Your Child's Reading ability

Can't agree more with run4fun's advice not to 'deprive them their rights of experiencing life and viewing the world with their own eyes'. Years back I took my child to a trial class doing right-mind training but then decided that it was not the right kind of playgroup for him (they're showing pictures and words that children won't get in touch with in their daily life). Nevertheless, talking about early literacy, I don't see any reason why they shouldn't learn to read using flash cards given that it is only a small part of their learning experience (say, 3 minutes every day) and it won't really deprive them of any opportunities to engage in other activities like reading books, playing toys or visiting the park...

Linda
 
I also agree that we should not deprive them of life experiences. If you are doing flashcards for 24 hours a day in a room with just mom, no baby will ever enjoy that. As Linda says, flashcard only takes 3 mins a day, for the rest of the day, you can do whatever you want with your baby, games, Ocean park, reading, singing etc.

The formula I gave is just the way I think a lot of parents think, it may be a little naive but you cannot say it's wrong. I do not agree that formula is the best way to go but I was just giving it as an example that we should not never judge others as they must have a reason behind doing things even if it is not in our opinion the 'best' way.

I do see a lot of kids who had a 'happy childhood' but because they were 'too happy' and did not experience any pressure at all throughout their childhood, that when they face the 'real' world, they are in shock. They cannot face any challenges and tend to give up very easily. I have interviewed and employed so many of these kids that it is sad to see the new generation like that.

There are life long arguments about the 'best' teaching methods for children and I am in no position to challenge any of these experts Montessori, Doman, Shichida, Suzuki, Steiner etc. However, I just think that doing something the whole family enjoys is, for me, the best way to bring up my happy child.

As I mentioned before, I was raised without many toys (as my parents were quite poor then), algebra and hang man were my games and pieces of scrunched up paper and hand drawn mazes were my toys. Without realising these were actually maths, spelling, creativity and art. I found school very fun as I could do a lot of things without any effort. I cannot say whether I am 'ahead' of others but I am certainly happier than a lot of people (those who know me will know how cheerful and happy I am), no matter how much work/ stress I have.

That is my aim for my baby (and babies to come! :flower:), a happy go easy personality who can still face reality and endure some pressure and stress.
 
Bubbly, i think that there is no such thing as a 'too happy' child as you say. people don't face problems in life as adults because they were too happy as children but because they knew no discipline growing up and were not held accountable for the actions.

A very interesting fact that many people seem to be missing is that the most successful kids at school are, for the very large majority, NOT the most successful people in life. Achieving good grades at school means you are good at rote learning. Big deal... Look back at the people you went to school with, i'm sure most will agree that the people who turned out the 'most successful' by modern day standards, i.e. good job, good income, were not the highest achievers in class.

Run4fun is right, children learn best from doing and it's a hell of a lot more fun than reading a one dimensional flash card.
 
Different people have different views about what a happy childhood is, but academic life is a reality that every child has to face. I'm one of those local parents who chose the international stream to avoid the unnecessary pressure of frequent tests and heavy workload given to the children. I'm also among those who started to teach their children to read early, with the initial intention of fostering right brain development. I don?t know whether it?s really made my child smarter, but what?s true is that his early literacy is achieved with no pain at all -- he did enjoy the process and now has fun reading lots of books on his own. The few minutes we spent on word cards daily when he was small has actually saved him lots of time he would otherwise have spent on revising for dictations now.

High-achievers academic-wise do not necessarily become successful in their career eventually, but I believe there must be some areas in school (whether academic or non-academic) that let the children feel a sense of achievement, or how are they going to like their school life? Those whose parents don?t see academic results as the sole indicator of their achievement in school are the lucky ones indeed. Yet those parents exercising their will to help develop their children?s full potential not in sacrifice of their happy childhood deserve equal respect.

Linda
 
Yes I agree Linda, and indeed Lily and I have a full 'fun' academic schedule throughout the day that promotes academic learning in all areas. I find leaving a child to play on their own and not spending time with them 'teaching them about the world' just as abusive as force feeding academic studies to them. But like you I find the learning in local schools in Hong Kong to be unrealistically 'harsh' (not really the right word but can't think of better) - especially for young toddlers (2-4yr olds).

I am not judging anyone, indeed I have a lot of respect for parents who love their children enough to spend time with them every day teaching them about the world. I have always spent a lot of time with my daughter reading, drawing, playing in the park, playing make believe dress up and everything else, and through that she is a smart kid (and will definitely be reading by the time she is 4yrs). But, I think that a lot of parents in this city do feel pressured into a certain academic standard for their children - even when they are just 2 yrs old! I don't know where it comes from, but I do think it can put a strain on children's true learning (which is not just academic). I also think that unlike any other city in the world a lot of parents here do not have time to spend with their children (although I am sure they would like to) so they try to look for quick fixes to get their children up to this very high achieving standard - flash cards is lets face it quite a quick fix! In fact the beauty of flash cards is anyone can do it - even the helper.

