Shall I consider counselling/psychotherapy for baby blues?

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lina27

Registered User
I am an older first-time mom-to-be (8 weeks only), and needless to say was looking forward to the pregnancy. However, as soon as I got pregnant I became an emotional mess: one day euphoric, another completely down (like a roller-coaster). More recently, however, I am more apathetic, even lethargic - I've lost my pre-pregnancy enthusiasms and interests, and sleep 10-14 hours per day. More importantly, I've lost interest towards my work which involves dealing with people a lot. Since I have to be in tip-top emotional shape to face them it's a little dangerous to be moody. Frequently, pulling myself together is a near impossible task.

I really miss my former self. I seem to be undergoing a personality make-over, for the worse! Hence, I am asking moms-to-be and actual mothers who had an experience like mine how they coped with it. Does it make sense to turn to counselling? Who in HK? Are there althernatives to counselling? Many thanks in advance to all the respondents.
 
Hi lina27...what you are experiencing is very normal symptoms of pregnancy. I was like that for all three pregnancies...for the first I tried very very hard to focus during the times I was at work and keeping busy actually made me forgot about being tired. Second one, had similar experience but listened to my body and slept more and longer naps whenever possible. Third as I was no longer working and had two kids to look after with the help of my helpers, i made sure to stay busy and sleep whenever possbike. Your mood will be much better if you can get the sleep. Also, lethargy is normal, that is why you should try to sleep earlier whenever possible. It is ok to sleep...I personally think sleeping is a total waste of time but during my pregnancy I just did as my body wanted

No need counseling, just talk to your hubby more so you can vent. Take care.
 
Thank you, lesliefu. I really admire women like you who go through multiple pregnancies. To me, one seems already like a feat...

I do sleep A LOT. I also talk to my hubby a lot. What's missing is a busy schedule that I can switch my attention from my condition to something else. I decided to sign up for pre natal yoga classes (I used to be very active physically, but now my attitude is 'can't care less') - it may help me a little to keep my mood swings at bay... Again, thank you for the advice.
 
mood-wise, think of pregnancy as almost 10 months of PMS! mood-swings are not unusual, for many women, they are the norm.

as is sleeping a lot.

that said, if you are really feeling depressed, of course you should talk to someone professional.
 
Definitely agree with yoga classes...I did them too and after that you will feel much better. Also, you will be with a bunch of pregnant ladies and if you let yourself open up, sharing with them experiences first hand will help you too. The whole thing might be a bit overwhelming now, but I trust you will be more than fine nice you find the right balance. Take care.
 
Yep, that's pregnancy. I used to be an avid reader and I find I can't concentrate on books at all during pregnancy or for months after the last one was born. I'm also very (overly) emotional - there are heaps of regular things I can't watch on TV at the moment because they make me cry. And first and third trimesters are all about the naps for me.

Being pregnant and becoming a mother does change you, don't expect to snap back to your 'old self' once the baby is born, all these changes happen for a reason, they make you prioritise yourself and your health when pregnant and once the baby is born these hormonal changes will help you you to focus on the baby's needs. Your interests and regular moods will come back gradually as the hormones subside and you get into the swing of being a mother.

That being said, do look up the symptoms of post natal depression and be familiar with them, sometimes they do occur pre birth as well and if you are experiencing any of them you should always seek help.
 
i agree with carang & lesliefu - that the emotional rollercoaster is normal for most women during pregnancy...& the tiredness. they seem to feed each other, too. for most people, the tiredness lessens in the second trimester, which then makes it easier to cope with the mood swings (at least i found that). it's hard to be motivated/enthusiastic when you're exhausted!

however, sometimes it really does help to be able to talk to someone objective. i think to some extent there is a grief process for the loss of our former selves when we get pregnant/become mothers, or stress about/fear of the unknown. working through that can (probably will) be helpful. some people can do this on their own, or with their existing support network. other people really benefit from counselling. so if you've tried all your current resources (e.g. usual coping mechanisms...husband/friend support...whatever usually works for you in times of stress) & you're still feeling crappy, i would definitely suggest counselling.

here is one place that offers an english counselling service in hk. there are many more, i'm sure. i haven't actually used them, so can't offer any recommendations, but it's just one that i've heard of through my studies (i'm studying counselling...so of course very pro counselling!!)

http://www.stjohnscathedral.org.hk/counselling.html

oh...also, i think going to the yoga classes is a really good idea. sometimes just getting our bodies moving can do wonders for our mental health!!
 
lalligirl said:
i think to some extent there is a grief process for the loss of our former selves when we get pregnant/become mothers, or stress about/fear of the unknown.
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Both points are very true for me. Although I may sound like a selfish, spoiled brat of a mom-to-be, I already miss my freedom - reading loads into the wee hours of the morning and traveling loads at a whim, etc. I know it sounds perhaps irresponsible (coz I am in my late 30s), and I am now getting used to my new condition full of responsibility for someone else's life. Hence perhaps the grief and the fear.. Thank you for pointing this out and thanks for the link.
 
carang said:
that said, if you are really feeling depressed, of course you should talk to someone professional.
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I don't think I am in full blown depression, i.e. being disfunctional, staying in bed all day or not sleeping, neglecting my work duties, etc. Often however I feel melancholic (esp given HK's current weather pattern - not enough sunlight). But let's see how I will feel when take up yoga classes and perhaps meet other preggy women (joining this forum already helps).
 
