The Husband's Role

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FirstTimeDaddy

New member
Hi All,

Our baby is due soon and I wanted to ask/see whether anyone could enlighten me on the man's role during the delivery(natural birth) in the delivery room. Being a first timer, it's all so so so exciting but feeling ignorant.

Also i see that everyone takes cameras/moviecams to the hospital, so when are you allowed/not allowed to use these items?

thanks in advance
 
I'd recommend just being there first of all and then being ready to help. Our doctor and midwife assigned me some specific tasks where I could help with and I was happy (after about 30 seconds of training!) -- talk to them and see what they are ok with.

About the camera / moviecam part .. if you're going to be helping with the delivery .. please .. don't get into the "Honey say cheese" thing while the doctor is pumping her with an epidural .. might put your future role at risk. :)

We did take some quick photos after my son was born...

Also, I do think its important to take let the wife, doctor and mid wife make the decisions .. your role is pretty much secondary for the short (hopefully!) time the wife is in labour.
 
Do most dads go into the delivery room these days? Any dads take the traditional route of waiting outside the delivery room?
 
Hi,
I would also make sure that you are very clear about what your wife wants during the delivery. You might need to be her mouth piece, however, also be aware that she might change her mind. A friend of mine was absolutely definite that she didn't want any pain relief however, when it came to the crunch she was screaming for it. Be ready to ask questions when the doctors or midwives recommend a procedure as she's not likely to be in any fit state to do so?

During both my deliveries my husband has held my hand and been quietly encouraging. I use the term quietly on purpose, for me the last thing I needed was a cheer leader in my ear. You know your wife better than anyone, talk to her about what she wants.

Be prepared to also get physically involved. With the birth of our second child my husband held me up during the pushing phase. Having said this, this is yours and your wife's birthing experience and you need to do what feels right for you. Anyway that's some thoughts from a woman's point of view.

Jools
 
I doubt any father stays outside anymore, unless they are really, really bad around blood and bodily fluids.
Could not imagine video taping the entire event. I have been to a few classes where we were shown video tapes of the event and they aren't pretty. I doubt your wife will want to show the tape to friends/family, but I could be wrong. I'd go with Shri's quick pictures after the baby has been dried and fluffed by the hospital staff.
Some hospitals here in the US have banned the video camera. Some people were bringing in the camera, the laptop, the tripod. The birthing rooms are big, but not that big. And then there is the always present threat of the lawsuit in the US and the hospital doesn't need videotaped evidence.
 
I'd say your role is to do whatever your wife wants to make her time easier.

When I gave birth, my husband drove me to hospital; kept me company when I wanted company & left me in peace when I wanted that (I had long labors). Towards the end, he rubbed my back when I needed it and helped me walk around when the contractions were coming closer together.

I had him call the midwife when I needed her. He also said encouraging things when I was pushing & he cut the cord after the births and watched the washing and weighing.

Your most important role will be AFTER the birth. In the weeks ahead you do all you can to help your wife recover from the birth, change nappies and care for the baby when your wife needs to rest.

Another important duty is to tell your wife how beautiful she was and is as a mother and say NOTHING about her weight unless it is a complement about her beauty,
 
Hello FirstTimeDaddy,

I had a very long delivery (27 hours from the moment I've been induce untill my son was born) and, as I needed a known and friendly face around, my husband stayed with me most of the time. I asked him to go for a walk at intimate moments like when I was induced or when I got my epidurial (the 1rst one because I had a second one but I was such in pain that he staid with me, hold my hand and was soooo supportive). What was more important for us was that I would be confortable and safe and that he would assist me without seing some chocking things (as too bloody or too "inside" things...)

I completly agree with loupou: Your role is to do whatever your wife wants you. You have to help her as she asks and try to make her labour (very good term indeed...) easier.

I also agree with loupou when she says that you also have a role after the birth.

I should add that you will remember this moment forever so relax, breethe & realize that it's the biggest moment of your life, as a man and as a couple. You're going to be a daddy !!! Isnt that great?!

ps: Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?
 
Agree with all of the above, but also, as we were told during our birthing classes, it's your role to remind your wife to drink (and eat if she can handle it) lots of fluid.
 
Just went through this Monday. Great experience, but you will definitley be a minor player. Your wife is the most important person in the room, make sure she is comfortable and as relaxed as you can make her. Try to stay out of the way of the doctors and nurses. Realtively easy here in the US because the birthing rooms are big. You can be as involved as your ability to handle blood, pain, bodily fluids, etc... allows. I held her left leg and watched the monitor during the pushing process, walked her around while she was still ambulatory, tried to do what she needed in between. I did not cut the cord nor did I examine the placenta and was not in the room for the epidural because I know my limits and had promised our doula I would not become my own medical emergency.
If you are bringing a camera, get a picture of the baby on the scale showing the birth-weight. We took a picture while my wife was doing the paperwork (the beginning) and then basically put the camera away until after the baby was born. Took a few shots in the moments after birth and then throughout the next days. We opted to ban the video camera.
 
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