Temper Tantrums

engee

Registered User
Hai I am the mum of a very short tempered 25 month old boy.
am very upset with this character of my son.
He does not need any particular reason to get angry.
We might be just reading a book when he will grab the book from my hands and throw it.
Initially i tried stopping him by shouting loud but he got angrier and ended up throwing things more.So i approached him softly.I just keep quiet when he throw things around .He realises and says sorry witha kiss.However when he is angry again he does it again inspite of our repeated warnings.
I dono how i can help him control his temper at this small age.We are both feeling upset abt it.
I do understand 98% of what he says to me( as he is still learning to speak and all) so i don think there is a communication problem.
He just gets angry in seconds.

Could you mums suggest some thing.
Any help is appreciated.


Thankyou so much.
sad engee
 
Hi Engee,

I just recieved this article around the same time you posted your message. It talks about toddlers behavior around this time and how some toddlers can show aggressions such as biting, hitting, scratching, or throwing tantrums. It can be common as this is the age where they are just starting to verbally communicate, but can't figure out exactly how to express themselves with words yet. I hope you will find the article insightful. Hang in there, I'm sure it's just a phase.

http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/to...73331.html?scid=mbtw_post20m3w:20060821:0:0:0

Don't be sad.

julia
 
Poor Engee

I feel exactly the same with my 22mo. Since months ago I have been looking all over and filling up my time in various types/titles of books about parenting from all sources that i can find. So far this works well:

Whenever it happens, regardless to the reason that he gets angry/do bad things such as throw a book and hitting someone, just keep your anger and talk to him gentlely, NO, darling dont do that. A short and affirmative sentence comes with the repeating actions. Sooner he will know this action would come in with this sentence. No exceptions and be strict.

On the 11th times it happens again so u want to give up ~ which could be the last time he is testing your limit. So, dont give up. Which helps to build up his personalities too. Never response to his bad actions or he will find it interesting to see u shout or hitting him. No matter he just bang the door or bites the shoes, I treat these actions same ~ Darling dont do that.

Jubee is right ~ it happens to toddlers in this age group and will presist until his 3rd/4th birthday.

Lets be strong ~ thats mommy's strength :))

Hope it helps :)

Jane
 
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It is normal. One thing that helps me deal with my 2 year old is reminding myself that although he is learning what proper behavior is, the inhibition part of the brain is not well developed, so even if he knows he shouldn't do something, it is still hard to NOT do it.

My little one is 2.5 now and for throwing things I take them away for the day and he gets them back the next day. I also use the techniques in the book 123 Magic, which is about using time outs. I find it effective. I also try to not yell so that he learns yelling is not what we do when we are angry. I also find if I say you are angry, he sometimes will say yes and then calms right down. This worked well when he still was unble to talk that well. He was angry, but couldn't express it in words.
 
Dear Jubee,Jane and capital.
Thanku so much for the very comforting replies.
I feel so much better readn them.

Thanx for ur time as well.

engee :-)
 
Hi All,
Capital, a great idea re helping him give words to his feelings, I will give that a go with my 2yr old little man.
Must say I find it frustrating our little lad is looked after fulltime by his dad and seems to lash out at me.
Lots of deep breaths, and yes remembering its just a phase and before long I will be more concerned about him borrowing the car. (lol)

Happy parenting

Jane M
 
Thanks for everybody's advise. I too have a an erratic 2.5 year old boy. I have been using the naughty spot and he is just getting to the point where I can reason with him. Having said that some days are bad, very bad. I can't cope with the running away whilst out. People must think I am a mad woman or an incredibly bad mother with little patience.
 
I think we all think we are mad or bad parents when our little loved one goes off on some mad temper tantrum, but it is just a normal part of our youngsters growing up. The naughty spot / step / corner etc work well. If only for one thing they provide you with the feeling that you are doing something. The Baby centre website offers lots of good advice on this.

Oh and don't worry too much about it, all parents go through it!
 
Hi moms, I have a 21mth old son who also has tantrums - sometimes what seems like nothing to me, for example, I can move a book/toy from the sofa, to the table not realizing that he had his eye on it and he will flip out. I find there are good days and bad days but what has really worked for me is Time Out.

We have a time out chair and when he starts to flip out, i tell him calmly but firmly to "go to time out to calm down". (now he knows and will walk there on his own) but before i used to take his hand and walk him there - even if he was crying and collapsing to the floor, i would just keep bringing him to his feet and guide him to time out. I would then tell him to sit down and I would sit in front of him and say something like "you are in time out because (the offense he made like throwing the toy or whatever), you must not (the offense), do you understand? - since he is still young, I give him the words i.e. say 'ok' or say 'sorry'. even if he can't say the word exactly, as long as it sounds like he is saying 'ok' or 'sorry' then i will say "good, lets hug and go back to what we were doing".

In the case where he has not done something wrong but is just freaking out, i will tell him to "go to time out to calm down" and when we get there, i will say "you are in time out because you need to calm down. when you show me how you can be calm, we can go back" and we sit until he stops crying. I tried the unaccompanied time out but it really didn't work for us since he is still so young and we got caught in the whole taking him back over and over again and missing the whole point of time out being a break from the situation for him.

This has really made a huge difference in our son's behaviour. Now when he is feeling frustrated about something, he often will say 'mine out' (time out) on his own and walk to the little chair and sit down and wait for me to come over to help him work through his frustration. We never use the chair in a negative way or in anger, just in a stern voice so he knows we are upset about something and if he has gone there on his own, i will just voice what I think he is frustrated about - "you are in time out because you are frustrated with the toy or need a break from...or because you are tired...hungry...etc." Now that he is talking a little more these days, i have also started to get him to repeat after me "we don't hit".

I think at this age, the tantrums are really normal. As far as I understand, kids will have them until they are teenagers...?? Something called run away emotions or something like that where once they are upset about something, they find it very difficult to calm down so removing them from the situation helps.
 
I think that as children learn to talk and verbalise their feelings, desires etc the tantrums become less and less. It's certainly been that way for our son.

I do also think however there is an element of 'personality' involved. Some kids are just 'testier' than others. My second son is much more relaxed than his older brother was at the same age. They are like chalk and cheese. I'm hoping the laid back attitude of the second will rub off on the first and not the other way around!
 
Our son also is at the same stage. What works for us either we have the thing taken away from him or we just ignore him as he always does something and expects us to run after him or scold him, but once we stopped doing that the thrill of throwing something went away

Best of luck
 
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