how do you fend off "well meaning" friends that keep advising you that if you dont send your kid to certain kindergarten, that you dont push her for tuition at a young age, don't cram her up with homeworks, she will not be able to catch up in primary school and will be "doomed for life?"
"well meaning " friends
- Thread starter reei
- Start date
Gataloca
Registered User
Well, I don't have that kind of experience (yet), but did have a similar situation with my SIL (actually, my hubby's SIL), who recently got a certification for Pui Yuet. She has 2 children, but not much experience (from what I can tell)... She kind of wanted to do an "internship" with me, when she found out I was pregnant.
She was calling me weekly, asking me about my progress, and explaining me stuffs :blahblah... And the reason I say she doesn't have experience, is because her comments just look out from a book, instead of from her own experience (telling the truth, I get better answers, explanations and suggestions from searching the web)... She also insisted in that she was going to come and make me companion when I would be in maternity leave, and help me take care of the baby, etc... I told her that there is no need for that, but she just didn't take a "NO" for answer.
I was kind of OK with that (although it was kind of annoying) until once that I told her that I wanted to make Geung Chou (Ginger Vinegar)... She insisted that it was too much work to do for a pregnant woman, that I should rest, and that she would do it for me. I explained to her that this is once in a life time experience for me, and that there are things that I would like to do and experience by myself. We have 2 phone conversations about this subject, and at the end, I had to tell her that I don't want any Geung Chou, that I will buy just a little bit for myself, and that's all... A week later, she called me again, and told me that she was doing the Geung Chou for me. She told me to not worry, cause making it is just a piece of cake!. I really got mad, cause making it has a meaning for me, but for her, it may be just an opportunity to experiment and practice, so that she would gain experience as Pui Yuet... And she was telling me that it was easy, when a week ago was telling me that I shouldn't make it cause it was too much work???!!! She should have noticed that I was unhappy, cause for the remaining of the conversation, I was kind of blunt.
A week later we had a family lunch, and she was very "caring" ("be careful", "are you ok?", "are you tired of the bus ride?", "can you?", "do you need my help?", etc...), till the point that I got really fed up with her... I mean, I am pregnant, not sick, not disabled!!!.... Why on earth can't she treat me as normal person??? I know my limits, I know what I can do, and what I can't do, and the most important thing, I know what I would like to do!... She should have noticed that I was quiet annoyed with her, cause during our conversation during the lunch, I was still blunt with her, and she should have noticed that I haven't told her about my latest progress during the pregnancy, like the baby movement, etc.
Well, the good thing is that she finally stopped calling me. Her husband (my hubby's brother) just told me to take care and call her if I need any help...
Sorry for the long reply... just needed to rant a little bit about "well meaning" relatives and friends!
She was calling me weekly, asking me about my progress, and explaining me stuffs :blahblah... And the reason I say she doesn't have experience, is because her comments just look out from a book, instead of from her own experience (telling the truth, I get better answers, explanations and suggestions from searching the web)... She also insisted in that she was going to come and make me companion when I would be in maternity leave, and help me take care of the baby, etc... I told her that there is no need for that, but she just didn't take a "NO" for answer.
I was kind of OK with that (although it was kind of annoying) until once that I told her that I wanted to make Geung Chou (Ginger Vinegar)... She insisted that it was too much work to do for a pregnant woman, that I should rest, and that she would do it for me. I explained to her that this is once in a life time experience for me, and that there are things that I would like to do and experience by myself. We have 2 phone conversations about this subject, and at the end, I had to tell her that I don't want any Geung Chou, that I will buy just a little bit for myself, and that's all... A week later, she called me again, and told me that she was doing the Geung Chou for me. She told me to not worry, cause making it is just a piece of cake!. I really got mad, cause making it has a meaning for me, but for her, it may be just an opportunity to experiment and practice, so that she would gain experience as Pui Yuet... And she was telling me that it was easy, when a week ago was telling me that I shouldn't make it cause it was too much work???!!! She should have noticed that I was unhappy, cause for the remaining of the conversation, I was kind of blunt.
A week later we had a family lunch, and she was very "caring" ("be careful", "are you ok?", "are you tired of the bus ride?", "can you?", "do you need my help?", etc...), till the point that I got really fed up with her... I mean, I am pregnant, not sick, not disabled!!!.... Why on earth can't she treat me as normal person??? I know my limits, I know what I can do, and what I can't do, and the most important thing, I know what I would like to do!... She should have noticed that I was quiet annoyed with her, cause during our conversation during the lunch, I was still blunt with her, and she should have noticed that I haven't told her about my latest progress during the pregnancy, like the baby movement, etc.
Well, the good thing is that she finally stopped calling me. Her husband (my hubby's brother) just told me to take care and call her if I need any help...
Sorry for the long reply... just needed to rant a little bit about "well meaning" relatives and friends!
I have to say I'm not very diplomatic when it comes to life intrusion. I don't mind asking for advice, but I hate it when people tell you things you didn't ask for !
