I need a rant & advice

O

OX Jess

Registered User
My son has just started his kindergarten (K1) this September. In the recent two days he took 'homework' home - the homework is 'colouring'. Parents are advised to work with the child at home and get it done.

This morning, because of the 'homework' I had a small row with my hubby. I took the colouring sheet out and laid it on my son's table where he was having breakfast. My husband went over trying to get him to do his work. For some reason my son wasn't in the mood to do the work, the more he refused to do it the more my hubby tried to force him to do it so in the end my son exploded and screamed and broken down in tears. My hubby went on, "You got to do you homework." I was disgusted!

Most of the time I tried not to intervene when my hubby was having a word with my son, but this morning I couldn't help but went over to my son, pulled the 'homework' away, wiped his tears and took him away from the table to calm him down. My husband said behind me, "I haven't finished my words with him." I ignored him. I was very disgusted by the way my hubby handled this homework issue.

My whole idea is: Come on, he is only 3 years old, just started his schooling for a month. Is it really necessary to 'force' him to do his 'HOMEWORK'? If he is not in the mood to do it, why can't we just leave it and let him do it another time? What's the point to force him to an extent he couldn't stand but scream then cry? We are not talking about a teenager who is too wayward to care about his homework. But a three year old!!!!!! My philosophy is: Learning at kindergarten age should be fun and happy through PLAY. I always insist small kids should not be FORCED to learn. Yet, my husband thinks kids should be told to sit down and finish his homework every day as it is their 'job' and 'responsibility'! And he accuses me of allowing our child go wild without realising his responsibility! My GOODNESS!

Can anyone here tell me if I am being too LOOSE with my child or if my hubby is a bit over the top ?!?
 
Sounds like you have very different parenting ideas and expectations of your child at this age. Would try to talk to your spouse and sort them out away from the child if possible and come to an agreement on how to consistently enforce things like doing homework. Arguing in front of the kid sends mixed messages and is confusing and perhaps frightening. Personally I tend to agree with you, but have plenty of acquaintances who take your husband's approach. Perhaps try a middle ground where you set aside a specific time each day for 'homework' and work it into your child's daily routine rather than trying to fit 'homework' in at other times when your child may be distracted or not fully focused on the 'homework'.
 
Well, I still don't understand if you had a fight first with your husband and THEN the whole homework thing happened or the homework thing happened and that is what the fight you were talking about was about. That could have a big influence on the situation and your irritation with your husband--if you were already cross with him and he with you it makes sense that the homework thing would become just another pressure point. Also the fact that you both were rushed trying to get your child to do his homework during breakfast before leaving the house for the day probably didn't help either. The older my son has gotten, the more this type of situation comes up.

All I can say is that my husband and I generally don't fight about things like this. However, we do come from really different schooling backgrounds. My husband was born and raised in Hong Kong and went through the local school system here through secondary school. But, even though he worked hard and attended a prestigious boys secondary school he felt like he was in a prison the entire time he was in school. So, he definitely wants to do something different with our own children. However, it's hard for him to not "push for perfection" because that is exactly how he was taught--even from kindergarten on.

Every time I'm around my father-in-law I realize how bad it truly could be if my husband went full-boar with this typical HK mindset. My son often visits his grandparents on the weekend and the first thing my father-in-law asks is, "Where is his homework?" Second remark is, "This is it?! So little?! So easy?!" However, typically my son has to write 2-3 pages of Chinese characters, 2 pages of numbers, 1-2 pages of math, a reading assignment and an English writing assignment! My son is in K3 but K2 was a similar workload. If my father-in-law thinks the homework isn't sufficient he will create his own homework for our son which includes pages of characters to be written PERFECTLY. If my son doesn't write them perfectly he gets a disapproving look from his grandfather and is told to "not be careless" and "do it correctly." So...needless to say, it could be a whole lot worse! I know my husband really tries to curb his habitual inclination to do the same sort of thing.

The thing is that homework does need to be done if its assigned and it's not above the ability level of a child. It's hard to tell if what was going on in your home was just a power struggle between child and parent (i.e. "Eat your veggies." "NO! I don't want to!") or if your son truly didn't want to do the homework for other reasons (such as not enjoying school or feeling pressure). There is always the option of writing a note to the teacher explaining, "My son needs 1-2 more days to complete his assignment." We've had to do this before as my son's workload has increased.

