Urgent, helper not following instructions - suggestions please

@Mocha - currently 3700, but had planned to raise after 6 months in return of a good & satisfactory service that is. But for food, there are absolutely no hiccups from our side. She gets to eat the best veggies, chicken, peanut butter, cook her meals as she wants (as long as it is not conflicting with the prime work hours or her tasks at hand).

I have gone through a no. of helper threads in the last 1 week....in one of them, I see a suggestion to make a formal appointment with her (and include DH in it too). Give her a written list of expected to-dos (to the minutest detail) that we want from now onwards, since our expectations too will change as the third trimester and hence the new baby arrives. And ask her if all that written is fine with her. If our expectations are not illogical, then there should be no problem from her side. If she has problems, then we let her go.

Actually even though I am not happy with her rt now, I am a bit skeptical to terminate her altogether, probably coz it looks like too big a decision, and then nobody wants to hire a terminated one so it will be a big blow to her. So I just want to make sure that if and when we fire her, she has given us enough reasons, despite being repeatedly told of her duties in clear words - both verbal & written.
 
Hi pinki09, I know that you want to give your helper the full benefit of the doubt, but your helper has to be responsible for herself and face consequences if she does not obey your instructions. If she does not like them or thinks your instructions are unreasonable, she can tell you frankly, but it is not acceptable to sulk. Following instructions are part of each and every job, domestic, office or factory. If my helper has other suggestions for carrying out a task she tells me politely and I listen. If she ignores my instructions, she can endanger my child and that is absolutely non-negotiable. If my instructions are unusual or I think my helper may be puzzled, I will always tell her the reason. A sulky or disobedient employee does not deserve to keep their job, that is my opinion.
 
Fire her, immediately. That's my take. It will be stressful for a time, trying to make everything work (we went through this phase too when we fired our first helper) but BELIEVE me, you don't want that negative energy in your house. Her attitude is really bad. In any other company if she flat-out told her boss "Nope. Not going to do it. I don't feel like it because...." she would already have been gone. She's replaceable. I wouldn't even give her 30 days notice. I would find temporary help for the meantime--get that set up and as soon as you can, kick her bum to the curb with her bags in her hands. :) Good luck.
 
Fired!
Don't give her advance warning, as she will be even sulkier and more difficult if there is a long period between her notice and when she leaves.

Without telling her, arrange for PT help, and start approaching agencies for a longer-term FT replacement. Call her original agency and say you want to arrange for her to leave. When it's all done, let her know and pay out her HK 3700 or however much severance she is legally owed.

The money spent will be worth your peace of mind. Good luck to you.
 
pinki09 said:
Actually even though I am not happy with her rt now, I am a bit skeptical to terminate her altogether, probably coz it looks like too big a decision, and then nobody wants to hire a terminated one so it will be a big blow to her. So I just want to make sure that if and when we fire her, she has given us enough reasons.
Click to expand...

I can tell you with full confidence that you need not worry about making her a "terminated one", as the demand for helpers who CLAIM to have childcare experience is so huge in Hong Kong these days (I have experience with both the local and expat markets), your helper will have no problem whatsoever finding a new job, most likely right after you've terminated her. Also be aware that a lot of helpers are very good at spinning stories about their previous employers who fired them - if I hear one more time from job applicants stories about not getting enough food / being hit / not getting enough rest I will scream (I always check with their former employers AND observe other details).
 
Thank you everyone for the support, finally I have decided to terminate her! I quit work last week and went for a shortholiday to clear my mind of any negative energies. After returning, I prepared a sheet of routine for my toddler, about what all I want to change, and I prepared a sheet of routine for my helper to jot down exactly what I wanted from her. Guess what, she was super upset to see the written sheet and started making faces and saying that why are you giving me this piece of paper. I told that I want to set a routine for thehousehold thats why, so she says, you are pregnant so you are giving me this sheet, tomorrow your new baby will come and you will give me another sheet. I said, yes, because as our requirements are changing, I want the expectations and understanding to be clear. She started crying!!! And said my previous employer also did same, when I joined them all was good, then she got pregnant, she gave me asheet of routine, and when the baby was born, she went bad!

Btw, I asked to vaccum the living room before lunch rather than after lunch, but she bluntly refused saying that she sweeps the floor at 6:30am, so she will vaccum only in the afternoon. I ended up giving her explanation why I want her to vaccum before lunch.....she still hasnt agreed...and my living room is pretty small, wouldnt even take 3 minutes!

