What is wrong with people here?

J

JoyousBaby

Registered User
First of all I'm not against with all the Hongkongers but just wanna voice out.
I just find that people around my area, Tung Chung are ridiculous. I'm with a baby pram and wanting to go into the mall, here 1 hand struggling to open the door and another maneuver the pram, this able bodied man will stand behind, watch and follow thru the door with me. Halo?!! A little help will be much appreciated!!! And I encountered many times, just find it so unbelievable.
For me I'm brought up in another way and this is a culture shock to me.
People that will help would be the domestic helpers, Caucasian! Gosh what the school taught this people??

Sorry just wanna vent and feel upset seeing silly n unhelpful people around.
 
Yes, it's frustrating and annoying, isn't it? Occasionally, I find myself loudly saying, "You're very welcome!" to the person who has pushed past me as I struggle with a door while pushing a stroller, leading two other young children and being 6 months pregnant at the same time! I'm sure I'm wasting my sarcasm though!

A long time ago someone explained to me that Chinese culture is all about family and close personal relationships - so unless you fall into that category, you basically don't exist. Try not to take it personally. That's why you get bumped into on the street, have doors closed in your face, etc. I once fell over on my way to work in Central - fell out of my shoe on the downhill slope of the underpass from the old Star Ferry to Statue Square. I bashed my head and lay stunned and spread-eagled on the ground. And I kid you not, about 4 people just stepped over me and walked on before I managed to haul myself upright. No one stopped to help or ask if I was alright. Maybe they thought they were saving me from loss of face by just pretending it hadn't happened. Maybe they just didn't give a damn.

I've sort of accepted that that is the culture. We can't really change it from the outside. But it is definitely changing from the inside as more and more of the young Chinese are educated overseas and taking on some of the better 'Western' cultural mores and customs. The falling over incident happened in about 1998. I think if it happened to me again, this time someone would actually stop and help. Or at least I hope so!!!
 
It is annoying, I know - but it is the culture. If you do need help, usually the only way to get it is by "targeting" one person in particular and saying "Excuse me, can you please help me with this door?" - people will not go out of their way to help - BUT if asked, they usually will help (if they don't, it makes them look bad).

Usually I try to be self-sufficient but if I really do need help, I try to ask...
 
Yes i see where you are coming from and it IS annoying! Mostly I find a way to be self sufficient cause it annoys my expectations are not met!

I wonder if it cultural or more about the educational background of the people...I say that because I get help a lot when I am in central, pacific place etc. But once I hit north point the help is not given. Might be wrong to generalize and say that people in north point are less well off, and less educated, but I have personally found a difference. Also, I think the younger generation has a problem in general with helping...which gives the rest if th HK people a bad reputation. Whatever it is though...just ask when you need someone to open a door for you, or help with a stroller and normally you will get the help you need.
 
i get that alot as well. no help with opening of doors, no hitting of "door open" button even though they see me struggling to come in with groceries, a baby in the sling and a toddler... i don't know how they can remain so... unresponsive. i am sure this is NOT asian culture. im asian and chinese (well singaporean) and back where im from, people DO respond. i wonder if they are germophobic though. afraid of touching any surface for fear of getting sick :/

all that but this really takes the cake. we are chinese, but my family look like filipina/indonesian/malay because we have darker skin and facial features and i am small built. our kids look like mini me. we are an english speaking family. in my 4 years here, ive come across random older strangers, who have scolded my 4 year old for speaking his jie jie's (helper's) language so well (they point and look at me blatantly) and being clueless about cantonese. my son doesn't know what he's been scolded with, but o gee, this sort of remarks are shocking. of course i went home, screamed at the poor hubby and promised myself to look tai tai! tai tai-ism, which of course did not happen... im still that mum, running all over the neighborhood, picking up the kids, going to the park, buying groceries, cleaning poop and spit :)

i've come around to not get angry and just speak up "i'm their mummy" look at them in the eye and smile. most people just get embarrassed and walk away.
 