On the other hand though, because I do have a 'smart' kid, at 36 months old she does actually thrive in the 'harsh' environment of a local school (in an international class) because it is so academically orientated! So now we are moving to a different country I worry that she will not get the same challenging environment that she seems to love so much ...

I guess, in a nut shell, when it comes down to it, it is about the children, and finding what truly makes them happy.

*breath*
xx
 
:cheerlead

Well said Linda & Lolipop. I agree totally with you. To me, it has always been 'do what you think is best for your child and do not judge other'.

Lolipop, I am sure your child will do well and adapt well whereever she goes! Good luck with the move.
 
ps. i know a fellow english tutor that has a mother force feeding her 4/5 year old daughter vocabulary now because she "won't have time to learn it later on"

i have no problem with children learning, but many in this city forget that a child's main work is PLAY!!! THAT'S how kids learn! they learn through interaction. they learn problem solving. they even learn physics/structural engineering (think centre of gravity when building a tower!) the only difference is that they can't say, "you see, mother... if i place the block too much to one side, the whole tower collapses. this is because i haven't figured out the correct centre of gravity upon which the whole tower depends."

please, let your kids be kids for as long as possible! they have 2 decades of schooling to look forward to...they will have a whole lifetime of learning, IF you teach them a love of learning and instill in them a hunger for knowledge and a "child-like" sense of curiosity!

good luck to all mothers out there. we are all doing the best we know how.
 
Hi all,

Disjointed ramblings below.

*************

Ends and means, ends and means. You cannot separate out ends and means.

People say that they want a child who will be successful & happy - but what do they mean by that? One culture or one parent's idea of success could be completely opposite to another.

In some cultures at some times - having a child who grew up to be a celibate contemplative was the height of success, because that was the greatest thing a person could do.

However, for many people in most parts of the "developed world", if their son or daughter now says "I am going to live secluded and take a vow of chastity, poverty, and obedience" the parents would go "Oh, no!"

Why are some parents so worried or concerned about academic success for their kids?

Because they see the limited spaces in the universities, and they see education as one of the primary methods of social mobility (which it has been in Chinese society since Imperial Exams began in the Han Dynasty). They want their kids to have a "better" life than their own.

Or, they may be worried because they attribute their own financial or social success in life to their education and the friends and connections they made in the schooling and fear their children will not be able to replicate this success ("fear of falling").

There is also the concern that children are a mirror of their parents. If one's child does well in school and goes to a "good" university - it reflects well on the parents (they must have done things right!).

In the USA (where I am from) - many parents are concerned about their kids' athletic prowess. The energy and devotion that the parents and communities bring to watching the young people's athletics is somewhat similar to the way that in Hong Kong, the newspapers and television stations cover the HKCEE and A-levels results.

So, where I grew up, what is a "happy & successful" young person? Often, the one who gets picked first for the ball teams, the captain of the team, the "starters" on the high school basketball or football (US rules) teams.

If I want to raise a child who is a champion meditator, I guess I would start him or her out at 18 months practicing sitting still and quieting the mind. If I want to raise a child who is a champion contortionist, I would probably start him or her learning to twist into pretzel shapes at the age of 2 or 3. If I wanted to raise a champion ice hockey player - I would probably get him or her out on the ice at the age of 2 or 3. After all, don't all children naturally love to find quiet within, or stand on their heads, or glide on the ice?

Of course, some will have a natural disposition that makes them better at meditating, acrobatics, or ice hockey than other children. As they age, they will also see if their own inclinations match their training. Others will always remain mediocre or at it, or burn out on it, or become good at it, but not really LOVE it. Others (very few) will become adepts and LOVE it.

So, my hope for my kids are to raise people who are "well integrated" who understand and know their weaknesses and strengths. I want them to know how to do research and learn to ask interesting questions, because that has given so much pleasure to me (just like a golfer mom may want her kids to learn to golf, because it gives her so much pleasure).

I want them also to have a strong sense of service and work hard to do good in the world, to help those born less fortunate (even, if they cannot afford the latest technological wonder or fashionable clothes). I hope to instill in them a strong conscience. So, this means I hope that for a good part of their lives they sit around examining themselves and seeing how they Fall Short & Fail & firmly resolve to do better. Nice mother, hunh?

