Strangers taking photos of my child

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Newbie_hk

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How do you deal with strangers taking photos of your child without your permission?*

I just got back from Disneyland and was annoyed to find strangers (mostly without kids of their own) taking photos of my daughter without our permission. I have been warned about this by a friend but just because it happens doesn't mean it's right. I find it creepy & uncomfortable. I have told these people to delete the photo off their camera. C'mon, my daughter is not a Disney character :)

What's the best way to deal with this?*
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Probably don't go to Disneyland... or save up and go to Florida ;-)

Seriously, as a general rule I think it's down to a cultural difference and is not coming from a creepy place, I've seen tourists taking photos of fire hydrants, blank walls, road signs... why not a cute kid, especially if they're different to the kids you normally see (i.e. blonde). Having said that, people should ask and you should have the right to say no and that's definitely a bit hit and miss.

As a general rule if I see someone with a camera in his direction, I ask The Boy "do you want your photo taken" and if he says no, I say to them "sorry he doesn't want his photo taken" and walk away, if he doesn't mind then I don't. I don't want to teach him to be afraid or angry in this situation but I want to teach him that he has the right to say no and take himself out of the situation.

For me it's a balance, it happens ALL the time and I don't want to turn every 'fun' day out into a battle with photographers and have The Boy see me getting annoyed all the time but at the same time I never want him to feel scared or intimidated by it so I will assert myself if he is unhappy.

On a practical level, if your child is blonde a hat can help.
 
If you really don't like it, then don't go to Repulse Bay beach... it's a tourist spot and we've already ended, with some other mums, with 10 tourists around us taking pictures of our babies, and even taking them in their arms without asking ! Can't say how many times I got really furious with that and started to send them away.
Last time was yesterday at Lamma beach... two girls taking pictures from my daugther, 10 m from me. When I saw them, they then tried to make "fake" pictures of other things and would move at the last moment. I just moved to turn my back to them and hide my daugther.
It's really a cultural difference... when you look at the newspapers, and can see pictures of offenders, accidents, names etc... this would never happen in my country !
I think we have to get used to it, and put some limits when you feel uncomfortable.
 
It's funny how often I hear certain behaviors explained Away as cultural differences.
I never let people take pictures of my boy. I always smile and tell them, "sorry, no pictures, please." I got furious at this crazy mainland women before for actually LEADING my son away (she didn't see me) in order to take a picture. I yelled at her and told her I would call the police next time I saw her trying to lead away my kid like that. She was a bit embarrassed, but not sufficiently so a few minutes later I went and gave her another bollacking as she still had her camera out. that's just me though, and perhaps it was a bit hot that day, or maybe that's just MY cultural difference.
This is just something do not allow. Having said that, I've never been to disney, ocean park or repulse bay. More reasons to stay away, I guess.
 
yes that happens, to my daughter and her friend too, and we're CHINESE...this was repulse bay and ocean park...at least the indian ladies at ocean park asked for our permission and asked us to join in the photo - still kind of strange though i would say - the mainlanders just snapped and left - we told them in Chinese it was not welcome and to not disturb us, they then went to harass some other kid...i just stick close to my kids now - they don't normally want the parent in the picture too! :)
 
since my first (now 6) could walk/say yes or no, i have always asked him. sometimes he says ok, sometimes he says no... usually he says no, but my daughter says ok...

it IS a cultural difference. it would NOT be acceptable in pretty much any western country, but it IS acceptable in most asian countries.... hence, cultural difference.

i, too, think it's a little creepy, but i try to remind myself that it isn't coming from a creepy place.

i also think that once a child is old enough to decide for themselves whether they want their photo taken or not, it should be their decision. it empowers the child, which i'm all for.
 
I agree with the mothers who said to ask the kid. We've come to recognize it as a cultural difference, though we HAVE had some occasions where it crossed the line that we were comfortable with (when changing a diaper!! - or trying to hold my child, etc.) This weekend my husband took my daughter to Disney (just the two of them) and he said he forgot how many photos they take, but it is what it is...you can't stop every single person taking a photo, so as in everything, moderation is key. Pick your battles.
 
Yep, cultural difference--especially if you're dealing with Mainlanders. If you really want to experience this go to a city or town that is out-of-the-way in Mainland China and experience a crowd flocking to follow you around (especially if you have, like other posters said, fair skin and hair). Yesterday, I was on the Star Ferry and the behavior of some of the Mainland tourists made me remark that they are both "ridiculous and hilarious." There is definitely a totally different definition of what is "private" and "public" in Mainland China and basically if you're out in public, you are public to them and just like the Disney characters you're there to be observed and well, to take pictures of. But, I've never noticed anyone taking photos of my child. Getting, too close to him, yes. It's pretty easy to deal with if they're little and can't speak up for themselves--you just tell the people to go away. I guess I would be the type to allow photos as long as my child consents to it when he's older--but only if the people taking the photo don't seem weird to me.
 
But, as someone said above, Mainlanders just take photos of anyone and anything. I had one shove a camera into my face (and my dinner) while eating on a terrace near LKF. And I'm a Chinese adult!

When I was a little kid in America, my Hong Kong mom would be freaked out by random Americans coming to pinch the cheek or touch the head of the exotic little Asian girl. (They'd also sometimes try to give us money, since they presumed we were poor). But back then, it wasn't like everyone had digital cameras.
 