I have to say that more often than not I actually find people quite helpful. I get the odd person who barges in front of me in a lift or doesn't hold a door open, but generally I have found people pretty helpful when I'm out and about with my son. Much, much more so than when I was pregnant. Then nobody would give me seat on the MTR, or they'd let a door close in my face, but when I have my baby with me I find a lot of people are pretty good.
 
It is cultural, but not all are rude. I do get an occasional Asian person that will hold the door open. I think it's just individual now and I just try not to expect anything anymore. It's so annoying, but if you let it bother you too much, it just gets way too stressful. My friend actually recently encountered on the bus 4 WESTERN women, who were well dressed in DB on the bus sitting in the priority seating and my friend who was carrying one baby and holding onto a toddler where they didn't get up or offer their seat. And, to top it off, my friend asked for a seat, but in response, one of the women said, isn't there a seat in the back? Sooooo, I just want to say that there are rude people in all countries and from all backgrounds!
 
my son broke his foot earlier this week. he has a full cast from his toes up to his knee. yesterday, in sai kung, we stopped to look at the puppies with Sai Kung Stray Friends. 2 young caucasian girls, probably around 14-15 years old. pushed us out of their way so they could see the puppies....my son was in a wheelchair.

i don't think it is all cultural. i think it all depends on how you were raised. i tell you, if i EVER found out my kids behaved in such a manner, there would be hell to pay...
 
i think people here are getting better - certainly more people helped me during my second pregnancy than my first, or maybe i am just used to it now so don't expect as much?
I normally revert to 'push chair rage' and ram people in the back of the legs! I know it is childish, but it makes me feel better!
 
I can feel your frustration JoyousBaby. We could get into a big cultural debate & this has been discussed numerous times on Geoexpat. People have argued it's not about culture, it's about basic manners & decency.

When I first experienced that here, I would throw sarcastic remarks & give them dagger looks. But after more than a year here, what took me aback was that my husband told me that I was picking up these rude habits too! It happened when we were going out for a walk & I left him behind to open the door himself while struggling with the pram. I must admit that I got so frustrated opening doors for other people, waiting for people at the lift & saying good morning when people don't do the same. I got fed up and said to myself, to hell with this, I won't bother being nice at all. But as my husband rightly pointed out, we have a child who sees everything & as parents, we have to be conscious of what kind of example we show to them. I don't want to get all "Oprah-ish" but when I reverted back to opening doors & people say thank you, it certainly feels better than getting all worked up & annoyed at some rude random stranger.

So can you do anything about what people do to you? Probably not. But you can make sure that your child or yourself do not get caught up (like I did) and keep up the manners that you were brought up with.
 
Reminds me of this post. Scroll down to around the 7th post in the thread and you'll see some "business cards" I made and considered having printed. :)

Yes, I think most mamas on this forum can relate to what you've experienced. I really feel for people who have to use a wheelchair or need special accessibility help to get in and out of vehicles or buildings. We've found with our second child that going sans the stroller/pram and just using the Ergo carrier has saved us a lot of stress. Sometimes that's not possible, though. It can be stressful and maddening, I think. So glad I'm not trekking into the city all that often anymore.
 
I understand when you are trying to lift a stroller up some stair cases and nobody offer to help, it can be frustrating but instead of asking for help, some people would shout sarcastic comments around, I personally think that's pretty rude and a bit overdone. One time, I was waiting for the elevator in IFC to go down to the car park and I was with my three years old son, there is this western woman and her helper was pushing her baby in a stroller and I must have passed them to get in the elevator and hold the door open as I know how quickly the door in IFC elevator closes. She walked in slowly and said "thank you" to me. At the time, I actually said u r welcome automatically thought she was thanking me for holding the door open. It took me a second to realize her sarcastic tone. It made me felt very bad. I always help people with needs like giving a helping hand with lifting stroller etc. I think there was no need to make me feel that bad in that situation, I was in a hurry and didn't want the door to close. People who used to say sarcastic things to other people all the time need to consider other people's feeling too, otherwise you become one of the rude people yourself.
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Hi, I have to say not all Chinese and/or all locals are so inconsiderate ;) I am a Singaporean Chinese and my hubby is a local, but we do not behave in such ways. I totally agree with Carang that it is how one individual is being brought up. Coz whether is it in Hong Kong or Singapore or UK or some other countries that I had travelled to, I had also experienced such inconsiderate act.