I find that as a mom I am almost always forever the one thinking my husband is being "too cold" or "too harsh" to our son but I've come to realize that children need both sides. They need someone to prod them to be there very best and develop good character traits (like faithfulness to do one's work to the best of one's ability) and they need the other side to allow them to just be relaxed--too much of one side doesn't seem to work too well.

Also, it's really important to not develop the dynamic of "good cop"/"bad cop" with kids--meaning that if your son realizes that when he doesn't want to do his homework he just needs to cry and daddy will get angry and mommy will comfort him this is not only unhealthy for your own relationship is really confusing and detrimental for a child--it gives the child far too much power and control in the situation. It's important to discuss these things behind closed doors and present a "united front" in front of the child for their good. So, sometimes that takes biting one's tongue and putting up with things.

I'd say your husband probably didn't do anything all too drastic. Irritating, yes. Understandable, yes. We've had the same situation in our home before--coming from both sides. Stress and being rushed and feeling a need to perform do not help matters. A coloring page should not be a point of stress and contention but might be a good chance for you and your husband to sit down and really decide what you believe about homework and school and what your approach will be next time.
 
first things first: do not argue about things like this in front of your kids. if you need to discuss it, say to the kid, mummy and daddy will be right back. you finish your breakfast.

parents need to present a united front, or as thanka says, your kid will hold too much of the power.

in some ways, i agree with you but in some ways i agree with your husband. i have told my kids that yes, school is fun... but it is also their job. mummy work & daddy work for $, but they work at school to do well and learn lots. both of my kids enjoy school, but as my older one gets older, he is also getting more homework. i think it IS important that "homework" be something that is completed and turned in. the kids learn quickly that there is no tv time etc unless homework is done. that's not being mean. that's being a parent and looking out for your kids' education. now, i realise that he's only 3, but the same could be said for my girl... she's "only 5"... or my son, he's "only 7"... but anyway you cut it, they have to start learning some responsibility. it's not like he was given a sheet of mathematical equations. it was colouring. so, perhaps instead of saying, "do you want to do your homework?" (which gives "no" as an option), you could say..."it's time to do your homework. can you get your colours? here... look, what is this? it's a tree! what colour is the tree? is it purple? is it blue? is it green?" etc.... make it fun for the kids. make it a time that they get mummy or daddy's undivided attention. if you can do this, then chances are, they will maybe not detest doing homework so much!

last feb, when my mum was visiting, my kids really didn't want to do their chinese homework... so, my mum said to my girl (only 4 at the time).... "can you teach grandma how to write this word?" and my girl then happily did all of her homework while at the same time teaching grandma all of the strokes in the character. they would then write the words at the same time... my girl was so excited. she got some nice time with grandma. she also felt special and important because she could teach grandma something!
 
Thanks for your response.

I wasn't upset with my husband until he made our son scream and cry by forcing the little to do his homework. I didn't argue with him in front of the kid. He whispered those words "I haven't finished my words with him." to my ears when I took the child away. I said nothing at all and showed no temper at all. But I admit the way I went into complete silent was not a good thing to the child either. And I realised the way I intervened this morning may pass a confused / negative message to the child, i.e. "daddy wants to get the homework done; I cried, then mommy came to pull the homework away and gave me a hug." I knew it wasn't good but at that very moment I just couldn't stand the fact that my husband was forcing a child of 3 to do his homework when the little one showed clearly that he didn't want to do it. I know one day soon, maybe from K2 on, I have to be more strict with the homework thing. My point is: he was only starting school for 4 weeks and probably got not much idea about homework. Why so strict? Looking at my child scream at the top of his lung I knew he was on the verge of exploding (under extreme stress) I couldn't help removing him from the scene.

We didn't argue in front of the child. I had a talk with my husband over the phone after my child off to school and he accused me of being "loose" to my child.

I agree with that to a certain extent, when the child reaches to a certain age he has to take responsibility of his homework. I don't argue about it, but not when a child is only 3... I am not saying doing homework is not important, it is important, but I was thinking can't we take a small step each day and gradually get the child to understand the importance of doing his homework? Why be so pushing and drastic?

