I think it's yet another 'no' this month. I'm totally fed up of the disappointment and upset every month. Hubby wants to keep on trying but the anxiety I feel every month is getting too much. He says we should be optimistic and just carry on as we have been doing but I'm finding this impossible. We're going into month 10 of TTC and none of my friends took longer than 4 months to get pregnant. I'm only 30 so age shouldn't be a problem. When we were starting out on this journey I never imagined for a second that I wouldn't be pregnant by now. I know that in the scheme of things a lot of people out there have taken longer to get pregnant so perhaps I shouldn't be so down about it. I can't help how I feel though - and I'm just not sure I'd want to go down the IVF route. The effect it has on your body, having hopes dashed etc. it all just seems like too much to cope with. Anyone have any suggestions for making this whole thing a bit easier to cope with?
TTC, depressed, feel like giving up
- Thread starter Bozo
- Start date
i know of a friend going through the same thing but the part that gets her down is the pressure and expectation she puts on herself. this will also effect your relationship with your husband and trying for the sake of trying. don't do this to yourself as having a child is a lot of responsibility.
PLease do consider professional advice as this journey involves the both of you and there are many options of fertility programs now, not just IVF.
What about a romantic weekend gateaway? My first son was conceived that way, we had so much fun, we forgot about the family planning stuff. Good luck.
PLease do consider professional advice as this journey involves the both of you and there are many options of fertility programs now, not just IVF.
What about a romantic weekend gateaway? My first son was conceived that way, we had so much fun, we forgot about the family planning stuff. Good luck.
Dont despair. A friend of mine has taken 2 yrs to conceive and her cycle was very irregular, even tougher to ascertain ovulation.She did went for tests to ensure her eggs and ovulation were normal and her husband did a sperm count just to be sure. She also took her bascal temperature to spot ovulation period.
She had her first child during her vacation in US.
So it is good to get some feedbacks from docs to ensure things are normal and then just relax a bit, go for vacation.
Most important is to keep the tender loving care between spouse.....Cheers.
She had her first child during her vacation in US.
So it is good to get some feedbacks from docs to ensure things are normal and then just relax a bit, go for vacation.
Most important is to keep the tender loving care between spouse.....Cheers.
Don't give up if it's what you both really want. Maybe you want to 'take a break' though; give up on the timing etc. for a month or 2. The holidays suggested above are a great idea. I have a number of friends who had all but given up, and conceived in the end. One had endometriosis and was told that she should not even put pressure on herself/her husband by focusing (she's now pregnant on her second, her eldest is only a year old). Another friend's doctor told her that they were wasting their time and emotional investment on a final course of IVF, and they are expecting twins in July. So be careful what you wish for! It's impossible to force yourself to relax, but if you spent a couple of cycles enjoying your relationship rather than timing every single attempt, it might do you the world of good. Like you say, you are only 30.
white umbrella
Registered User
RE: TTC...don't give up
Don't give up, it will happen sooner than you know it. I think most doctors even say that one should try for two years before "looking into it"...Though can understand the pressure you feel... Did you ever hear about a book called:" Taking charge of your fertility"?... Maybe you just don't know when you are ovulating...it is all based on body temperature, you take your temperature every morning before getting up ( I know it can be a bore) and when it is higher than average you know you are ovulating...it truly works and helps to understand your body 's own rythms....and when it is time to have fun with hubby ;-)! Good luck!
Don't give up, it will happen sooner than you know it. I think most doctors even say that one should try for two years before "looking into it"...Though can understand the pressure you feel... Did you ever hear about a book called:" Taking charge of your fertility"?... Maybe you just don't know when you are ovulating...it is all based on body temperature, you take your temperature every morning before getting up ( I know it can be a bore) and when it is higher than average you know you are ovulating...it truly works and helps to understand your body 's own rythms....and when it is time to have fun with hubby ;-)! Good luck!
Thanks all for the wise words. Mum of 2 - your suggestion of enjoying my relationship particularly hit home. Unfortunately it's all too easy for trying to conceive to turn into an obssession and I think my concern to time things right has taken over. As for knowing when I'm ovulating, i've a very regular cycle and use OPKs just to make sure (yes, I told you - obssessive) so I don't think we're just accidentally missing the right time. Hubby tells me to try and forget about it but I think it's easier for men to put these things at the back of their minds because it's not their bodies that go through the monthly cycle. Once my PMS starts I'm constantly looking out for anything unusual.
I've also heard of people taking 2 years to get pregnant, but I can't believe this was purely down to luck. I mean, something must have been wrong, surely?
