Alternative Parents

But don't we instinctively know when something is wrong? I'm not sure I'm gutsy enough to do an unassisted birth but I think it is an interesting question to ask how well we know ourselves and know our bodies. I think we are so scared to trust ourselves in case something "goes wrong". Things can "go wrong" in hospital too
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Yes and no,

You may know something is wrong is you've had a baby before and the pain is much worse than your "normal", or if it is taking way to long because baby won't descend, but if you have no experience with birth, how will you know what "normal" looks like. No doubt there are situation when you may not realize womething is wrong until it is too late, say a placental abruption, serious risk of a serious lack of oxygen for baby and severe hemorraghe for mom. you can read all the books you want, when you are in that emotionally charged and pain charged state, you cannot recall all the various signs of things going wrong. Even in a traditional society, you would not labor alone, you would be with women who had given birth before, probably more than one, and they would supprt you and help you.

I also agree with the previous poster that most people are very out of turn with their bodies.

Yes things do go wrong in a hospital, but if things went very bad and you needed an emergency c/s, it can be done. Of course with hospital births you also run the risk of having interventions and c/s that you probably didn't need, if you had been left to labor naturally, (which is probably what you are looking for when thinking of home birth) Look at the appalling c/s rate in north america. It is up to 31% in my community. I totally agree that taking the medical view of looking for anything to go wrong and only saying it is normal if you can't find anything, vs, looking that it is normal, unitl something goes wrong is the way it is in hospitals and can totally see why people may wish for a home birth, but for me the risk of being alone without anyone with expereince of births in an unassissted birth is too risky for me. I think at the very minimum with home births you should have 1 experienced midwife. I pretty sure most midwives have at least 2 professionals at a birth.
 
prone_to_wander said:
But don't we instinctively know when something is wrong? I'm not sure I'm gutsy enough to do an unassisted birth but I think it is an interesting question to ask how well we know ourselves and know our bodies. I think we are so scared to trust ourselves in case something "goes wrong". Things can "go wrong" in hospital too.

I also think people who go through unassisted births have weighed their options. We spend all of our lives filling our bodies with drugs to make them do what they are supposed to be doing, instead of actually listening to what our body is telling us. I think unassisted births makes us re-examine ourselves.
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Personally I couldn't choose the birth of my child as the time to test myself out and how well I know my body etc. I absolutely accept that in some countries home births are more normal than hospital births and so not overly risky however in countries where this is not the case I would be too worried that should something go wrong the people i'd need to turn to (say ambulance officers) wouldn't have the experience to deal with it. How could you live with yourself if you choose such a birth and then your baby dies because you wanted to 're-examine yourself'? One baby dying out of 100 safe births this way still wouldn't be enough to make me think this acceptable. Imagine being the one mother who lost her child.

Anyway, it is interesting to see the various opinions out there.
 
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i had a homebirth in the UK with my first child. I felt very in tune with my body during the whole process and it was a wonderful experience. having said that i am sure i felt more at ease knowing that my midwife was there should anything unexpected occur. unfortunately there are a number of things can happen during labour and delivery - whether we are in tune with our bodies or not (although I do believe that these complications are greatly reduced with drug-free births)
She basically left me alone in my bedroom (as requested) and checked on me occasionally until i felt the strong urge to push and she remained with me during that stage - although didn't do a great deal.
It was comforting to know that she had done this soo many times before, she notified the nearby hospital that i was labouring and delivering at home. she had a direct line to the ambulance service. Her greatest concern was actually the delivery of the placenta, not the baby, due to the risks involved.

I was disappointed to find that i couldn't have a well-supported home birth here in HK with my second child. When i looked into it, it basically boiled down to the fact that yes of course you could fly a midwife in and go ahead with a homebirth but it would be without the additional acceptance and support of the hospital and ambulance system. It wasn't a risk i was prepared to take just so i could be at home!

