To have or have not...the third baby...

[mumto2]

I am so confused! Some days the answer is a resounding YES, others an equally resounding NO WAY...I so wish for that elusive crystal ball that would tell me whether or not to try and have a third baby.

Seriously it wavers from yes to no each day for different reasons....

Yes because I would love to have 3 kids
Yes because I adore my kids and think we make pretty good ones ;-)
No because I would like my husband and I to get "us" back a bit more
No because I would like to consider going back to work once they are ready for school so would be pushing it back another 2-3 years...

does this decision drive anyone else to utter distraction??

I just don't want to wake up once I consider it too late for us as a couple to have any more kids and regret it...nor do I want to continue to put "us" on the backburner...am I missing something?

any advice or solutions?

 

[MLBW]

Mumto2,

Well, I only have one child but I came from a family with three children. From my perspective, I think that even-numbers of children are best. With 3, one child will always be the odd person out--just because that's the way it is. If I can get my act together physically and financially, I would like to have 4 children.

In your case, I think you will probably end up having that third child. Something about your post tells me that's probably the way it will go--because as you so precisely said, "I just don't want to wake up once I consider it too late for us as a couple to have any more kids and regret it..." Like the saying goes, "On their death beds, people more often regret what they didn't do than what they did."

As far as putting "us" on the backburner. It is hard to have kids and build your marriage--but the two are not inseparable. In the past people had much larger families and they stayed together (in marriage) a lot longer. I don't think that that extra child will make things any more complicated than two children have already made it.

The longer you do wait, I've heard that it's even harder to go through the "newborn, infant, toddler" stage all over again--say, if you haven't for 5 or 6 years. Also, the younger child is really separated from older siblings by age which can make life very awkward for that child.

And finally, I have heard other couples give this test to themselves in order to determine whether or not their family is complete (as far as number of children go). They ask themselves, "Do we feel like we are the right number? Does it feel like someone is missing?"

 

[capital]

I felt the same way for a long time, until I finally decided I would like three. For me I find the stage when they are babies and toddlers has gone way to fast and I don't want it to be over. Days that I am tired of kids I remind myself someday when it is just me and my husband in our house and our children are grown and gone I will give anything to have today back. Also I think it would be nice to have more siblings when you are older, more cousins etc. I'm from a family of 4 and my mom from a very large family and we always had so many cousins, it was great! Also I may regret not having a 3rd, but I know I wouldn't reget having one. That says it all right there. Now I just have to get my husband to agree.

The one thing I would do differently though, is I would like more space between the 2nd and 3rd, for a ocuple of different reasons

 

[MommyTo3]

I never planned for 3 children but still have 3 children because I had twins the second time. If it wasn't for the twins, I would have 2 children, definitely no more. I think 2 is just an easier number for everything, with 3 I often feel outnumbered even with my husband (we literally are of course).

Also, keep in mind that the chances for twins are going up once you get older, especially over 35 and the more pregnancies you had. I am not saying this to scare you, but it happened to me, 33 years old, no drugs, 3rd pregnancy (1 miscarriage in between) and no family history, so I believe it can happen to anyone, so be prepared that there is a small chance that 3 will be 4, and you need to be OK with that too.

I am happy with my 3 wonderful kids and would never change anything but I never imagined having 3!