Urgent: in a diemma. please share your suggestion

rs2000

Registered User
Hi All,

As you might have seen from some of my recent posts, i am in desperate need of a FT helper. I am pregnant and due on 2nd June and am finding is very hard to cope with daily household work (have a 4 yeards old kid).

I have been looking at some direct hires from philipnes but am told that it would take 6-8 weeks for them to come here which is dangerously close to my due date .
I am worried about a scenario wherein I would go in Labour a little before the actualy due date.

Now i have come across a helper here in HK (i have to admit i did not have a lot of times to search for HK helpers) who has finished the contract. the benefit of hers is that her contract has finished and she can join us in 2 weeks when her visa gets ready.

She has been here for 2 years and with some brazilian/chinese couple. She says she used to do household work + took care of the 3 years old chid. so the experience as such makes sense to me.

Now the problem is this, she says her previous employers dont want to talk to anyone. she just has a reference letter saying that she worked for them for 2 years. nothing more than that. I asked her why she does not want to continue with them. she told me that they wanted her to continue but she chose not to as they had dkeot her passport and other document with them. They alo restrict her mobule phone usage etc.

I am little skeptical on this. Sometimes I feel she is telling the truth but sometimes I feel there is something wrong with it. i know it really depends. But would you trust her and hire her in this casE? the HK job is the only job she has done so there is n other employer to cross check this. what d you think can be the reason they employers are so much against her and dont want to talk? can she be telling the truth? what would you have done this this case?

Apparently she looks ok and talked nicely. but its easy to fake this for such a short period of time. i asked her if she could request her employers to just speak to me for 2 mins. she says she asked them but they did not reply.

pls give me your views. My backup is to hire form philipnes (i liked 2 ) but then there is this wait period which is dangerous for me. i have looked into other HK helpers who have finished contract but not all of them want work with children etc. i will keep looking but need to decide on this one very soon. pls help
 
I wouldn't hire the lady in Hong Kong. If I had any gut feeling at all that her story wasn't truthful--even a feeling that I couldn't prove or disprove--I would not hire her. It is worth your time and possible inconvenience (because you may give birth before the helper arrives) to hire someone you feel comfortable with even if it will take longer. Because, from my own experience and listening to the experience of others, gut feelings when it comes to helpers are often spot-on and if you hire this lady that you have doubts about and then need to dismiss her because your doubts are confirmed you'll be in an even bigger mess of trying to find another helper--basically back to square one. I wouldn't risk it--go with the people you feel comfortable with and just arrange for some part-time help until that helper arrives--maybe asking the grandparents or anyone else who can help out to fill in in the meantime.
 
really suspious if she says her employers wont speak to you. why dont you ask around for other helpers who are about to finish their contract in HK and are prepared to give their employers numbers?? Also if her employer is witholding her mobile, it seems to me that she is talking too much on it when she should be doing her work. As for witholding her passport, this is only to prevent her using it for money loaning and my maid is more than happy for me to keep it for her.
 
it is absolutely illegal for an employer in HK to hold their domestic helper's passport, so i totally understand the helper's concern with that. not talking on the phone is a pretty common thing that local employers require. i think its extreme, but whatever. But, i would definitely agree that not being able to speak with the former employers is probably problematic. Do you know if they speak English? One of my helpers had a previous employer who spoke no English and was very hesitant to speak with me (or my secretary who does speak Cantonese).
 
rs2000 : do you have faith in your own abilities to judge a person? would you be able to interview this person, bring them over for one or 2 days and try them out and then make a decision? Please do.

References, while nice, are in reality quite unreliable. I know dozens of families who hired helpers with glowing references but in the end it didnt work out for one reason or another. A person that gets along with one family may not get along with you. You may become best friends with someone who is hated by other families.

We hired our first helper with no references. When we asked her about it, she told us flat out that her employer and her just didnt like each other, her employer would not give her a reference at all. I trusted my instincts and hired her anyway. She was with us for 8 years.

Trust yourself, your own judgement and have confidence in your own abilities to make the right choice.

HC
 
I would strongly suggest you not to hire this lady. It is standard practice here (particularly among Chinese employers) to just write "this helper has worked for us from such and such time" and nothing else when something has gone wrong - it's basically codeword for "we are parting ways on bad terms and we can't and won't have anything good to say about this helper". The refusal to speak to you rings another alarm bell.

I know there is always the temptation to hire one who's ready to start asap, but as Thanka said, if this one goes belly up you'll end up incurring more time and effort (not to mention the $$$ to send the helper away) than if you would just wait till you find someone you're comfy with.

In the meantime, why don't you have a look at the local Chinese ones (I PM-ed you didn't I?)
 
I would strongly suggest you not to hire this lady. It is standard practice here (particularly among Chinese employers) to just write "this helper has worked for us from such and such time" and nothing else when something has gone wrong

I'm sure most of us here have heard plenty of horror stories about some employers and how they treat their helpers. When these helpers stop putting up with abuse and decide to leave, these employers regularly refuse to give references and/or just give bad references. Keep in mind, there are always 3 sides to the story. 2 versions and the truth and most of the time you wont find out the truth.

No refence letter or a bad one should not stop you from giving someone who you really get along with a chance.
To reiterate my earlier point ; a good referene is also no guarantee that you will get on with the person.
Trust your instincts.