I ended up at the Matilda for my second sons birth and to be honest in terms of labouring it wasn't that different from being at home!
The ob was there for all of 5mins and i had a doula with me for support for the remainder of the time. However this time the cord was wound tightly around the little ones neck and I felt i was definitely in the right place.

so yes, i'm all for homebirths given the right support network but just not sure why you would choose to be unassisted
Different strokes for different folks but I can't imagine taking that kind of risk when it is the life of mother and child at stake. So what if you do know your body and instinctively know that something is wrong - its what you would do next that i question?
 
prone_to_wander said:
I think unassisted births makes us re-examine ourselves.
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I think this is a good point. From my perspective, I think that birth and preparing for it itself make most women re-examine themselves. I think that it's so very important for women to really examine what their plans are from a deeper level--not just look at the self-help pregnancy books and take verbatim everything in them or just do what a doctor tells them to just because he/she is a doctor and that means they "know everything."

I think it's a good and important and vulnerable time. My university professor who is one of the most accomplished and amazing women I've ever met (a double phD who had her first child at 40 and then ran the California State Marathon 6 months later and won) and she was talking to me a few months before I gave birth and she said something like, "Well, it is probably such a huge time of preparation for you. Preparing mentally and spiritually, especially."

I was so struck by that--because rarely does anyone mention the spiritual side of childbirth. And there is one--a big one! So much of what you decide to do as far as childbirth goes beyond just the physical to the emotional, mental and spiritual side.

Also, when I gave birth at the hospital, right after my son came out, the midwife turned to us and asked, "Does someone want to say a prayer or special blessing or a song?" We didn't at that time--but basically because we had never even thought about it.

In so many cultures, when a baby is born the people around recognize the significance of the moment with some special ritual. In Western culture, I think we know so much scientifically that we think we don't need to really focus on other aspects as much--but they might be just as important.

So, I think by even taking time to really meditate and contemplate these other parts that aren't focused on so much women may open up the door for women to experience an even more amazing and intimate birth experience that they had never even thought about. Just a thought.
 
good point thanka2

for me it was something that happened naturally during the pregnancy and led me to want to a homebirth

unfortunately for a lot of women pregnancy is a time of fear - especially where horror stories are handed down by family and friends. This can really take over and be a major block despite education, relaxation tips etc

I had always had a positive view of labour and childbirth thanks to my mother and i think that was a big part in helping prepare for the birth of my children

Every pregnant woman should read Childbirth Without Fear by Grant Dick-Read

the link belows talks a bit about it. its good stuff!
Childbirth without Fear | Articles | Pregnancy Today
 
i really admire you ladies who are able to look back at your pregnancies with fondness. my two were so terrible, that i have very few good memories from those times.

the first delivery was a nightmare from begining to end (an emergency c-section).

the second delivery was not too bad as i was under generaly anesthesia, and completely out for 2-3 hours...

i do sometimes think that like when people get married, there can be too much focus on the "wedding" and not the marriage. often there is so much focus on the delivery that not everyone remembers the big picture...the safe arrival of your beautiful baby. to me, that was what mattered, not whether or not i had an epi, a natural, no drugs, a c-section or whatever.

(this is NOT directed at anyone here... it's just a musing)
 
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I've never read any of Grant Dick-Read's books but he is quoted heavily in the first part of Husband-Coached Childbirth by Dr. Bradley.

I think when it came to childbirth I didn't know what to really expect. My mom never told me any horror stories. I did have one random lady walk up to me when I was like 36 weeks pregnant and say, "I don't mean to scare you but so-and-so gave birth to a stillborn." I just told her directly that that bit of information had no bearing on me.

My husband and I just spent a lot of time thinking through what childbirth is--the different aspects of it--the realities of it--what a woman's body can do--looking at the incredible adaptation womens' bodies are capable of going through--watching videos of vaginal and c-section births--just mentally preparing ourselves as much as we could and physically preparing ourselves as well. In hindsight, I really wish we had spent more time doing as my professor talked about, preparing spiritually--what type of environment did we want for the birth--what did the birth mean to us--how would we celebrate--all of that blew by the wayside. There's been quite a bit written lately about these aspects as well--that is the one aspect I would have focused more on--it's actually the aspect that has the potential to really calm and reassure.

Going through the training with Husband-Coached Childbirth was invaluable and the couple that trained us were always very positive but at the same time very grounded and realistic.

