helper hours?

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let's see...what does my helper do all day?

1) gets up, gets cereal for 2 yr old son, gets b'fast for herself
2) puts in laundry to wash
3)helps change diaper for baby and gives her a bath (i am working crazy hours right now!)
4) watches baby when son goes to playgroup. when son doesn't have playgroup he gets a bath around 9am.
5)takes out wet laundry and hangs it up to dry
6) plays with my son, watches tv. in the winter takes him to playground
7)entertains very fussy baby
8)makes lunch
9)eats lunch with my son
10) feeds baby expressed milk
11) vacuums and washes floors everyday
12)changes the sheets on the beds once per week
13) cleans the bathrooms every 2 days
14)washes downt he gardens with bleach everyday (we have dogs)
15)goes to the supermarket, does other errands (pays bills, goes to the bank etc)
16) prepares dinner
17) gives son bath
18)MORE laundry
19) in evening folds laundry

with two kids, it takes 5X as long to do anything. my good-intentioned son loves to help, be it washing floors or folding laundry. only problem is that he isn't really helping, only making it more difficult!

my helper finishes work around 7:30-8pm. we've tried to ask her to take a break in the middle of the day. sometimes she does, othertimes not. i find that because she has all day to do everything, she takes it. this is not a criticism. i'm about 85-90% happy with the job that she does. there are a few little things that drive me nuts, but i'm sure that she can say the same thing about me!

i find that when i'm doing housework i want to get it done as quickly as possible so i can do other stuff...
 
wow Jane01, you don't need a DH! What you listed is quite reasonable with one baby and if you dont have to do any parttime work or business and are truly a SAHM. Good for you!
 
ha good question. my DH doesn't need to do the cleaning in the house, cos the other one does.

here's what she does all day:
- get up when my daughter does, get her to use the potty or change her nappy
- get my bub to wash her face & brush her teeth
- then my hubby or I get up & play with my daughter while DH uses to bathroom (which takes about 30mins) while i go prepare my bub's breakfast. after she finishes with the bathroom, she loads bub's clothes in the washing machine (& she doesn't even sort them!! i've asked her to check for stains & put stain remover on, & she never does!!) we let bub eat breakfast while watching TV, DH washes the bottles & have breakfast.
- if she goes to morning playgroup, DH comes with us (i'm trying to get bub to behave in the car, so i can go with her by myself.) after playgroup, we come home. DH changes bub's clothes & gets the naughty one to wash her hand, then she puts bub's clothes in the dryer. then i prepare lunch for bub while DH plays with her.
- DH feeds bub lunch while i also eat lunch. then DH eats lunch while i play with bub. then if bub & i go out in the afternoon, DH comes with us. if not she just stays home & tidies bub's room & maybe clean her toys. (she doesn't do the vacuuming cos last time she did she broke the vaccum cleaner.)
- we usually come home at 5pm. either me & DH prepare bub's dinner & bub eats at 5.30pm. after bub's dinner, DH tidies bub's rm & washes the bathtub to prepare for bub's bath. bub baths at 7pm, DH helps with bathing & putting bub's clothes on. then i put bub to sleep.
- while i'm putting bub to sleep, DH cleans the bathroom, folds the laundry (no need ironing!!) & washing bub's cutlery & dishes (maybe 3 bowls & 2 spoons!!). prepares bub's diaper bag for the next day. i don't know what else she does cos there's nothing else to do but she always finishes her day at 9.30pm to 10pm. only recently have i asked her to clean the floor in the living rm once a week.

twice a week she changes bub's bedsheets.

well, you tell me, is that a lot of work?
 
Sorry, I wasn't very clear. Looking after a baby and/or children is a full time job - whether you are a mum or a helper. These little ones take a of time ! If you work, you have no choice but to leave your children with a helper and your helper will be very busy all day.

But, if you aren't working (which is why I gave the example of when I was on holidays, not in HK where I work), then I'm just not sure what a helper does all day with a SAHM. I am of course assuming the mum does the child stuff. I guess if you have more than one child, the helper can be looking after one child and the mother the other.

Also, I left the most time consuming chore off my list - picking up toys...drives me nuts. I must do it 30 times a day.

I suppose I don't see housework as a full time occupation, but then I hate housework !

joannek - in fairness to you, it doesn't sound like your helper has an overly taxing schedule, but you've forgotten to mention the night wakings which she attends to. I wonder what she does that takes so long at night that she can't finish earlier?
 
