What time does your husband get home?

S

Shenzhennifer

Registered User
Mine is getting home later and later, especially since we moved to HK. Now it`s around 9. The baby is already in bed, and I`m nearly there and getting annoyed to either eat dinner alone or late and to spend all day and night feeling like a single parent. It`s not doing great things for our marriage. Am I being a brat?
 
You are not being a brat. Does he spend the time after 6 at work or drinking with colleagues? And is he coming home late 5 days a week?
My husband comes home around 7, most of the times our daughter is already asleep so he tries to come early if he can, to spend time with her. I think its a trend in HK for people to work till late and come home after drinks/ dinner.
 
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that seems to be the norm for many local families. of the children that i teach, most of them have VERY long afternoon naps and then they are kept awake until 11pm-1am so that the parents get to see them.

i must say, i'm very lucky. my husband works from home, so we don't have an issue with that, although i know if he worked a "regular" job here, i WOULD definitely have an issue. you are not acting like a brat. it took the both of you to make that baby, it isn't too much to expect that the both of you will help raise it.
 
My husband is usually home at around 9pm as well (sometimes earlier, and I get a shock when he walks through the door!). Although it is frustrating waiting to eat and sitting on your own, I try to remember that it isn't much fun for him either (afterall he is at work, there is definately no time for after work drinks!).

He only gets to see our daughter for maybe 15 minutes in the morning (he leaves at 7am!) and that's it until the weekend. So we try to at least once a week go in for a lunch so he can see our daughter during the day, even if it's just for 30 minutes. I try to use my evening time waiting by having a nice bath, watching all the trashy TV he wouldn't like and phone my family/friends (plus eat some chocolate he doesn't know I have hidden in the fridge! ha!).

I don't think you're being a brat either as it is frustrating, thank goodness for weekends! (and all the public holidays HK has!).
 
This is an interesting thread.

My husband comes home late too, about 8:30pm. I get frustrated with waiting for him and I do feel like a single mom sometimes. Well, I know that he is really working in the office and we cannot complain much under this economical crisis.

However he really makes an effort to spend time with our daughter. She goes to sleep at around 10pm so she usually stays with us for dinner, then after dinner my husband would play with her and put her to sleep.

I only work in the mornings and afternoons occasionally. The afternoons seem so long when waiting for my husband to come home. We have a full time helper to do the household chores and to take care of our baby. When I come home in the afternoon, I spend time with the baby and the helper does the housework and prepares dinner.

In order to improve the situation, shall we think of something to do together if possible while waiting for our husbands to come home? If we have a few mums like us and happen to live close enough, we can meet up with our babies.
 
I think a lot of us feel like single moms at some point and I don't think you are being a "brat" by feeling that way. Also, the big thing I have noticed when becoming a new parent is that babies are a change of lifestyle and that is very hard to get used to for both mother and father. I think as long as you communicate and work together with your husband that eventually it will get easier and you both will find something that works. It is extremely frustrating in the meantime. It is hard for your husband to work all the time but it is also hard to be with a baby all the time; it can feel quite isolating. I try to go to playgroups and get out of the house at least once a day to keep my sanity :smile: Are you involved with any playgroups?
 
When in HK, DH comes home around 7-7.30pm half the time and later the rest. He works 6 days and starts work at 6am (so out of the house by 4.30-5am). I often felt like a single parent because of his work hours.

He used to complain that the travel was restricting the amount of time he spent at home and the HK work ethic was a big factor also.

Since he has been working in Australia he has had only 5 saturdays off (and they were public holidays, site closures or the like). And he is still only home at 6.50-7pm so it doesn't make a difference for me. Aus-HK!
 
Hi
I don't think you're being a brat at all. It can be a VERY long day at home with a child and most mum's are so tired come 6pm, so waiting till 9pm for some company or dinner sounds hard work to me.
I had a similiar situation, but probably 8-8:30pm (not 9pm)when my child was under one. What worked for us as we had an early riser, is my husband would go to work 2 mornings a week very early so he could be home by 6:30pm in the evenings.
Also, with today's technology, can he do any afternoons from home once a week or even once a month? Sometimes it's just nice knowing there's someone else in the apartment don't you think?
 
