Hi! I have a 2 yr old toddler and am due to have a baby at the end of the year. The original plan was for us to hire a domestic helper since my husband travels often for work and we do not have any family we can turn to in times of emergency. We have interviewed a helper but were skeptical about hiring her as she lied about her previous employment. On top of that, we have had so many friends share horror stories about hiring help, that we are just not sure if we should proceed as planned. We value our privacy very much and if not for the fact that my husband is away so much due to work, we would never imagine hiring a helper to live- in. I do not find part- time helpers useful as I clean my house everyday and there really isn't very much to do around here when they come by once or twice a week. I just wanted to ask advice from any stay-home moms to two or more kids without a domestic helper. How do you cope? Btw, I would need to take my older child to playschool in the afternoon for 3 hours everyday. It gives me a nice break to do my shopping and coffee. Just am not sure what I would be doing when the new baby gets here! We usually take the taxi and I find most cabbies impatient and a bit rough. Dont think they would like me much if I try to get on with a toddler and newborn. Any advice for me? Hope to hear from you soon, since hiring a helper would take quite a few weeks I suppose! TIA!!
Two kids without helper?
- Thread starter trttrt
- Start date
I have two children and have never had a helper. I am not really sure how to answer the question about how I cope, other than to say that you don't miss what you never had! As soon as my daughter was born we all just sort of slipped in to a nice routine where we seemed to manage. My son started school full time about 6 weeks after my daughter was born so after I would take him to school I got all the housework done in between my daughters naps etc.
My husband travels with work quite a lot and also works late hours so most of the time during the week it is just me and the kids. To keep myself sane and get some "me time" I tend to take a couple of hours on a Saturday to grab a coffee by myself or do some shopping etc while my husband has the kids and then on Sundays we do things as a family.
My kids are older now (Son almost 7 and daughter almost 2) and a typical day is:
Husband and I wake at 6. Have coffee! shower and he gets ready for work.
6:30 Wake son to get him breakfast and ready for school.
7:00 daughter wakes and has breakfast
7:30 Son gets bus to school.
7:30 - 8:30 get daughter washed, dressed and make beds/change beds
8:30 - 9:30 put on laundry and do ironing while daugher "helps!"
9:30 - 10:00 Hoover apartment while daughter has snack.
10:00 - 11:00 go to the shops
11:00 - 12:30 daugher naps whil I check e-mails, have more coffee and clean bathroom/kitchen etc
12:30 - 1:30 lunch
1:30 - 3:00 play with daughter
3:00 - 3:30 prepare dinner
3:30 pick up son from school bus
3:30 - 4:30 play with children and they have snack.
4:30 - 5:30 do homework with son while daughter does "art!"
5:30 have dinner
6:00 go swimming or for walk or to beach with children/(some outdoor activity)
7:00 daughter has bath then story then bed
7:30 son has shower then story then bed
7:30 clean up after dinner and wash floors.
8:00 husband gets home from work
some days vary but the dinner times, wake times and bed times never change!
My husband travels with work quite a lot and also works late hours so most of the time during the week it is just me and the kids. To keep myself sane and get some "me time" I tend to take a couple of hours on a Saturday to grab a coffee by myself or do some shopping etc while my husband has the kids and then on Sundays we do things as a family.
My kids are older now (Son almost 7 and daughter almost 2) and a typical day is:
Husband and I wake at 6. Have coffee! shower and he gets ready for work.
6:30 Wake son to get him breakfast and ready for school.
7:00 daughter wakes and has breakfast
7:30 Son gets bus to school.
7:30 - 8:30 get daughter washed, dressed and make beds/change beds
8:30 - 9:30 put on laundry and do ironing while daugher "helps!"
9:30 - 10:00 Hoover apartment while daughter has snack.
10:00 - 11:00 go to the shops
11:00 - 12:30 daugher naps whil I check e-mails, have more coffee and clean bathroom/kitchen etc
12:30 - 1:30 lunch
1:30 - 3:00 play with daughter
3:00 - 3:30 prepare dinner
3:30 pick up son from school bus
3:30 - 4:30 play with children and they have snack.
4:30 - 5:30 do homework with son while daughter does "art!"
