Parents giving up adopted child

Although these two latest newspaper reports are still lacking in details they are much more believable that the original report.

I find it difficult to believe that someone would just dump a child without a second thought. But I can believe that looking after a troubled child with medical issues, especially where the problem is a bonding issue, could be too difficult to cope with.

For me the one thing that I?ve clung to when my children have given me hard times (my eldest is 20 years old now!) is that we love each other. I have no way of knowing if I would have coped if my children hadn?t been able to show me this love.

There is a Christian saying about ?Let he who is without guilt, cast the first stone.?
As none of us are in this situation I believe we should give the benefit of the doubt.
 
Its nice that you always like to give the benefit of the doubt Barb, lets hope you're right in this case.

Anyone who posts here works as a social worker or a child therapist? I'm VERY curious to know what "serious bonding problems" are? And why didn't they apply for Dutch nationality when they adopted the child? From this article it says they didn't apply for Dutch nationality due to 'serious bonding problem' at four months old? Again the paper could have misquoted and got facts wrong. However I find it hard to believe that all those agencies would suggest that they give up their daughter because of serious bonding problems.......
 
We may not be in the same shoes and so seem to be judgmental i.e. casting stones.

But honestly, whatever problems you may encounter with your own child, one you gave birth to, would or could you give up your child on medical/specialist advice?

To say that they got her naturalised as a Dutch because of an oversight given the medical problems. Good grief! If the entire family's traveling on Dutch passports... isn't it just glaringly obvious that there is a little girl traveling on a Korean passport?

Sounds like a face saving PR exercise for the family.

I just don't think there can be any justification for what they've done. They've gone below the belt but the girl may be better off in the long run if she finds a good home.
 
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From someone who HAS BEEN and STILL IS "in the same shoes"

"There is a Christian saying about ?Let he who is without guilt, cast the first stone.?
As none of us are in this situation I believe we should give the benefit of the doubt."

Excuse me, but I STRONGLY disagree! First of all, from what I read in the Dutch papers, it simply looks like a forged "excuse" to me: yesterday they were giving as a reason that the child "won't eat their food" and "doesn't fit into their lifestyle", today it is "because the child is sick", tomorrow they'll come up with something else!
The same paper though published interview with the little girl's nanny who is outraged and says that it was a very normal child, she just didn't get the same attention from these "parents" as their other children. Here:

http://www.telegraaf.nl/binnenland/2773925/_Consul_reageert_op_adoptieaffaire__.html?p=3,1

Short summary: Ex babysitter: "Jade received less attention. I would love to adopt that girl myself! A child is not a dirty sock! I am trying to find out where she is now so that I can offer to look after her."
Babysitter denies that Jade had any behavioral problems and says that Mrs. Poeteray from the beginning gave her les attention than her own son (who, by the way, loved the little girl!)

But even if we assume that they are telling the truth, that makes it even worse. As the Dutch readers rightly ask them, would they give up their OWN child, if he had the same problem?

I am especially angry because I am mother of 3 - and I AM in the same shoes as they claim to be (my eldest child is severely mentally disabled and it's very hard to look after her). Yet, in the last 10 years there was not one day when I even thought of giving her up because of that! And unlike these two partygoers, I have no babysitters or servants to help me.
When you love somebody who is vulnerable and needs you, you can't be that selfish. They just didnt love the child. Full stop. It was an accessory to them. They treated her like a puppy they got for Christmas. And now they are desperately looking for excuse so that they cak keep their positions and continue with their lifestyle - that's all that matters to them.
 
Most parents of autistic children don't give them up, or parents of children with other disabilities.

Just as I wouldn't terminate a pregnancy if I knew my child had Down's syndrome or some other disease that is compartible with life, there are people who do, a lot that do.

But to be fair, I suppose there may be rare situations where a severly mentally ill child whowas physically violent may be a danger to other children in the home, although if that happened here( in cAnada) such a child would most likely go to some type of a group home, probably not to fostercare. There sad thing is that if it is true that this child is so sick, she can't function normally in the only family she has known, she is likely to do worse elsewhere among people she does not know.
 
My mother was adopted. Both my mother and grandma have told me that my mother gave my grandma hell when she was growing up. Serious hell! But neither did my late granddad (bless his soul) nor my grandma at any one point want to give her up. Both of them did anything and everything in their power to make my mother feel love in the family. I am actually very close to my grandma. She tells me that it was never easy to bring up my mother but did she regret? Did she return my mother? No!

Now that I'm preparing to adopt a child, my dad has many doubts but one thing I told my dad, a child is not a pet and under no circumstances I will return the child. And that's why, I don't understand why this family will do such a thing.
 
Thank you Tula33 for expressing so precisely my thinking.

We have, as a society, gone completely mad if they are not held accountable for their actions of emotional child abuse. If condemnation/accountability does't occur what does it say to other adopted children? - it's ok for your adopted family to give you up - NO NO NO NO
 
I feel so sad. I can't imagine the trauma the little girl has for being abandoned Twice!

