not sure whether they actually left HongKong, but they don't care about her definitely. She has been staying at the orphange since ( alomost a year) and attending the local school.
that's why she's speaking cantonese.

She doesn't have the dutch citizenship because they didn't apply for her , but she has the korean citizenship though.

Some say that they got pregnant with their own child in hongkong so that's the reason why they abandoned her.
the Dutch diplomat said " it's a personal matter " and he also insists they had the problem of different culture since she was adopted. "

But the thing is if they had the problem from the start, why didn't they do that earlier???? THey should have considered all those problems before deciding to adopt an asian girl!!
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Precisely my point! Adopt the child just because they think that they are childless and then give up when their biological kids came along. These people really disgust me! They have been with the kid for like 5 or 6 years and obviously they purposefully spoke English to her only and Dutch amongst themselves because they don't want her to be part of their family. And with food? This is rubbish! I strongly believe that they just gave up the child because they hit a snag in their family life and are not willing to work through it.

I sincerely hope that this little girl will find another nice family and will work out her issues and make her feel love. Poor girl!
 
me too.

I just hope she finds a new good family soon. a poor girl.
I feel really sorry for her.

In the article it said that since she only knows English and catonese, it will be hard for her to go back to s. Korea. so she needs to find a family who lives in Hongkong. But she can't go to just korean families. She will get a shock because of different culture since she was raised by the western families.

I don't know why things are so difficult. And I cannot believe how this kind of thing happened. It's just unbelievable.
 
i can't imagine what that poor girl must think! talk about poor self-esteem, if your own parents dont' even want you.
 
This story is disgusting! When I read the headline I thought it was going to be a case where the family had some problems, hard times where all the children would be better off not in their care. This family is clearly well to do.
She is not of their culture??!!! She is not racially or genetically of their family, but culture has everything to do with environment and nothing to do with genetics. I could see this being an issue if you adopted an older child, but at 4 months of age, their culture is all that child has ever known.If she likes different food and speaks differently it is their own fault. I don't know how that is even possible unless they have kept her separate form the rest of the family. Do the other children like different food and speak differently? I hope this has lots of media attention in the netherlands.
 
What I dont understand is if the couple adopted her legally in korea , How can they just abandon her. She must have their last name. I think it is crime and they should be persecuted.
 
Imagine the trauma this kid is going through! Her biological parents have already given her up and when she thinks that she has found another family and they give her up? What is this going to do to her emotionally? Hope this will really making people who are thinking of adopting to really think through before adopting a child.

Sorry, this gets to me a lot because we are planning to adopt a child. Really can't believe this people!
 
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and if you read the article...the "father" says..."my poor wife... it's been really hard on her!"

no mention at all of the poor little thing caught up in their little web of self-centredness!
 
carang said:
and if you read the article...the "father" says..."my poor wife... it's been really hard on her!"

no mention at all of the poor little thing caught up in their little web of self-centredness!
Click to expand...

That's what pissed me off! Bastards....my wife is going for therapy and I'm like big freaking deal!
 
I do not think we should be so quick to judge others, especially without having all the facts. I have no extra facts to give you but I know from reading the newspaper report that we don?t have enough to come anywhere near understanding the situation.

I find it hard to imagine the circumstances I would need to be in to think that the solution was to give up one of my children. Parents do, however, find themselves in these situations and do give up their children. Likewise I find it hard to imagine a situation I?d need to be in to think the answer was suicide but every day people do kill themselves.

I do not believe that these parents can be unaffected by their actions and that they have really left the child behind in Hong Kong without a second thought. Without knowing the full details and the metal state of everyone involved it is hard to know whether the decision these parents made was the only solution or not.
 
The poor little girl, already abandoned for a year! Those parents should be exposed - surely it is a crime to abandon a child, whether adopted or not? I feel so so sorry for the girl. And if indeed the wife has 'post-natal depression' did abandoning her adopted girl make her feel better? THis case really needs to be brought in to the open. Some journalist should 'leak' their names. The excuses this couple have given for their child 'not fitting in' is terrible. Just ask any parent with a teenager and they will tell you they are having a tough time. I'm shocked that an adopted child can just be 'given up'. So shocked. How traumatic for the little girl. I cant imagine what her world is like. What a selfish couple.

Surely someone must know a diplomat Dutch couple who 'used' to have an adopted Korean daughter (who they didn't teach Dutch to!) and now she's not with the family anymore and they have children of their own? Anyone here have 'Dutch' connections?
 
My sentiments exactly, Somebodyfamous. How can you adopt a child and not teach her your language? This is really baffling. I agree with barbwong about not judging. But under what circumstances do you give up your adopted child or any of your children? Maybe if someone knows of their circumstance, tell us, so to stop us from judging them. But at this point of time, they look really bad!
 
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