When can a kid go to bathroom himself?

My son was about 2-years-old when he was physically able to go to the toilette by himself with a bit of assistance with pulling up his trousers. By the time he was 3-years-old he could go and pull up his trousers by himself. He's 4 1/2-years-old now and we go with him to the toilette. Usually women's restrooms have stalls--it's not like the child is able to take a peek at other women doing their business. Maybe it's a bit different with the urinal situation in the men's bathroom. Not that the child would particularly know or care what's going on except for general curiosity. It might be that other people might feel uncomfortable--but then again, in HK who even cares? People are too busy doing their business and getting out of the restroom in my experience. It might be different in a different country. I don't see many women actually undressing in the common area of restrooms in Hong Kong. Changing rooms in Hong Kong also have dressing stalls and my experience is that most women are definitely more comfortable using the dressings stalls--I think the exceptions I usually notice are foreign women (like me--I don't care--don't need to change in the stalls) and older women (we're talking 70-80+-years-old here) and they probably don't really care that much who sees them or they would be changing in the dressing rooms. My son goes to the women's bathroom and changes with me at the swimming pool if it's just me taking him. If dadda also comes along he'll go with dadda usually. Obviously, at 4-years-old he has no special interest in bodies of the opposite gender--he also showers with both dadda and mama and is around when his baby sister is having her diaper changed. Bodies are just bodies and have no particular meaning to him at this age.

I don't have a specific age in mind where I think my son would stop going to the restroom with me but I think it would probably be around the time when I feel comfortable letting him ride the MTR/bus etc. by himself. If I think he has the maturity to handle himself and stay safe in the restroom, no need to accompany him. I'm guessing that for us this might fall right around when he's a P3-P4 students so I guess around 8-10-years-old. It just depends on his own maturity and how my "gut feeling" leads me. It would also depend on the setting.
 
In general, I'd rather supervise my 6 year old as although it is not commonly reported. Perving and unwanted touching is more common in HK and a lot goes unreported. I have to deal with such cases at least once a term. It happens when you least expect it and in the most unexpected circumstance. So I'd rather be safe than sorry so my 6 year old goes to the toilet with me or we use the child friendly cubicle if not the handicap cubicle (if someone makes a fuss).
 
Did anyone read the the SCMP on Tuesday about 5 expat boys (7-12age) who were indecently assaulted in DB?

From SCMP

Three men were arrested yesterday over an alleged indecent assault on five expatriate boys playing near a building site at Discovery Bay on Lantau Island.

A police source said the boys, aged between seven and 12, were alleged to have been touched indecently by the men on Saturday.
 
rani said:
Did anyone read the the SCMP on Tuesday about 5 expat boys (7-12age) who were indecently assaulted in DB?

From SCMP

Three men were arrested yesterday over an alleged indecent assault on five expatriate boys playing near a building site at Discovery Bay on Lantau Island.

A police source said the boys, aged between seven and 12, were alleged to have been touched indecently by the men on Saturday.
Click to expand...

I didn't see that article. But another issue is not really grown men at all but teen or even older primary-school aged boys. This past week at the school I work at, a mid-primary students exposed himself to a classroom full of little girls. This sort of thing with inappropriate touching and things of that nature actually happens A LOT in schools in HK. As you can imagine, it doesn't make the evening news either.
 
thanka2 said:
This sort of thing with inappropriate touching and things of that nature actually happens A LOT in schools in HK. As you can imagine, it doesn't make the evening news either.
Click to expand...

This sort of thing happens A LOT everywhere around the world. There is nothing particularly special about Hong Kong in this regard. I dont think it makes evening news anywhere as its a fairly common and minor issue.

This kind of thing is generally looked upon in the same light as sexting and playing doctor(between consenting kids).
Of course there are some people that blow such things out of proportion and most of them seemed to be concentrated in USA.
This is just one, there are many like this if you search around:
http://sexoffenderissues.blogspot.com/2011/11/child-6-years-old-playing-doctor.html
 
matemate said:
no, that's not what i am suggesting, but have a look at the show (NowTV channel 214, i think) and you will see that they talk exactly about cases like you describe (the title of the show is just to make it sound dramatic and to attract viewers)
Click to expand...

I've seen that show. It's kind of annoying. The parents on the show are "serious cases." Won't let their teenagers use a knife for fear of cutting themselves...children in upper primary school not allowed to go down the block by themselves unless they are almost holding the hand of one of their parents, children not allowed to go to friends' homes or ride in any other cars, children not allowed to take the bus even in their teens and parents who are quite OCD in almost every area of their life. There is really no overlap with general precautions for one's children considering what is age-appropriate. The people on that show are trying to keep their children toddlers indefinitely--it borders on mental illness.
 
i've watched that show, too... the parents on that show are in serious need for psychiatrists.... they aren't being careful. they are ruining their children's lives, destroying their self-esteem and eroding any little shred of confidence their children had.
 
carang said:
i've watched that show, too... the parents on that show are in serious need for psychiatrists.... they aren't being careful. they are ruining their children's lives, destroying their self-esteem and eroding any little shred of confidence their children had.
Click to expand...
You are definitely right, they need professional help but where do you draw the line? When does it become too much and who decides?
Why is it OK for a parent to take an 8 year old to pee and its not OK for 10 or 12 or 14 ?

an earlier quote from you:
what mothers are concerned about are the 'what-ifs?' i think EVERY mother shares the same concerns and to diminish them by saying "where did the molester come from?" and that we are inventing the possible scenarios... YES, we ARE inventing the possible scenarios!
Click to expand...
Isnt this exactly what *they* are doing? At what point does it become a problem?