I've also heard of people taking 2 years to get pregnant, but I can't believe this was purely down to luck. I mean, something must have been wrong, surely?
Bozo
I'm sorry that its been such a trail for you- but the most impt thing is NEVER give up and try to be proactive. First of all has hubbie had a sperm analysis - even if its ok, buy some zinc tablets and get him to take one a day.
In your case, even though you know when you're ovulating, ever considered going to the gyne to check that the egg is of opitmal size?All it takes is a transvaginal U/S 1-2 days before ovulation. If the eggs the right size, maybe your doc can give you a trigger shot so that you and hubbie can make sure you're together on time.
Also if that month doesn't turn out right and AF comes, remember to chart down the day you ovulated and the day that AF came and thats your Luteal phase. It should be more than 11 days at least for implantation to happen. If its short- talk to your gyne about having progesterone shots or alternatively start taking Vit B6 at least 50mg -100mg from the first day of your period, you'll see an improvement after 2 months.
Another thing is that sometimes the egg and the spermie is fine, but the CM is too thick or acidic, in which case you can try pre-seed (need to get it from abroad), or increase your CM flow by taking Robitussin cough medicine (ONLY get the brand that states clearly Guanifesin??) on the front, NOT the one that has antihistamine cos that dries up your CM even more- its available in Watsons (ask the pharmacist if in doubt). I also use to take Evening primrose oil capsules from the first day of AF then stopped once ovulation occurs(don't take anything after ovulation apart from the Vit B6 and folic acid).
After 3 months of no show- I decided to all the above and after 2 months I'm now pregnant with my fourth, so take heart- your turn will definatley come.
On a seperate note, remember not to drink or eat Soy products and tofu and also don't drink or eat cold foods as its bad for the uterus.
And also, if you can afford it- go to Troy sing for his herbs and acupuncture, as I know he definately helped me alot.
Sorry this is so long-winded....
I'm sorry that its been such a trail for you- but the most impt thing is NEVER give up and try to be proactive. First of all has hubbie had a sperm analysis - even if its ok, buy some zinc tablets and get him to take one a day.
In your case, even though you know when you're ovulating, ever considered going to the gyne to check that the egg is of opitmal size?All it takes is a transvaginal U/S 1-2 days before ovulation. If the eggs the right size, maybe your doc can give you a trigger shot so that you and hubbie can make sure you're together on time.
Also if that month doesn't turn out right and AF comes, remember to chart down the day you ovulated and the day that AF came and thats your Luteal phase. It should be more than 11 days at least for implantation to happen. If its short- talk to your gyne about having progesterone shots or alternatively start taking Vit B6 at least 50mg -100mg from the first day of your period, you'll see an improvement after 2 months.
Another thing is that sometimes the egg and the spermie is fine, but the CM is too thick or acidic, in which case you can try pre-seed (need to get it from abroad), or increase your CM flow by taking Robitussin cough medicine (ONLY get the brand that states clearly Guanifesin??) on the front, NOT the one that has antihistamine cos that dries up your CM even more- its available in Watsons (ask the pharmacist if in doubt). I also use to take Evening primrose oil capsules from the first day of AF then stopped once ovulation occurs(don't take anything after ovulation apart from the Vit B6 and folic acid).
After 3 months of no show- I decided to all the above and after 2 months I'm now pregnant with my fourth, so take heart- your turn will definatley come.
On a seperate note, remember not to drink or eat Soy products and tofu and also don't drink or eat cold foods as its bad for the uterus.
And also, if you can afford it- go to Troy sing for his herbs and acupuncture, as I know he definately helped me alot.
Sorry this is so long-winded....
Hi bozo,
You're depressed with only less than a year of trying? there's still a long way to go, what have you done to help you conceived? western medicine, check-ups, monitoring.....how about husband's sperm? If all is okay, then there's no problem, it could only be timing (and luck). Then, do something like OPK, BBT, etc. I won't tell you not to be stress or pressure BECAUSE it's impossible, people who says relax relax doesn't go thru that TTC (trying to conceive) path. They don't know how it feels like. I was TTC for 8 years, heartache and tears month after month, year after year, but during those times, i never give up, if western medicine fails, i continue to do other things that can help me conceive. I've done ALL things to help me conceive, crazy things, western, homeopathy, acupuncture, natural medicine, etc. Finally i got preggy on the 8th year. By the way, i was 36 when i conceived. Don't give up, if you think you'll have it, you WILL. If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me.