I agree with Pixelelf, in the best case I'll smile and do what ever I want at the end of the day. In the "worse" case, I'll just say that I prefer my children to have a happy childhood full of great memories than to spend their best years studying in a small room (then i'll spend a week moaning at home thinking about the perfect answer that I'll never say
)
I agree with Pixelelf, in the best case I'll smile and do what ever I want at the end of the day. In the "worse" case, I'll just say that I prefer my children to have a happy childhood full of great memories than to spend their best years studying in a small room (then i'll spend a week moaning at home thinking about the perfect answer that I'll never say
)
solidstars
Registered User
my son's just turned 1 and i get that quite often too. reei, your 'doomed for life' bit really made me laugh!
i just tell people 'oh well, then i'll send him to thailand' (my mother is there). They usually don't have a response to that hahahah
i just tell people 'oh well, then i'll send him to thailand' (my mother is there). They usually don't have a response to that hahahah
southside852
Registered User
LOL! it's amazing how often this happens when the kids reach 12 months old. Everyone pushes their choice of education for their child on you. Just take it with a grain of salt and know that every mother will think their school/program is the best or why else would they send their child there, right? I listen to their advice/opinion and just add it to my own research. More times than not, their child is nothing like my child so it helps to hear about why they chose that educational path.
If you chose to keep your child at home longer b/c you feel you are their best teacher, that's amazing and don't feel like you need to justify your decisions to anyone. Usually those who are constantly shoving their opinion down your throat are usually insecure about their own decisions ;-).
If you chose to keep your child at home longer b/c you feel you are their best teacher, that's amazing and don't feel like you need to justify your decisions to anyone. Usually those who are constantly shoving their opinion down your throat are usually insecure about their own decisions ;-).
Tell your well-meaning friends that they should spend more time teaching their children good morals and character instead of worrying about "the best schools" and cram schools.
Friend of mine is a professor at one of the HK universities here. He says that his HK students are wayyy behind the mainland Chinese students who have better technical and (surprisingly) English language skills, not to mention work ethic. His HK students hand up sloppy work, just can't be bothered, and expect to be spoon fed. Do you think the mainlanders had a head start over the HK kids? obviously not.
I personally think that I will give my daughter a good decent education. But I want her to learn good manners, morals and character. If she wants to be a charity worker for an NGO, be a stay-at-home mum, be a graphic designer, I'm cool with that as long as she is happy and fulfilled. I find it shockign that parents here get hysterical about interviews for kindergarten places. There is a lot of snobbishness in some of the highly sought after schools. Even if we can afford it (we can if we make sacrifices), I don't want my child mingling with spoilt rich kids. Just the same, my school friends and I chose completely different paths in life. I think some of them, although less materially well-off than we are, lead very contented lives with their spouses and kids.
A good education is important, but it is not all book-learning and certificates. I have worked with and opposite some graduates of top universities in top MNCs, but honestly some can't speak to save their own lives. Not street-wise either.
A child who is happy, well-adjusted, learns compassion, sharing and teamwork is I think better off than one who is packed of to school, and cram schools. My child goes to a lot less classes than other kids her age but I really don't think she is lacking in development.
Friend of mine is a professor at one of the HK universities here. He says that his HK students are wayyy behind the mainland Chinese students who have better technical and (surprisingly) English language skills, not to mention work ethic. His HK students hand up sloppy work, just can't be bothered, and expect to be spoon fed. Do you think the mainlanders had a head start over the HK kids? obviously not.
I personally think that I will give my daughter a good decent education. But I want her to learn good manners, morals and character. If she wants to be a charity worker for an NGO, be a stay-at-home mum, be a graphic designer, I'm cool with that as long as she is happy and fulfilled. I find it shockign that parents here get hysterical about interviews for kindergarten places. There is a lot of snobbishness in some of the highly sought after schools. Even if we can afford it (we can if we make sacrifices), I don't want my child mingling with spoilt rich kids. Just the same, my school friends and I chose completely different paths in life. I think some of them, although less materially well-off than we are, lead very contented lives with their spouses and kids.
A good education is important, but it is not all book-learning and certificates. I have worked with and opposite some graduates of top universities in top MNCs, but honestly some can't speak to save their own lives. Not street-wise either.
A child who is happy, well-adjusted, learns compassion, sharing and teamwork is I think better off than one who is packed of to school, and cram schools. My child goes to a lot less classes than other kids her age but I really don't think she is lacking in development.
actually
the well meaning friends i have dont have her own kid, so she is just telling me based on her colleague's experience and because her colleague is older and her daughter is older, me a mother of 20 months old,, must heed her advice..
totally agree that a well balanced and fulfilled lifestyle is more important than taking so many classes and desperately trying to stay ahead academic wise....
the well meaning friends i have dont have her own kid, so she is just telling me based on her colleague's experience and because her colleague is older and her daughter is older, me a mother of 20 months old,, must heed her advice..
totally agree that a well balanced and fulfilled lifestyle is more important than taking so many classes and desperately trying to stay ahead academic wise....
Hi!
I get that all the time, too
Just tell her "I know what I'm doing for MY child."
Then change the topic.
I once met my neighbour's maid with their little child. We waved hello and she said she was bringing the child to a tutoring centre. And THEN she asked me: "Does your child never study anything?" My answer was: "Mine is so smart she doesn't need to." And smiled. She stared at me, I guess trying to get the meaning of what I'd just said, then left
I get that all the time, too
Just tell her "I know what I'm doing for MY child."
Then change the topic.
I once met my neighbour's maid with their little child. We waved hello and she said she was bringing the child to a tutoring centre. And THEN she asked me: "Does your child never study anything?" My answer was: "Mine is so smart she doesn't need to." And smiled. She stared at me, I guess trying to get the meaning of what I'd just said, then left
you are lucky already, one of my colleagues keep on reminding me to apply for kindergarten (the famous Victoria) for my baby when I was 7 months pregant!