This is SO topical for us right now too.

Our daughter is 15months and seriously thinking of baby no.2. I am a 'lucky' stay at home mum (no helper) at the moment and its a good job as my husband is rarely home before 8.30pm and has started traveling for whole weeks at a time.

I struggle to think how I would cope with 2 children and a husband thats never around, even if its only to off-load to at the end of the day.

I could go on and on, its so nice to vent this somewhere, I feel guilty complaining to DH as I know he is at work, not having fun, economic crisis etc etc but still aaaaahhhhhhh
 
You're not being a brat but unfortunately in HK its unlikely he will ever be able to come home earlier as it's just not the way things are done here. Most people don't start til 9 and then work late. In Oz lots of people start at 7 and finish at 6. So much better in my opinion. Here you have to stay til the boss leaves and if you come in early it doesn't mean anything, you certainly can't leave early.

My husband comes home between 7 and 8 each night. It's awful when you have so little time with them but it's really not their fault. Unless of course your husband is off drinking then it's a whole different thing!
 
geomum said:
You are not being a brat. Does he spend the time after 6 at work or drinking with colleagues? And is he coming home late 5 days a week?
My husband comes home around 7, most of the times our daughter is already asleep so he tries to come early if he can, to spend time with her. I think its a trend in HK for people to work till late and come home after drinks/ dinner.
Click to expand...

Needed to add here that my DH leaves for work around 6:30- 7:00 am. Many people in his office (All Expats) come to office around the same time and leave early around 6:00- 7:00pm so that they can spend time with their families.
 
My Husband is home between 6-7 Every day so our son gets to see him in the evening as well. But he is traveling and missing Father's day and I am sure my son will ask me every 5 minutes where is dad. So it is going to be tough 10 days
 
I remember when my husband would get home late in the US - 7:30, I would be mad at him coz I was starving by then. . . since we've moved to HK, if he got home at 7:30, I would ask him why he's home so early! My husband typically comes home between 8:00-9:00. . . on bad days around 10:00.

I do wait for my husband to have dinner at home, and there are days that I am starving and not in the greatest of mood, but as long as he's working and not out carousing with his co-workers then I don't complain, because I know a lot of families are worse off than me. . . in fact a lot of local moms I speak with are envious that my husband doesn't go to work on the weekends, so on those days I count my blessings.
 
Hi, well, I think from all of the thread, you know you aren't alone. My husband comes home really late or should I say early :), as sometimes he comes home at 5am! My husband is in advertising industry and there is no working schedule. When he needs to stay late, he needs to. Very often, I do feel like single parent, but I have no choice if I knew he comes home late because of work. If he went for drink and caused the late frequently, I would be very mad though or even divorced him :). Well, sometimes we just need to work things out or talk to our husbands if we felt to be in any uncomfortable situations.
 
I'm a working mum- I try my hardest to get home by 7:30 to see my LO before he goes to sleep, but if I do, I work at home in the evenings. However, things often don't go according to plan, and then I'm home by 8:30 or 9pm at the earliest, by which time LO has long since gone to bed. It's agony being in the office, hoping and praying to be able to get home, and then getting that last minute call that screws up your entire evening plans. Maybe dads don't have the same agony, but I'm kinda envious of all of you who KNOW you will be there to put your baby to bed!
 