You're depressed with only less than a year of trying? there's still a long way to go, what have you done to help you conceived? western medicine, check-ups, monitoring.....how about husband's sperm? If all is okay, then there's no problem, it could only be timing (and luck). Then, do something like OPK, BBT, etc. I won't tell you not to be stress or pressure BECAUSE it's impossible, people who says relax relax doesn't go thru that TTC (trying to conceive) path. They don't know how it feels like. I was TTC for 8 years, heartache and tears month after month, year after year, but during those times, i never give up, if western medicine fails, i continue to do other things that can help me conceive. I've done ALL things to help me conceive, crazy things, western, homeopathy, acupuncture, natural medicine, etc. Finally i got preggy on the 8th year. By the way, i was 36 when i conceived. Don't give up, if you think you'll have it, you WILL. If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me.
Cici - wow! sounds like you know your stuff. As for the zinc, is a multi-vitamin with zinc enough, or do you recommend a zinc capsule? I bought some zinc capsules but couldn't get hubby to take them every day. He reckons a multi-vitamin is enough. I have to admit, I've been having a tough time getting him to alter his behaviour (no hot baths, no drinking etc). There's no point me going on at him - he's just gonna have to realise sooner or later that lifestyle changes have to come from both sides.
MamaS - ok, I know 10 months isn't THAT long and certainly doesn't compare in any way to 8 years, but rightly or wrongly, on a purely emotional level the 12 month mark feels significant. This is the time when officially the docs will use the word 'infertility' and (in the UK at least) 12 months is when investigations into both partners start. Of course my head tells me that 12 months is really quite an arbitrary marker, but I can't help taking notice of it. So at the moment, as I'm getting closer and closer to the 12 month mark I guess I'm just having to come to terms with the idea that there may well be a problem and things might not be easy. I know I was naive to think I would get pregnant straight away, but I guess that's just what I thought and it's these past couple of months I've realised I have to reassess things.
Being able to finally get all this off my chest and feeling genuinely supported by your replies really has helped me so thanks a lot. It's not something I've been able to discuss with friends and family as I don't want them to feel that they have to hide their joy and experiences of pregnancy and family life from me because they'd be worried it would make me feel bad.
MamaS - ok, I know 10 months isn't THAT long and certainly doesn't compare in any way to 8 years, but rightly or wrongly, on a purely emotional level the 12 month mark feels significant. This is the time when officially the docs will use the word 'infertility' and (in the UK at least) 12 months is when investigations into both partners start. Of course my head tells me that 12 months is really quite an arbitrary marker, but I can't help taking notice of it. So at the moment, as I'm getting closer and closer to the 12 month mark I guess I'm just having to come to terms with the idea that there may well be a problem and things might not be easy. I know I was naive to think I would get pregnant straight away, but I guess that's just what I thought and it's these past couple of months I've realised I have to reassess things.
Being able to finally get all this off my chest and feeling genuinely supported by your replies really has helped me so thanks a lot. It's not something I've been able to discuss with friends and family as I don't want them to feel that they have to hide their joy and experiences of pregnancy and family life from me because they'd be worried it would make me feel bad.
katybookworm
New member
Hang in there Bozo!!! I've been through something very simlular so I know what an emotional battle it can be. At the age of 30 we TTC for 16 months before finally getting some help. Unfortunately it's just one of those things for some people, or as my Dr put it just *bad luck*. After having some extensive tests it turned out there was absolutey nothing wrong with either me or my husband but we still went onto fail 3 IUI cycles. On the 4th one we conceived and had our first little boy and then by accident we concieved our 2nd completely naturally.
Be strong!!!!
Be strong!!!!
Bozo
Understand your fustration. We were sooo lucky with our 3 kids, came off the pill and *wham* pregnant by 1 month. As I said, for this baby becasue it took us over 5 months to get preggers I was kinda impatient (even though I knew thats a really short time to wait, but my mind couldn't accept the fact that if everything was normal, why does it take so long???-irrational I know.)
Ooops, need to go, the nurse is calling for me (taking the kids to the dentist today- thats why I have time to post!!!)
Understand your fustration. We were sooo lucky with our 3 kids, came off the pill and *wham* pregnant by 1 month. As I said, for this baby becasue it took us over 5 months to get preggers I was kinda impatient (even though I knew thats a really short time to wait, but my mind couldn't accept the fact that if everything was normal, why does it take so long???-irrational I know.)
Ooops, need to go, the nurse is calling for me (taking the kids to the dentist today- thats why I have time to post!!!)