When we were at Disney two weeks ago, we were eating lunch and some mainlanders who moved their chairs around so they could stare at my daughter (and when I mean stare, they were watching her unashamedly for about five minutes!) - and then when they wanted a better view, they actually grabbed her stroller to move it so they could see her better!! I was thinking "Have you ever heard about personal space?" - but I know the culture is so different there... I try not to be too uptight about it because I know they mean no harm by it, and they're not harming anyone. But at Disney the other week, I was really starting to get annoyed by all the attention!!
 
Thanks everyone for the advice. I like the idea of letting your own child decide for herself what she makes of the situation. I must say that on day 2 at Disney, the situation certainly lent itself to a free for all photo op when my daughter decided to dance on Main Street while waiting for the parade to start. She was oblivious to the waiting crowds, dancing to the music and made herself such a prime target for photo ops. At that point, my husband & I just shrugged our shoulders and let her enjoy the moment much to the amusement of the crowd. It was indeed a case of choosing your own battles. I was so preoccupied with what to do with the happy snappers that my husband then reminded me that WE should be getting a video of our own daughter to capture this spontaneous moment. I should've said, not to worry as I'll just ask the dozen or so onlookers for their videos too!

Naive question: how do you know they're mainlanders? Do we dare go down that path?
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after you've been here for a while, you just know.

they have a different:
1) style of dress
2) manners
3)mannerisms
4) language (sounds completely different to cantonese)
5) the men all carry man-bags
6) the women are generally, way "over-dressed" for what they are doing... i mean, who wears stillettos and hot pants (with tights underneath) to ocean park?
7) they often carry all of their own snacks (unless they get stopped at the gates of the parks)
8) they take pictures of the weirdest things
9) they spit anywhere and everywhere
10) they smoke cheap cigs like chimneys
11) they often squat while waiting for someone
12) they ALWAYS push and shove to be first in line or to get the 1/4 inch closer to the front than you
13) have no sense of privacy

a lot of it comes from the fact that they are so densely populated etc.

i hope i haven't offended anyone. for most of the above, i don't have a problem.... the only points that really bug me are the pushing and shoving and the spitting/smoking.
 
8) they take pictures of the weirdest things

I've had surreal moments where I've wanted to take pictures of the people taking pictures (I don't though because it's not culturally me ;-)

I think style of dress is a big one, it applies to lots of nationalities - for some countries it's fairly easy to tell where people are from from the style and brands of clothes they are wearing, especially if they're in large similarly dressed groups. Socks and sandals anyone?
 
they have the thinnest nylon socks for men in the mainland... that is one that i always notice... along with the taking a photo while squating at the side of the road, and spitting with a cheap cig hanging out of the mouth
 
Though my boss is from mainland too I wanna add to what cara said. Thinnest nylon socks and mostly pointed leather shoes.
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I find I also have to tell them to stop touching. We have the same problem with photos, especially with people wanting to photograph and touch our daughter's brown hair (she is 1/2 chinese). In Disneyland it is particularly bad, but also in TST.. and well... as others have said - basically all the tourist attractions in HK. Although we have also had people try and 'slip' photos in Sydney, Australia a couple of times. Whilst mainlanders are the most obsessed, they aren't the only culture who do this.
However, like others, I ask my daughter if she will let them take a photo, and depending on her response they may or may not be allowed to. It can sometimes be amusing the lengths they will try to take to get a picture when she says no... but most of the time we find people respect that no means no.
We have had mob-like touching of my daughter while waiting in line for rides at Disneyland and Ocean Park (even worse!) where myself and my helper have had to act as human shields to stop people (especially the older chinese ladies) from stroking and pulling my daughter's hair. It isn't very nice and hard to get them to understand that their attention - whilst obvious fascination - is unwanted.
Unfortunately though, it is part of life and you just have to work out what you are comfortable with allowing and accepting.
 
Naive question: how do you know they're mainlanders? Do we dare go down that path?
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Easy. They way they dress and accessorize, their body language and the volume of their voices are the most obvious signs. Also, the fact that you're at Disneyland says a lot--that's a huge destination for Mainland tourists. Also, they may be speaking Mandarin--so if you combine all of these together it's easy to tell. Once you've been to Mainland China a few times and traveled around you'll for sure know.

Some accessories Mainlanders like:

-Lots of rhinestones (on everything)--especially in hair clips for women
-Permed hair--and not just for the old ladies
-Dyed hair--a lot of really bad dye-jobs--in the most unnatural looking tones--for women
-Belts--the men like to show a little "bling" on their belts with some brand (Gucci etc.) or a knock-off
-Oversized suits--the men often wear suits or blazers and they are not well-fitted (most HK men have a sense of how a suit should fit)
-A kaleidoscope of colors--this also happens a lot in HK but Mainlanders take it to the extreme
-Bright pink lipstick for the women
-Pointy black shoes with a buckle for the men
-Outrageous shoes (often with rhinestones or some sort of fur bobble on them) for the women
 
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the suits that look like they were made for the lead singer from TALKING HEADS (anyone remember that band?).... also, poorly stitched... can see the stitches in the material... actually, generally the suit jackets/blazer just look cheap.
 
This could be a business opportunity. Perhaps I should make a t-shirt written in Mandarin "my child is not a Disney character, no photos please" They might start taking photos of my tshirt but I'm happy to take a bullet for my daughter :-)
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