Eating Peanuts during Pregancy - the concerned daddy

[jojo72]

What was the situation with your first child?
Did your wife eat peanuts during her first pregnancy?
Does your first child have any allergies?

I'm suprised that you consider eating peanuts once a month "large quantities". Maybe for your unborn babies sake you should relax a little.
Stress for the mother may be harming your child more than anything.

 

[maxxed]

Good luck

Thanks tigerlily 

I also think your labeling of posts as 'bitchy,' to be out of order. But I guess we all respond to that label differently.

Perhaps in ?bitchy? my choice of adjective was poor, might you suggest an alternative? To help, here?s the context; I am a new and concerned participant on this forum. I posted a question with genuine worry at a time when a conversation with a doctor was not possible, and received this reply : ?I don't even know you and your post annoyed me.?

Considering this is a forum where users can CHOOSE not to post or read, I arrived at ?Bitchy? as a suitable description of the post. Just consider that one could respond to every single post on this board with ?I don?t even know you and your post annoyed me? ? and in my opinion doing so is just bitchy. Feel free to show me the light.

We are just a bunch of sleep deprived mothers, what do we know?....... Personally, also, I've found your posts slightly patronising (but then again I am another sleep deprived Mother).

Please understand that I did not introduce the issue of sleep deprivation into this thread. While it may not be your intention, your post seems to indicate just that.

I do think that husbands and wives need to work together and listen to each others concerns and all that... I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and my husband is a bit more "cautious" than me - and so we've talked about things that he would prefer me to not do when I'm pregnant and I try to respect that

I really do believe this is the way to a wonderful marriage and am really happy you chose to join this thread. My wife and I have the same arrangement, but of course from time to time we do disagree about things that are assumed and perhaps not clarified, as happened with the peanut issue.

Of course the whole ?argument? is over now. My wife and I have agreed together that it is not worth the potential risk to our child to eat peanuts. They?re peanuts, who cares?

For me, sushi was one of those things that I didn't want to give up ?????..but then in the second and third trimester, I have been eating it occasionally - but only in places where I know it's good quality and so I'm minimising the possible risks.

We had a similar discussion but decided to go the other way. Perhaps if this was Japan instead of HK it would have been different. Could you perhaps let us know which places you consider ?good quality??

If u speak to the DR infront of your Wife that will lead to some more fights.

Thanks neha. Actually my wife would have no problem with that. What we had was hardly a fight, let me explain:

Me: <grabs some peanuts>
Her: hey gimme some
Me: are you supposed to be eating these?
Her: well I have been eating them, whats the big deal?
Me: I thought they could give baby allergies and stuff
Her: I ate them at <1st babies> time and she?s fine
Me: yeah but that could just be luck, shouldn?t we err on the side of caution, just in case?
Her: I don?t wanna talk about this anymore
Me: <takes the peanuts away> - <posts on geobaby>

We talked it out and like nicolejoy said, she is great enough to respect the fact that husbands should have a say too. I know this forum has its fair share of militant ?this is my body? mothers, and good luck to them. Personally, these deals work both ways, which is why I don?t skydive, smoke (anymore), or drink the water in Mexico ? amongst many other things. I have a responsibility to my wife and kids, and my wife has EQUAL responsibility to her husband and kids. Pretty fair I think. The less enlightened may find it annoying, YMMV 

I have a child just diagnosed with a peanut allergy, and no history of allergies in my family. However I ate alot of peanuts in my first pregnancy.

Really sorry to hear that. I do hope he/she outgrows it. Thank you for your kind words, I need all the positive vibes I can get in this sea of hostility. God bless your little one.

Wow, you really like to make life hard for yourself..

Simply find out from a medial professional specialising in allergies IF peanuts are an issue in your wife's specific situation.

I posted past 11pm on Sunday night. I spoke to a doctor this morning. I was posting in the hope that someone could reply with specific and definitive information. It is now obvious that such information does not exist. I was attempting to make life easier for myself, in no way was I expecting to make my life any harder.

