Desperate for advises and comments from other people!

[carang]

i'm not mad in the least... frustrated.... if you want to change your life, then change it. if you don't, then don't. you really are taking my comments very personally, and i guess i can't blame you. but that is what you open yourself up for when you post half-stories on a public internet forum asking for advice, isn't it? if you want everyone just to say what you like and what you agree with, then maybe a public forum isn't the place...

 

[carang]

oh, yeah... anyone who is regular on here will tell you that i don't mince words. i say it like i see it and am never afraid to offer my opinion. that doesn't mean you have to agree with it.

 

[Frenchy]

I'm a westerner, so my questions are based on my cultural way to see the things...
How long do you think you can stay dependent of your parent's money ?... I think that the longer you stay, the harder it will be to take your independance.
Is it clear with your parents that you could enjoy this situation while you are studying and then you'll leave ?
Don't you think it puts you in a owing situation ? if you stay longer and go on enjoying the financial situation (whatever your feelings are towards your husband etc... your parents will only take into consideration the fact that you've spent their money), and if suddenly you leave, won't you be the "bad daughter" ?

Anyway, what you decide now will have an impact on your couple and relations with your parents for many years !

 

[Obiwan]

Hi, I have been following this thread but have not responded (am kinda glad I didn't as more information/clarification emerged).

CF, dont get worked up. If you have followed Geobaby, you will know that all the people who have responded are caring mothers/women who have bothered to take time to try to understand your situation and provide their feedback or share with their experiences, in a very frank and open manner, whether you like them or not, and whether they have misunderstood you. If it is the latter, it's not because people are judgmental, but that we don't have a full complete picture of the nuances of your life, and hence feedback is only based on what you have provided 'to-date'.

Patience. I am sure while you are looking for honest advice, perhaps a little part of you were also seeking some empathy (or i may be wrong!) which you aren't getting plenty here. Everyone has a different way of handling things, keep an open ear and an open heart, hear what people have to say and not worked up (and forgive us if we have misunderstood you), and finally come to a decision yourself on what's best for you and your family.

 

[thanka2]

Hi, I have been following this thread but have not responded (am kinda glad I didn't as more information/clarification emerged).

CF, dont get worked up. If you have followed Geobaby, you will know that all the people who have responded are caring mothers/women who have bothered to take time to try to understand your situation and provide their feedback or share with their experiences, in a very frank and open manner, whether you like them or not, and whether they have misunderstood you. If it is the latter, it's not because people are judgmental, but that we don't have a full complete picture of the nuances of your life, and hence feedback is only based on what you have provided 'to-date'.

Patience. I am sure while you are looking for honest advice, perhaps a little part of you were also seeking some empathy (or i may be wrong!) which you aren't getting plenty here. Everyone has a different way of handling things, keep an open ear and an open heart, hear what people have to say and not worked up (and forgive us if we have misunderstood you), and finally come to a decision yourself on what's best for you and your family.

Amen! I have to say that women on this forum are mostly pretty strong and somewhat opinionated but at the same time brilliant with a lot of life experience to offer. They certainly won't "coddle" anyone here, that's for sure!

 

[jvn]

I think where the frustration creeps in is that there are so many solutions for your situation, all of them involve compromises from you and the people around you but that's what adults (especially parents) do, they make compromises to make it work. You've had some amazing advice and also stories from people in the similar situations but there's a point where the advice stops and you take the reins and say "yes, this is my life and my child's life and I will make it work".

You don't have to post increasingly detailed information about your personal life, you're only doing it to contradict people who've commented your current lifestyle or attitudes. People posted saying it seems like your husband has a hard time, so you post to say he is essentially a loser, people snipe at all the free helpers to you post to say it's not your fault they're your mums, and so on. People are commenting because you asked them to and wrapped up in and giving context to their comments is some really good advice, maybe you'll need to adapt it to suit your actual circumstances (whatever they are) but the answer is there and you'll see it if you stop trying to 'win' every time someone says something you don't want to hear.

You couldn't have imagined that you'd post what you posted and not have people reflect on your lifestyle? Rise above what you don't like, think hard about some of the tough things that people have said, and about the responsibility that you bear for the nature of your life, and above all do what all of us have said and make a plan. Or don't, that's entirely up to you.

 

[jvn]

Amen! I have to say that women on this forum are mostly pretty strong and somewhat opinionated but at the same time brilliant with a lot of life experience to offer. They certainly won't "coddle" anyone here, that's for sure!

Amen indeed, the thread is asking for advice and comments and I think the OP certainly got what she asked for, and some excellent advice at that. If it had been asking for sympathy and empathy I, for one, wouldn't have felt qualified to respond ;-)

 

[constancefaith]

I don't know if it is not clear what my initial question was.. But I had wanted views and comments on moving to Sydney.
It dragged to another issue on being dependent, which I had not mention in the first post on my "current actions" and obviously other people think its a problem too-or not.
I wasn't looking for sympathy or empathy, and it wouldn't help my situation anyway.

Perhaps I should ask - daughter is 15months, is HK a better place or is Sydney, Australia.

You're right jvn, me putting even more details here is just downright shaming myself because it all just sounds like covering up.
I gotta l2 post.

And to learn to end a post.

I have a clear enough plan ahead of us, and I would like to formally thank all of you who had helped me to "see" cos I really have no one to go to for advises.
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