Stand and Deliver: My most recent birth experience

Hi Thanka -- Thanks for all the information.
I mentioned the gawking Chinese men because of something I saw, not something in your post.
At Baptist, they showed me a laboring room with narrow berths and lots of equipment, like fetal heart monitors, with an open door that led right into a corridor filled with all sorts of people (inexplicably with giant suitcases). I presume these were the masses of hangers-on that women bring in with them? There were men, women, kids, most of them yelling on mobile phones or eating things.
I presume this is where early labor takes place. Then, when you're getting closer, they move you to a delivery / birthing room.
What I'm worried about is that, at least in early labor, in this situation, there would be no way for any woman to move around with freedom or privacy.
I'm going to take a 3rd trip to the ward. The last 2 times, the nurses were so overburdened shuffling huge numbers of Chinese "birth-tourists" around that they didn't have time or patience to answer many questions...
 
My husband, God bless him, is very nervous about medical stuff. He goes to the doctor at the drop of a pin. That's not a criticism -- that's just his way.
I'm thinking that I might hire a doula for labor. I sounds like I'm going to have to fight on all sides to have a reasonably natural birth, and I might not have the strength to do it if I'm in the middle of that birth! So a sympathetic doula might be a good person to go to bat for me, so to speak.
 
Gracy - not sure if you are planning to go to a public hospital, but if so you won't be allowed to have a doula with you, from what I understand. Not sure what the private hospital policies are regarding this - they may vary. I am allowed to have one but I have booked a private room at a private hospital, which seems to allow me additional 'privileges' during labour.
 
Gracey said:
Hi Thanka -- Thanks for all the information.
I mentioned the gawking Chinese men because of something I saw, not something in your post.
At Baptist, they showed me a laboring room with narrow berths and lots of equipment, like fetal heart monitors, with an open door that led right into a corridor filled with all sorts of people (inexplicably with giant suitcases). I presume these were the masses of hangers-on that women bring in with them? There were men, women, kids, most of them yelling on mobile phones or eating things.
I presume this is where early labor takes place. Then, when you're getting closer, they move you to a delivery / birthing room.
What I'm worried about is that, at least in early labor, in this situation, there would be no way for any woman to move around with freedom or privacy.
I'm going to take a 3rd trip to the ward. The last 2 times, the nurses were so overburdened shuffling huge numbers of Chinese "birth-tourists" around that they didn't have time or patience to answer many questions...
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That sounds exactly like my experience with Adventist Hospital (Tsuen Wan)--one huge factor why, even though, I'd paid a deposit to give birth there I decided to go with the public hospital instead. Oh, and my doctor flaked out on us too. Honestly, after my experience with the public hospital, I am so glad that my doctor bailed at the last moment because the expense of the private hospital is totally not worth it to us because

1. It's just as cramped and chaotic (or moreso) as the public hospital
2. They don't allow rooming-in so if you're hoping to breastfeed it really does put you at a huge disadvantage (those first few hours and days with baby getting into the swing of breastfeeding really can make or break the chances of breastfeeding successfully, I think)
3. There are lots and lots of Mainland medical tourists (and family) wandering in and out of the wards at all hours--eating and talking loudly--good luck with getting privacy or rest
4. It's EXPENSIVE--pretty much, the sky is the limit when it comes to what you could end up paying in a private hospital--I guess if you have awesome insurance that covers everything then it's a non-issue

About a doula--you can't bring a doula with you into the public hospital. But, I'm also wondering that instead of bringing your husband into the "delivery" room if you opted to have a different birth partner (hey, some women just don't have husbands to bring with them into the delivery room so shouldn't it be allowed to have at least another support person there--such as a sister or mother?)--maybe you might be able to get permission for a different birth partner to be there and then bring in a doula as your birth partner.

You can, however, only have one person with you in labor and on the documents I've seen it's said to be the husband. Don't know how willing the hospitals are to compromise on this. Of course, your husband will want to be there for the birth but it might also make him feel completely helpless if you're going through labor and he's not prepared to actively support you--and if he has issues with blood or seeing someone in pain, he might pass out too.

So, for practical reasons (especially if you're planning for a med-free birth) you might just want a different birth partner there. I flat-out told my husband at some point during this pregnancy that if when it came time to give birth I felt he hadn't done his homework and wasn't ready to support me through labor then I would rather he not be in the room with me--for practical reasons.

Just something to think about...
 
I had an unmarried friend give birth in a public hospital in Kowloon and was not allowed to bring her mother in with her. The father wanted nothing to do with the baby so was not present. It was so scary for my friend having her first child! I really wish this rule will be changed or has been already because it's really unfair...
 
I know that the policy is that you can have a female birthing partner if for some reason your husband cannot be there, but I have heard of women partners not being allowed in. I think it's crazy because you could probably bring ANY guy and say that he's your husband, I don't think that they ID the men do they? (Maybe they did, I wouldn't know - I was in labour at the time!) but just because it's a woman they are often rejected...
 
Thanks, everyone, for the suggestions.
1. I am delivering at a private hospital, Baptist. However, they no longer allow people to pre-book private rooms. It's first-come first-serve, so only time will tell if I have one.
2. Thanka -- My husband does have issues with medical procedures, something like a phobia. It's no lack of love or support on his behalf.. I'm thinking seriously about whether it would be better for both of us if he's not expected to be my birthing partner. But, of course, I want him there for as much of it as possible.
3. The idea of the doula was to give me support, and to maybe take some pressure off the hubby, too. I want it to be a happy occasion for everyone.

I had no idea women birthing partners were being turned away. Egads. What if it's your Mom? Sounds better to be than a deadbeat dad who didn't show up!