So, since these are my ends, the means I use to achieve them are different from a parent who wants his or her kid to get 9As in a big exam & play cello for the Philharmonic.

Is my goal better than others? Sometimes I think so. Other times I think I'm just fooling myself & that it's no better or worse, just different.

Ends and Means.
 
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"help develop their children?s full potential not in sacrifice of their happy childhood deserve equal respect"

i agree with you to a certain extent.

how do you think those children feel when their parents end up on the evening news in hysterics because their child didn't get into the school they were hoping for???

do you think that makes the child feel whole? loved for themselves? that there is more to them than marks and getting into the "best" school?

or do you think that they are more likely to feel inferior? inadequate? unable to please mummy and daddy and therefore not good enough???

growing up in canada, i can honestly say that i NEVER heard of young kids jumping out of buildings because they were afraid they hadn't done well enough in school.

in my 12 years here, it saddens me every year to hear of these poor kids who felt so alone and so much pressure that the only way out of it was through a window!!!

my respect of other's ways only extends so far....

and to those parents that do push their kids to "succeed" remember, you only have this time with them once. you will NEVER get it back again!

(this is not directed at anyone on this forum, just as a general observation.)
 
I think it's interesting that those 'for' teaching their kids to read early, doing flash cards etc seem to think that us 'for' learning through play and leaving our children to be children are 'against' education or our children doing well at school. I'm all for my children succeeding at school but for them to get good grades does not mean (in my opinion) that they need to be taught to read by 12 months of age. This insistance that a 6 month old or 2 year do this or do that every day so they WILL succeed is a bit bizarre and frankly naive. Your child may in fact learn to read early but this doesn't mean it will stop them from being an average student if they are not an academic all rounder or if they are not actually as smart as you would like them to be.

I fully subscribe to the belief that the biggest reason parents want their kids to succeed is parental ego. Look how smart, athletic my child is = I am a good parent, I am a good person. It's the same for parents of babies who sleep through the night early or don't cry much. 'my baby doesn't cry = i am such a good parent'. Anyone who has had more than one child will know how ridiculous a notion that is. Not everything our children do is a result of what we do or who we are.
 
To what extent do you agree that "those parents exercising their will to help develop their children?s full potential not in sacrifice of their happy childhood deserve equal respect"?

If I'm to tackle this question, there are certainly a number of terms to define first. Among those important but vague words are ?full potential? and ?happy childhood?. Of course we can?t take things for granted and assume that all children have equal potential in all areas. As such, ?to help develop their full potential? would be better interpreted as ?to assist? (instead of ?to push?) them in areas that they show good potential. ?Happy childhood? is difficult to interpret as there could never be consensus among individuals. Yet what I can be sure is that parents who have expectations far exceeding the capabilities of their children and who force their children to take their value and judgment are ruining their childhood.

I think what we as parents need to bare in mind is that the means we use may not result in the ends we expect. Opening windows of opportunities for our children should never be a sin. What matters is how much we accept our children as they are and how we show our love and understanding disregarding what the final outcome is.
:yeah2
 
completely agree with you!

but i've seen far too many 8 year olds with what amounts to "burn-out"

these are the kids that are so over-scheduled there is NO TIME left for play...and it's their parents that say...is he/she JUST playing???? i've had students before that at age 6 are in full-day school, and taking10-12 HOURS of extra tuition. (if i remember correctly it was...2 hr english, 2 hr mandarin, 1 hr skating, 2 hrs swimming, 1 hr cello, 1 hr piano, 1 hr chinese painting, 1 hr chinese poetry)... with such a schedule, these poor kids don't have time to be kids, they are too busy trying to cram their heads with knowledge all because it will look good on paper when it comes time for the next school interviews.

i've had parents telling me that their child needs to work harder because they ONLY got 89% on their latest exam. these same kids can hear their parents lamenting their "laziness" & "carelessness", how these kids are expected to grow up with any amount of self-esteem or intiative to question things around them is beyond me....
if you hear these things enough, you begin to believe them, especially at such a young age.

now, i'm sure that the parents that i'm refering to are truly trying to do what they believe is the best for their kids....i just wonder if the cycle will ever be broken & how the kids will feel about their childhood when they look back on it in the future.
 
It's true and sad that some parents do push their children to their limits! I remember I tutored a little girl of 6 every day for 2 hours, and she had mandarin, ballet, piano, painting, swimming etc. classes all lined up. By the time it was my turn (which was 6-8pm), she was exhausted. So what I used to do with her was let her relax and play games whilst I checked her homework etc.

