unsalted butter and yelling husband

Ask him does he think his mum would poison him? Then how does he think you will poison your son? Unless you lived in Jones Town ofcourse in the 70's.
Fat is very important for brain development in the first 2 years of life. Your husband would think even breastfeeding is poisoning a baby as it contains higher fat content than cow's milk.
 
"i saw something that said if you use wasabi, it kills 90% of the bacteria on the fish which is why japanese rarely get sick from it..."
Can believe that for sure, wasabi kills 100% of the bacteria in my tummy hahahahaha!!!!!
 
Tell your husband to take a hike AND a chill pill AND do his own research before making any uninformed comments. I use a combination of Annabel Karmel's recipes and modified them to suit my child's needs (I have to be careful of food allergies since I have them). My in-laws did not always agree with what I feed her but hey, it's my baby and I stood my ground. And yes, my husband doesn't always agree with what I feed her either but I continue to do what I think it's best. Since he's not at home that much anyway, he doesn't always know what I'm feeding our little girl. And as of date, my little girl is past 18 months old, completely healthy and is seldom sick. And if my husband ever yells at me over anything, you can be sure I won't be taking it lying down.
 
Solidstars I've met your bub. He's a lovely size and weight! You are obviously doing a good job at feeding him :) Stand up for yourself. You are a good mum!
 
Solidstars, please do some internet research and present your husband with some facts he can't argue with:

eg: Nutrition for Infants and Children (which explains that healthy fats - including butter (though it does specify organic butter) - are an essential part of an infants diet.

I think you need to communicate to your husband in terms he can understand (ie, medically backed research) what constitutes good infant nutrition, and you need to set some boundaries for him and your MiL, and tell him to get on board, get your back and support you in raising a healthy child.

I'm sure you're doing a great job. You just need your husband to understand that too.

best of luck!
 
Remind your husband of his tantrum when your baby is 2 and refuses all vegetables. Your husband will be grateful he eats anything, even frozen. Wait until he is demanding to be taken to McDonalds. A bit of butter will look pretty good then.

Your husband has no perspective on your child's diet. I hope this doesn't extend to other areas of his parenting.

Man who listens to his mother over his wife = mummy's boy.
Man who yells at his wife = total moron.
 
As you said, it's prob his choice of words and tone that really upsets you. And you should tell him that when you are both calm. Coming from different cultural background there bound to be things you two would disagree with. Suggest to him that you two should discuss these things instead of yelling or blaming each other. And for harmless things, sometimes you can let him "win" after a civilised discussion to encourage him to discuss things instead of yelling.
I'm sure T will grow up big and strong! Btw, I actually made a point to put some butter or oil in my baby's food to make sure he gets some fat in his diet.
 
thanks everyone... i've tried the 'present the research' method, he has an excuse for everything, research are for foreign babies, chinese medicine is better than western, etc etc etc.

everytime i try to stand my ground we end up fighting even more, and i can't stand yelling at each other in front of the baby, i'm sure it upsets him. I used to be really stubborn too but nowadays i just let him have his say and not say anything back... except today i thought he was being ridiculous and let him get to me...

my mil's actually not too bad, i think the main problem is husband and i are having communication issues...

i didn't know bfing had higher fat than cow's milk! I will tell him that as well...
 
HUMAN BABIES ARE HUMAN BABIES! there are NO differences physiologically between white/chinese/african babies.

all you have to do to see that is look at a chinese person who was born/raised in the west to see that the ONLY difference between the races is CHILDHOOD NUTRITION!

ps> ever notice the ugly BLACK teeth that many hk babies have? they are missing something essential in their diet (don't know what, though).

PPS> can i come over an give your hubby a slap?
 
Add my slap to that one on behalf of all mothers out there who are poisoning their babies. Better go and check the kids, just remembered I fed them frozen pizza and fish fingers in the same week. I hope they are OK....
Maybe your husband could get on here and give us all some advice? I'd like to see him try...
 
thanks carang, i don't think the slap would wake him up though. i just wish he notices the type of words he uses.

i said the same thing too when i was pregnant! 'if sashimi poisons fetus/baby then what happens to the entire female pregnant population of japan? if spicy stuff poisons baby then what happens to all the pregnant thais/indians/malaysians/etc?' he just said it's cuz i'm built a chinese, and even if i counter that i grew up in thailand, it doesn't help.

actually i don't know if he knows, but i know that this mil/her helper puts some salt into their congee/porridge for baby as well, because he refuses to eat it bland... Maybe i should bring this up...
 
Salt is definitely worse for a bub than fat is. Too much salt and their kidneys can't process it all that well...

I eat sashimi while pregnant - I have sushi at least once a week. The fish oils are meant to be really good for their brain development and I don't really eat fish any other way except for sushi/sashimi... I eat a bit of tinned tuna in pasta etc but that's probably worse than the fresh salmon you get at sushi places...

I know what it's like to be in a cross cultural marriage, and there is a lot that I don't agree with that I just go along with. My husband doesn't like me getting on a ladder while I'm pregnant because he's afraid I'll fall and hurt the baby. I know the chances are low but I don't really care, I just make him get all the stuff off the top shelf instead ;) I think it's an irrational request but really, for me it's not worth the fight in that situation (not saying your situation isn't worth the fight though!!)