Anyway, I am going to ask my doctor and then the maternity nurses about the doula issue. They already think I'm a "maah faan" patient!
 
I heard that a doula was able to be with a woman in the general ward at Queen Mary quite recently. Maybe check in with Kathy Kitzis of A Mothering Touch. She was the person's doula. I know that when I went in with my first at 2009, you had to wait to be in active labour (more than 3cm dilated) to have anyone accompany you.
 
Gracey said:
2. Thanka -- My husband does have issues with medical procedures, something like a phobia. It's no lack of love or support on his behalf.. I'm thinking seriously about whether it would be better for both of us if he's not expected to be my birthing partner. But, of course, I want him there for as much of it as possible.
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Totally understood. I think that without a lot of intensive training to get their minds around childbirth and ability to accept what's going to take place, most men aren't really the best birth partners. But, the flip side of that is that men can prepare themselves for birth just as women do and get over their phobias if they are willing. However, you really don't want anyone in that room with you who is going to add extra stress because during labor you don't need to be mentally focused on how your husband is doing--it should be the other way around. Hope that you can get things worked out and have a ready and able birth partner or doula with you. Have a happy birth!
 
Thanka2 you are so right about the fact that you want someone to be mentally focussed on you and supportive. And also about the fact that men can prepare themselves in the same way as women. My husband could not understand at all why i wanted a natural birth, but was prepared to learn. He went to the course with me, read lots and was a fantastic birth partner both times. But he needed to learn what he was getting himself into to get there.
 
TNT said:
Thanka2 you are so right about the fact that you want someone to be mentally focussed on you and supportive. And also about the fact that men can prepare themselves in the same way as women. My husband could not understand at all why i wanted a natural birth, but was prepared to learn. He went to the course with me, read lots and was a fantastic birth partner both times. But he needed to learn what he was getting himself into to get there.
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I think that all along in most of my posts regarding pregnancy that maybe the biggest point I was trying to get across that although childbirth is natural, it doesn't really come naturally for most people--whether they are the mother or her birth partner/husband. I think there is this strange belief that one can just go throughout pregnancy and minimally prepare and then go through labor without meds or interventions--that it will all just "come to me" when I'm in the heat of the moment. While this may be the case with a small number of women, I think that most women (and men) who do this really are doing themselves and their babies at a disservice.

Sure, it's fine to take some prenatal classes to become aware of what goes on in birth but some people leave it at that (or don't even take a class)--but honestly that's more "head knowledge" than anything. And there is a vast difference between prenatal classes.

From my experiences (especially this latest birth) I will always advocate over-preparing for labor and birth rather than just assuming that the hospital staff will tell you what to do when you get there. They may order you around (as was the case with my most recent birth) but that doesn't mean they're actually doing what's best for you, your birth partner or baby.

To me, it's like signing up for a marathon run but knowing that you can't really even jog around the block without breathing heavily and just saying to yourself, "Oh, well, in ten months, I'll be ready to run a marathon because I read a book about it." Naw, you have to actively get out there and train--same thing for birth. You've got to learn everything you can about it--and research it and have your mind made up what you want and how you're going to do it and be mentally prepared for all the eventualities that you can.

And yes, I think that most men can also prepare but they have to actively do it--they have to want to be there and expose themselves to the right information and practical training so that when the time comes they can be there--not just physically but also mentally.
 
Great to read your story! It brought back my own two births, both in public HK hospitals. The second one in particular was fantastic, and unmedicated.

Childbirth can be such an intense, fantastic, unique experience, thanks for sharing.
 
Thanka2, congratulations! You are one brave individual, I can tell you that! I loved reading your story and parts of it really cracked me up. I even shared the story with my husband. Men just don't have a clue what childbirth and pregnancy involves, so it was really eye-opening for him!
 
Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and congrats. My daughter turned 4-weeks-old yesterday. She has amazing neck control and can hold her head up and look fully around (been able to do this since 2 weeks old) when she's lying on her stomach. She's pushing up with her legs and shows a lot of curiosity--similar to her older brother at that age. She's a total sweet pea and we really enjoy her! She's a good sleeper and eater (at her 3-week appointment she had gained over 1 kilo--exclusively breastfed). She's also quite easy to sooth (maybe this is just my perception as my son was often impossible to sooth). I still have not experienced any post-partum depression and as I'm 4 weeks out from childbirth, I say my chances of not having to deal with it are increasing every day. I'm all healed up from childbirth and the only trouble I'm having now is some skin issues from breastfeeding.

My 3-year-old is hilarious as he insists on every day, "Mama, I wanna listen to the baby in your tummy." This is something he did every night throughout my pregnancy. I just tell him he's silly and ask him "Where is the baby now?" He also told me he wants another baby brother or sister. I asked him if he wants a boy or girl. The first time he said a boy but then he changed his mind to a girl so he "can have two 'mui muis.'" Pretty sure we're going to hold off on number three for awhile but as I said, after this past birth experience, I'm up for another one if it can go as smoothly!

Anyway, I came across this interesting study that confirms something my midwife told me about redheads being more sensitive. (BTW, I have naturally red hair). So, this throws an interesting spin on a comment someone made about the reason why I was able to give birth without pain meds is because I just have a "higher pain threshold." According to this study, the opposite is likely true. Redheads tend to have a lower pain threshold compared with people with darker hair. We also tend to have more skin problems and bleeding problems--just call us "frail." Ha! Just thought this study was interesting.
 
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Really enjoyed reading your birthing experience in HK. I'm not due until Jan 5th and was really worried about delivery but after reading your post (most of which I literally laughed my a$$ off reading) I feel more relieved, because my family may not be able to make it to China from the US for the delivery.
 
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