In most cases where there is a degree of known risk (let's say blue cheese and listeria) most women make a judgement call based on the medical evidence

I think the key word here is ?women?. In our case, we make judgment calls as a couple.

You don't have a 'known' risk - just a possible or perceived risk that could effect some people, nor do you have investigation into your wife's existing allergies.

I think this is the first time in this thread that someone has categorically stated that there is no known risk to unborn babies for mothers to eat peanuts. However, our doctor says otherwise.

Please do not assume we ?do not have investigation into <my> wifes existing allergies?. We have investigation, we do not have RESULT. It is an unknown. In my opinion that is not a license to throw caution to the wind, it is quite the opposite.

This morning our doctor and an allergy specialist (who conducted the last series of tests) separately confirmed that in the case of peanuts it would be better to stay away from them. Both of them indicated that we did not have to hunt out ?peanut content? on menus and in grocery stores, but eating plain peanuts ?straight up? could wait for a few months. This was advise given in light of my wifes current allergies to entities unknown.

Internet research is all well and good, but not a replacement for a medical degree - especially in sensitive situations such as this -e.g. involving the woman you love going through one of the most highly charged, hormonal, emotional, physically and mentally demanding phases in her life.

Frankly, you are entitled to ask questions and be concerned for your unborn child, but if my husband posted something similar to this I would be horrified.

I have said before and I will say again, I have a lot of sympathy and respect for the condition. I also do not expect any objectivity in this forum. However, I am compelled to state simply that there is NO EXCUSE for taking risks with unborn children. No matter how hormonal or ?sleep deprived? one is, these are not excuses for poor decision making.

I would think it a huge failure on MY part, given my wifes condition, to not make sure the I?s were dotted and t?s were crossed.

I understand that all marriages are different. But for one to be ?horrified? for one?s husband to voice concern over decisions one has made in one?s ?highly charged, hormonal, emotional?..? state ? well that makes a lot of sense. Nobody likes to be second guessed, but when there is a third person involved, we all have to do it, including fathers.

 

[maxxed]

What was the situation with your first child?
Did your wife eat peanuts during her first pregnancy?
Does your first child have any allergies?

I'm suprised that you consider eating peanuts once a month "large quantities". Maybe for your unborn babies sake you should relax a little.
Stress for the mother may be harming your child more than anything.

My wife ate peanuts in limited quantities during our first pregnancy. Our baby does not have any peanut allergies.

The concern is that by eating peanuts you are increasing the childs propensity to inherit allergies of MANY types that you may have, not just peanut allergies. YMMV but given my wifes allergies with causes unknown, our doctors have advised against peanuts.

With regards to the quantities. My wife chucked out a big number at me (like 200 peanuts per sitting) just to get a reaction. I have not brought up the quantities as it is a moot point now.

 

[carang]

i REALLY think that you are a little OTT with your indignation. MUCH of what has been said has been said tongue-in-cheek (see bekyboo's comments).

please LIGHTEN up!

we are not a bunch of militant mothers!!! you simply asked a question and got a response. obviously many of us think that you are worrying unnecessarily and were trying to assuage your anxiety! instead you got VERY defensive and patronising.

YOU didn't post the extent of your conversation. what you posted came across as if you arguing with your wife over something as simple as a few peanuts!

OF COURSE, pregnancy is not JUST for the mother to endure, i often think that the father has the short end of the stick. he has to listen to us moan and complain, he has to put up with our moods, and there is not much that he can do except voice his empathy.

however, i will say that after two EXTREMELY difficult pregnancies, if my hubby started in on something like whether or not i had a few peanuts, i would not have necessarily responded kindly. i will admit, though, that i was MUCH more "careful" about what i ate during my first pregnancy than my second.

my worry for your wife is that if your poor baby ends up with allergies, she will never hear the end of it...
(i make this judgement after having read your last post)

 

[maxxed]

I believe my description of some of you as militant is fairly accurate.

Here is how I described the discussion with my wife in the first post:

"When I questioned her on why she was doing this, she became extremely defensive and angry, and basically refused to discuss the topic with me at any length. Her typical response is 'I am not having this conversation with you'."