I remember feeling that way.It took us 9 cycles with our first. I was so obssessed. Getting pregnant was the only thing I thought about before we even started. I finally gave up all hope of getting pregnant without medical help, and I had to find something to occupy my mind other than babies and pregnancy, so I started redecorating our house, and that month I got pregnant. I alos got myself an appointment with a fertility clinic as in canada there is a 6 month wait list to get in, but in the end I didn't need to go. If you are still not pregnant after 12 months of trying, then go to a fertility specialist. The book taking change of your fertility is very very good. In retrospect I think I was timing intercourse wrong, I should have been going by the cervical fluid sign and I would have gotten pregnant sooner, as with the second I got pregnat the first cycle.
Everybody suggests to relax but that is easier said than done. There is quite a bit of pressure to perform and wait for the monthly results.
After 10 months, consult with a reproductive specialist to do some basic check-ups on both sides (just get that out of the way so you can be assured). It usually takes time to get an appointment and run tests. At the very least, they can time things accurately for you. No one wants to but it's your future so it's worthwhile. Good luck.
After 10 months, consult with a reproductive specialist to do some basic check-ups on both sides (just get that out of the way so you can be assured). It usually takes time to get an appointment and run tests. At the very least, they can time things accurately for you. No one wants to but it's your future so it's worthwhile. Good luck.
Hi there...I just wanted to add that you once you've had some basic blood work done ie. they test your progesterone on Day Past ovulation 7 (approx) to ensure your body produces enough progesterone on its own..then they may do an HyCoSy or Dye test (HSG I think they call it in other parts of the world). For this they insert some liquid (just saline solution) or sometimes dye into the uterus and watch it come out of each tube. This ensures that both yoru tubes are open....or tells you if there are some problems in this area...they say feritlity increases for the next 3 months after this as your tubes are really open and even any little blockages are gone...
I had some basic feritility tests done before I came to HK (even though we hadn't even started trying!) I just wanted peace of mind before coming here as I had no idea what the level of care/expertise would be like here. So far everything has been fine. I managed to get preganant very quickly but unfortuately had a miscarriage...but I"m hoping to get pregnant again soon and hopefully it will work out next time. Basically what I'm saying is...after 10 months of TTC without it happening- I'd be going to a good understanding doctor and asking for some basic fertility tests. Mostly likely there will be nothing at all wrong but it will make you feel like your doing something proactive on this journey and help to ease your mind that "something is wrong".
Hope this kind of helps
I had some basic feritility tests done before I came to HK (even though we hadn't even started trying!) I just wanted peace of mind before coming here as I had no idea what the level of care/expertise would be like here. So far everything has been fine. I managed to get preganant very quickly but unfortuately had a miscarriage...but I"m hoping to get pregnant again soon and hopefully it will work out next time. Basically what I'm saying is...after 10 months of TTC without it happening- I'd be going to a good understanding doctor and asking for some basic fertility tests. Mostly likely there will be nothing at all wrong but it will make you feel like your doing something proactive on this journey and help to ease your mind that "something is wrong".
Hope this kind of helps
Thanks for the reply. I've had the blood tests done - everything came back normal. Hubby has done the semen test and the count came back low (just under 13 mil) so he's waiting a few weeks until doing another test. I know this might sound weird but I now feel like some of the pressure has lifted from me, and the low count on the first semen test seems to have helped our relationship enormously. It's dawned on both of us that it's not just down to me and that he also has to take responsibility for his own health.
hi bozo,
good that all your test are normal. Good news is - the easiest to "cure" is low sperm count, my husband used to have 6 mil only, half of it were even slow swimmers. Take vitamin, wear boxer shorts, no hot shower, no caffeine, etc. When i got preggy, it was just border line. We need one good sperm only.
Good luck!
good that all your test are normal. Good news is - the easiest to "cure" is low sperm count, my husband used to have 6 mil only, half of it were even slow swimmers. Take vitamin, wear boxer shorts, no hot shower, no caffeine, etc. When i got preggy, it was just border line. We need one good sperm only.
Good luck!I know exactly how you feel, I'm now in my 10th month of TTC and feeling pretty depressed and impatient. I get really annoyed when people tell me to relax and it will happen, it's just impossible when pregnancy is practically all I think about! I assumed it would all be so easy, isn't that what they told us in high school?!
I start clomid next cycle (luteal phase is between 7-9 days) so I hope that helps me.
I honestly don't know how people can go through this for years. I feel absolutely terrible each month when AF arrives...
Good luck bozo
I start clomid next cycle (luteal phase is between 7-9 days) so I hope that helps me.
I honestly don't know how people can go through this for years. I feel absolutely terrible each month when AF arrives...
Good luck bozo