On the other hand, I cannot deny that it is much of a society problem too in Hong Kong. People in Hong Kong in general are very "involved" in their own business; ie they mind their own business. So much so that we tend to be very unattentive to their surroundings or environment. And do you realize the locals are always walking super fast and rushing for some reasons.I think it's their lifestyle?!

I know it is frustrating as I too face the same scenerios as all of you, such as pushing the stroller with one hand and the other hand trying to open the heaviest glass door of the mall without any help and sometimes with someone conveniently slip through. Or when i am out with my gal alone, most of the time I do not receive any help in carrying the stroller (with my gal in it) up the stairs. Imagine at tin hau or mongkok station where there is no lift available to get to the street level, the flight of stairs I have to climb is crazy..and ppl walking alongside will jus walk pass. Sometimes it is annoying to see a young man walking pass me without offering any help :( it is a put off! but after living here for so long, I just do not depend on anyone. However, I do have to agree with one of the mummies who mentioned and reminded that we should not let ourselves become n behave like them too.

When I meet such frustrating scenarios, I will just tell myself maybe that guy has some reason/s for being so inconsiderate..Just to comfort myself and move on :)
 
Leta said:
And do you realize the locals are always walking super fast and rushing for some reasons.
Click to expand...

hmmm.... we must walk in different places! i find most locals walk EXTREMELY slowly! it drives me crazy! they also tend to walk 4-5 abreast instead of a couple together and more behind... they take up the entire walkway! LOL!
 
Carang I totally agree. So slow and blocking the whole side walk!

I do agree it is frustrating when people do not hold the door or squeeze through the door when I am struggling to open it and push the stroller through it but I have to say when people do help I make sure to thank them profusely in hopes that they will continue to help. Like other posters have mentioned I try not to let it get to me when people do not help or I turn into the nutty muttering woman and I really just don't like being that person :)
 
Haha Carang... My hubby walks super fast sometimes I have to slow him down esp when I am now expecting. Well in areas like train station platform, I always see ppl rushes for the train even though when the next train would come in the next 1 min... And when these ppl rush through, they tend to push ard or they would skip over my stroller.. So irritating.
 
There are many wonderful things about living in HK, but this is not one of them. When I was pregnant, my blood used to boil watching able bodied young people fix their eyes determinedly on their phones in the MTR or pretend to sleep so as to avoid giving up their seats. I would stand there, sometimes in front of the happy sticker urging people to give their seat to someone in need, pleadingly staring. Sometimes someone would notice and get up, and often it was an older person. There have been times when elderly people would get up for me and I'd insist they sit back down. There have also been times when I, pregnant, would give up my seat to an elderly person with a stick because I could not bear to see them jerking around in the train. It never occurred to the young people to get up, even when they saw this happen.