They are unfit to be parents. I wonder how they explain it to their 2 biological children.
 
My take on it...

They adopted her, thinking it would be OK - but something was wrong w/ them or their parenting - main evidence being that they never settled her citizenship.

The mention of problems or bonding and the fact that she doesn't speak Dutch makes me wonder if the little girl was somehow neglected or abused. This happens in biological families sometimes, one kid becomes the scapegoat and is abused or neglected while the other kids are basically OK.

I imagine that the little girl was taken into care for her own good (to stop the neglect).


So, it's probably all for the best that the little girl is separated from them and will no longer have contact with them.
 
Press Statement from G.O.A.L

Global Overseas Adoptees? Link (G.O.A.?L) is an adoptee-run organization located in Seoul,
Korea. G.O.A.?L has been working for Korean adoptees and their rights since its establishment
in March 1998, and is a registered NGO under the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade,
registered non-profit organization with Seoul Metropolitan Government

LEGALITY OF ADOPTEE RELINQUISHMENT CASE QUESTIONED
Adoptee community condemns relinquishment, demands accountability from Korean,Dutch governments

December 12, 2007 ? The global adoptee community condemns the disruption of an adoption by
a Dutch diplomat couple. The couple adopted their Korean daughter as an infant in 2000 while
stationed in South Korea. In 2004 they were transferred to Hong Kong, and in May 2007 they
relinquished the daughter to Hong Kong social welfare. The girl?s residency is now in question,
as her parents failed to give her Dutch citizenship. Many adoptees in Korea, the Netherlands and
worldwide condemn not only the abandonment, but also the laws and practices ?- or lack thereof
? that resulted in such a tragedy. A child is not a returnable product: Adoption is a lifelong
commitment.
G.O.A.?L demands a thorough investigation by the Korean and the Dutch governments into this
case. Many details of the case are still unclear, leading G.O.A.?L to suspect that standard legal
procedures may have been ignored in this adoption. If it is found that this adoption was indeed
illegal, the Korean government must pursue all possible measures to punish the wrongdoers
without regard to ?diplomatic immunity.? The results of the investigations must be made public
and reflected as changes in Korean, Dutch and international laws.
Global Overseas Adoptees? Link (G.O.A.?L) is an adoptee-run organization located in Seoul,
Korea. G.O.A.?L has been working for Korean adoptees and their rights since its establishment
in March 1998, and is a registered NGO under the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade,
registered non-profit organization with Seoul Metropolitan Government
 
more shocking news

After reading this thread, I try to find out as much information as I can. I just found found out that now in the Netherlands the parents are being criticized so much, now they're saying. it's just so disgusting

" Jade ( that's her name) was having a diffulty in eating The dutch food, so she's just staying there for the temporary."

But the truth is last may, they already decided to give up her and asked the hongkong government to find her a new home.
Jade has been living separately from them ever since!

I can't believe how dare they lie to all people in the world.

whatever the reasons, they are unforgivable.

I heard they were quite a few people tried to adopt her, but in hongkong it's very complicated..
Hongkong goverment consider the new family's wealth, education, relationship with relatives and medical history as well. lots of paperworks and interview.
THe hongkong government haven't found a suitable family for her yet.

Also the Korean government is seeking ways to ask legal responsibilies to the dutch parents for just leaving her at the orphange before finding a new family for her.

I really think that dutch family should be punished.
I just can't believe myself how those kind of people could live in the world.
 
I agree that based on what the press has shared, the family's actions are baffling and heartless.
However, I would like to ask why noone has brought up the fact that Korean culture does not encourage Koreans to adopt Koreans. Please note that this is NOT the only society that insists on bloodline for family continuity.
Shouldn't Koreans be addressing the reality of unwanted pregnancies and not expecting that Korean children be adopted by non-Korean nationals? The Korean War has been over for decades, so these children are not the result of intermarriage (another Korean taboo). Korea has actually gone from a position of overpopulation (too high a birthrate) to being below replenishment rate (like Japan, Italy and a few other countries.) Why are the social mores so rigid that they cannot absorb their own foundlings?
But then again, why is every Korean female under 45 I know married to a non-Korean man (both in HK and the US.)
Please forgive the digression, but a little food for thought.
 
hmmm

A long time ago, koreans didn't like the ideas of adopting because of it's traditional culture ( It was that mens should have to have their own blood kids from generation to generation)
But it has changed dramatically nowadays.
Many koreans do adopt and even a friend of mine also adopted a child who was already 6 years when she adopted the boy. She lives in Korea and her husband is a korean also. There are so many countless families who adopt.
Even korean movie stars do a public adoption to encourage the adoption.

It's not like all unwanted korean babies go to overseas like that.
I think you have a bit wrong idea.

the problem of this matter is that that dutch family adopted the girl when they were living in korea. And abandoned her in hongkong while they were living in hongkong. Why did they do that in hongkong. The girl came to hongkong becaure of her foster parents. she has nothing to do here in hongkong.