Thanka2 & Cara, as your kids are older, can you share experience if you need to 'force' them to do their homework? Or do they realise it is their 'job' and they must get them done? As I said, I don't want to force children to learn, what I will do is that I will set them a time as "home work" time and I will ask them to sit there and get their homework done. I want to make it into a habit. Then again, I will do it gently... Am I being too ideal here?!
 
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my son also started kindi last month and has been getting one sheet of homework twice a week. when i get home from work, i sit down with him and we go through the homework together and he has got used to this idea of having "us" time looking through his school bag, school books and do the homework. lately, he jumps to get his school bag as soon as i get home.

if i were you, i'd allocate "us" time to do this after-school/work routine and not while he is engaged doing something else like eating his breakfast/playing with his toys/ watching telly/etc. :)
 
ox Jess,
I think i answered your questions in my post.

kids don't learn that school/homework is their job unless you teach them that. now, i think that the problem you are having is that you are too soft and daddy is too hard. you need to find a middle ground, which is where not doing the homework is not an option (it needs to be done-no two ways about it) but that it can be fun and a special time with mummy or daddy.
 
OX Jess said:
Thanks for your response.

I wasn't upset with my husband until he made our son scream and cry by forcing the little to do his homework. I didn't argue with him in front of the kid. He whispered those words "I haven't finished my words with him." to my ears when I took the child away. I said nothing at all and showed no temper at all. But I admit the way I went into complete silent was not a good thing to the child either. And I realised the way I intervened this morning may pass a confused / negative message to the child, i.e. "daddy wants to get the homework done; I cried, then mommy came to pull the homework away and gave me a hug." I knew it wasn't good but at that very moment I just couldn't stand the fact that my husband was forcing a child of 3 to do his homework when the little one showed clearly that he didn't want to do it. I know one day soon, maybe from K2 on, I have to be more strict with the homework thing. My point is: he was only starting school for 4 weeks and probably got not much idea about homework. Why so strict? Looking at my child scream at the top of his lung I knew he was on the verge of exploding (under extreme stress) I couldn't help removing him from the scene.

We didn't argue in front of the child. I had a talk with my husband over the phone after my child off to school and he accused me of being "loose" to my child.

I agree with that to a certain extent, when the child reaches to a certain age he has to take responsibility of his homework. I don't argue about it, but not when a child is only 3... I am not saying doing homework is not important, it is important, but I was thinking can't we take a small step each day and gradually get the child to understand the importance of doing his homework? Why be so pushing and drastic?

Thanka2 & Cara, as your kids are older, can you share experience if you need to 'force' them to do their homework? Or do they realise it is their 'job' and they must get them done? As I said, I don't want to force children to learn, what I will do is that I will set them a time as "home work" time and I will ask them to sit there and get their homework done. I want to make it into a habit. Then again, I will do it gently... Am I being too ideal here?!
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Ah! I wrote a response and then it got deleted! Ugh!

Anyway, the synopsis is:

-Approach is everything. "Forcing" your child to do homework is totally different than requiring your child to do homework.
-We have always done homework WITH our son. We sit down at a certain time every day and we do homework with him. It's interaction--just like if we were playing a game or blocks with him. We have NEVER given him the option to NOT do homework. He doesn't even have the concept in his mind that it would ever be his choice whether or not to do it. And homework is no different than playing and "being a kid" because it's all about interaction--children don't have the same concept of "work" and "play" as we do. If you make it a game, everything, and I mean, EVERYTHING, can be play.
-Homework is the same as anything else scheduled in his day. The same as meals, baths, bedtime. He doesn't have a choice and he never has had a choice. He THRIVES on this type of predictability because it gives him confidence and a sense of security.
-Now that my son is older he might whine for 20 seconds (i.e. "Awwww...do I REALLY have to do it?") but he gets over that pretty quick. I was actually so surprised this week when he just went and got his books, sat down on the sofa and started doing his homework. He's grown to be more and more self-managing and he takes pride in the fact that he can do it by himself and doesn't need Mama and Dadda's help as much. But, for the past two years every single day one of the adults in our home sat down and did the homework WITH him. We never just handed the sheet to him and said, "Here, color this." And then tried to convince him to do it. We sat down and said, "This is coloring time. Which color do you like? Okay, let's use that one." We sat there and gave him encouragement, "Oh, I really like how you're doing that. It's looking pretty good. You missed a spot. Etc."
-I understand your concern about children growing up too soon. However, that is in comparison to how it is done in other countries. If you want your son to be in the HK public school system this coloring sheet may have been the least complex activity he does for the rest of his school days! You always have the option of not putting him in kindergarten. In HK it's not compulsory and he could enter primary school when he's 5-years-old. My only feeling about that as a primary school teacher is that the children who do not go to kindergarten really struggle in primary school. Why? Because they are not ready to "go with the flow" and "bend to the rules" which is a necessary survival skill. Actually, that coloring sheet is far less about your son's coloring ability and probably more about them learning about the structure of how things are done. It's developing a certain set of habits in your child. Without this socialization and habit development your son will really struggle. The HK public school system does not usually look favorably upon children who feel they are an "exception" to the rule. If the rest of your son's class is expected to color a paper, unless your son has some disability (and even then, it will only be modified) he will be expected to fall in line and do the same. In a city of large classrooms of students and increasing competition for good school spots, students who don't "go with the flow" will struggle. My school is very accepting of students but I know that there are students here who were literally expelled (kicked out) of their previous primary school. Why? Because they were bad kids? Because they weren't smart? NO! Actually, they're usually really great, intelligent kids but they didn't work well within the structure of the school. So, this whole homework thing is a structure issue. If you want your child to be part of the institution (school) he has to start now learning how to play by the rules. Doing homework is one of the rules. And no one is an exception.
-It's actually to late to say, "But, he's only 3-years-old, it's not fair to expect him to do actual homework"--once you start school in HK you're a students and students do homework--no matter what age they are. As long as it's age-appropriate material then there really is no way to argue against it. The only viable option you have is to withdraw your son and let him be at home until he's in primary school. It's really unlikely anything is going to change as far as the way things are done in HK in the next 2-3 years before he enters primary school so basically you're just postponing the inevitable. The earlier he learns to "go with the flow" and accepts this is how it is done, the better chances he'll have assimilating into the local system.
-It's really a harsh reality here in HK. Your son's workload will gradually increase over the year. Now he's doing coloring. Soon he'll be doing pre-writing exercises (connecting dots). Then he'll be learning his numbers. He'll be writing in Chinese soon as well...simple characters like "ten" but he'll have to write them 5-10 times. It's a gradual procession but if you can't manage to help him do a coloring page that is colorful and fun it's going to be tough going when he has to do stuff that's kind of boring and maybe doesn't make sense to him. You just need to figure out a way to inspire him meanwhile not giving him any other options. It has to be a dictatorship, not a democracy when it comes to these things.
 
Aava.Wong said:
my son also started kindi last month and has been getting one sheet of homework twice a week. when i get home from work, i sit down with him and we go through the homework together and he has got used to this idea of having "us" time looking through his school bag, school books and do the homework. lately, he jumps to get his school bag as soon as i get home.

if i were you, i'd allocate "us" time to do this after-school/work routine and not while he is engaged doing something else like eating his breakfast/playing with his toys/ watching telly/etc. :)
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YES! Children need help with keeping their attention on a project. Turn off the TV! We never, ever, ever do homework with the TV on in the house. We only have done homework at breakfast time this year--and that's because my son can handle it because he is older and self-managing. He can eat while he's doing something but actually that is only once in awhile. When child is starting out they need clear direction and NO distractions. It's kind of a simple concept but it is important.
 
i must add that my hubby is less patient with our kiddo and homework-time makes both of them frustrated so i do the homework with him. hubby gets involved with his other stuff but not homework. see if that helps :)
 
i agree with everything thanka has written... except one thing: primary school in hk local schools starts when they are 6 not 5. ESF starts at 5.
 
My daughter is also in K1 and staring the hwk thing. She is way proud of it...always feeling special she has homework and not her youger sister. Think the approach is to make it fun, "us" timeline some were saying....find the right time to get it down, when your kid is in the mood, in the right frame of mind so that there will be no resistance. For us, the time is either after breakfast, before the bus in the mornings or after her snack in the afternoons. Normally of there is no hwk. To do, I do try to make it a habit of doing some quiet work with my kids at this time (afternoon)... I do this with both the one in K1 as well as the one in PN (2yrs old). Helps to develop a sitting down work time.
 
