3wk old goes w/o sleep for 6hrs a stretch!

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1stimemum

Registered User
hi all, i'm at my wits end. My 3 wk old son wakes up usually at 8ish and just cannot or doesnt know how to take a nap till 1pm. I've tried everything but just as we are about to put him to bed he wakes up and starts crying and the cycle of feeding/ burping, diaper changing, naptime starts all over.

He just doesnt seem to know how to sleep and I"m very worried. this has been onging for at least 4days. I've logged the times and he only sleeps about 10hrs each day and I know thats not enough.

does anyone have any advice?
 
Have you tried putting him in a sling and walking him about?
Usually the swaying of your body as you walk will lull him to sleep. Then let him stay in the sling until he is ready to wake up.

Are you breastfeeding? If so try to learn how to feed him in a lying down position (side lying is the best for this) and when he is asleep roll away from him, cover him and leave him in the middle of your double bed - usually babies will stay asleep this way. Don't worry about burping him unless he starts to get upset.

Best wishes,
SARAH
 
All I can say is that my son was very similar. He slept in 45 minute-2 hour stretches around the clock for pretty much the first 5 months of his life. He basically took cat naps. This sleeping arrangement brought my husband and I literally to the brink of insanity and beyond exhaustion.

There are many different ideas and schools of thought when it comes to babies and sleep and all you have to do is search for them and you'll find lots of suggestions on this site.

The only thing that finally got my son to sleep through the night was when we read and started following the book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer.

Personally, I don't think there is any "one-size-fits-all" solution for baby sleep problems and in our case, we just had to tough it out as all the advice that other experienced parents gave us didn't help or apply to our son and his particular personality. (Including, what LLLSarah mentioned about carrying him in a sling--in fact he HATED being in a sling--too confining--hated being swaddled--also too confining. And the "danger" in always having to hold your baby to get him/her to go to sleep is that eventually those babies get big and it's really not cool to have to put your 30-40-pound toddler in a sling and walk him/her around the house to get to sleep--remember, whatever habits you start now could continue on for years, actually).

You might think that 10 hours/day isn't enough because of what the average/normal suggestions by doctors are but the truth is that again, there is no one-size-fits-all. And as I've joked a bit on this site, "You can bring a baby to the bed, but you can't make him/her sleep." So, sometimes whatever we parents do--a lot of what our children do is out of our hands. (And that, to me, was quite frustrating...)

In the case of my son, he was just extremely alert and busy from birth. Come to find out, that's his personality. Even at 2-years-old he is still alert and busy. In fact, we never enjoyed the fabled "sleepy newborn days" with him--he was going full-speed almost from the time he left the womb. For him, the world is far too exciting to spend his time sleeping.

Having said that, when we went on the plan laid out in Secrets of The Baby Whisperer, our son from then on started having a very solid and good night-time sleep pattern. Even now, he lays down mostly without a fight (with his bedtime routine of bath, story, song and sleep) and sleeps a solid 12-14 hours every single night. From 6-months on, this is how it has been.

So, if you haven't read any information about putting your baby on a sleeping/eating/playing schedule, then I recommend starting with Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. But, as I said, there are many other sleep books and opinions out there--and the ladies on this site will have other tips to offer too.
 
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1sttimemum - Mine was the same, but he started to do that from about 4 weeks...maybe till around 10 weeks. Yeah, that was tough. I tried everything. He actually did want to sleep on me, but I was afraid of starting that habit so I used to just put him down after he fell asleep on me (after a feed), then he would wake up within a few minutes, and basically just be awake. It was hard.
If you`re into it, do as LLL_Sarah suggested and walk around with your baby in a sling. I bet he would love that. But unless you`re into the attachment parenting thing, I think that prolonged use of that `trick` would just make it so your baby will not learn how to sleep by himself. It`s a skill that babies need to learn.
I also advocate the Baby Whisperer for new mothers. Very easy read, reasonable and compassionate advice and ideas.
I wish I could tell you better advice. I wasn`t skilled enough at the time to help my baby sleep and he basically grew out of it.
 
omg, i just got the baby whisperer yesterday (well my husband did) and now i just have to find some time to read it!

i am breastfeeding and he does fall asleep sometimes then but he either gets hiccups or milk starts coming back out and he coughs and he completely awake again.
I have been holding him to sleep but I really need a break as I literally dont even have time to use the bathroom!