Jane I'm the same. Not only do i follow a similar schedule (washing floors a couple of times a week etc) but I'm still puzzled as to why the helpers work such long hours and so far no one has posted anything that seems unreasonable or overly taxing, including Joannek. In fact, Joannek I don't understand why you need two helpers. It's seems like you do a lot of the kid work and you cook a bit too so why 2 unless they are both really bad at their job? From the list of what one of your helper's does I'm surprised she finishes at 10pm and even more surprised that you let her get away with not doing certain things, like vacuuming. Does you mother in law not think you are beneath that when she thinks you should be looking after your children less? All very confusing.

The only explanation i can come up with so far for why helpers work such long hours is because they take so long to do anything. I've seen this first hand when i'm out shopping -helpers idling over every single purchase, reading magazines and literally dragging their feet obviously not in a hurry to get back home to do real work. I'm sure there are employers out there that have a never ending list of things for their helpers to do, much of it unnecessary, but no one has dared post that yet!
 
For all of those people who may care, I would just like to say that "legal entitlements" are one thing, fair and just working conditions are a completely seperate matter.
Put yourselves in their shoes. Mostly they have left 3 or 4 of their own children at home to work in Hong Kong as it is the ONLY way they can support their families.
They do not work for you because they are thrilled to be away from their own families! It is because they are forced to make a terrible decision.
That said, they put up with so much because they know the alternative - starving and uneducated children at home.
Have a heart, or at least a conscience!!
Treat them as you would be treated. If you would not accept your employer policing your private life, then back-off and give them their freedom! Give them reasonable working hours, and treat them with respect.
They are not obliged to be your slaves, they are entitled to be treated as any employee - including yourself!
 
Do people who are stay at home moms have helpers? I got the impression that those with helpers worked partime or fulltime. I can't imagine that there is that much to do if you are a stya at home mom. Although I do think if everyone is home all day the house gets more messy that when mom and dad are at work and the kids are in daycare. For our house it take about

10-15 minutes/bathroom once/ week, with just a quick clean up in between if needed.

Vaccuuming 40 minutes (whole house). done well once a week, kitchen dining entry area done several times week 10 minutes or less

breakfast is usually toast/ceral, My husband cleans it up at supper time, so do dishes once/day during week, 3 times/day weekends.

dust once/week or less depending on time

Laundry for four takes me one entire day/week with a giant washer and dryer, so I cannot imagine how people do it with a small washer. This is a big mystery to me. Last trip to hong kong we had a combo washer dryer and we had to do laundry all day every day! I was sure we would break the machine from over use. I do not know how people can use this type of machine all the time! Everything was always damp and clothes smell more so needed to be washed more.It took forever to do a load and most of the time it still was not dry. How do you typically do laundry?

I only iron my clothes for work, I never iron my childrens unless a special occasion, If my husband wants ironed clothes he has to iron them himself, so needless to say he is usally very wrinkly.

I don't have time to wash the floor very often. I hate washing the floor, but it really needs it about twice.week
 
I've also wondered what SAHM's do with a helper. I'm a SAHM with two kids, (a 4 year old and a 3 month old) and we don't have a helper. There's not enough work to justify one. I do all the shopping, cleaning and minding of the children (hubby helps when he is home), and I couldn't imagine passing off any of that stuff to a dh because I'd just feel lazy. I guess I should mention, though, that our place is pretty small. Only 518 sq. ft., so it's not like it takes a lot of work to keep it clean anyway. (and to be fair, there are plenty of times when I wish we at least had a part time helper to cook dinner and clean up afterwards, lol. Sometimes I'm just tired of cooking.) (for reference, I'm an expat).

My hubby's cousin, on the other hand, is also a SAHM with 2 kids. (for reference, she's Chinese). She has 3 helpers! One does the grocery shopping and cooking, and then she has one for each kid. All she does is go shopping and out with her friends. Sometimes when she's too lazy to drive her kids to school (they are both under 2.5 years old), she calls her fathers driver to pick them up and take them. When we are at family dinners, the kids only want to be with the helpers. In my opinion, it's just a sad, sad situation.
 
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from my experience my helper takes twice the time that i need to do sth. so if it takes me 15 mins, it takes her 30min. last night i went out & see what she does, she was eating her dinner leisurely (of course she's entitled to do that) with the other helpers & she helps clean up the dishes & kitchen, which usually finishes by 8.30pm. maybe she washes her own clothes after that, i don't know. then my husband went out & saw her cleaning the floor on the living rm. which i asked her to do only one part every night & ask her not to take more than 15 mins.

i live with my MIL & FIL & one brother-in-law. so there are 5 adults & 1 small child. my hubby's family grew up with chinese amahs. so even if they have to get a glass of water they call out to the helper (in fact, they have a bell that rings in the kitchen). so one helper do all the cleaning & tidying in the house & attending to their needs (like cutting fruits & serving it on a plate with fork & wet towel). i know, it sounds funny. i am so used to just eating a fruit whole in my hand, and then washing my hands afterwards (i mean, my mom was busy enought minding me & my sis, who would imagine fruits can be served peeled, cut & served on a plate?!). one time my MIL saw my old helper eating an apple whole (i mean, like everyone else, with bit), my MIL made a comment which she put like a joke, "you eat like a barbarian!". my helper told me, i could only smile. =)
 
mind you, i made my in-laws sound horrible, but they are the best in-laws one can get. they do treat me like their daughter & they know when to back off.
 