No, you are not too loose with your child. He's 3, for God's sake.
Yes, your husband is over the top.
And, no -- he should not have whispered something vaguely threatening like that while you were calming a hysterical child.
Frankly, I think it was rather childish of your husband. It sounds like he's the one who can't control his emotions.

When the child is not there, have a sit-down with your husband and determine which one of you will be the authority on these things, so the child is clear.

My husband also loses his temper with our daughter, and she's only one. He doesn't mean it maliciously, he's just a hot-tempered guy without much experience with kids. Sometimes he's just expressing frustration in general -- "Oh no! There's water all over the bathroom floor! Stop splashing!" Or "God! It's 3 am! Damn! I'm exhausted!" He doesn't even mean it at her personally -- but she's a baby and doesn't know that distinction. She hears a raised male voice, and she gets scared.

Later, when the baby was asleep and we were both calm, I gave him positive advice on how he could act better around the child. If he's going to lose his temper, I tell him to just remove himself to another room for a bit. I put this in a nice way -- how he can better improve his relationship with his daughter. I also tell him yelling is useless.

Yelling won't make our daughter go back to sleep, and it will not make your son do his homework better.
 
Gracey, i think we all agree that hubby was a little OTT... but his intentions were good. They need to come to some sort of compromise, out of the earshot of the kids. Perhaps a local school is not the right fit for the family? International schools are not nearly as rigid with the homework as the local schools are, partly because it takes a long time to become literate in Chinese.
 
thanka2 said:
-It's actually to late to say, "But, he's only 3-years-old, it's not fair to expect him to do actual homework"--once you start school in HK you're a students and students do homework--no matter what age they are. (...) The only viable option you have is to withdraw your son and let him be at home until he's in primary school.
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actually just to say, there are alternatives and alternative schools to what you describe above, but they do cost money
 
I agree that "It has to be a dictatorship, not a democracy when it comes to these things (doing homework)."

Don't ever get me wrong, when I wrote my first message here I never meant I DON't want my child to do any homework. Just the opposite - I want him to have homework every day. Before he starts kindergarten I gave him 'homework' on daily basis (colouring, connecting dots, drawing lines, etc.) and I always manage to make it a 'fun' thing for him so most of times he enjoys doing these with me. Whenever he shows reluctance to do any more I just say, "ok, that's it. Let's do it again later/tomorrow." Then we move on to something else. So no, I don't complain about child having to do homework, not at all.

What I was trying to say in the message is whether we should 'push' a 3-year-old that hard to do his colouring page when he is not really in the mood. Some of you must say, 'well, doing homework is not about if you are in the mood. You gotta do it." Yes, I know and I agree. But my point is: whether we should be so harsh to a 3-year-old. If he is already in K3, having spent 2 years kindergarten, I wouldn't expect he is allowed to say no to his homework. I think, one of the issue my husband has is lacking flexibility (not only on this particular issue but in general matters).

So, the problem is finally sorted. When I came home this evening, the first thing I did was to take that colouring sheet out and told him it's time for homework. Then I sat down with him and did it together with him. As usual, I made it fun and made laugh. He enjoyed it. Then I took out another sheet of homework (drawings) given to him today and got it done as well. What if he was not in the mood for homework, I would put it aside and tell him, "ok, let's something else / let's get a sweet, then we come back again..." He has to say YES before I move on to another thing. Then I will try to lure him back to do his homework. This is how I would handle the homework thing with a 3-year-old. Yet for my husband, homework is homework, you gotta do it. It's completely wrong if a child refuses to do his homework. Very straight-minded, not flexible. I think, my approach with a 3-year-old is correct. I am not saying I will continue to be so 'soft' with my child forever, it is just a starting stage. When I help him develop a habit of sitting down for an hour to do his homework, I expect he will do them without much struggle and I expect it will happen, say, half a year later or when he starts on K2.