To which here are some highlights of replies:

"Instead of telling your wife not to over consuming the peanuts & telling her that she has these constant sneezing because of it. You can accompany her to her next doctor visit" - cheribuzz

"I don't even know you and your post annoyed me.
Pregnancy is hard enough with all the things you genuinely need to avoid, without being made to feel guilty when you aren't doing anything wrong." - matty

"don't expect your wife not to be angry or annoyed if you treat her like a child." - matty

"Frankly, you are entitled to ask questions and be concerned for your unborn child, but if my husband posted something similar to this I would be horrified." - leahH


and of course, on the opposite side we have users like nicolejoy who would actually consider the husbands viewpoint:

"If MY husband posted something like this, I would probably stop and think "He really is VERY concerned about this. Is it worth it for me to put him through all that?? Is it really THAT big of a sacrifice for me to make??" - nicolejoy


Personally I think a number of you ARE militant and extremely judgmental. If I have been patronising I apologize but I have felt the need to defend myself. A number of you have assumed me to be a monster without, IMO, any sign of monster-like behaviour on my part. I believe I have every right to question my wife on eating peanuts or anything else, as my wife does to question my choices.

I am amused that you did not pull out the 'lighten up' card earlier, when my posts were called annoying, or I was accused of treating my wife like a child.

my worry for your wife is that if your poor baby ends up with allergies, she will never hear the end of it...
(i make this judgement after having read your last post)

Please read my posts. If we are unfortunate enough to be in that position I would certainly feel more responsible than 'blaming' her. I believe we must take equal responsibility but given the emotional state she is in, I feel an added duty to make sure no mistakes are made.

Please do not assume I am a monster. I would never, ever, blame her.

 

[nicolejoy]

We had a similar discussion but decided to go the other way. Perhaps if this was Japan instead of HK it would have been different. Could you perhaps let us know which places you consider ?good quality??

My FAVOURITE place to go for sushi is Ha Ne Sushi in Causeway Bay, on Jaffe Road. It's always very fresh, very good quality - and not too expensive!! I go to Genki sometimes as well, but I'm a bit more careful there... sometimes their stuff isn't AASSS fresh - but it's generally pretty good.

I don't eat any sushi from those fridges at the supermarkets - that's a bit risky for me... and I wouldn't eat it from any of those more "local" looking places either.

I would eat it at the more expensive Japanese restaurants though, but I rarely go to those...

I think that the main problem in Western countries with sushi is that it's NOT fresh, it's been stored for longer, less people eat it, it's transported further to get to the stores - so of course it's going to have more contamination. Hong Kong's sushi has always seemed to be of a MUCH higher quality than Australia's - and also much cheaper too... My brother in law lives in Osaka, Japan - and he says that the sushi here is even better than Japan too!! *shrugs* but I haven't been there so I don't know about that...

 

[squirrel]

as a respectful husband highly involved in your wife's pregnancy, perhaps you should avoid eating peanuts and sushi as well out of consideration for your wife. It doesn't seem very considerate to flaunt peanuts in front of your wife and then tell her she can't have them. I'm sure your wife will be happy to reciprocate by not sky diving, smoking or drinking Mexico water as well.

 

[maxxed]

squirrel, thanks for your suggestion. I did not eat peanuts yesterday and I have offered to give up peanuts entirely. I could care less about peanuts! I dont think I have eaten a peanut in a year, we were just out of crisps.

I have chosen to sacrifice my favorite foods for the duration of this pregnancy as a sign of solidarity with my wife. This was my decision but I certainly think it puts me above any beyond any judgment of my consideration in that respect. (I will not go into details of what these are in case my wife ever reads this thread - my faves are pretty specific!)

Just the concept of 'flaunting peanuts' is so highly ridiculous, I cannot help but think you are joking. But as it is impossible for me to read into your tone, I have tried to reply seriously.

As for sushi, I am too busy at work to go out for meals very often. When I do go out, it is with my wife and we eat at restaurants that have a good selection for her and my child. I dont recall the last time I had sushi as a result.