As a SAHM with a helper, I agree with Carang. I think helpers expand the work to fit the time, not out of laziness or anything, just to protect their jobs.

I do everything that's child related (we have 2, one more due); so school runs, swim/ballet/tennis/soccer/playgroups, bedtime, meals etc. She babysits when the children are asleep and I go out with my husband (not a frequent occurrence as he travels A LOT).

She does most of the housework as I hate it. We have a relatively large house, but I do not expect everything to be done every day. I still do a clean once a week or so, as my idea of clean and hers are very different (I also want the children to realise that it is normal to sort out your own house). It never takes me more than a few hours, doing a much more thorough job than her and looking after the children at the same time. That said, she does a great job of the ironing and that is top of my list of jobs that I hate. She also does some of those annoying little chores that are quite a pain with children in tow - like going to the post office.

I definitely will not be renewing her contract, as there is not enough work to fill a day and the downside from my point of view is having to live with someone in your house. Although I must say, it is handy knowing that there is someone here to take care of the children if I go into labour in the middle of the night, which was a logistical worry in London with no family nearby. As that is never going to happen again, a part-time cleaner should be sufficient once my existing DH's contract expires.

I have made it clear to her that she does not have to hang around when her work is done, but she says that if she goes out she'll spend too much money and that none of her friends are free other than on Sundays anyway.
 
We initially didn't hire a full time helper when our son was born- we figured with me at home all day we wouldn't need one.....but we were wrong!!!!! I hate housework, and not only do I HATE it I just don't know how to do it (spent the best part of my childhood in HK so have always lived with a helper) and so it just doesn't get done! I hate cooking as well, and also horrendous at it and don't have the patience to learn....so we desperately need a helper and she starts on Sunday, finally and there shall be a lot of rejoicing in our house when she finally starts!

There will be plenty for her to do- cleaning, cooking, helping to look after our dogs etc. while I will do everything for our son.
It also means my husband and I will be able to go once in awhile for dinner, meet friends etc.
And it will mean I can take on some part time work if I feel that's something I want to do in the near future.
 
I am also a SAHM with two children and a helper. Although not strictly necessary, I feel very fortunate to be in a position where I have someone else to do the things I hate such as the cooking and cleaning. In turn, having someone else to do the day to day work allows me to be an awesome mum.I get to just hang out with my kids and enjoy them while they are young. As I am a bit of a perfectionist around the home, I used to find that back in Australia(with no help) that my days were spent with me constantly cleaning, washing and tidying and my kids watching way too much TV. Now we can get up in the morning and just go and my kids are just thriving because of that. For once they have my time and undivided attention. Hubby is happy too as he comes home to a smiling relaxed wife as opposed to a frazzled cranky one in OZ.

Our helper has also allowed us to have more freedom as a couple again too. We try to have a 'date' night atleast once a week where I meet him in town after work and go for a nice dinner. It has DEFINITELY been good for our marriage!

So there you have it, maybe I'm lazy being a SAHM with help, but I genuinely like my helper and treat her with a lot of respect and kindness which is definitely returned to us in kind.
 
I'm a sort of SAHM who happens to run a business back in Australia from home. Even if i didn't have the business to run I would have a helper. I think that if you can afford it and it doesn't bug you too much to have someone around the house then you'd be mad not too. I'd rather spend quality time with my kids than be in the kitchen cooking or cleaning bathrooms. I also think that being a SAHM is actually one of the toughest jobs. Having a helper means you can get a bit of time off for yourself. Just because you are a mum doesn't mean you have to be a martyr and give up on private time for yourself to kick back and relax and do things for yourself. How do you do this without help around the house? If help were really expensive it would be one thing but we are priviliged to be living in a place where it is more than reasonable. I say enjoy it!
 
I would imagine that the reason why DH takles so long to do everything (or at least, according to some people on this website) - is because if they are not sen to be working all the time, they will be acued of being lazy.