HC
 
This particular helper that the OP is considering has finished her 2-year contract - would she have stayed that long if she has been "abused" as you are suggesting? From my experience, helpers these days (apart from the very "green" ones) have no hesitation in leaving if and when they are being abused, or when they simply don't like something about their job. So unless this particular helper is telling the OP that she's been abused, it would be beyond foolish to assume that's the reason why she has failed to obtain a decent reference letter.

I agree with you of course that a good reference letter is not the be-all-and-end-all. But I am simply telling the OP what that sort of one-liner reference letter usually means, particularly since many people don't appear to be aware of that.

I'm sure most of us here have heard plenty of horror stories about some employers and how they treat their helpers. When these helpers stop putting up with abuse and decide to leave, these employers regularly refuse to give references and/or just give bad references. Keep in mind, there are always 3 sides to the story. 2 versions and the truth and most of the time you wont find out the truth.

No refence letter or a bad one should not stop you from giving someone who you really get along with a chance.
To reiterate my earlier point ; a good referene is also no guarantee that you will get on with the person.
Trust your instincts.

HC
 
she said that the employeers took her passport and "documents" for 2 years and alsp kept her mobile phone. so she could not talk to her family and kids. They wanted her to conintue after the 1st contract and when she refused, they refused to give her some decent reference letter and also refused to talk to the future employers.

Now pls give your views on this story too. i know anything is possible but just wanted your views on this.
i was thinking that if she has been so bad, they would not have kept her for 2 years? unless she did something which was revealed towards the end of those 2 yearss...............
 
Not meaning to sound like a broken record, but I have heard that particular story (and many more) many times over. Truth is Filipino maids have a very well-organised support network in Hong Kong, and I would struggle to believe that she would have allowed her past employers to keep her documents AND has not used a mobile phone (although many helpers have more than one phone) for the entire two years.

Most employers also recognise the fact that it is futile to keep the helper's mobile in order to stop her from chatting away during work hours (what other reason can there be for keeping someone's phone?), as phones are so cheap these days. Which further discredits the helper's story.

Just my two cents.
 
Hi there, yes I saw her from there and interviewed her from that website only. i have called a few more from there and only few show up for interviews (most want "western" employers, some dont want kids).
 
We also hired our helper without employer references and in fact she was terminated but after 3years (so completed one contract). Basically we did it on a friend's recommendation (her own helper is friends with her and they took her in when she was abruptly terminated.)

Honestly there was a risk but we weighed the positives (friend's character reference, her experience and her sensible responses during her phone interview with us) against the negatives (the lack of employer ref and the summary dismissal) and decided to go with our instincts - which was that we liked her.

Anyway we've been most happy with her, and really glad we took the risk. That said, completely agree with Howard that you need to go with your instincts. Also our household is relatively simple (one small child, I work p/t so can take on childcare during the week, plus I can shop/cook myself). Depending on how demanding your household is re. helper duties, this will impact on your needs/expectations of your chosen helper.
 
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WHOEVER you hire, you're going to be taking a risk. Just go with your gut feeling. I don't think that you REALLY know 100% sure who is going to be a great helper until you've been working as a team for a month or two at least. One helper might be fantastic for you, but horrible for someone else (so maybe she might not have glowing references). Also the other way around - someone might have been wonderful with their previous employer but it will be chaos with you.

I hired our helper based on the recommendation of a friend. I trust this friend and they trust her, so my opinion was that trust is the most important thing, and that recommendation was much better than the recommendation from an unknown previous employer. I didn't even call her previous employers, although she gave me their numbers.

Our helper is not a "perfect fit" for our family, I often wish she was more assertive - although for many other families, her quiet nature might be a good thing. What she DOES do well, she does very well. She's great with my kids, and she's extremely trustworthy. She's not the GREATEST cook, she's fairly good at cleaning, although she sometimes misses things. But we took a gamble and it more or less paid off. I'm glad we hired her because she is very good at the important things :)
 
What's your intuition telling you ? you felt good with her ? I agree that no every one can get along with every one... it could work with you as it didn't work for her former employer. Maybe you'll have to make a few efforts and make sure she understands what you want.
I've interviewed a few helpers, and right at the time I was opening the door, I knew if it would be ok or not, with our without references.
Maybe you'll be very satisfied, or just ok but not too bad, or it will be a bad experience, but at least you tried !
 
Hi All,

just an update: I have signed someone from philippines and now have to wait for her to come here.
the girl i found in here in HK (the one without an employer reference), made up new stories and I have decided not to cosider her anymore.
despite the myterious background, i did belive her and wanted to give her a chance. this is what she did.
I called her on thursday to speak and told her I am fine signing the contract. She told me her last visa is on Monday (18th april) however her profile said its on 2nd May.
Then she told me she would goto immigration on friday morning to check what documents she needed and to check her visa status. she was no update on friday.
then on monday, i asked her to come so that we can sign the contract. she said she would first goto immigration (again) to find out the list of documents neededv and will then come to sign the contract. she came at 3pm and told me that the immigration will close at 4 pm and she needed some more documents (my address proof etc).
then on tuesday morning i handed the documents to her and signed the contract. she went to immigration and called me that the officer told her that her visa has run out (although she had told me on friday that she got it extended till may2 ). now yesterdya till 5 pm she was supposedly at immigration and was extending her visa.
i was so frustrated with all this, i called her to return all my documents and then signed up someone from philipines
 
yeah starbucks2 is right - my mother did exactly that and the experience was SO bad that the helper did not even complete her probation period...shouldn't say this but I believe there is ALWAYS a hidden problem if you can't speak with the previous employer
 
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