When can I stop living like a parasite?

H

Hunter

Registered User
It's been 2 years being out of job, and i feel so much like a parasite of the family. I have been trying to get a job, but no luck so far. My self esteem has reached a record low. Though I can spend more time with my little one, I can not accept the fact that a degree holder has become a full time mommy eventually when our family needs dual income to get things back on track.

I am so scared of the future and I am so sad. Wish the whole thing was just a dream and I would wake up to get ready to go to work.

I need a job!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
I think I start to have the depression symtoms. Don't want to meet the people I know, don't have the mood to do anything, etc.
 
Hunter, don't wallow in self pity PLEASE!!! There are plenty of people much worse of than you in this world. Consider yourself lucky for being born in a developed country with necessities which are considered luxuries in many parts of the world. If you are going into depression consider getting in touch with a Psychiatrist or you could end up hurting yourself and your family.
 
agree with geomum, hunter have seen various similar posts you put out. i, too, am a degree holder, with a great job before & now a full-time mom. of course, financially we are tighter with my husband's income only, but we just need to prioritize our spending & spend smart. even so, i feel SO fortunate to be able to see my baby grow & witness her milestones, her smiles when she wakes up from her nap etc. etc. instead of feeling pity, look at the brighter side of things. cheer up!
 
I think being a mummy is the most important job you can have. My mum had two degrees but gave up any career to look after us kids and I am so grateful to have a mum who was always there for me! Talk to your husband, I'm sure he doesn't think you are a 'parasite'.

Hope you feel better
 
I`m sorry you are feeling so down. It`s not a nice feeling, I know.
But it sounds like you are letting your pride get in the way of 2 things:
- the realisation that the job market is tough now and it is not necessarily related to your experience or qualifications
- you are able to be the sole caregiver for your child. This is better than any nanny or school. Your child needs his mother the most.

Why are you a parasite? Who are you living off of? If it`s your husband, that is not called a parasite - it`s called family.
By the way, I am a degree holder too. I had a great job in Thailand. Then I decided to move to China and marry my then boyfriend, and then we had a baby. I`m now a stay-at-home-mom with no helper, on one small income. I wouldn`t have it any other way(except maybe that my husband`s salary was higher, hehe). I`m just curious why you are placing being a degree holding Mommy so much lower than being a degree holding worker. I think it`s your perspective that is getting you down.
I hope you can think a different way and accept your current circumstances and maybe have a good day with your family. I`m sure they don`t see you as a parasite.
take care~
 
When I was home with small children and having to cope on only one income I viewed my job as saving money. Being at home gives you opportunities to save money almost everywhere. This involved shopping around, finding ways to mend broken items rather than replacing them and working out creative new ways of doing things without spending money.

I know I'm intelligent (and I have degrees to prove it). I believe that this intelligent helped me find these creative ways to make the single income go as far as possible. Intelligence is never wasted whether or not you are working in paid employment or working at saving money.

When I finally worked out the amount I was saving it was about 80% to 90% of what I was earning before I stopped work. And I don't think I can put a value on the extra time and attention I was able to give my children.
 
there are times i believe that "feminism" has done more to hinder women than to help them!

the idea of feminism is NOT that EVERY woman should go out to work. the idea is that women should be valued and allowed a CHOICE.

now, i understand that your choice seems to be to go out to work. i know that there are some women that are better mothers because they work out of the home. (i think i am one of them. i love my kids as much as the next woman, but i don't think i would feel fulfilled if i stayed home 100% of the time. this is NOT a bash against those that do feel fulfilled, it is merely MY own feeling.)

i think that much of society makes women who choose to stay home to raise their children feel like they are not contributing to society (a parasite, if you wish) as much as those who go out to work. even the seemingly innocent questions, "Do you work?" or the equally seemingly innocent answer, "No, I'm just a SAHM." feed into this feeling.

for starters:
THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB YOU WILL EVER HAVE IN YOUR LIFE is raising your children. Not only is it important to you, but it is important to the rest of society as well!

PLEASE stop feeling like a parasite. Look at what you are doing for your children and realise that what you are doing is NOT worthless!!!
 
carang said:
for starters:
THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB YOU WILL EVER HAVE IN YOUR LIFE is raising your children. Not only is it important to you, but it is important to the rest of society as well!

PLEASE stop feeling like a parasite. Look at what you are doing for your children and realise that what you are doing is NOT worthless!!!
Click to expand...

Exactly right. Earning money is not the most important thing in the world, regardless of the number of people who think that it, and its friend "buying stuff", is the most important thing.
The next generation is in your hands. You will make your child what he/she will become. It is a job and nothing can be more important.
 
Hi Hunter,

I have been hospitalised for depression on a number of occasions and I am currently on anti-depressants after a long break from them. I'm not going to tell you how you should be feeling - because frankly, when people did it to me it made me feel worse and guilty. Plus I am not you, I don't react the same way as you, I do not know your daily life ......


Please call this number if you need urgent help:

2896 0000 - The Good Samaritans 24 Hour Multi Lingual Suicide Prevention Line.

Also, try to speak with your partner about how you are feeling, but if you feel you can not (honestly, sometimes I could not speak to my husband for numerous reasons).. speak to your GP - especially if you have any plans/thoughts/urges to hurt yourself or others.

Take care, eat well and try to be active.
 
my wife feels the same way but like others have pointed out, how can you be a parasite just by living off your husband? your married. this may seem old-fashioned but kind of your husband's job to take care of the family.

as an advice i give to people who have not found a job, it is because they are not looking hard enough. when people ask me what i would do if i lost my job, i tell them i would do anything to support my family. even if i have take a job below my degree (i am a well paid office manager with IT degree but i will sweep the floors at McDonalds if i have to (this is just an extreme example)). my pride is not going to stand in the way of taking care of my family.

you may not be able to find your dream job or ideal job right now but you might be able to find a job that is lower than your requirements or in a different field.

if you are not willing to do what it takes then i would follow bumps' advice and seek help before you do something you will regret. i used to be depressed (and really did stupid things) about not having a job but i was single then so i had a lot of pride in finding a job that matched my requirements. only becoming a parent has changed my mind.
 
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