By 19-months-old if your child is verbal at all, he should get that what he is doing is wrong and he needs to be made responsible for his actions and apologize. You should expect him to speak as much as he can in an apology. If the only thing he can say is "Sorry. No hit" then that's what he says but it's very important that you get this under control now or you're going to fight it in the future. Seems he may already have a habit developed.
He are really watching for any sign of aggression and trying to correct it as soon as possible.
Time ago, he had the bad habit of throwing things: He would put something on his month, i would tell him not to do it, and he would get upset and throw that object away. I would firmly tell him "No, you cannot throw things. It might hurt someone". After doing it for a few more times, he seemed to have stop doing it.
About the hitting issues, somehow I am not sure if he is really "hitting" or just waving his hand in frustration (which just somehow ended on someone's lap?). Anyway, we treat it as hitting, and have corrected it in the past (again, telling him "Cannot hit - whoever he was hitting -. It hurts"). The bad behavior just seems to have come back (as he is starting to have more meltdowns and tantrums as well), or probably never got corrected completely....?
Last night he had another episode of spitting water while he was on his high chair. We told him "no spitting" and took his cup away, and in frustration, he waved his hand down, like hitting the air. We again tried to correct him "No, you cannot hit".
This morning I asked my helper if he has ever hit her, and she said no, but that he would sometime hit the floor in frustration instead. She seemed to find that behavior "cute", or probably funny, so I told her that she should correct him if she sees him doing it again in the future.
I wouldn't have breastfed him unless the issue had been settled properly. To me "ignoring" children (turning your back) is a form of discipline used a lot in Hong Kong that is pretty ineffective. I see a lot of parents get angry with their children in public for example and the children are throwing a fit and meanwhile the parents are standing there turning their backs trying to "ignore" the child hoping it will stop--it usually only escalates.
Actually I was ignoring my boy not because of his aggressive behavior, but because he was having a tantrum. Isn't ignoring (and somehow, timeout) a way to deal with tantrum?
It seems to me in your situation the issue was not resolved. It was sort of a passive-aggressive stand-off between you and your son. Now, if the child had been directly corrected and had taken the correction to heart and had said sorry and all was forgiven then I would have gone ahead with the breastfeeding. I see the breastfeeding as similar to giving a hug. If the child is still being naughty and hasn't properly understood the lesson and apologized why would one give a hug--it sends a confusing message that the behavior is okay. Hugging after the issue is resolved only seems natural, though.
Yes, I was thinking the same thing actually (after I did it). But I was also wondering... if the child doesn't know the word for his feeling, can we just take his action as apology, considering that he stopped his tantrum and came to me?. I wouldn't have breastfeed him immediately if it wasn't late at night... actually I was really dying for getting him back to sleep.
