I need a rant & advice

To chime in on what others have written, I don't allow my daughter to complete her homework if she is crying or stroppy. I'll ask her to stop, take a time out (just sit here, go take a drink, toilet break, but nothing fun) as I want her homework time to be a positive experience for her. I find that pressing the children onwards when they have spiraled down a hole of negativity sets up long term problems. The parent's attitude is also important. If the parent is relaxed, happy and engaged then the child picks this up and generally happily (at least not unhappily completes the homework). My hubby when he does homework with my daughter basically just wants her to hurry up so he can do something else. He's always wandering off to get a drink, chat on the phone, take a sneaky peak at the TV. She picks up on this and has a very negative attitude when he is around and cries out for me. Unfortunately I can't speak/write/read Chinese so he HAS to do the homework but she struggles due to his attitude. My husband is not very open to criticism (he thinks children should just do as they are told), so now I'm thinking about getting some paid help for the Chinese homework because the tension in the room during Chinese homework time is so poor.
I think what the parents do have a huge impact on the outcome for our children. If you can both get on the same page then great if not you need to sort out an alternative solution. The parenting techniques of coercion that I have seen amongst my local friends is not for me but seems to work for them.
 
my kids are older than most of yours, i think. and now, in P2, i'm trying to teach my son to just get on with it. in many ways, he's great. he knows it needs to be done and does it... but he REALLY, REALLY, REALLY takes his time about it. then he is upset that it's bed time as soon as he's finished.

i'm trying to teach him time management. they usually get home from school around 5pm. sister has a shower while he gets his homework out and gets it ready. then he goes to have a shower and she gets hers out. once they are all ready (usually 5:15ish), i get them to start while i put the finishing touches on dinner. i usually want my boy to do at least a couple of his exercises before dinner. we usually have dinner by 5:30. then it's full on homework time.

the problem is: he sits down, writes one character, then decides he needs to sharpen his pencil. so he sharpens his pencil and writes another character... then he needs to pee.... so he does that and washes his hands. he sits back down and writes another character. then he asks a question. then decides that the first character he wrote isn't good enough... and on and on and on.... so by 7:15-7:30, he's still working on it... well, bedtime is 7:30... so it leaves no time for stories/games/tv...

i am in the painful process of teaching him that if he just sat down and did the work without all of the time-wasting, he would have time to read/play games/watch tv. it's a slow process, but i think we are getting there. last night he finished with about 15 minutes to spare. so the reward was getting to listen to a chapter of a book we've been reading.

fingers crossed he "gets it" soon.... will save everyone a LOT of pain! ;)
 
My son has been getting homework since K1. He is now in P2. For his summer homework before P2 he had to create a whole Monopoly-like project.

Huz and I were not keen on the project at all. We thought the 5-page instruction manual was absolutely ridiculous!!! But when it comes down to it, homework is homework. He goes to a very traditional school where he gets 5 pages of writing and mathematics nightly. It's just the way things are in HK. We just have to be strong and make sure we always have the time and patience to help him through it.

Arguing in front of children is definitely going to confuse them.
 
Cara, I don't know how you deal with your son without tearing your hair out. My P1 boy is driving me bananas. If he just did his homework without all the time wasting, he'd have plenty of time to do fun things. We haven't had any fun on schoolnights in months!

OX Jess, as a teacher myself, I know full well the research has shown that pre-teens don't benefit at all from homework; in fact, research shows it has a negative affect because it decreases motivation. But teachers in Hong Kong apparently don't read research, or if they do, they can't overcome generations of community expectations that there be homework for two year olds on up. You are correct to feel it's absolutely developmentally inappropriate for your son. Yet, as Thanka points out, if you want your child to go to school in Hong Kong, you have to put up with it, or your child will never develop the skills he needs to do the insane amount of homework he will be given as a primary aged child. Even if you choose to put your child in an international school, if there are HK parents also attending, there will be copious amounts of homework, as teachers can't get away from PARENTAL expectations that kids be given loads to do.

If you keep him out of Kindy, or if you don't lay down the law with homework now, you will be in an awful mess later on. My son was denied a kindy education in Hong Kong ( long story) and was homeschooled until P1. In HS, he was given work to do, but on his own time table and what was interesting to him. Now he has to do what the teacher tells him to do and it's boring and tedious and he hates it and does everything he can to waste as much time as possible to complete it. It's a real battle in our house because doing it is non-negotiable but he will sit there and refuse to pick up his pencil or his textbook and will whine and moan and think of 100 reasons to get up and get away from the table. When he sets his mind on doing or not doing something he will dig in his heels and nothing will persuade him to change course. It's better to make this a habit when he's too young to realize he can resist and can easily be persuaded to do what you want him to do.
 
Genkimum.... believe me, there are days where i do think i'm going to lose my mind. when i get to that point, i have hubby take over for a few minutes. i go and have a hot shower. then come back refreshed.

i find that the more stressed i get, the less work he does, so it helps for me to lose the stress.

in the past i bought a digital timer. i would set it for 1-2 minutes. we would make a game of it. see how many answers he could write in that time. then set it again to see if he could beat his "score".... i think i'll have to dig it out again, because it really worked for us.
 
thanka2 said:
Yes, you don't like how he did it but I promise you that this issues is going to resurface again and again unless you can really respect his point of view and come to a functional compromise. I hope he also will respect your view.
Click to expand...

Same here. Yes, the issue resurface time and again! What does a guy need to do so that his wife feels that he really respects her point of view? Or should I ask how do I know I am respecting her pov, or not?

Advice from thanka2 and any of you much appreciated.
 
you need to come to a compromise. that means you EACH need to give up something, or at least agree on whatever decision you make.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top