Also, I have bought her toileteries from wellcome, but last few weeks when I was busy with quitting the job, she has been using ours, since we dont hva separate helper bathroom. She remembers to get her own veggies every week and bill it under our account, but never did she buy the toileteries! Clearly a case of taking undue advantage of your employer! Earlier when my son, who co sleeps with us, would cry at night for longer period, she would also wake up and offer us a helping hand. Now my son has been sick after the trip and has hardly slept through the nights...crying and waking up, and now even I need some genuine rest, but she never wakes up or anything. Tomorrow with two children, I might genuinely need her at times, when both start crying together, but I am afraid she has become too candid and taken us fo granted that if I instruct her to take care at times at night, she will again make faces and plainly refuse!

After all this, I am left with so much bitterness, coz I had always treated her like a family member, and she finds it extremely difficult to say 'yes ma'am' to my simplest of instructions! Looks like she despite being good, is in the wrong profession.

Anyway, I am due in sept week 2 so better I change her now so that my toddler gets atleast a month to settle down before the new one comes out. Though I am v scared how will I manage the change part withthe pregnancy + toddler, as I need to take my son to school too.

Please please please let me know if you have any recos....I would always prefer a recommended one after all this that has happened. She may know 3-5 things less is okay, but she should be trustworthy, sweet and polite enough to take my instructions, and be nice to my children.
 
Also, can I simultaneouly interview and process the new hire alongside the termination, or do I need to first get the termination done and get the acknowledgement then only I can begin. Plus, how doesthe termination happen? Just a written notice would suffice or I need to also get her to sign some papers?
 
Congratulations! She sounds like a nightmare.

You can interview helpers and apply during the termination. Just remember to indicate that the new helper is replacing the existing one.

I wrote a termination letter and asked her to sign it.
 
we had similar with our first helper! i was so relieved the day i had the courage to terminate her. now we have a fantastic helper who treats us and is being treated like a family member. we are now on our 2nd contract. i'm sure you will be able to find a great one, too. pray for it! you can check the immigration website re:termination. they have a guideline that you can follow. better send her packing the day you tell her that you are terminating her services. just pay 1 month in lieu of notice.
 
Guess what :( I slept late last night, and when I woke up all decided to terminate my helper, she actually had the letter of notice ready for us, saying that she is unhappy with us, and she doesnt want to say anything because it will affect my pregnancy, so she is leaving on her own will, putting all the blame on us :(( I am so sooooo upset. We should have really terminated her at the very first instance, we just kept giving her chances coz I thought it will be a big blow to her career. Now I feel so very stupid, that all the blame is on us, and she is behaving as if she has been tortured and is willing to get liberated from our clutches :(( she said she will give us a notice because she is initiating it...I wonder what horror story would she make about us to her agency and to her new employers!! :((( shucks, I feel so terrible!!! :(((
Please tell me even though she has given us a months notice, can I still give her money in lieu of and let her go immediately? Or this too has to be decided by her ? and does her writing of notice letter make things bad for us to hire the new helper or put us on bad record in the immigration department?? God!!! earlier I used to believe the horror stories helpers would create and sympathize with some....now I have lost ALL trust, that these are all crocodile tears. :(((
 
You always have the option to give her one month pay (plus tickets, holiday pay, etc) and ask her to leave right away.
I heard if you frequently terminate helper, it might make it harder for you to hire a new helper, but in this case, I don't think it will affect anything.
 
Pinki -- This is a REALLY GOOD thing. You're upset because you're being emotional and worried about things like "blame" and "feeling stupid." Don't be. Who cares? Soon, you will never see this person ever again.
You should be relieved because your helper has done the dirty work for you. Now you don't have to fire her, nor do you have to take any legal responsibility for firing her.
Tell her straight that you'll pay out her one month. She should be happy with the extra money.
Think of it not as a personal relationship but as a boss who's been secretly hoping to fire an unpleasant employee who then quits of her own free will.
As for immigration -- I think they only raise an eyebrow with repeat offenders -- like people who go through helpers the way people go through socks. You had her for 8 months and it didn't work out. I don't think that will be held against you.
 
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why are you upset? you weren't happy and neither was she.... seems like a win-win situation to me!
 
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