When does husband spend time with baby? Need advice

Wow - how did you manage to find time to make a baby with those crazy hours? :wink:

When our baby arrived (back in the UK) my husband was at the birth and took a week of paternity leave initially so got some bonding time then - can your husband do that? After he went back to work he was typically off to work at 5:30am and home by 7:30pm and baby would go to bed an hour later (I think, memory of that time is hazy). Once he was working Asia time then he was off at 4:30am and back around 5-5:30pm. So he didn't generally get any time with baby in the morning, but would get some hours in the evening. Since moving to HK in July, my husband typically gets up to an hour with baby in the morning and an hour or so in the evening. He rarely works weekends, but if he did it would most likely be at home. My baby definitely knows who daddy is, because she sees him pretty much every day and because of the way he interacts with her.

I was breastfeeding throughout (still am, but baby is also now doing baby led weaning). The first month or two baby basically eats/sleeps/dirties nappies, so unless you follow a strict regime you can't necessarily say when baby will be awake or asleep, and they don't tend to sleep for that long. Once you get to around the 6-8 week mark (I think) then baby might start sleeping for 4 hours in a row at night before doing 2 hour sleeps after each feed for the rest of the night. If you give them formula they might sleep longer, I'm afraid I don't have any experience of formula feeding.

Once they get to around the 10-12 week mark you can start bringing in a night-time regime, which for you might be a bedtime around 10 or 11pm to maximise baby/daddy time. As long as you do this consistently I reckon your baby will settle into a pattern of having her main sleep of the night after that. I think babies are pretty flexible and will follow whatever suits you.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to stay is relax, it's sure to work out. Another excellent way of daddy bonding with baby is to lead on nappy changes and baths when he is around - just a thought!

Good luck!
 
When we had our first, my hubby started trying to make an effort to come home earlier and if he had to work from home in the evenings, he would. Also, I would take the baby into Central once or twice a week to have lunch with him. Weekends were good quality family time as well. That said, my hubby's job is not as demanding at many other jobs in HK and his boss has been quite understanding.

All that said, I don't think it worth trying to force the baby's schedule around an erratic working schedule of your husband - rather try to see when you can make time - whether at lunch times, or if he can come home for a couple of hrs and head back if necessary... things like that... just my opinion :)
 
My husband did burping duty (as long as the actual feed, usually!) and also, since bub was feeding every 60-90 mins the first 6 wks he would walk around carrying her and whispering to her to give me another 15-20 mins break sometimes before the next feed. He saw a lot of her in his brief time at home, as she would go to bed 11pm most nights. We were baby led and her sleep routine was typically like this- feed 7am, sleep til 8 (quick shower!) then aside from the 15mins ish sleep on the boob after each feed, she would have a mid morning 30-60 min nap, after lunch a 2-3 hr nap, a mid evening crying crisis for 60-90 mins, bed around 10-11pm, followed by feeds around 2am and 5 am. That was our first 6 wks. She still eats every 3 hrs, but has been sleeping through the night since 10 weeks and now goes to bed at 9.30 after hubby feeds her her cereal, sometimes with a feed at 11. You could pump a bottle for him to give around 11pm so you can sleep earlier. Nuk teats are very good for breast fed bubs. Good luck! :)
 
We had a similar situation when Ev was born. So we decided to bottle feed her once a day from day 1. So that way my husband did the 11pm for about 3 months and he got to bond with our daughter. (He really enjoyed it and misses it now).
My hubby doesn't work crazy hours now, but I still wake him up about 30min before his alarm goes off in the morning so that he can have some play time with Ev otherwise he doesn't see her till the weekend. When he's home on weekends, he does bath time and story time before bed, and gets up with her in the morning one day.
Also agree with trying to take bubs out to lunch, we do this at least once a week.

But do what feels right for you. Good luck and congratulations!
 