I think you ladies need to LIGHTEN UP! Giving up certain foods for 9 months is really no big deal. Why all the drama? I am frankly tired as being portrayed as an inconsiderate monster for wanting to play it safe with my baby.

 

[maxxed]

My FAVOURITE place to go for sushi is Ha Ne Sushi in Causeway Bay, on Jaffe Road. It's always very fresh, very good quality - and not too expensive!!

I will certainly keep it in mind! Thanks so much for the suggestion.

I have to say though that the sushi in japan is absolutely, mind blowingly good. I dont think I have ever had anything remotely close in terms of freshness and taste.

 

[Matty]

Got to say Charlatan, I don't think this is the forum for you.
You are far too sensitive.
Generally we don't know each other, and have to draw conculsions from short paragraphs that are posted.
My inititial reaction was, wow if this guys freaks out about his wife eating 50 peanuts once a month what else is the poor woman dealing with?
Everyone is going to give you OPINIONS and PERSONAL experiences.
You get responses that you may think are useful, others that are not.
There is really no need to respond to every little thing people post.
You are making jugement calls on whether people are militant after participating in one thread.
Some of the posters here have over 1000 posts and range from very balanced, to things they care deeply about and have strong opinions on.


Bored with this thread now, nuff said from me.

 

[Matty]

One last thing in response to needing to LIGHTEN UP.
The list of foods and other things to avoid in pregnancy can actually be very difficult to maintain, especially when combined with the multitude of things you previously liked, and then developed an aversion too.

There were many times I desperatley wanted to have a Coke, as I knew it was make me feel better after needing to throw up constantly. But I was avoiding caffeine.
If my husband had then criticised me for eating a handful of peanuts I'm afraid there would have been violence involved.

We all do it, but dismissing it as no big deal is wrong, as for some it is.

I hope your wife has had easy and enjoyable pregnancy.

 

[carang]

whereas i couldn't give up the soft drinks and drank them everyday...i found it fascinating that the locals in the hospital (i was hospitalised 13 times over 2 pregnancies) gasped in horror when i drank ONE. but they saw nothing wrong with eating the chemical laden instant noodles from 7-11!

 

[bekyboo44]

I've never known anyone take a post so personally!
I'm with Matty- this post is done and dusted!

I've got some bras that need burning- anyone with me??
Let me just stump out my cigarette and finish my can of heineken first....

 

[maxxed]

If my husband had then criticised me for eating a handful of peanuts I'm afraid there would have been violence involved.

I dont get it.

I never criticized my wife for eating peanuts. I questioned the food choice from a health perspective in a polite, low-tone manner. I dont think I need to get into details in order to clarify this, but there is a very important distinction between criticism and discussion.

Got to say Charlatan, I don't think this is the forum for you.
You are far too sensitive.

I think your'e partially right, though its not the forum, its YOU. From the outset you have been namecalling while others have been helpful; 'annoying', 'sensitive', take your pick.

THAT is what I would call a criticism. Please don't threaten me with violence!

 

[maxxed]

In haste to respond to the violence line, I forgot the most important part!

There were many times I desperatley wanted to have a Coke, ...But I was avoiding caffeine.....

We all do it, but dismissing it as no big deal is wrong, as for some it is.

Our doctor actually told us that peanuts, in my wifes case with her unknown allergies, are potentially more harmful to our baby than (say) a coke a day.

I apologize for dismissing food sacrifice as "no big deal", but as you say I do think everyone is different. As I have said I have given up my favorite foods as a sign of solidarity with my wife, and have never nor would ever think of complaining about it. For me it is a very small thing, and she is, as you correctly say, going thru much more than just the sacrifice of her favorite food.

Having said that, there are others on this forum and thread who also think of it as no big deal. Most importantly, my wife thinks it no big deal. She just happened to be in a crappy mood on Sunday night.

 

[shri]

Its been great fun watching this thread from the peanut gallery. But I think its time to move on .. to the next hot topic of the day.