Is 4wks too young to start him on a routine... my husband thinks I"m too 'tough' but he's not the one up 20 hours a day!
 
My sister was kind of like that when she had her first baby. She was in Canada, and didn't know why the baby just kept crying. I remembered seeing some of the episode of the Baby Whisperer on ATV (or Pearl.. don't remember). I searched on the web, and found that in addition to DVDs, they also have books. I told her, and she got the books. She was later so relieved that she could finally understand what the baby was trying to tell her. It really made her life much easier.

I already have those books on my bookshelf. Haven't read any of them yet, but will start in few months.
 
Hi 1sttimemum - another vote for Baby Whisperer here, the best book is 'Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems'. That book was a life saver for me when my daughter was tiny, I referred to it all the time! Its all very well to say trust your instincts but for many of us having a newborn to take care of is just so outside our experience we need a little guidance. We used the 'shush pat' technique she describes and though it is time consuming it did work and little one learnt to sleep on her own early on. Also, she was on the 3 hour routine from v. early on, she was very happy on it (I am a big softy and would never have done anything harsh or left her to cry etc.). My DD has always been a pretty good night time sleeper (though we have our moments of course!) and I credit the routine thing and letting her learn to sleep on her own early on with this.

Having said that, my daughter hated to nap in afternoon, just would not do it leading to crying and melt downs. For weeks I persisted in putting her down in her cot because Baby Whisperer says never ever let them sleep on you, but when I finally chilled out and let her just sleep on my lap in afternoons we were all much happier and she eventually just grew out of it. So - I would recommend the Baby Whisperer for advice but do not get hung up on details, just keep trying things til you find something that works and don't worry, it will get easier and nothing lasts forever.
 
1stimemum said:
Is 4wks too young to start him on a routine... my husband thinks I"m too 'tough' but he's not the one up 20 hours a day!
Click to expand...

I was the EXACT same as you around that time. I thought that he should be going into a routine around that time, I was going a bit nuts, my husband didn`t get it,...but it was not to be, and in hindsight I see that it was still too young. He`s only been out of the womb such a short time and is still adjusting.
But I totally feel for you. Get any help you can, hire someone for a while, call a girlfriend, get your husband to take a day off, anything anything anything. You need your sleep, you need to eat and go to the bathroom and be `sane` so you can give your baby good milk and good love.
I know it doesn`t seem like it NOW, but it WILL CHANGE, and it will get better. But you still need to take care of yourself in the meantime.
 
I don't have much advice about the sleep thing, except to offer my sympathy and to say that eventually things will get better, and to agree that you need to find some ways to take care of yourself.
But about routine ... I think that actually there is a world of difference between routine and schedule. 4 weeks is too early, in my opinion, for a schedule that includes specific times for feeding, eating, etc. But I found that establishing a general routine was enormously helpful, both to my baby and to me and my sense of the days. We generally went through the day by eating, playing a bit, changing the diaper, walking around and then sleeping, and then doing the whole thing again. We went for walks and had bathtime at regular times. And of course, at such a young age, any routine is going to be very loose and responsive to what the baby is communicating. Babies are all different and some will fall into a routine more easily than others, of course, but I still think it's helpful to start a regular rhythm to the daily activities for everyone's sake. We have found this to be so helpful in all the transitions our son has made, from moving to traveling to becoming a toddler. (He's now almost two.) Of course, I reiterate, this may just be reflective of our personalities and his personality, and may not work for others, but it worked for us. Best of luck!
 
People will differ on this, but I don't think it's ever too early to start having a routine for your baby. I don't buy into the hard-core routines out there (for example like the ones laid out in the book "Babywise") but I think that there is a lot of wisdom in predictability.

As SZJ pointed out, at 4 weeks the baby is still adjusting to the world around him/her--and everything is new (and maybe over-stimulating and frightening to some degree). So, the wisdom in getting your child on a schedule (one that you both can live with) is that it creates a predictable rhythm in his or her life and sets the agenda for him/her.
Also, schedules can give you a sense of peace as a parent and an "Yes, I can handle this, mentality." Especially if certain aspects of the daytime routine you lay out do start to produce positive results in your child's sleep behavior--it can be a huge confidence builder. And I don't know any new parents who don't need any extra confidence they can get.

