Terminating helper

Ps

sorry for my typos above.
Just to add, I don't agree the helper needs to have had kids. In Filipino families the mother isnt doing the childcare (grandma does) so they have no child-rearing experience.
Most of the Filipina girls have had children. Our best helper (and anotrher neighbours one) are young single, just good with children.
We have an Indonesian helper now- very nice and kind.
 
The reason I said that a helper should have had their own children if they are to care for yours is that until you have had your own it is impossible to fully appreciate how a mother wants and needs certain things to be done certain ways even if it seems over the top to someone else.

Someone who has had a child will know that they too were finicky about certain things and are therefore more likely to do things exactly as the employer mother wants. Someone who hasn't had kids might think that the mother is just being silly and do it their own way, particularly when the mother is not around.

We have lived this twice with two helpers, both of whom had had no children. One wouldn't do things like washing her hands and my children's hands when they came in from outside, sterlising bottles correctly (she thought a good wash was enough for a newborn but I don't agree especially when it takes only a little extra effort to pop the bottles in a steriliser).

Our current helper has had 4 of her own children and she raised each of them with little help from family until the youngest hit 6. She's only 35 and fantastic.

It's true that not all Filipina helpers who have had children have raised them themselves but this is nothing a question or two won't reveal.
 
Hi there
I take your point.

However, in my experience (many different helpers) you just cannot tell by other people's stories and also have strict rules about whether to employ a single girl. I suppose thats the problem with these forums.

By contrast to you, one of our best helpers (ex-primary school teacher ) who did craftwork etc with my daughter, was 38 and single (no kids) funding her whole family of 8 sisters (another way of knowing about kids is to look after baby siblings don't forget!)

However another, who enjoyed my dd company and was nice, ended up pinching money from a drawer.
So she was eventually dishonest but in terms of childcare, fine (she did have a child and husband here in HK)

They are untrained so things like sterilsing bottles, which is part of nannying, will not necessarily be known unless taught (thats not being fussy )

I think it just comes down t the old saying -you can't generalise.
We have to go with our gut feelings!

Another friend also said to me, that if the employer shows no interest in the helper's family +/- children they hasve etc (enquiring re schooling/problems etc) and develops a relationship with them, they cannot expect the helper to be that interested in the employers children etc and family matters to the exclusion of themselves.
I think thats true (human nature, maybe) - they are constantly on the phone to them and other friends so must feel lonely, I reckon.:wink:
 
Mushi,

Recently, you've two other threads recommending your current helper who has been working for you for one and a half year. But from this old thread you wrote 10 months ago, you were very unsatisfied with your helper, and the number of months you mentioned here, it sounds like this is the same helper you are recommending in your recent threads, could u pls explain the whole situation. These threads sound very conflicting, don't they??:confused:
 
hi honeybee,
yes u r right it is the same helper.....and yes i had been extremely unhappy with her.....i guess we both had to give in to adjust to our differences and now i am quite satisfied with her. but it did take some pain and time to get adjusted......the reason i stuck on with her were her honesty and hard working nature......her minuses are lack of warmth and sometimes she still goes off-mood for no reason i seem to understand but it all depends on what u r looking for ina helper.,.......i mention all these points to whoever who writes/talks to me.....but i do wish her well as now she is really attached to my sons sp. the younger one and am sure they will miss her.
 
In this old thread you said 'no matter how hard i have tried, your helper fails to show any affection for my kids or any kind of enthusiasm to work even she already worked for your family for 8 months, and you still felt very worrying when you left your children alone with her.' But now you wrote in the other thread saying ' she is excellent with my kids....she is very honest and hardworking and you can trust your children and house with her' . Your comments changed from very negative comment to a very positive comment. I just want to point out that we are really taking employer's recommendation seriously. I think employers should write recommendation only because they are very happy with their helper, not because they're leaving HK and try to help finding an new employer.
 
I agree i would not recommend my current helper to anyone and when we inquired about her past employee said great things and totally false. I am just continuing knowing that in 9 months time I wont need her.
 
I couldn't agree more as as to the seriousness of an employer's recommendation. Thanks Honeybee for spotting the inconsistency.

I was recommended my helper and she came with glowing references as to her housekeeping, cooking and child-minding skills...only to find, less than one month in to the contract, that she is hopeless at housekeeping and cooking. I dread to think what her child-minding skills are like.

The hopelessness and irritation I feel at the moment as I cannot, on a practical level, terminate her contract as our first baby is due in three weeks. Now my only option is to see if she improves at all during my maternity leave. If not, I'll have to terminate her contract and start the process all over again as soon as I have settled back in at home with the baby. :tantrum:
 
Employer's recommendation definitely pays a very important factor when considering a helper. A short interview or even trials can't tell much about a helper who tries to get herself a job, some will even pretend to be good. So employer's recommendation is the best way to reveal a helper's true personality and performance, and that's why most employers-to-be (like myself) are looking for helper with good referrals when we're looking up asiaxpat or other classified posts. So when an employer comments her helper as 'excellent' in whatever, we would assume we won't need to go through all the pains in training her that skills. I agree with Michelle2009 that I would feel very frustrated (or perhaps angry) to find out that this 'excellent' helper turns out to be far from meeting expectation.
 
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