My husband suggested I just request someone to give me a seat but I never felt comfortable doing that. Well, except when my baby was a month old and I needed to take her to a doctor in Central. A couple of times I requested someone for a seat and they were nice about it though I always had to ask. In a very crowded train, once an elderly man gave me his seat willingly. The last time, though, I was in for a shock when I requested a young lady for her seat as I was carrying my baby. She got up and then after a moment told me off for being rude and asking her when I should have waited for someone to offer. I pointed out that in my experience during pregnancy noone would offer and her response was she had also been pregnant and noone offered (apparently she thought this was the right way for things to be). She also said she was doing something and showed me her phone (I had not interrupted her talking on the phone, she was merely playing with it as everyone seems to do in the MTR, nothing that could not be done standing) and then asked "why me?" as if I had targeted her for some henious activity. I was gobsmacked especially when it turned out she was getting out at Causeway Bay, meaning she only had to give up her seat for a couple of stops. It really left me with a bad taste in my mouth, because it was the culmination of so many experiences of selfishness out and about in HK such as people pushing past me for a seat when I was pregnant during peak hours in the MTR, able-bodied people crowding into the elevator when there are elderly people and those with strollers waiting.

Like someone else said, I do try to focus on the kind souls that are helpful and considerate but they are really few and far between. There is something wrong at the heart of the society and it's not just me or expats who notice this. My Chinese colleagues asked me if people offered me a seat when I was pregnant and when I said no, they were not surprised. I work for a university and one of the things being discussed is how to imbibe these values in young people since they seem to have not learnt them thus far.

Also, as someone above said, we have to be watchful that we don't become the same ourselves. I restrain myself from reaching for the "door close" button these days. I make a conscious effort to be alert in the MTR to people who might be in need, and to offer my seat even if they might turn me down. I smile if people make eye contact with me.
 
Once I was pregnant and a guy gave me his seat. It wasn't until I was sitting down that I noticed that he was using a crutch and had a foot in a cast!! I felt really bad for taking his seat...

I've seen people completely push past a wheelchair, taxis deliberately ignore them so they don't have to deal with the hassle of a wheelchair... one time I saw a guy in a wheelchair at Sheung Wan MTR station - people were pushing past him to go to the lift before him, he actually went in his wheelchair up the escalator!! He rolled on, put the brakes on and held on tight to both hand rails. Obviously he'd done in a million times before...

After those experiences, I do try to keep an eye out for people who might need my help as well. I know that the rudeness here can jade you and I've seen myself being rude/pushy/impatient with people here which is quite out of character for me (usually, I'm very easy going) so I try to watch myself and my own responses/attitudes as well. It's not easy though ;)
 
Was enjoying reading all the replies!! Thank u.. I was venting cos I don't understand why after a year in hkg I still can't get use to their "manners".. Haha

Leta I'm a Singaporean Chinese too. And trust me some Singaporean are the same too..all about upbringing right?
My hubby's niece is already 14 years old, local hk girl in a very good school, top in class every year but totally no manners! Spoilt brat! Talk back at elderly and always arguing n shout back at parents. So what will become of her in future? She may be polite out there but what about to own family members? My husband told her off twice and her parents aren't happy about it. Having a daughter himself my husband swear that he will let the relatives know what is manners n discipline. I feel sad for his niece cos no one tell her is wrong no one stood up instead let her be cos her mom is the eldest among all and was the only grandchild/ niece!!!
How sad!!
 
I agree with the responses, of course you will experience rudeness or non helpfulness as I call it in any part of the world but it is the frequency with which you experience in Hong Kong that bothers me. Yes, in Australia and the States I have come across times when people don't hold the door open or don't give up their seats but it was the exception rather than the rule. In Hong Kong getting no help and in fact having people try to squeeze past a door when you are holding it open for your littlies is all too common - one time I asked a lady at the HSBC bank (Chinese one) - actually I roared" Are you serious?" when she tried to sneak in front of me as I opened the door and asked my daughter to slip through as I tried to haul my stroller through the door alone. She cowered and fell back into the crowd, the people behind also hung back a bit and I hope it made then think.....
One thing that I have observed though and am not sure if others agree with me, is that some of the rudest (and I'm genuinely surprised by this) people I have met have been long term expats (sorry Cara- I am NOT referring to you). It's like they have taken on Hong Kong characteristics +++. Not all but a few.
All in all, I find the helpful people to be expats and helpers...sigh....sad but true.
 
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