Very concerned about shy daughter

V

VanillaCafe

Registered User
My daughter is an extremely shy girl. It takes her a long time to warm up to someone, and once she does, she can be quite emotionally attached to them. She's been going to an international playgroup for 3 months and really adores her teacher. In fact, the teacher is the major reason that she looks forward to going to school every day.

Unfortunately, today I am informed by the school that her teacher is leaving at the end of the month. They are looking for a replacement to finish up this semester (2 more months to go).

I'm very concerned because I know how much my daughter loves the teacher. Will she refuse to go to school? Will the school be able to find a good replacement for this short period? Will this unexpected change make my daughter even more withdrawn?

To be honest, I'm also a bit upset. I don't know if it is normal for a teacher to leave midway through a semester (this is the first child so no previous experience with schools), especially with kids at such tender age (average 2 - 2.5 in her class). Is it a sign of poor management? Is there anything parents can do to minimize the impact on the children? I was going to send my daughter to their pre-school after Sept. but should I reconsider now?

Any suggestions from experienced moms will be appreciated!
 
I think at that age, your daughter will forget very quickly. Plus since its a playgroup, you attend with her, so it's not as if she will be thrust in the room with a new unfamiliar face. My daughter was 2 when our old helper left and she got over it very quickly. Also at 2.5 years old, her pre-school class had a change of teacher and she did ask about where her old teacher was but she quickly adjusted to the new teacher. In fact, all of her classmates had adjusted pretty quickly.

I don't think it reflects on poor management necssarily. You have to know the whole story behind why she left in order to make a conclusion. Our old teacher left because her husband was relocated to another country for work so she worked until Christmas and moved to be with him.
 
Thanks for sharing Mintycat. Knowing your daughter's experiences does make me feel better.

I've accompanied my daughter to music classes and playgroups (but our helper is going in my stead now), and I notice that she is always the shiest among her peers. When there was a temp teach in the music class, she simply insisted on leaving the room while all the other kids seem to be fine. It is her unique personality that worries me.

By the way, the reason for the teacher's departure is said to be "health problems."
 
My first daughter was extremely shy as a little one but she’s not now (wants a career as an actress) so don’t worry that a shy child will grow up into a shy adult.

One trick I found always found helped was to be the first at a gathering or event. This allows my daughter to get used to everything before the others arrived and seemed to give her more confidence. And from my viewpoint it was worth the effort of arriving early and not having her sit on my knee throughout the party. I remember one party when she was five years old - she sat on my knee for over two hours. Her little brother played happily with the other children. And then just as the party ended she started playing!

She started school at 2.5 years and loved the teacher she had. Unfortunately after a few months this teacher left (I think this is a general problem with international schools - often it is a second income and if the main bread winner is relocated they go too.) Anyway she hated the second teacher – for no other reason than she wasn’t the first teacher. After a couple of weeks I went to the school and asked if she could change teachers and they agreed. She loved the third teacher. There was nothing wrong with the second teacher and I liked her but my daughter wasn’t going to give her a chance because she wasn’t the teacher she wanted.
 
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That's very helpful!

You know, I wouldn't worry about it so much if I were living in other cities, because I do believe kids grow up at their own pace. (I was a shy kids myself.) But in Hong Kong, she will need to go through the admission process soon (a few months after she turns 3). I keep my fingers crossed that she'll be more confident by then!
 
I am a teacher and I love this age group cause they are learning sooooo much about themselves. It is such a short time before they're suddenly knowing everything and telling you everything they know!! But what I want to encourage you in is that the shyness should pass, I have seen it with numerous students. I teach theatrekids classes specifically to help young kids overcome shyness and develop their imaginations and role play with others etc. it's a very important part of their natural development. maybe you can role play with her at home and try to prepare her for the new teacher and teach her what she should say and how she should respond. then practice it a few times until she know the answers really well.
 
i am also a preschool teacher, and find that a lot of children that are shy or nervous actually pick it up from the parents. if you are worrying, she will be worried too. the best thing to do is be super enthusiastic when you are at school with her - talk to the other children, join in with all activities, just try to be excited and you might find that she follows.
however, some children are just naturally shy. try inviting someone from her school to come to your place on a playdate, she will feel more relaxed in her own territory, then when she goes to school she will have a special bond with another child there.
 
i'm a playgroup teacher too. the main thing that i do in my playgroup is let the children come to me. i NEVER force them to do something they really don't want to do.

ex. i've had a lovely little girl coming for the past month and a half. she's very, very, very shy too. i never forced her to do anything and for the longest time, she'd just sit and watch. i kept explaining to the mum that it was ok and eventually she would join in...last week, she proved me right and joined in every single activity we did, by herself without wanting her mum/helper to assist her.

everything comes in its own time. she might take a while to get used to the new teacher, but she will eventually. the best thing you can do is talk about it to her beforehand. explain that Miss X has to move away and that it is very exciting for your daughter because now she'll get to meet a new teacher. maybe the new teacher has new games to play, songs to sing, books to read etc.
 
LIfe circumstances are what they are. my son's school had a teacher leave 6 weeks before the year ended. She became a single parent and as the school closes for 2.5 months during the summer, she had to get a different job. I can completely understand that. I wouldn't think it a reflection on the school unless you notice that a lot of people are leaving, showing a high turn over of staff. In our case the parents and children did not know that she was leaving until her last day. This teacher was my child's favorite. I think it would have been best if we had know a couple of days earlier as that the children could have been more prepared to understand the teacher was leaving. My son thought she would be back for a visit the following week and wouldn't say good bye once more when we left , assuring me she would be back, even though I told him she wouldn't. Teh nextweek he said you were right I should have said good bye again she wasn't there! other that that one day he was not upset, they do quickly move on.
 
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