5:30 have dinner
6:00 go swimming or for walk or to beach with children/(some outdoor activity)
7:00 daughter has bath then story then bed
7:30 son has shower then story then bed
7:30 clean up after dinner and wash floors.
8:00 husband gets home from work
some days vary but the dinner times, wake times and bed times never change!
shwetakhanna
Registered User
Wow... Hats off to you AmyH for this perfect schedule... We have a 3.5yr old and are still struggling to work out a routine with her...
I used to be a stay at home mum looking after two kids with no helper. It’s definitely hard work and you become very good at multi-tasking!
I would say the first few months were actually the easiest for me just because baby didn’t need much interaction then, just mainly sleeping and feeding. My oldest was also in half day school but I just had to drop him off and pick him up at the bus stop.
I would order all heavy/bulky items via online shopping, and just take baby with me to pick up fresh meat/groceries. Normally would only cook very simple/fast meals. More time consuming meals could be prepared at nighttime after the kids were asleep or done at the weekend and frozen. A few times if baby wouldn’t stay down for his nap, I would carry him in a sling and do the chores at the same time.
I’ve never had a problem with public transport but tend not to take the stroller if we are going on buses.
Things get more challenging as baby gets older and more alert/active as you need to watch them 24/7 (we don’t have the space for an enclosed playpen and you can’t really childproof 100%).
Also there were a few occasions when it would have been nice to have an extra set of hands around:
- When either child is sick, you have to take them both along to the doctor.
- When you’re sick yourself, you have to wait until hubby gets home before you can see the doctor.
- Having to take newborn out when it’s really cold outside or raining heavily.
- Attending parent meetings/school activities and sometimes baby is not allowed to come along, so hubby ends up taking annual leave or you miss the event altogether (although I guess you could always hire an ad hoc babysitter for those occasions).
- You can only get a proper ‘me’ time at the weekends when hubby takes over.
Anyway due to other circumstances, we had little choice but to hire a helper when my baby was 8mths old. We too were reluctant to hire one previously because we have a tiny apartment and basically no place to put her. However since hiring a helper, I really appreciate having another person around to help and especially during the holidays when there is no school. My baby has been going to playgroups since 10mths old and my oldest has his own activities to attend so it would be impossible to take them both myself if I didn’t have a helper.
You might like to start without a helper and see how it goes but eventually you might need one (be it a helper, part-time babysitter, cleaner) depending on you and your kids lifestyle. Good luck.
I would say the first few months were actually the easiest for me just because baby didn’t need much interaction then, just mainly sleeping and feeding. My oldest was also in half day school but I just had to drop him off and pick him up at the bus stop.
I would order all heavy/bulky items via online shopping, and just take baby with me to pick up fresh meat/groceries. Normally would only cook very simple/fast meals. More time consuming meals could be prepared at nighttime after the kids were asleep or done at the weekend and frozen. A few times if baby wouldn’t stay down for his nap, I would carry him in a sling and do the chores at the same time.
I’ve never had a problem with public transport but tend not to take the stroller if we are going on buses.
Things get more challenging as baby gets older and more alert/active as you need to watch them 24/7 (we don’t have the space for an enclosed playpen and you can’t really childproof 100%).
Also there were a few occasions when it would have been nice to have an extra set of hands around:
- When either child is sick, you have to take them both along to the doctor.
- When you’re sick yourself, you have to wait until hubby gets home before you can see the doctor.
- Having to take newborn out when it’s really cold outside or raining heavily.
- Attending parent meetings/school activities and sometimes baby is not allowed to come along, so hubby ends up taking annual leave or you miss the event altogether (although I guess you could always hire an ad hoc babysitter for those occasions).
- You can only get a proper ‘me’ time at the weekends when hubby takes over.
Anyway due to other circumstances, we had little choice but to hire a helper when my baby was 8mths old. We too were reluctant to hire one previously because we have a tiny apartment and basically no place to put her. However since hiring a helper, I really appreciate having another person around to help and especially during the holidays when there is no school. My baby has been going to playgroups since 10mths old and my oldest has his own activities to attend so it would be impossible to take them both myself if I didn’t have a helper.