My definition of a problem : When a parent puts the improbable on top of their list of fears
 
have you seen the show in question?

as for drawing a line... there is no hard and fast rule, hence people coming on here to ask what other people do.
 
Our 4 yr old daughter sometimes has to got to the washroom with Daddy in the mall. Generally he prefers to take her to the handicapped one if available, but sometimes this is not possible. A few days back she tried to stand and pee, as she had observed in the men's washroom. We were both shocked to see this , but later we just could not stop laughing. But then again, we would still not send her alone to the washroom just for this reason that she might be curious to see what's happening in the men's washroom. The safety of our child is our first concern, and we don't mind if anyone thinks we are being over protective, but then that's how most parents are.
 
There are many of us who do not make a decision on 'What If's alone. I hate it when people come in an insinuate that women are irrational and make irrational decisions based on hype.

This is an example of how I, as a mum. would make my decision.

Last year:

(1) Circulated amongst Mothersgroup - Watch out for the 'Yellow Backpack' man who regularly hangs out at Repulse Bay cafes. He has a newspaper on his lap and making gestures inappropriate under the newspaper as he watches children.

Personal Experiences from 2006 in HK
(1) 2006 - Tsuen Wan, outside the lifts for the EDB office, with school going children, a man watches the children while he burns the breasts of women in a soft porn magazine he had. Done openly in front of us. No fear.

(2) 2010 - While at Repulse Bay Beach, a man hid in the change room, to peer overhead to the cubicle next door at my friend who was changing out of the swimmers. When she yelled, no one came to her rescue. The guards were told and they shrugged it off and said that it happens regularly.

(3) 2011 - My colleague, the most decently dressed girl, caught a man using his camera filming her 'upskirt' getting on the bus.

ALL not reported in the media. AND, ALL not expected experiences in HK. I did what any rational PERSON would do. I also DO NOT WORK in an office and amongst the grassroots where I see a LOT of parents and children having to deal with psychological disorders. The fact that it is brushed off as common in HK, I'd better to be safe than sorry.

Irrational, no I am not. Cautious. YES! Most of us here I think are simply sensible parents. And will make our decisions based on each child's maturity and street saviness. NOT on paranoia and What Ifs. Just basic sensibility.
 
Could you please explain to me why do you classify the above incidents as somehow related to safety.
Clearly these people are a bit disturbed and need help but what actual harm (physical or otherwise) did these incidents pose to the general population or to the little children that may have been around?
 
What can you expect from disturbed people like these if they see a child alone in the washroom? I would classify them as dangerous for my child.
 
my kids play outside in our village all day most sundays. they only come home for drinks and snacks, then they are out again. they have a ball with all of our neighbours....what does that have to do with them going into a public toilet by themselves?
 
I thought we moved on from the toilets as someone earlier started pointing out people on the bus, beach and other random places acting and doing funny things implying that this was somehow dangerous. Someone else then chimed in to reaffirm this was dangerous to their child and I thought it provided a good place to insert a small bit of sanity from Time magazine and Lenore.

Glad to see that not everyone subscribes to the scaremongering and you allow your kids to play outside freely. Wish more people did the same.
 
I would definitely not send a small child to the men's bathroom by himself in a busy public space with many strangers around -- not if I (or another relative / friend) couldn't see him, and there were closed spaces like toilet or changing stalls. That is very different than an open space like a park, where I (and other people) can see what's happening.

Howard, I don't think it's paranoid to say that a 3-6-year-old probably doesn't belong in a crowded Hong Kong men's public toilet by himself. And I'm a pretty relaxed mom.

Are you trying to be sarcastic? No, of course there is no "magic" age. But we all know that young children are less aware when something inappropriate is happening -- a stranger touches them, or leads them away by the hand, or an older boy tries to bully or rob him. Tots are lighter, easier to carry away, weaker, and might not shout for help like an older child. Even if there is nothing as serious as a molester, 3-year-olds have a tendency to decide they're done peeing and wander away.

I come from a laid-back family. But my mom had to call the police once when she lost me in a huge crowd when I was 4, let go of her hand and wandered away into traffic. Yeah, I'd keep a 3-to-6-year-old within eyesight in any crowded public place in the middle of the city, even if it means a small boy in the women's bathroom.

I've never seen anyone complain about this before, in HK or overseas.
 
Howard -- I think you're also being dismissive of intuition (and of the Quasimother)
Even pretty relaxed, friendly people have our feelers out for creeps, weirdos. Even kids feel it.
I grew up in an extremely safe small town, where we were free to play outside.
But if some strange man was around the park, staring at kids, filming kids in a suspicious fashion, reading porn, generally being a creep, we'd get the hell away. Any parent with any sense would gently shoo the kids off somewhere else.
I mean, wouldn't you? It's just common sense.
And there's a pretty big difference between taking an 8-year-old somewhere and a 14-year-old.
 
OK I had been searching for the article, but the original one is in Chinese and I've only found this terrible translation of an incident that occurred last year when a grandfather was minding his grand daughters and left them for a bit when he went to the toilet (she was 6), she was abducted, assaulted and left at a Macdonald's toilet.

http://www.gasvi.com/blog/blog.php?do=showone&uid=16148&type=blog&itemid=1751620

Now I know what you're going to say Howard and that it, this is a remote possibility and I'm sure that when gramps headed off to the toilet, that even he in his wildest dreams wouldn't have expected his grand daughter to have been taken BUT it happened. There are some things worth taking a calculated risk on and some things that are not. Each mother does a risk rating, this is one of those things that is UNLIKELY to occur but the consequences of which are EXTREME, so most would choose to be extra cautious. It doesn't make us paranoid nut jobs just sensible mums.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top