That didn't equal a pain-free, perfect childbirth where angels are playing on harps in the background but it helped a lot.
 
carang,
I'm really sorry that you had horrible pregnancies. I really don't think it's fair when it comes to pregnancy--and I tell my friends this all the time. I have friends who never got morning sickness, didn't gain much weight, never had a stretch mark, gave birth in under five hours, had a baby who slept at night from birth and who lost all of their pregnancy weight within two months. Then I have a friend who threw up for the first six months of her pregnancy--everything, all day long, until the doctors finally put her on a very expensive vitamin/medication (each pill is like $15 USD or something--thankfully their insurance covered it) and who just had a hell of a time the whole way. I think I probably fall somewhere in between these two extremes. But, I definitely don't want to paint my pregnancy/motherhood picture rosier than it has been because it's been really hard.
Not all of my pregnancy was looked on with fondness. Most of it wasn't. I was not happy to be pregnant as it was unplanned and after the baby was born I went through a lot physically and mentally for about the first 6-8 months, after 12 months is when I finally started to really like my own baby. The last three months of pregnancy were horribly rough--I didn't sleep a single full night the entire time. The bright spots were our birth coaches who gave a peaceful and practical guide to us, my husband who was always on my side even when we went through hell together and my mom who just tirelessly served and helped us. I am just glad I read the book I read early on because it gave me a focus for how I wanted things to go--at least a light at the end of the tunnel to steer toward--even if in the ended, I was off by a mile.
 
your pregnancy sounds a dream compared to mine!

first one: lost over 20lbs in the first 3-4 months, morning sickness stopped me eating for most of that time, hospitalised 5 times, VERY high blood pressure, migraine headache that lasted for the last 6 weeks of pregnancy. don't even get me started on my emergency c-section where the epidural didn't work properly and i was in agony, out-screaming the ladies down the hall doing it natually!(delivered 3 weeks early)

second one: morning sickness back, but only lost 15 lbs, excruciating hip pain, in a wheelchair for 4 months, hospitalised 8 times, thyroid problems, blood pressure through the roof, maxed out on meds (delivered 1 month early)

and guess what!?!?! i would kill to be able to do it all one last time... hubby doesn't think he can handle another pregnancy, though.... guess i wasn't much fun to be around! LOL!

i guess because of my experience, i look very skeptically on "doing it on my own"... i'll never have that option, so i never really thought about it....
 
Carang, you felt your c-section in action? OMG, I can`t believe that!!!! Agh, I would die! My epidurals weren`t working so well and the first 3 times they pricked me, i was like YES I FEEL THAT!!!!! just terrified of them cutting into me too soon. I can`t believe that happened to you. Even with an epi it was still an uncomfortable and gross experience, all that tugging and stretching, and then the sewing up part. All for a momentary glimpse of this tiny red wild eyed little monster...:)
 
i didn't feel the actual incision, i just felt them poking around. but when he said, "ok, now you'll feel a little pressure, tugging..." i almost hit the roof!

the only description i can come up with is this:

it felt like they were taking my belly button and trying to touch the 30 foot ceiling with it.
 
believe me...i wanted MORE DRUGS! and they did give me gas, but all it really did was give me something else to concentrate on.

even so, i do NOT blame the doctors. the anesthetist was WONDERFUL, spent most of it drying my eyes & stroking my hair!

as i said, there are SOOOOOO many things that can go wrong in a hospital, that would be multiplied exponentially (in my mind) that there is NO WAY i would EVER consider a home birth by myself.
 
A friend of mine describes her c- section as feeling like someone was doing the dishes in her stomach. Not painful, just kind of weird and gross.
It always cracked me up!

Cara, I feel for you that your pregnancies were so horrible. But fortunately, stories like yours are the exception rather than the rule.

I think births should be a balance.
They are an extraordinary experience, one that we don't get to have more than a few times in our lives. For some maybe only once.
We live in a time where we can give birth to our babies safely, but if we have the opportunity, we can also make it a truly amazing and enjoyable experience.

I'm done with having babies, but I sometimes wish I could give birth just one more time.
But without the following sleepless months :-)
 
i know that thankfully, not every one experiences what i had to go through.

but, like i said, i would kill to be able to do it again!
 
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