You might like to start without a helper and see how it goes but eventually you might need one (be it a helper, part-time babysitter, cleaner) depending on you and your kids lifestyle. Good luck.
Thanks shwetakhanna! It took a while to have it mastered but it works well for us now.
I agree with mumsy about the difficulty with sickness etc. I have been very lucky that my children have not really been sick since we moved to hong kong (apart from colds etc) and my GP is open on Saturday and Sunday so doctors appointments and dentist appointments are done on those days.
For parent teacher meetings in the school, my son's teacher is aware of the fact that it is just me during the day so we schedule meetings for first thing in the morning. My husband has a job where he can work from home sometimes so he just does that while I am at meetings and does not need to take annual leave. For sportsdays/school plays etc the school are very inclusive when it comes to siblings so we are always able to take our daughter. My husband always makes sure he is off work for those too so he does not miss out on seeing our son.
I have been very lucky that I have only been sick once or twice since my daughter was born. the last time, my husband was away for week but luckily my friend was visiting from Ireland at the time so she was able to look after the kids while I went to the doctor.
I agree with mumsy about the difficulty with sickness etc. I have been very lucky that my children have not really been sick since we moved to hong kong (apart from colds etc) and my GP is open on Saturday and Sunday so doctors appointments and dentist appointments are done on those days.
For parent teacher meetings in the school, my son's teacher is aware of the fact that it is just me during the day so we schedule meetings for first thing in the morning. My husband has a job where he can work from home sometimes so he just does that while I am at meetings and does not need to take annual leave. For sportsdays/school plays etc the school are very inclusive when it comes to siblings so we are always able to take our daughter. My husband always makes sure he is off work for those too so he does not miss out on seeing our son.
I have been very lucky that I have only been sick once or twice since my daughter was born. the last time, my husband was away for week but luckily my friend was visiting from Ireland at the time so she was able to look after the kids while I went to the doctor.
nicolejoy
Registered User
I would LOVE to not have a helper (I have 2 kids) but due to my youngest daughter having special medical needs and a lot of doctors appointments and therapy etc, I don't know how we could have managed without one. She was in NICU for her first 4 months and so we had to leave my older daughter every day - kids are not allowed in NICU over here.
I do have friends with 2 kids and no helper though and it is hard work - but you just manage. The house is a little dustier, toys are not put away as quickly, dinner might be take away a bit more often - but there are other benefits - more time with the kids, more privacy, more space at home (no need to accommodate a helper).
When my two are older and we have hopefully less doctors appointments etc, I would love to have no helper again. I probably would hire a part time cleaner since I am horrible at cleaning - but would LOVE to have the extra space... I know there are aspects of having a helper I would miss - like being able to take just one kid out at a time, or being able to put the kids to bed and then go out with my hubby... but I do look forward to when I won't "need" one so much... We'll see...
I do have friends with 2 kids and no helper though and it is hard work - but you just manage. The house is a little dustier, toys are not put away as quickly, dinner might be take away a bit more often - but there are other benefits - more time with the kids, more privacy, more space at home (no need to accommodate a helper).
When my two are older and we have hopefully less doctors appointments etc, I would love to have no helper again. I probably would hire a part time cleaner since I am horrible at cleaning - but would LOVE to have the extra space... I know there are aspects of having a helper I would miss - like being able to take just one kid out at a time, or being able to put the kids to bed and then go out with my hubby... but I do look forward to when I won't "need" one so much... We'll see...
I have two children, 3.5yrs and 15mths with a part time helper who comes in twice to do ironing & abit. As nicolejoy says, it does get crazy at times but you somehow do manage. It was pretty tough at first but you do eventually get into a routine which works for you. My daughter will start halfday school next week so morning runs, my 15mth old will stay with dad while I send her to school but will have to bring son along when I do pickup. My husband has his own company hence its a full work week for him and I have the kids to myself all week. Our routine is somewhat the same as AmyH but my kids both rise at 6-630am and I use their naptime which is between 12-130pm or 2pm on good days to prepare dinner and catchup online. My son goes down for the night at 7pm and daughter by 730pm, so that's when my me time begins after my cleaning up. Occasionally I do get to do dinner with friends while husband stays home with kids. Since husband's self employed, my mornings are easier as he only gets to work at 10ish and is normally back by 7 or 8pm.