As for the issue with my husband, disagreement is sorted out as well. We went home together and we had a brief chat on the bus. I told him I shouldn't have intervened when he was having words with his son, but I explained to him why I couldn't stand what he did. Then he said, he wants to deliver a message to our son that doing his homework is a serious issue. Then I said his intention is good but his approach is not acceptable on a 3-year-old who has just trying to adjust to his school life! No further discussion after that. Basically, we have previously agreed that I am in charge of the kids' homework, but now and again I understand he wants to get involved.
 
matemate said:
actually just to say, there are alternatives and alternative schools to what you describe above, but they do cost money
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Yes, what I meant by writing that "it's too late" is that if you're choosing to be in the HK public school system you can't start the school and then say, "Wait, but I just want him to 'be a kid' and be carefree and have no responsibilities." Because, once you start you accept the unwritten rule that he is considered a student and will be expected to perform like a student does in HK. So, my thoughts are that if a parent really is uncomfortable with their child having these types of expectations put upon them (and the family--because we all know how much work it takes as a parent to oversee the process) then it might be possible that kindergarten this early isn't the right option for the family. Or as carang suggested, international school may be a better choice. Of course, there are difficulties that arise with any choice made--some schools cost more money and are harder to get into; starting primary school without kindergarten in HK can be more challenging for students; going to kindergarten at 3-years-old requires children to "grow up" faster in a way--nothing is truly a perfect solution.
 
personally, i think it is better to start they way you mean to go on. it will be much more difficult later to become more strict with homework if the child has been allowed to say, "no" to it in the past.

there are no right and wrong answers here.... you do what you think is best for your family. i am very glad we were strict with our kids about doing homework. it makes it easier as they get older. they know the rules (homework isn't optional) and they know what happens if they don't do it. this doesn't happen overnight. it is always a learning curve, for both parent and child. and of course, there are days that i hear, 'but i don't want to do homework!'..... my answer is always... "that's ok.... i don't WANT to cook dinner! let's not have dinner tonight, ok?"
 
OX Jess said:
I agree that "It has to be a dictatorship, not a democracy when it comes to these things (doing homework)."

Don't ever get me wrong, when I wrote my first message here I never meant I DON't want my child to do any homework. Just the opposite - I want him to have homework every day. Before he starts kindergarten I gave him 'homework' on daily basis (colouring, connecting dots, drawing lines, etc.) and I always manage to make it a 'fun' thing for him so most of times he enjoys doing these with me. Whenever he shows reluctance to do any more I just say, "ok, that's it. Let's do it again later/tomorrow." Then we move on to something else. So no, I don't complain about child having to do homework, not at all.
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But it seems to me what you are saying is, "I want my child to do homework but on our time and schedule." It's different when you're assigning him homework on your own--you can complete it on your own time table but when it comes to being part of the bigger class and part of an institution you've given up your right to make that schedule. And, like I said, if you really feel it's too overwhelming for your child you can always work with the school to work out a schedule (i.e. send a not saying you need more time). But, you're not on your "own time" anymore--you're actually on the school's time. It's different now.

What I was trying to say in the message is whether we should 'push' a 3-year-old that hard to do his colouring page when he is not really in the mood. Some of you must say, 'well, doing homework is not about if you are in the mood. You gotta do it." Yes, I know and I agree. But my point is: whether we should be so harsh to a 3-year-old. If he is already in K3, having spent 2 years kindergarten, I wouldn't expect he is allowed to say no to his homework. I think, one of the issue my husband has is lacking flexibility (not only on this particular issue but in general matters).
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I think it depends on what your opinion of "harsh" is. I personally don't feel it's harsh to make my children do things that they don't want to do in their everyday life. I've always taken this approach so even at 3-years-old my son knew that if mama says it needs to be done, it needs to be done. I don't think this is "forcing" or "pushing" him at all. But, again, approach is the key. It's most important how things are done, in my opinion.

Your concept seems to be that you're going to "gradually ease" him into doing homework so by the time he's in K2 or K3 he will do it without question. But, if you start the habit of letting him sometimes refuse to do it then I don't see how you're going to establish this sort of schedule for him. From the very beginning--day 1 of K1 my son was expected to always do his homework and not put up a fit. We worked with him to create a fun learning environment and we never gave him the option of "well, we'll do it tomorrow/later when you're in a better mood." Then again, we did choose times of the day which would easier for him to do it--such as after he's rested from a nap and had his lunch in the afternoon. So, it's not as if we "eased him" into doing homework--it was just always required and in my opinion, totally wasn't "harsh" at all to require him to do it--even on days when he was less-than-enthusiastic. That's where skills as a parent come into play--knowing how to motivate and work with your own child to help them.



