When is the good time to teach our baby Discipline?

A

anniese

Registered User
My little girl is turning 10 months old now, but she has a hot temper that she always scream and cry loudly for something that she is not satisfy with. For instance, we took away the electric cord that she wants to play, then she will cry non stop until we turn on the TV for her.
Should I just let her cry or what? I tried to let her cry and ignore her, but she just cry more seriouly. :thanks
 
it's never too early to teach discipline. i think people nowadays make the mistake of teaching discipline too late. you can try explaining to her why it's dangerous to play with the cord. then you can try distracting her with something else that she can play with.

does she watch tv a lot? i'm just wondering why when you took the cord away she wants the tv on...
 
i agree it is never to early to teach discipline for that matter even the concept of sharing.I often hear that he doesnt understand he is only 2 so let him play now etc.
 
I think this is a great question and wonder the same with my 15 month old. How far should I push the 'no' factor? I can see that when I tell her no (like standing in the bath or when she wants to play with the power point switch) that she turns to me and smiles, sometimes she goes to do this again and sometimes she just crawls away. I admit that the distraction technique often works and works well, but sometimes she has her mind set on what she wants, and distraction doesn't work. Do I really put my foot down in this situation, or is she too young to really understand?
I agree that it is never too early to begin deciplining, but I too am keen to find out when approx. do they really begin to learn right from wrong? Thanks for raising this query anniese
 
Distraction can work well for young babies, but keep in mind with discipline, that babies don't have the developmental understanding for cause and effect until 6 months.

If you are trying to "teach them" by letting them cry before this, it is a waste of time.
 
We started disciplining our daughter at around 10 months, now at 13 months she very well knows what she is not supposed do like play with laptop cord or throw something on the floor or open the garbage bin or spit out food. But few times she still goes ahead and does it anyway and we constantly have to reinforce discipline. She sometimes gives a cheeky smile maybe trying to see if we'll ignore her wrong action but we never let her get away with it. Because if we let her get away with her wrong action next time she does try to test us by crying and seeing how far she can push us till we give in.
However when she gets angry (She seldom does actually) we completely ignore her/ stay calm and she is fine after a few minutes. I think kids pick up on your emotions from the time they are babies both positive and negative, so try and see if you getting angry at her or in general is effecting her behaviour in turn making her angry.
 
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Thank you all mommies for your response. As AussieMum said, I am just not sure when and how to reinforce discipline. Of course I need to tell them what is okay to be done and what is not, but how about if they just get angry and keep crying when I stop her to do something wrong and danger, and I use every method to distract her and not successful, what should I do next? Just like the case I have said, she keeps crying after I took away the cord from her, no matter what I did (carrying her, distracting her with some other toys, telling story, singing, etc), she still scream and cry, finally she stopped crying after I turn the TV on, but after I turn off the TV in 3 minutes, she cried again, then I just bring her down to take a walk. She was so happy and excited on the street, but she cried again when she came home. Finally, she cried non stop until I BF her to sleep. Sometimes I just wonder if she is spoiled already, or it's inborn personality.
I agree parents' emotions will affect her behaviour, but both my hubby and me are not those type of person who get mad easily and yell at others.
Anyways, I just hope this is a stage of growing. :P
 
Hi Anniese, perhaps that one incident your daughter was in a grumpy mood :) But I do understand it can be difficult, as I've seen it with my husband's 2 year old niece who cries non- stop for an hour or more if stopped from doing something or even if she trips and falls. I suggest just be persistent in what you tell her. I don't always stop my daughter from doing this or that just when I feel she is doing something which is harmful for her.
 
It works with our son when he cries we also pretend to cry and then he asks us to stop and we ask him to stop it probably goes on for a few minutes and it is all forgotten. This has worked with us when he gets hurt and or when he wants something which he should not have.
 
I recommend this book:


Boundaries with Kids

So, far my husband and I have been showing consistent discipline with my son for the past 8 or so months--he is now 16-months-old and he does understand "no" and that some things are not okay to do. My son also has a fascination with cords--electric cords to be exact--and this has been a worrying situation for us so we are very strict to not let him play with them. We've found that it is useful to hide whatever dangerous or "off-limits" things or move them out of his reach--and if it happens to be something that we cannot do this with, then we make it very clear that it is not okay to play with or even touch these items. Now, all I have to do is give him "the look" and he knows that he had better not touch or do whatever thing. At 10-months you really can't "explain" anything to a child and expect a lot of understanding because they usually don't have a developed enough language base for that. Even so, I do "explain" they "whys and why nots" of things while I'm doing them and eventually, though he may not understand now and throws a fit, he will later.