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I moved here with 2 kids aged 3 and 9mths (at the time) and had not had a helper or family nearby in our home country. Fairly common thing of course in Western countries and as others have said, you don't miss what you don't have. So when we first moved here we didn't have a helper for a while. We now have had one for a year. So thought i'd give you some thoughts which may give you things to consider.
The main benefit for me of having a helper is not having to take the little one everywhere the other one needed to be; don't mean playdates etc as i take both 99% of the time, but just things like when I had to drop her off at preschool and pick her up - it was right when he wanted to sleep but had to be lugged about in the sling (impossible to use a pram on that journey as all steps!) so often meant he got overtired or had less sleep than he needed. Also as others have said things like the doctors. When I was first here i was quite sick for over a week but still had to do all the normal things feeling like death. Lucky that the 2nd one was only small so very easy to entertain, much harder once they get more mobile. Also do love being able to go out in the evenings, both with my husband but also when he is away and i just want some adult time.
The other thing is exercise. It was really tough for me to do any without a helper - again will change when both kids in some sort of school but my normal early morning was mostly out because that was my husbands time to exercise. So i got in a couple of mornings but that was it. That was hard for me. But now i can still go early after my husband gets back but don't need to rush home before he needs to leave. At home there was a creche at the gym/pool that i could use. I love it that i can now go running again which was minimal before at home because of childcare.
The main thing I found different here compared to Western countries is that friends don't do 'child care exchange' as you would do there; ie drop my kids at a friends while i had my hair cut or similar and then they would do the same for you. Which does make it harder to not have any help and means you miss out on family time at the weekends cos you do it then. Also when i went to the playground or playcentre i was often the only mum there so i didn't get the social interaction i would've at home, even if i didn't actually know the other mums. The helpers were all very friendly but obviously i was still like a 'boss' to them, so it wasn't the same
Having said that when my helper was away for 2 weeks for family reasons I did enjoy having the house to myself. And found i fell easily back into managing everything, it just takes more planning - but the exercise thing is the key for me!
The main benefit for me of having a helper is not having to take the little one everywhere the other one needed to be; don't mean playdates etc as i take both 99% of the time, but just things like when I had to drop her off at preschool and pick her up - it was right when he wanted to sleep but had to be lugged about in the sling (impossible to use a pram on that journey as all steps!) so often meant he got overtired or had less sleep than he needed. Also as others have said things like the doctors. When I was first here i was quite sick for over a week but still had to do all the normal things feeling like death. Lucky that the 2nd one was only small so very easy to entertain, much harder once they get more mobile. Also do love being able to go out in the evenings, both with my husband but also when he is away and i just want some adult time.
The other thing is exercise. It was really tough for me to do any without a helper - again will change when both kids in some sort of school but my normal early morning was mostly out because that was my husbands time to exercise. So i got in a couple of mornings but that was it. That was hard for me. But now i can still go early after my husband gets back but don't need to rush home before he needs to leave. At home there was a creche at the gym/pool that i could use. I love it that i can now go running again which was minimal before at home because of childcare.
The main thing I found different here compared to Western countries is that friends don't do 'child care exchange' as you would do there; ie drop my kids at a friends while i had my hair cut or similar and then they would do the same for you. Which does make it harder to not have any help and means you miss out on family time at the weekends cos you do it then. Also when i went to the playground or playcentre i was often the only mum there so i didn't get the social interaction i would've at home, even if i didn't actually know the other mums. The helpers were all very friendly but obviously i was still like a 'boss' to them, so it wasn't the same
Having said that when my helper was away for 2 weeks for family reasons I did enjoy having the house to myself. And found i fell easily back into managing everything, it just takes more planning - but the exercise thing is the key for me!