I think it's a fine balance between being understanding of where your husband is coming from - ultimately he just wants what is best for your child as well... and pushing the point. Is there someone like your GP or someone who he will respect and maybe listen to them instead? Or maybe encourage him to do some research on it rather than just taking what he's heard from his mother/relatives?

I know in situations like this, it can be hard not to make it about "my way is better than your way" and "the way my family does it is right and your family doesn't know anything" - not that you MEAN it like that but it may come across like that (at least when I have similar things with my hubby it can make him feel like that)... I know my hubby needs to feel listened to and like his feelings are important and valid before he's more open to listening to me... the key for us is to get past the highly emotional discussion and validate each other, then we can talk about it more rationally...

All the best :) I know I'm rambling... hope some of it helps a bit!!
 
Solidstars - I thought your husband is Canadian, no? He sounds really anal - I haven't heard too many fathers talking like him.
UN-salted butter is fine. I use it all the time, in fact. Any full-fat dairy is good for the baby until 2 years. I'm still trying to find full fat yogurt - everything here is 99.9 fat free! I would stay away from salted butter though. Added salt is hard on their little systems, especially as their menus are widening and are being naturally exposed to more and more sodium.
Sashimi - I side with your husband, but I read that anything uncooked poses a possible problem to the unborn baby, so I just stayed away from raw anything, as well as smoked anything, and a bunch of other yummy stuff when I was pregnant. But for sure Japanese women are eating sushi and as you would know, Thais are not staying away from peanuts, but westerners are told not to eat them because of the high allergy level.
Frozen veg - LOVE it. I always give my son frozen stuff, like peas and whatever. In fact, I will even buy stuff and then freeze it so I can use it later and it will still be fresh. It's the next best thing to fresh veg and is very close to it, actually.
Tell your husband to prepare your baby's menu and meals and then there should be no problem:)
 
I love my PD becos he was the one who told me "dont view all salt and msg as evil becos it makes the food tasty AND the baby will eat them!" Perhaps u need to change your PD to mine and THEN bring ur hubby over to his clinic to hear it from a medical professional that a little bit of something WONT kill his son. Maybe he'll be more reassured? He sounds paranoid probably due to hearsays from friends or relatives. And if it helps, we're a chinese family too and i ALWAYS put unsalted butter when i make omelette for my baby since she's 14mths, she's now 28months and VERY healthy (no poisoning there!) and hardly ever get sick too, so maybe ur hubby can feel "safer"? Good luck !
 
you have my sympathies. but i will try to see it as he cares alot for your child and that's why he's over reacting. if all the research does not work, you can go to a baby wellness clinic to speak to a healthcare consultant together. my pd provides this service every monday morning. it's really good, at least he can hear it from a professional.

my child is a very poor eater and small built and this service has helped me alot in terms of educating how to wean off breast, sleep issues, exercise and diet for the child as a whole. i can pm you the name if you like :) today, at 27 months, he is still small built, eating alot better, trying new food, happy and healthy.
 
hahah thanks, if i change my doctor to yours my husband will probably come up with another excuse on how your doctor is pro-westerner or something...

my husband is canadian-chinese...i think his mindset is more chinese than canadian. problem is i've got a more 'international' mindset so we don't get along with our different views on how to take care of baby...

my 1 year 2 months old baby is 11.5 kg (we just weight him this morning at the clinic), so weight/height wise he's super strong. He's got thrush actually, and my husband was trying to blame it on the stuff I gave him to eat, but the doctor said it's not, so finally he shuts up about all the 'it's your fault'...

By the way, apparently thrush cases are on the rise with infants, so everyone be careful with babies and fingers in mouth!
 
no, the doctor said that it's from the environment, you can't really 'prevent' it. also recently there's been more cases cuz of the dampness/mold in the air... or something like that.

i asked if i needed to put his medicine on me too to prevent the thrush from going back and forth (recommended online) but he said i just need to occasional use alcoholic swabs on myself...which sounded like REALLY BAD ADVICE so i am planning on ignoring that and following the online advice instead.
 
Babies grow the same way, and food has the same nutiritonal value regardelss of the race of the baby. What a crazy thing to think, let alone say, that race has anything to do with it!

The nutritionist at the health center I work at say that frozen veggies and fruits are often more nutritous than fresh food you buy, becuase it is frozen right after picking and then retains minerals/vitamins, whereas by the time you eat fresh veggies that sat in the market, then in your fridge, they have lost a lot of the nutrition. Unless your mother in law is growing a garden and you are eating truely fresh picked produce, she hasn't a leg to stand on.


Your baby = your say, your mother in law doesn't get a voice in what your baby eats.

Congee isn't all that great anyway, sure it is fine sometimes, but it shouldn't be the main food a 1 year old eats. They need far more texture and fibre. They should eat the same foods as an adult in smaller amounts.

The butter comments, ridiculous. Butter is milk fat, fat is what your brain is made out of. I supppose your mother in law would prefer your child drink some of that canned formula powder marketed for toddlers, it seems to be popluar among locals. The fat in that is milk fat, same as the butter. If she is so concerned about freshness does it not make sense to eat actual milk products like breast milk, cows milk, yoghurt cheese and butter, instead of a highly processed canned formula?
 
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