My DH tells me that her other jobs required her to clean the bathrooms every day - which she likes to do with us. She says it's easier for her to ipe down.clean every day than let it get a mess. I see her point, and it's nice to be so clean, but I wouldn't mind if she did it 1-2 times per week.

joannek - any family that has grown up in UK, USA, Australia, Canada, Europe, is used to having a baby in the back (on their own) - it's just part of having a baby: you can deal with it all yourself - you just have to decide to do it!

I am still amazed. Perhaps we should start keeping our husband's home after 8/9pm on Sunday, just in case they are exposed to 'bad influences'.........

You're employing a person, not a robot, and yes - people make mistakes. Again, it seesm to me that there are many women who expect a higher standard of cleanliness in their homes than what is 'necessary', and certainly far more than what they would ever, ever be prepared to do themselves.

We just have to keep in mind that the most important job a DH has is to look after the kids. My husband and I always say that we want out DH to be happy, rested and relaxed - because then she will do the best work with our child. If the fridge doesn;t get cleaned this week, well - I'd rather have a happy helper and child than a perfect fridge/floor/flat.

It bugs me when I see women who expect their DH to work harder than they do themselves, and somehow see looking after a toddler all day as 'easy'. SO wrong.

I work more-or-less full time in HK, but with wierd and ever changing hours. We're on oloday at the moment, and it is always a great reality check to remember just what has to happen to keep the family running: laundry, washing, cooking, cleaning, bathing, playing, shopping, cajoling, disciplining, travelling, not to mention sorting, preparing, planning. It's more work than a lot of you/us seem to realise. Especially wen you've grown up in a situation where you've never had to do any of this for yourself. (and I think this is true of a lot of people who have grown up in middle class families in HK).
 
HappyV - I wrote "i used to feel sooooooo weird with this person tagging along my back carrying groceries.". this person meaning "my DH". if you had read a post correctly without thinking of how to criticise others first, you would have understood "this person" as my DH cos there's no way a baby can be "carrying groceries". excuse me for my lack of proper English if my choice of words have misled you. afterall, i'm local & born & raised in HK.

the thing with me is, i carry my daughter all the time which i think is normal, unlike a lot of my friends who think their DH should be carrying their offspring. my daughter is 30lbs+ but i'm more than happy to do it. even though it meant falling down this Monday carrying her walking on Stanley Street & couldn't walk for the next 2 days. i still insisted on carrying a cane & bringing her to playgroups myself, altho both the bone specialist & my hubby said i should stay home & get some rest so that my leg could heal. for those of you who are concerned, my leg is getting so much better thanks to homeopath, i could walk without my cane today.
 
*me thinking aloud* - i just wish this HappyV person would be for once less crtical about everything. i feel genuinely sorry for a person to be so negative in everything one sees, and trying to find fault in everything.

*me asking aloud* - administrators, i find it difficult to believe such bitter person do exist in reality. or is he/she just a virtual reality member geobaby has created to act as the devil's advocate?
 
I was responding to the comment you made about your baby in the back of the car - not the comment about yur DH helping you to shop. I haven't made any comment which could lead you to think that I am attacking, belittleing or criticising your language or culture. However, you have made it clear that you believe my ideas about your situation are based on your race - I can assure you that they are not. It is infact you who have misread or misundestood my post.

Critical about "Everything" - hardly. You have acknowleged yourself that your comments may open you up to criticism. I have not attacked you - I have stated why I disagree with your approach. You probably would tell me that I am too lenient with my helper - that she doesn't work hard enough, or that I should set some more boundaries. Every employer will have a different set of parametres within which they expect their DH to work - but we should also be honest that there is a spectrum of behaviour here, ranging from the fantastic to the abusive. As I said before, helper's hours whoudl not just be about what is 'legal' - but what is reasonable. 'Reasonable' is open to debate - which is what is happening here.

I an assure you that I am not a 'troll'! (i.e a false identity set up by another user). I just have strong opinions on the treatment of Domestic Helpers in HK.
 
Haven't been replying to any of the helper threads, but have read them. Happy V, sorry to disagree, but you do come across as being critical on all issues dealing with helpers and there is nothing wrong with it, that being your opinion. However, I think most people on this forum would agree that a lot of your comments do sound overly judgmental and negative (even though most of the mothers come across as very reasonable in the treatment of their helpers) and it is not a figment of their imagination. Even if it's not how it's meant to sound, in reality, that's how it comes across. Guess that's the way it is with communication on the web, that conversations are shortened and condensed and things may sound differently than they are meant. Just felt to say it cos JoanneK has always sounded reasonable towards her helper and loving towards her daughter and did not deserve the comments of sacarsm or criticism.
 
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