As my children were not born in HK, I had no helper until we moved here, which was when my oldest was 4y3m and my twins were almost 2. I've managed fine, and I'll be the last one to say it's not doable. I didn't have a choice, no family close by, luckily good friends, and a part timer for 8 hours a week. One child had to go to the doctor, brought all 3 ... It wasn't always nice, and I wasn't always the nicest mommy (I still have my moments, even with a helper) but you do what needs to be done. I just think it's hard not having a helper in Hong Kong because most people have one, and friends count on you having one too. I've been able to do volunteer work, play sports again in the evening (not having to wait until 8 pm when my husband comes back home), pick up a part time while my kids are in school. It just has made my life easier, but I still do plenty of things with my kids. I take them to the playground even if I am the only mother around, take them to the pool, shopping, etc. But it's nice that I don't always have to take 3 when one has to go to the doctor, when one has something else to do, whether it's a birthday party, a modelling job, etc. I paid close to US$350 a month for cleaning ladies in my house once a week, plus US$15 an hour x 8 hours a week x 4 weeks a month for baby sitting (excl. the occassional evening). Coming here (my husband had been here for 4 months already) gave me the opportunity to do some things for me, which helps in taking care of them.
This thread is great..... makes me feel more 'normal' I was beginning to think I was the only 'crazy' mum with 2 kids and no helper!
I have a 3.5 year old and 10month old ad was in the same position as you a year ago. We decided to get a full time live in helper.... it was the biggest mistake, I was not convinced and therefore with hindsight it was never going to work. We ended up terminating our helper after 10days and 4 days prior to my son being born.It was the best decision we made... for our family at least.
yes it is busy, especially currently as its school holidays, but completely manageable. I think my expectations of my eldest changed and she has learnt that she is not the only person on the planet and there are times when she has to entertain herself or even 'help'. I have been very impressed by what she can actually manage when she has too; dress herself, wash her hair,put clothes away etc etc
Our normal day:
6-7am kids wake up and I am always out of bed by 6.45
7-8am dress and feed kids
8am drive husband to work and eldest to school
9.15am Home; I shower while son naps, then we play/ I do some housewor/ prep lunch
11.15am drive back to get my daughter
12.30 lunch
Afternoons are free, so park or playdate with friends etc
5pm start dinner
6pm bath time
7pm bed time
7 onwards- housework, dinner for hubby and I (hubby usually home 8-9pm)
The dinner, bath and bed routine has become much quicker and it is definitely the one thing we keep the same, dinner, bath and bed by 7.
I admit I have a cleaner 2 hours twice a week just to do some of the bigger jobs as I have found now my youngest is mobile that is tricky to do with him around. We also try and have a babysitter one night a week so I can have dinner out with hubby as I do get fed up of cooking.
I agree the one thing I really miss is exercise, but I either get up super early for a walk up the peak and make sure I am home by 7, or I drop my daughter at school and put my son in his backpack and take him walking up the peak with me. It is by no means the same as pre second child but I have realised this wont be forever and I dont want to have someone living in nour home and as I dont want/need them for childcare I really dont know what a helper would do all day for me.
Perhaps we could all meet up to share tips and advice and who knows even arrange childcare swap so we can all have an hour off now and again?!
I have a 3.5 year old and 10month old ad was in the same position as you a year ago. We decided to get a full time live in helper.... it was the biggest mistake, I was not convinced and therefore with hindsight it was never going to work. We ended up terminating our helper after 10days and 4 days prior to my son being born.It was the best decision we made... for our family at least.
yes it is busy, especially currently as its school holidays, but completely manageable. I think my expectations of my eldest changed and she has learnt that she is not the only person on the planet and there are times when she has to entertain herself or even 'help'. I have been very impressed by what she can actually manage when she has too; dress herself, wash her hair,put clothes away etc etc
Our normal day:
6-7am kids wake up and I am always out of bed by 6.45
7-8am dress and feed kids
8am drive husband to work and eldest to school
9.15am Home; I shower while son naps, then we play/ I do some housewor/ prep lunch
11.15am drive back to get my daughter
12.30 lunch
Afternoons are free, so park or playdate with friends etc
5pm start dinner
6pm bath time
7pm bed time
7 onwards- housework, dinner for hubby and I (hubby usually home 8-9pm)
The dinner, bath and bed routine has become much quicker and it is definitely the one thing we keep the same, dinner, bath and bed by 7.