So, the problem is finally sorted. When I came home this evening, the first thing I did was to take that colouring sheet out and told him it's time for homework. Then I sat down with him and did it together with him. As usual, I made it fun and made laugh. He enjoyed it. Then I took out another sheet of homework (drawings) given to him today and got it done as well. What if he was not in the mood for homework, I would put it aside and tell him, "ok, let's something else / let's get a sweet, then we come back again..." He has to say YES before I move on to another thing. Then I will try to lure him back to do his homework. This is how I would handle the homework thing with a 3-year-old.
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It seems you have a manageable way to work with your son. I would be careful, though about giving him too much say in whether or not the homework gets done at the time you've designed for it. While it might not be a problem right now I can easily see your son growing to take advantage of the fact that, "If I'm not in the mood, mommy will let me have candy and play as long as I want until I'm in the mood again." So, what's the easiest way to avoid doing what you don't want to do? Just not be in the mood! I think it's a fine line and things that start off being really great "motivators" end up coming back to bite us later.

Yet for my husband, homework is homework, you gotta do it. It's completely wrong if a child refuses to do his homework. Very straight-minded, not flexible. I think, my approach with a 3-year-old is correct. I am not saying I will continue to be so 'soft' with my child forever, it is just a starting stage. When I help him develop a habit of sitting down for an hour to do his homework, I expect he will do them without much struggle and I expect it will happen, say, half a year later or when he starts on K2.
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In that case, maybe you're the one to handle the homework. Between my husband and I for the past two years I've done most of my son's homework with him--sometimes sitting for 1-2 hours to complete everything and help him practice extra things. My husband doesn't have the same sort of patience. But, this year my son's Chinese homework has increased drastically and my husband helps him with that. My husband finds that he gets stressed working with my son and he is aware of this himself so he has taken to putting on some relaxing music softly in the background that helps him (my husband) stay calm while helping my son and it has made a HUGE difference. It's all a journey of learning how to look in the mirror and see ourselves honestly for who we are as parents and then make steps to improve.

I think it's really important to not develop an "You're wrong and I'm right" approach when it comes to these things. I think it takes being humble and honest and discussing. For example, when my husband and I sit down and talk he will honestly say, "Working with our son on this particular homework really stresses me out and I know that I don't do the best job at helping him--maybe you can help him with that and I'll help him with this other thing." So, in that way we can work together to get the homework done. It's kind of a fine art, actually of negotiating who will do what--not everyone is strong in the same areas.

As for the issue with my husband, disagreement is sorted out as well. We went home together and we had a brief chat on the bus. I told him I shouldn't have intervened when he was having words with his son, but I explained to him why I couldn't stand what he did. Then he said, he wants to deliver a message to our son that doing his homework is a serious issue. Then I said his intention is good but his approach is not acceptable on a 3-year-old who has just trying to adjust to his school life! No further discussion after that. Basically, we have previously agreed that I am in charge of the kids' homework, but now and again I understand he wants to get involved.
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See, the words I found a bit concerning in what you wrote above were "couldn't stand what he did" and "approach is not acceptable...!" You've kind of set yourself up as jury and judge at this point. If I were him, I would either give you the cold shoulder (i.e. "no further discussion") after that or really become defensive. Yes, you don't like how he did it but I promise you that this issues is going to resurface again and again unless you can really respect his point of view and come to a functional compromise. I hope he also will respect your view.
 
Very good reply, thanka2. Thanks.
You gave me some new perspective in handling my son's issues (not just homework, but in general issues) and the way to communicate with my husband. Very helpful advice indeed.

Putting aside the homework issue, I admit that I am in general rather loose with my child. I let him make too many decisions to a point now I find sometimes he has too much power. I realiased it and I am going to turn the table. I am reading a book called "Have a new kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman. I found the approaches suggested by Dr. Leman are in general good.
 
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