NGNHK, we gave EBM, I used to pump 2 times a day.
From my experience I'd day day go ahead and bottle feed once a day when you can - never had any problems with Ev getting 'nipple confusion' and no side effects. Was great as it also meant that if needed I could sleep for more than a 2hr stint. And as I said its a great way for Dad and bubs to bond. Will also give Dad the opportunity to learn how to do things his own way.

If you have any questions don't be shy about asking happy to tell you how/what we did. Also if you want to meet for tea/coffee if you want more info then just PM me.
 
Hi I'm a leader with La Leche League Hong Kong, we are an international organisation recognized by WHO which provides free support to breast feeding mothers. In regard to breastfeeding we recommend to new mums not to pump in the first 4/6 weeks while your supply is being established. This is for a few reasons; firstly while your supply is being established you are much less likely to run into problems if you feed directly from the breast. Secondly you and your baby are still learning and the more practice you get together the better. And lastly some babies who are offered a bottle in this period then don't want to breastfeed- Fishmama was lucky her baby wasn't one of them, unfortunately you don't know in advance which babies are going to have the issue!
There are many ways for your husband to bond with the baby, just cuddling him or her whether awake or asleep, burping, carrying the baby when you are out in about in a sling or baby carrier, bathing etc etc.

If you need any assistance with breastfeeding once your baby is born you can call or email us, see LA LECHE LEAGUE HONG KONG ?????-?? - La Leche League Hong Kong Main Page for details and good luck with your new baby!
 
My husband works crazy hrs too and is often away on business.

My baby is now 4.5 months and he definitely knows who his daddy is, even though he only really gets to see him at weekends. My husband fed him EBM one time at about 4wks old, but after realizing how much effort went into sterilizing and preparing the bottle he decided it was easier just to let me do breast feeding.

Hubby carries bubs in a carrier when we go out and once LO gets older he will be able to do all the 'fun' stuff with dad, I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourselves in the beginning, just focus on yours and baby's needs and you'll do just fine.
 
your baby will know who the daddy is - almost regardless how often he sees the baby in reality. seems to be ingrained (same for the mother i my observation). so i would not worry about that

i can imagine what your husband's schedule is (since i work in a similar environment). i would personally let slip the weekdays but try to insist on quality time on the weekends, i.e. work from home, insist on taking time off, etc

usually bosses - even in his environment - are more understanding once you had kids. it's like a magic excuse since they probably had kids too once. not something that is spoken about as you don't want to let the non-kiddy guys know, but i think it's true in many cases.

I am not sure at what level your hubby is but I have seen that more junior guys (analyst, associate, vps) tend to be a bit clueless on what hours you really have to put in to be seen in good light and where you can let slip. like anywhere it's not black and white.

(btw i am assuming your hubby works in m&a, ecm, dcm at a major bank)
 
I smiled reading your post cos that's exactly what we went through.

Totally agree with Redestiny that trying to get him involved is actually more effort.... With those kind of hours, I can imagine your hubby's like mine - knocks out the minute his head touches the pillow. I can recall the many nights I waited for him to get up to diaper change/burp the baby cos he asked to do it but needed "2 more mins", and it wasn't long before I realized it was easier to do it myself than to wait for him to get to it. And I have to say he is very willing to help but we have to be realistic.

The best we could do to beat these unpredictable schedules was to be spontaneous - play whenever he can; and set some "rules". He made a point to wake up earlier and would spend about 30 mins before work to play with baby; tried to keep weekends as "off-limits" from work as possible; he would be the one carrying her whenever we went out together; as she grew older (she's almost 3 now) we kept certain activities as things only he would do with her (something as basic as going on slides - she can play in the playground but slides was a "daddy-thing") etc. Nonetheless, just be prepared - she did go through a "no-daddy" phase but as the other postings pointed out, they do know. I think the phase was more of a "protest" of the "lack of time" they spent together. Just be natural, it's not easy but it'll be ok - echo Redestiny's advice to focus on you and baby's needs!
 
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