She was very good at school too, but there was once when I found her in tears, when I asked why she was crying, she showed me her test result and she said she only got 97% and not 100%!!!! The poor girl was devastated. I felt so sorry for her that I drew her her favourite cartoons to cheer her up! She was really disciplined by her mother and I really questioned how much was too much....

Anyway, that was 12 years ago, she is now 18, and she is doing extremely well. However, it would be interesting to see how her personality has developed. I don't see her enough to know, unfortunately. She was the sweetest thing I have ever met, and I hope she stayed that way.

Another little girl I tutored was the complete opposite. Her mother let her play whatever she wanted and I remembered that she could not sit still for 5 mins as she kept changing her mind about what she wanted to do that day. She would change into 5 different outfits in the hour I am there and if I tried to stop her, she would push me out of her room and lock the door!! This one had not discipline. Unfortunately I did not keep in touch with this little girl, but it really would be very interesting to see how she turned out too.

*sigh* it's really tough being parents as whatever you do, you will get criticised for it by others who think they know better! At the same time, you are not sure whether those critisisms/ advice are valid or not! Tough job - parenthood! :haha:
 
I have a 4-year old boy who does not read. He knows his alphabet, but will not string it together. We don't do many after school activities, he does not recite poetry, he does not color like Da Vinci & his writing. . . don't even go there. However, he is a happy boy, always smiling always want to play.

Then there's his classmate, who supposedly, reads, writes her name perfectly, colors inside the line, gets three stamps of approval from teacher for her homework, have after school activities almost everyday & is the best in class. Sounds like an ideal child doesn't it??? EXCEPT, this same little girl refuse to do activities if she can't win, she has been having nightmares waking up crying at night. I gathered, the parents already consulted a psychologist, and were advised to ease up on the pressure, and this mother always brags to me about her child's achievements(paint, write, read, etc.) and always ask me, does your son do it yet? As if we are in a competition.??

There are times I do feel bad that my son is not as "developed" as her daughter, but you know what? My son is a happy child who will hopefully be very well adjusted, well rounded individual when he grows up. So what if he doesn't go to the best school, or become the President or a CEO of a corporation, it doesn't mean I will love him less nor will I love him more if he did become one of those.

So I guess my feeling is, as long as my child remains a happy, even a mediocre (not complacent/lazy) student as long as he's doing his best. . . then I am satisfied with that. My son will read when he's ready, and in the mean time, I will still read to him, because he enjoys it. The way I look at it. . . hey more bonding time! And how can that be a bad thing?
 
As a child I read very early and have loved and devoured books since then....for me reading is something I have to do everyday, and is something as necessary and essential as eating and drinking!
I was never force fed books or flashcards but was read to from the day I was born and always lived in a house full of books!
As a young child I use to get dressed for school while reading a book; eat my breakfast reading a book; sit in the car to school reading a book.....!
I have two younger brothers however who don't read; have never really read anything and don't have any interest in it whatsoever...and yet we all had the same exposure to books and reading growing up.

Reading, like being academic, is something you are naturally good at- I think. You can encourage children to do better academically and may succeeed but they may never really like it!

And success at school is not always linked to intelligence- my sister in law has been tested and has what is considered to be a 'genius' IQ and yet she has always done horrendously at school because she was bored by it all.

We have a house full of books for my son, and we read everyday...I also spend 5 minutes a day on alphabet and number flashcards which he enjoys....but I let him lead....sometimes he wants to play with them, and I let him, othertimes he likes to sit and watch so i go with that too. I'm not expecting him to read, or to be able to say his alphabet by a certain age- I'm just hoping to encourage any natural abilities inside him and hope to give him the basic building blocks for reading etc.

Sometimes Hong Kong society really saddens me.....especially when I see three year olds laden down with homework and after school activities....the pressure is intense...but for what?

I agree with so many other people here that academic success doesn't necessarily make you happy- I always did well at school, went to one of the top universities where I am from, did postgraduate study.....and none of it ever fulfilled me, that came later with my husband and baby!!!!

And now that is all I want for my son- for him to be happy.....I want him to do what he wants to do....regardless of what that is!
Yes, I want the best for him, and I want him to have the best learning opportunities but not because of the 'success' but because I want to ensure that any natural abilities/talents he has inside him have the opportunity to be developed etc.

There are so many ways to instill in our children a love for learning....that don't involve books, and classrooms and rote learning! A trip to the beach, to the mountains, to the shops, to the park, to another country....these are all fantastic situations for learning.....and maybe if our children spent more time in these places, we might be able to instill in them a greater respect for our enviornment and those of us that live within it!
 
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