First, I think you have to not be afraid of your child crying and throwing a fit. And you have to stand up to her. Don't just give in because she escalates her fit. That teaches her "If I cry long enough and hard enough, mommy will give it to me anyway--she is easily manipulated" and this will help you teach your daughter to be an expert manipulator of her parents (I have cousins who had developed a science to this when they were little so I've seen it in action!) So, if she continues to carry on when you've made your boundary clear with her, sometimes you need to step in and break the "crying cycle" (kids sometimes get so worked up that they are crying and have forgotten even why they are crying). We do this by sitting our son down and getting at eye level with him and holding him still and very calmly and directly telling him, "No" and "You are fine, there is no need to cry." Also, I've found that because I don't jump at every whimper that my son makes, he actually gives up his protests pretty quickly now. He understands that I mean what I say--even at a little age and will move on quickly to something else--even if he sheds a few tears in the process.

Unless you really make your boundaries clear from this early age and are dependable and trustworthy to back up your word (Let your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no") then you effectually are creating a monster problem with discipline that you will fight your kids with until they are grown. Plus, you are just plain confusing your kids without knowing it. Just as they will grow up healthy if they can depend on you providing: a shelter, food, safety and love (and without these they cannot grow up healthy) they also will grow up healthy if they can depend on you providing: clear boundaries and discipline. It's never too early.
 
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I am so glad I found this thread but I have an additional question - when is it time to start a naught spot or corner?

My daughter is 20 months and knows exactly what she is doing and when she is doing something wrong. When she decides to draw on books or pour water out of the bath on to the floor and stops as soon as she is 'given the look' and it is explained to her why it is wrong. She has even started saying 'sorry' which is the cutest thing in the world. She doesn't cry or throw a fit and does stop what she is doing.

The problem is when she does the same thing a couple of days later with a wry smile on her face knowling fine well she shouldn't be doing it. She has evens aid sorry before I have had a chance to say anything to her as if she can do what she wants as long as she says sorry.

I know it is probably for attention as she usually does these things when I am talking to other people or dealing with my 7 month old but I don't want to 'reward' her actions with attention even if it is negative attention but I can't just start ignoring it either.

I have considered doing the whole naughty spot or corner but am not sure if 20 months of too young or not and whether or not it would actually stop her doing things again. It may become a game to her.

I guess I don't know until I try but any other suggestions or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks
 
we started a "time-out" sitting on the bed/sofa/step when our daughter was about 22 months.

the first few times, it takes about an hour of putting her back, until she can sit there for 2 full minutes.

now, at 27 months, she doesn't move. she'll cry for the entire time, but she stays where she is and apologises when she is told she can leave.
 
i started at 8 months. when she pulls the computer cord, i'd give a warning,, then pinch her hand.
she cried.. so poor thing.. but the next time,she tried to pull the cord, i 'd give a warning and she stop pulling immediately. same thing with trying to pull daddy's glasses.. she stop trying to pull daddy's glasses altogether. but sometimes she still needs warning with the cords, and she'd stop immediately.
i am hoping that she'd stop whatever she is doing with a warning.. in case, if i can't get her in time.. this could save her life.. and other risks..
i have heard that once this little boy was running to catch a ball on the street. he stopped immediately when his mum shouted. this saved his life as the car was coming. imagine what would happened if he continue to run while asking why..
 
Thanks so much for your words of wisdom concerning a naught corner or spot. I think this weekend might be the weekend we start. Then again, she might be the best angel in the world. Oh, wait a minute, what fantasy land am I in :0)

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

xxx
 
I would also recommend a book: Positive Discipline: The First Three Years-Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child

You can borrow it from the central library. (if they have only one copy, then it's with me now :tongue: )

My boy is 14 month old now, he is an active walker and just want to have his little hands on almost everything, and sometime have a taste with it too. He can't talk yet (only papa, mama, gama and the outer space language), but he can understand some words and simple instructions. I think he does understand "NO" something, but may not fully graps the concept... This book has been interesting to read, I recommend parents to take a look.

After reading the book, you may have more empathy for your baby's so called naughty behaviours, thus better understand how to start the positive discipline, with some useful tips/ techniques suggested in the book.
However, I guess there's really no one effective discipline not taking time and patience to make it work, so do what are recommended in this book. Afterall, these are all for long term and once you grasped the ideas, you can probably do it well without sweat.

I also a fan of Supernanny JoF TV series (showing on NOW TV's BBC lifestyle at 10:05pm HK time every Monday), and I have learnt about the naughty spot technique, houserules, not shouting to kids when you don't want them to shout...and etc. The Supernanny techniques are not so applicable for my 14 month old boy now, but definitely good to be kept in my brain for future reference.

Happy parenting to all! Hope there's no spanking on their cute little butt...I just can't lay my hands to that.
 
I started introducing time-outs to my 4-year old when he was 2 years old. And it works. My daughter is now 2 years old and she also understands that a time-out is not fun. Just be consistent, like what SuperNanny Jo does, on that show. :)
Also, I don't use a naughty chair or a specific spot in the house, because then I can flexibly give them a time-out anywhere....e.g. at their grandmother's place or at a friend's home. And they don't associate the time-out with only 1 particular chair or spot in the house. :)
 
Neha

"I dont believe that as a parent we should make our kids understand sharing." - an excerpt from one of your posts. Is that what they call a contradiction?
 
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