Safe to leave with helper?

[howardcoombs]

But I think you're being dismissive of "a brand new mother who has only 6 months experience." It's the "only" that does it for me. You learn alot in those 6 months.

I'm not trying to be dismissive but rather being inclusive by pointing out that there are others besides the mother who are perfectly capable of taking care of the child.

In most countries, those "brand new mothers" are the ones who single-handed care for their babies without helpers, and they do fine. This is what all of my friends in the US or Europe do.

You need to look a bit closer to your friends in US and Europe. Vast majority certainly do not care for their babies single handedly. Sure, they dont have "helpers" but they have friends, neighbors, parents, grandparents; whole series of people who form support network. For a many of us in Hong Kong, that support just doesnt exist and we rely on our helpers.

Some of us choose to rely on them more than others; that's a personal decision one makes depending on their circumstances; It is not silly.

 

[JoyousBaby]

If talk about instinct, I do trust this helper. But again I've decided not to go cos I know its too long a trip and I definitely will miss my baby. I hate that feeling. Sorry guys I've posted such silly stuff and can see the debate going on. I can understand what Howard trying to say cos is exactly how n what my husband think too.

And as for mothers out there we just can't really leave our little ones for too long, we will definitely be worried and hence won't enjoy the trip too.
Back to this helper, she is my 2nd one. 1st one totally ignorant, untidy with work, poor hygiene simply lazy. The moment I have this current one, after a week I trusted her and left my baby with her, both my hubby and I went movie as well as a great dinner. When I came home baby was already in bed. She was the one that actually help to get my gal into routine, nap, feeding...sleeping patterns all fixed.

She is a middle age lady and very experienced. Taught me a lot of things. I am lucky to have her and she volunteered to look after baby for that 2 weeks and don't mind staying with relatives while we are away. I'm the one refused to have the relatives involved cos THEY simply cant handle my baby. There were many incidents that make me so afraid to have them carry or feed my baby. Once cuz sis try giving baby water and my baby got choked, lips turned blue..she didn't even notice cos she was trying to burp her while poor bb struggling to breathe! Once another cousin carried her but didn't she the door and bump my baby head against it.. Told my husband I can't tolerate all these stupid act from his relatives. Oh and take pic of my baby with FLASH!!!!!! With my baby looking at the phone cam, I almost killed them!...

 

[matemate]

I think the title of this thread is really not wisely chosen.

It should either be "safe to leave baby behind for an overseas trip" or "skills needed to look after a baby". these are essentially the two issues at hand.

For the first point, we spent our first hubby-mommy weekend away alone when our baby was 9 months old. he did express very clear 'missing' emotions after 3 days, which i would not dismiss and hence i think that situation was not ideal. my rule of thumb now is max 1 day away up to 6 months, 2 days up to 12 months and 1 week from 18 months onwards.
and howard, i don't have any scientific proof of the emotional issues that the baby might have (and it won't scar him for life anyway). my observation for my own baby guides me here.

the second issue is around who would look after the baby when hubby-mommy are away. clearly our helper is by far the best qualified person. if you have a helper that you trust, then i would venture to say that she is the best to take care in your absence 9 out of 10 times. relatives is simply a second best option if you do not have a helper that you trust - but then why one would employ such a helper is beyond me.