I admit I have a cleaner 2 hours twice a week just to do some of the bigger jobs as I have found now my youngest is mobile that is tricky to do with him around. We also try and have a babysitter one night a week so I can have dinner out with hubby as I do get fed up of cooking.
I agree the one thing I really miss is exercise, but I either get up super early for a walk up the peak and make sure I am home by 7, or I drop my daughter at school and put my son in his backpack and take him walking up the peak with me. It is by no means the same as pre second child but I have realised this wont be forever and I dont want to have someone living in nour home and as I dont want/need them for childcare I really dont know what a helper would do all day for me.
Perhaps we could all meet up to share tips and advice and who knows even arrange childcare swap so we can all have an hour off now and again?!
By the way, I have one now, got her right when we arrived, and I do think it was the best for our family. I know I can do it by myself, but it's nice for our family to have help. It's one of those things we can have her, and I am grateful for us. I'll have 3 kids in Primary this year, so her duties are now switching more to household chores but that's fine, a little quieter for her as well.
Wow, thank you all for your replies! Must say I am truly impressed and amazed by some of your schedules! Your inputs have definitely helped shed some light on what to expect with two kids w/wo helpers. By the way, just wondering how we could go about hiring babysitters? What are the hours and how much should we pay? Any advice? Would really love to head out with my hb for a movie some time! Thanks!
It also really depends on the age difference between children. I have a 20month old and a 4 month old and I REALLY need my helper. It's been amazing to have her. She helps me take the older one out so I can have some time with the baby and to do the grocery shopping. As the younger one gets older, I would like to take them out more on my own, but right now, I need her help on big outings and with the house.
must say it is a definite luxury to have a helper in hong kong and i've taken advantage of hiring one to help me out. my thinking is...if you can afford one, why not? of course you can ALWAYS manage without one - but once you have one, i must say you can't go back to square one.
looking at the ages of your 2 kids - it would appear that having one would help...i've got 3 (3yr old, 1 yr old and new born) and i'm just trying to think what life would be without my helper (and middle child) so I'd be more in your shoes...
for one, my older one takes the school bus every day but that would be hauling my new born up and down to drop off and pick up my older one from the bus stop - could be easily done, but breast feeding needs to be timed so that it does not clash with drop off / pick up time.
cooking meals would be done during babies sleep times - so no problem there.
we'd go to all play groups together - which is no problem but the older one is getting a bit jealous and posssessive so need to deal with her feelings and teaching her to adjust to the baby at the same time as dealing with diaper changing and feeding - again, not a major problem, the older one will adapt.
the house would be a bit messier, but if sleeping patterns are adhered to (say 8pm daily) then there'd be time when all are asleep to do the housework before bed time.
i guess the only thing i'd miss would be going out for a quick bite with my husband when all of the kids are sleeping - attending friends weddings / family celebrations that start too late for kids.
definitely doable but do you want to do it!
looking at the ages of your 2 kids - it would appear that having one would help...i've got 3 (3yr old, 1 yr old and new born) and i'm just trying to think what life would be without my helper (and middle child) so I'd be more in your shoes...
for one, my older one takes the school bus every day but that would be hauling my new born up and down to drop off and pick up my older one from the bus stop - could be easily done, but breast feeding needs to be timed so that it does not clash with drop off / pick up time.
cooking meals would be done during babies sleep times - so no problem there.
we'd go to all play groups together - which is no problem but the older one is getting a bit jealous and posssessive so need to deal with her feelings and teaching her to adjust to the baby at the same time as dealing with diaper changing and feeding - again, not a major problem, the older one will adapt.
the house would be a bit messier, but if sleeping patterns are adhered to (say 8pm daily) then there'd be time when all are asleep to do the housework before bed time.
i guess the only thing i'd miss would be going out for a quick bite with my husband when all of the kids are sleeping - attending friends weddings / family celebrations that start too late for kids.
definitely doable but do you want to do it!
I have a 16 month old daughter and #2 due in March. I don't have a helper, and I really don't want one, but I am really feeling the 'pressure' to have someone help. This is the first time I have not worked and I have always looked forward to taking care of my family.......and it is far better than I ever imagined. My husband works until 7:00/8:00pm and travels a lot. When he is home on the weekends I want to be with him every minute.