Authorities in the hongkong government said
This girl can't just go back to korea because she doesn't speak any korean. It would be much better to find a new family in hongkong since she is now used to live in hongkong and speaks only English & cantonese.
Also for her own sake, since she was raised in a western family, her new family will be much better to be non- traditional korean family in case of getting the confusion of culture. Experts said that. So Hongkong Government and Koreans society in hongkong are trying to look for a new suitable family for her.
There were lots of koreans who wanted to adopt her after hearing the news.

It's not like no one in KOrea wants her, so she has to find a family in hongkong.

oh and I want to add one more thing. korea has a very low birth rate nowadays.The government are encourging families to have kids.
The ones you know who are females under 45 do not represent all
korean females.
 
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hmm..

I thought about this last night.

My final conclusion is that I can't just blame the dutch parents. what they did is surely a bad thing, but
the Koreans who abandoned the girl in the first place should be blamed as much as the dutch parents.

They are the ones who abandonded her and all of them are responsible for this inccident.

I also heard even koreans adopt children, a majority of children still go to western families. THe korean government also should take an action to prevent other cases like this. Koreans shouldn't just blame the dutch family. The Korean government also has responsibilites.And koreans shouldn't abandon their own child as well.

But blaming them doesn't help much to help the girl.
Probably the girl is much better off without the dutch family. I read an article saying the family's ex-nanny handan interview with the newspaper ( I think it was the dutch paper). She said they were treating Jade not as their own daughter. Before adopting the girl, the dutch parents had their own son. And after adopting the girl, a couple of years later, they got their own child agin.

Let's wish that poor girl doesn't get hurt anymore and hopefully find a new suitable family.

The dutch newspaper says The dutch family was called to the Netherlands for the investigation.
 
This really boils my blood!! We adopted our son at 4 weeks and absolutely cannot imagine or dream of "giving him back" even in our wildest imagination! My husband has said that he would probably not have loved his own (natural) children as much as he loves our son. There is no, absolutely non whatsoever, reason for anyone to abandon a child, much less an adopted one! We are now looking into adopting a 2nd, and it's people like these that make it so difficult for genuine cases like ours to adopt overseas. It took us over a year of home study, then another 1/2 year after we identified him to finally complete the paperwork & bring him home. Shame on these "diplomats"! They just took advantage of their status (after all, as diplomats they would "rank" higher than us regular people in terms of credibility in the eyes of the adoption authorities), and when it was convenient just dumped her in a 3rd country and jetted off home leaving behind their mess.... On top of that these are educated, wordly people who should know better! At 7years, it will be harder for this poor girl to be adopted (most adoptive parents prefer babies) and on top of that for her to adjust to a new family, environment..... What recourse does she have? Aargh, so frustrated when I read how people take children for granted!!!!!!!
 
Leeah's mom said:
the Koreans who abandoned the girl in the first place should be blamed
Click to expand...

Are you saying that all parents who place children for adoption are to be blamed? And that under no circumstances babies should be adopted and that always it is better to be with the biological mother?
Do you realize how self righteous you sound?
Please for a minute imagine that you are not the middle class of an affluent city.

I hope that when you daughter is 15 she doesn’t have the agonizing decision between termination, adoption or life as a single parent.
 
what I meant was..

I am not saying that all parents who abandon their children are to be blamed..

Every parent has a reason for not being able to keep their own children ! And It's not always better to be with the biological parents.

In many cases, adopted kids grow well and live happily.
Also the adoption is another chance for the people who can't have babies or want more babies. A friend of mine adopted a kid eventhough she could have a baby.

But That girl could have lived happily if she was not abandoned in the first place if she hadn't meet her second parents like the ones . you know what I mean?

Some children in Africa like being with their families even though they have nothing to eat.
what is a family for??? Whenever you are sad or happy, family members always support you whatever other people say.

Every case is different.
You don't know the reason why the girl's biological parent give her up. It could be the money or something else.

Also I am not in the middle class of an affluent city myself.
 
there's no way in the world that you could say that she would have been happier with her biological parents. we have not one piece of info about her biological parents. not only that, she was adopted as a very young baby. she will not have any memory of those people at all.

i can't imagine the state that i'd have to be in to give up my kids. but women do it. they must do it for a reason. they must truly believe that their child will be better off in an adopted family. this is what is heartbreaking. this dutch family were supposed to be the "safe" place for the girl. that is what being a family should be all about. a place and people that you KNOW that you are SAFE from the big bad world. this dutch family have completely destroyed this idea for this poor little girl. she now has NOWHERE safe to land after a fall. i wonder if she will ever feel loved and cherished? what a truly awful way to live... with the belief that you MUST be unlovable. your own parents gave you up. if your parents, your safety net can't love you, then who possibly could?
 
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