A little note: I'm not saying anyone's right or wrong and if I was in your situation, I'd be cheesed off too. I suppose it's just that NOT working is not an option for me, and the grass is always greener....sigh
 
It`s really great (and not so great) that a lot of you ladies are in the same boat, of varying degrees. It`s definitely less lonely:)
I`m trying to think of ways to get him spend more time together so it`s good to see how different people are doing different things.
To throw more into my mix, my husband is Japanese and works for a Japanese company - I`m sure you know, but the Japanese are famous for their hard work ethic (mostly translated as `long hours`) and also a lack of care for family life. For the most part, however, he is at work and not out carousing with colleagues - just the odd dinner/drinks with customers and short business trips once or twice a month. Also it`s apparently not possible for him to work from home at all since recently the company changed their computer network so he cannot send emails from their server unless he is in the office.
I like Smiles`idea of going to meet her husband for lunch - very doable for us since he`s only three metro stops away, so I think I`ll try to do that.
I`m a little reluctant to alter the sleeping schedule of our son, who is just 5 months old, still pretty young and can`t really stay away very long and gets up super early each morning. Maybe when he`s older. Plus, it`s nice once the baby goes to bed so I can start dinner and clean up a bit - and get a bit of time to myself:)
Anyway, it`s nice to hear I`m not alone here. I guess I should be glad because if we lived in Japan he wouldn`t come home til 11pm or later!
 
Since coming to HK my husband frequently works til midnight - 2am. its ridiculous. But he has a team of people in NY and India that he needs to manage and communicate with on a daily basis and so has late night conf calls every night of the week.
When i saw that this was going to be the 'norm' we had a big chat and i said that i would rather leave HK than have him see so little of the family.
Instead he has taken the steps to 'put us in his diary'. He is home at 5.30pm every tues and thurs irrespective of what is happening in the office. He spends a couple of hours with the kids and does the bath, story bed. We do our best to eat at the table as a family these nights. At 8pm his conference calls start and he will generally work at home til midnight or later.
Its not ideal but 2 nights a week is better than none and i'm so proud of him for making the decision to do it and actually sticking to it!!
he is the talk of the office when we have social functions with his colleagues. his boss is forever telling me what an inspiration he is and how he too wants to start seeing his family more than weekends etc. interestingly though my husband is still the only one in the office who sees his kids during the week!
its definitely lonely for me during the week but to a large extent i'm used to it - on the rare occasion he comes home before 10pm on another night it cramps my style a bit!
thank god for geobaby and facebook!!
 
I'm so glad that I read this thread -- thanks to the OP for starting the discussion!

My husband leaves home about 7:30am and comes home at varied times. About half of the days he comes back by 7:30pm, but then he needs to continue working from home till 11:00pm. The other half of the days he comes back 8:00pm to 8:30pm and don't need to work any more. And once or twice a month he travels for 2 to 3 days each time. I know this is not bad at all by Hong Kong standard, and it would have worked out ok if it were only the two of us. However, with a 1 year old baby who goes to bed by 8:30pm, it's like a battle for me everyday from 6:00pm to 9:00pm to get everything done (feeding dinner to baby, cooking dinner for hubby and me, eating dinner with hubby (if he comes back early), bathing baby and putting him to bed, eating dinner with hubby (if he comes back late)) in a seamless order so that 1) baby's schedule does not get messed up, 2) hubby and I get to eat dinner together, and 3) hubby can spend some time (30 min at most) with baby if possible.

I myself have not gone back to work since baby was born, because I just cannot imagine what our family life is going to look like if I do. My work requires long and irregular hours, I could get stuck in the office any evening or weekend, and I would need to travel quite often. In the current economic climate, hubby and I have had numerous talks about me going back to work so that we have more financial security. However, each time I balked at the thoughts of leaving our poor baby in the hands of a helper all the time and not being able to see his parents till the weekend (and even then I might not be around). Plus we have no extended family here, so what's going to happen if, say, baby gets sick while both hubby and I are travelling? These thoughts really horrified me whenever I consider going back to work.

Guess there is no real way around it as this is Hong Kong. But still very glad to be able to vent here!
 
thank you ladies. you have made me realise how lucky i really am to be in the situation that we are, having hubby work from home. there's no way he ever wants to work a "proper job" again!
 
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