I feel really lucky to have made so many great friends since I moved here, but I am feeling very left out because they do so many thing without kids or don't ask me because they know I will have a little one with me. I would love to exchange baby sitting but of course no one wants to as they have helpers. I think it is really sad that people don't help each other out, they just pay someone to do it for them. I also think it is amazing more moms don't want to do more with their kids. Also, why don't people let me pay their helper to watch my girl too while we go do something? I do not mean to be disrespectful to people with helpers and totally support peoples decisions to do what is best for them and their families......I am just trying to understand the normal that is so new for me. I really only miss family/friends/neighbors to help about one day a month to go to the doctor or go out with the girls.
We can afford a helper but I would rather save/use money in different ways.
It is really nice to know there are a couple other moms out there like me! I would love advice on how to find a babysitter or maybe part time helper for a couple hours a week.
I feel really lucky to have made so many great friends since I moved here, but I am feeling very left out because they do so many thing without kids or don't ask me because they know I will have a little one with me. I would love to exchange baby sitting but of course no one wants to as they have helpers. I think it is really sad that people don't help each other out, they just pay someone to do it for them. I also think it is amazing more moms don't want to do more with their kids. Also, why don't people let me pay their helper to watch my girl too while we go do something? I do not mean to be disrespectful to people with helpers and totally support peoples decisions to do what is best for them and their families......I am just trying to understand the normal that is so new for me. I really only miss family/friends/neighbors to help about one day a month to go to the doctor or go out with the girls.
We can afford a helper but I would rather save/use money in different ways.
It is really nice to know there are a couple other moms out there like me! I would love advice on how to find a babysitter or maybe part time helper for a couple hours a week.
As far as I know, this would be illegal as the helper is only supposed to work for the family they are hired by so this may be why they do not offer! There is rentamum, who offer babysitting service and they send people to your home to look after the children if you need to go out during the day or in the evening. There is a website where you can enquire about prices etc.
This has not been something I have experienced here at all. My son has a group of friends and we all meet up (mums) to watch them play football, swim, tennis etc and my daughter has a few friends also where we all do things together also.
It can be very hard here without a helper and there are some days that I wish I would just hire one (these days are when the kids are sick, or I am sick etc). I think it is a bit unfair to say that mums who have a helper do not want to spend time with the kids. Sometimes it is just easier to do things without them! I hate having to get public transport to central with the two kids, buggy, bags etc and going in to shops where the aisles are not that wide and my daughter is pulling everything off shelves! It can be a nightmare so sometimes it is easier to do it on a weekend where my husband will either come with us or he will take the kids out so I can have some time alone. If I had a helper it would be easier to do these thing during te week so weekends could be spent as a family (not shopping!)
When I said 'do more' I meant everyday things like grocery shopping, riding the bus, going to coffee, clothes shopping, riding the MTR. I remember loving doing these things with my mom, and it is so much better for me with my little one along. I totally get 'quality of time' and when I am shopping & trying to get my little one to sit still in her seat my friends are doing fun things with their kids and their helpers are shopping. No right/wrong or one better than the other, I am just surprised not to see more moms/kids out doing these things together.
Of course we do all the playgroups, sports, and fun things with moms and kids! And I know what is legal and not legal(!!!)
Of course we do all the playgroups, sports, and fun things with moms and kids! And I know what is legal and not legal(!!!)
carang
Registered User
i do take my kids shopping, but i prefer to take the time and do it myself with the helper at home taking care of them. i can take my time, enjoy it and get everything we need instead of having to listen to "mummy can we buy.... mummy can we get.. but why can't you buy...."
just because you don't see mummies out there doesn't mean they don't exist. my kids go out to yum cha, but we aren't big "starbucks" people, so you wouldn't see my kids and i in there....perhaps you are looking in the wrong places?
just because you don't see mummies out there doesn't mean they don't exist. my kids go out to yum cha, but we aren't big "starbucks" people, so you wouldn't see my kids and i in there....perhaps you are looking in the wrong places?