You can't expect a newborn to know how to set his/her own schedule--they need a bit of help, actually. While thinking about this, I also recommend "Happiest Baby on the Block." The doctor behind that book theorizes that the first 3 months after a baby is born in a way is like a 4th trimester--the baby is still a little "undercooked" when he/she comes out of the womb and requires that time to develop and get ready to really live in the world. He has some helpful and simple methods for soothing babies that he recommends. The books is short and easy to read and there is a DVD that you can get that goes through everything in like 20-30 minutes.

For us, we were losing our minds (not in a figurative way--but in a literal way--sleep deprivation for many months on end does that to people) so it was a night-and-day difference when we picked up "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" and slowly started to move from the fogginess and haze of the first half-year of my son's life back into the land of the living. Once we started taking to heart and applying what we learned from the book we immediately (within 2 weeks) saw results.

The book was the starting point for us really understanding our son's personality. From there, we made a plan and stuck with it. And as I said, my son went from waking 3-5 times a night to sleeping 12-14 hours at a shot and we've never looked back. It's worth a try. We were desperate and that's why we tried it and that's also why it worked--because we were so in need of something that we were dedicated to seeing it through until it did work.
 
hi all, i have to agree, some form of order in the house is necessary. luckily with this long w/e, husband has been around to help.

We have tried to observe baby more and read his cues better like the book says and things have improved slightly. well, at least yesterday, he only stay up 4hrs from in the morning.... baby steps...

One question, the version of Baby Whisperer i have is american and seems very short.. its doesnt explain how to get bubs to sleep once he's already very cranky and overstimulated or past the stage 3 sleep phase.
i missed the window so to speak.

Am i missing something in the reading? Possible as yes i'm still running on 4-6hrs sleep.

thanka2, at what age did your son start sleeping 12hrs a night? that sounds amazing right now.
 
The first Baby Whisperer book that was written is usually a paperback. Then there is a bigger book that is actually meant for the toddler years, I think. The first book I read was probably about 170-200 pages and then I happened to pick up the toddler hard-cover book at a thrift store later.

I hate to discourage you, but our son didn't sleep through the night until he was about 5.5 months-old but I really think that a huge part of that is that we didn't know how to help him and we had no game plan except just surviving. I think that if we had known about the Baby Whisperer book sooner he could have easily been sleeping through the night by 3 months or before because he was advancing developmentally really fast--he was already sitting up on his own at 3 months so I think he would have been better at sleeping at night if we had only known what to do.

That's why I say--part of it is getting your baby on a schedule (or at least it was for us) but part of it is just enduring what you have to go through with some babies--some babies are just hard and don't sleep. Sure glad to hear your husband has been a good team mate for you!
 
i just have to update everyone and let this off my chest. Went to see doc yest for 1 mth check up and doc suspects baby is lactose intolerant. Hence crying for hours after a feed and not sleeping, staying up for 6 hours.

We tried a sample formula she gave yesterday and guess what, so far for the last 3 feeds, baby's gone to bed in a reasonable/ normal time frame.

I feel SO SO GUILTY and STUPID for not having checked with the doctor earlier, subjecting him to so much pain and discomfort. For a whole month, as I supplement about 2 -3 feeds a day with formula, he's been miserable the whole time. i'm such a bad mother.....

anyway i wanted to let everyone know so that maybe some other mum can learn from my mistake and silliness.
 
1st timemum,

You are not a bad mother for not suspecting this earlier. My baby is lactose intolerant also and it wasn't diagnosed until two months when she had blood in her nappy. She is now on lactose free formula and a much happier baby.
I'm sure the doctor told you that there is lactose intolerance (which is quite rare) and will require your baby to have no dairy products ever and also there is transient lactase deficiency which is far more common and most babies will grow out of and be able to tolerate dairy later in life. There is heaps of information on this on the internet of you have time for a quick google.
Hopefully your baby is better now.
 
Why are we as mothers so quick to say we are bad?

Your story leaves me with the feeling that you are a good mother not a bad one. You recognized a problem and then went about trying to find answers to that problem. Yes, it took you a while to find an answer you are happy with but you carried on worrying and looking for an answer until you found it.

This will actually be good training for the future. So often children's problems aren't immediately solvable and as a mother patience and perseverance seems to be what we need to find solutions.

So pat yourself on the back and enjoy the fact that a solution has been found.

Best wishes,
SARAH
 
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