see the thing is, that from my experience, once you hold that precious being in your arms, you don't WANT to be that selfish person again. (now, i know this is not true for everyone, but it certainly was for me).

while there are times, i fondly look back at my PK (pre-kids) days, i really don't think i would want to revisit them. while my world does not revolve around my kids (i run 3 different businesses.... ok, i try to run 3 different businesses), they ARE the centre of my being. i cannot imagine my life without them now.

i have a friend who, 3 months ago, lost her 13 year old son to the stupidity of the "choking game". i truly cannot comprehend the total grief and devastation she is feeling.

the pregnancy itself should be a time to reflect what your life has been and what it will become, but all the while not really understanding what it will become (hence the fear of the unknown)...i know it's cliche, but until you are a mother, you won't "get it".

i do understand that it isn't so simple for some people, which is why being open to counselling is a very good thing.
 
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jvn said:
don't expect to snap back to your 'old self' once the baby is born
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Indeed, I did hope to "snap back to my 'old self' once the baby is born" - with the help of exercise and domestic help. Perhaps my expectations are totally unrealistic...
 
carang said:
see the thing is, that from my experience, once you hold that precious being in your arms, you don't WANT to be that selfish person again. (now, i know this is not true for everyone, but it certainly was for me).

while there are times, i fondly look back at my PK (pre-kids) days, i really don't think i would want to revisit them. while my world does not revolve around my kids (i run 3 different businesses.... ok, i try to run 3 different businesses), they ARE the centre of my being. i cannot imagine my life without them now.
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Wow, running 3 businesses and being a mom! And, not wanting to go back to one's PK days - - This is very encouraging. Thank you for putting things in perspective for me... Losing a child is perhaps the worst tragedy that can befall anyone...
 
yep, 2 playgroup centres and a dog boarding business. both hubby and i are self-employed (which adds a whole new dimension to the financial aspect of raising kids).

don't get me wrong, there are times when i think banging my head repeatedly into a brick wall would be more fun than raising my kids, those times are completely wiped out virtually the second i hear, "Mummy, you're the best mummy in the WHOOOOOOLLLLLE universe! I love you from the very bottom of the sea right to the tippy-toppy of space!" (something my son said to me when he was about 4-5 years old).

if all you feel like doing right now is sleeping, then, i say, GO FOR IT! it wont be long before you can only dream about sleeping as you will be so tired from feeding, burping, changing nappies, changing clothes, feeding, changing nappies,changing clothes.... you get the picture.
 
lina27 said:
Indeed, I did hope to "snap back to my 'old self' once the baby is born" - with the help of exercise and domestic help. Perhaps my expectations are totally unrealistic...
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You have plenty of time to figure out what a realistic expectation is for you and your family, but you may be in for quite a shock and disappointment if you believe you will snap back to your old self once the baby is born. Some women do return to something of their origional selves within a year or so after birth, but others prefer the new self and don't ever return to old ways. Most balance things they did PK (to borrow carang's expression) with things they wont do again. But note I said "after a year or so". Girl, the job of a newborn is to make it abundantly clear that you are no longer the center of your universe and you are no longer the same person you were. They do their job very well. You could have 10 helpers doing everything for you and still you will get that message loud and clear from your baby.

If you refuse to accept this and try to force yourself to live as if nothing has changed, you are going to be headed for a mess of trouble. But if you are patient, once the child gets older and a bit more self-sufficient, you MAY be able to patch together some version of your old self, physically and mentally and emotionally. But it will take time and wont be as instantaneous as you sound like you are hoping it to be.

Just a word to the wise. Like i said, you have plenty of time to think about that, and whatever you decide, your baby is going to dictate the terms and conditions of your lifestyle in the beginning anyway, so flexibility is key to saving your sanity.
 
lina27 said:
Indeed, I did hope to "snap back to my 'old self' once the baby is born" - with the help of exercise and domestic help. Perhaps my expectations are totally unrealistic...
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Physically there's no reason why you can't go back to your old energetic self, just make allowances for the fact that the hormones you have now don't leave the moment the baby is born so you may make yourself unhappy if you expect too much of yourself too soon. Give yourself time and you'll be fine.

As for motherhood changing who you are, it certainly has me and I wouldn't want it any other way, not even for a moment :-D
 
Thanks to 'genkimom' and 'jvn' for the insightful comments and advice. I guess I am just extrapolating too much and overanalyzing the situation. This kind of 'thinking too much' makes me sceptical, fearful and sad to an extent. Instead, I should just get on with life and go with the flow, and when time comes the baby and motherhood will naturally transform me (mother Nature will take over) - at least bring about a shift in consciousness that will allow me adjust to my new condition. Right now with only a theoretical knowledge of motherhood and not-so-pleasant experience of pregnancy, I am ambivalent about motherhood and slightly shocked by a personality makeover which is already underway (thanks to hormones). My mom tells me that she'd rather be pregnant than menopaused coz the latter is hormonally MUCH worse. Well, her claim is somewhat reassuring, at least for the time being... Thanks to you all for your comments and advice!
 
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