Resisting the Culture of ?Spend Spend Spend?

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LittleFoot

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Resisting the Culture of ?Spend Spend Spend?

Hello all. I have a 17 year old son and a 15 year old daughter and one of the biggest things that concern me for their future is the whole ?wanting to buy everything they see on TV or in the stores? idea. This really concerns me after seeing my children each earning money on their own and spending it so freely over the past couple years. Whatever they want, they buy it, and I try to tell them to save but it goes in one ear and out the other.
I was never instilled with smart spending habits, and saving, and am trying to instill that into my children? But the fact is the way I see their spending habits, it scares me for their future. I have a couple questions: 1) At what age do you (if you did) start instilling saving and financial responsibility to your children and 2) Am I worrying for nothing? Is 15 and 17 still young to be worried about this?
 
Interesting post. From all of the financial education books and services out there, I think the message overall is pretty clear: "It's never too young to teach your children to be financially responsible and literate." Some people see setting up financial boundaries for their children as a type of punishment to them but my view is that it's literally an investment in their future. The more self-disciplined, responsible and literate your children are when it comes to finances, the better chance they have for financial success (and less suffering at the hands of people like credit card collectors) when they are finally on their own.

I don't have teen children yet but I can tell you that even at 3-years-old my son is starting to understand about money. We try to take practical steps to introduce him to the concepts of saving and being frugal with money. He has his own piggy bank and we show him how to pay for things at the store with money and that just because he wants something at the store (even though he cries for it) doesn't mean he's going to get it. For his age, it's simple steps that we can build on as he gets older.

I think it's hard for us parents to do this on our own but there are a lot of really top-notch resources out there to teach us the tools so we can teach our children the tools.

The two most well-respected that I know of (because all of my friends and family have gone through these courses and come out on the other side debt-free) are:

Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University (they have a curriculum for teens and kids)

(a video of Dave talking about Kids and Money: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTbLMPeKV98)

Crown Financial Ministries Money Matters (free resources for kids and teens)
 
I can say, from my own experience when I was a child, if you receive little money, your parent don't buy you every stuff that you want, you will learn to appreciate money and the sense of saving for something that you really want or need.
 
When I was that age, my parents bought me the necessities (food, toiletries and underwear/basic clothing) and they gave me an allowance of $20AUD (I think) each week which I could choose to a) spend on stuff that I wanted, b) spend on nicer or name-brand clothing, c) spend on junk food/icecreams etc or d) save. (or whatever combination I chose)

I think that this system was GREAT for teaching us how to manage money. My parents bought us birthday/Christmas gifts, and the occasional "just because" gift. Sometimes if they knew that we were saving up for a big purchase (such as a car) they would match us dollar for dollar to help out. But we really learnt the value of money through that, when we realised that I could have that nice name-brand sweater if I saved ALL my money for six weeks! I will definitely be planning to use a similar approach with my kids when they are older...
 
we follow the same approach as nicolejoy with our 6 year old. He gets $50HKD per week depending on his behaviour. If he chooses to put it in the bank to save we match it so he gets double but he can also choose to spend it. We wanted to combine money awareness with consequences so if he chooses to spend it all on a small toy that only lasts a week then he learns from it. Towards the end of last year he asked us if we would buy him a nintendo DS. We explained that they were very expensive but if he liked, he could save for it. His dad made up a big chart with a picture of the DS on top and every time he put his money in the savings jar he coloured a portion until he reached the top. He bought his DS last week and was so excited about the fact that he had saved for it and bought it himself! It has really taught him the cost of things and the rewards of saving. He now has a new chart for some games! He is saving that money every two weeks and putting some in the bank too so we are happy at how it is going so far.
 
It's harder to do when the teenagers are earning and spending their own money as the original poster said. Perhaps cut back on the stuff you buy them so they have to think more carefully before spending their money? Or suggest them to save up for something big, like a trip somewhere, an expensive phone or computer or guitar and offer to match their savings?
When I was in highschool I worked and hence I didnt ask for allowance anymore. Do they still have allowance? Maybe cut the allowance or save it up for them.
Btw, what work can a teenager do that earn so much :p
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Concerning work--I had my first regular paying job when I was 14-years-old. I cleaned at a flower shop a few times a week. (But, I had been a regular at babysitting for friends and neighbors since I was probably about 12-years-old). A couple of years later I started driving (everyone where I'm from drives as we have no public transportation). At that time, I was allowed to use the family car but I had to pay for fuel and part of the insurance costs so the money that I earned at my after school job wasn't just "play money" for me anymore. Thus, I have continuously been employed since that time--no matter if I was going to school or not. Nothing like having a real responsibility (a car) to teach you how to manage your money a bit. It was either pay for fuel and insurance or walk everywhere in -20 degree weather in the winter.

My parents also paid for basic necessities for me such as food but when it came to clothing, we went shopping maybe once a year before school and the budget was very small so if I wanted new clothing or shoes I also had to buy those myself.

I only received an allowance when I was younger and it was very small--about $1-2 USD/week ($8-16 HKD/week). Allowance was attached to doing chores around the house so if we didn't do our chores we also didn't get paid. After I started working it seemed silly for me to continue to receive an allowance and I actually felt it was a big confidence booster for me to be able to earn my own money and save it.

However, every person has a different style when it comes to money. While, I tend to naturally be a saver, my brother is the total opposite of me and we say that money "burns a hole in his pocket." No matter what, I think it's the parents' responsibility to model good strategies with money--not only about being careful with money but how to actually manage it. I had my own chequing and bank account from the time I started working onward so I learned the practical skill of balancing a cheque book and keeping account of where your money is going. The more we can teach our children about saving, budgeting and investing, the better off they'll be in life, I think.
 
There was an editorial in the South China Morning Post a few weeks ago that's quite relevant to this topic. I've bolded the section that really struck a cord with me.

Have you ever noticed that Hong Kong children spend a huge amount of time indoors? Whether they are studying, hanging out with their friends or even playing sports, increasingly, our children are growing up under the glow of fluorescent lights. It is a fact that I never really noticed until recently, when I signed my son up for a weekly football class - only to find that it was held indoors.

There are numerous reasons for this phenomenon and none of them are new. First, there is the lack of space. There's also Hong Kong's ever increasing air pollution. Then, there are the cultural reasons: most parents in Hong Kong live in constant worry that their children might either freeze or melt.
It is no surprise that, these days, indoor playrooms and playgrounds are popping up. Children flock after school to tutorial centres to relearn what they have learned at school. Teenagers use crowded shopping malls like living rooms.

This much indoor activity is unnatural. Being outdoors is not just about getting fresh air and exercise. It is also a state of mind. It is about being able to do anything and, in particular, be creative. Children need grass the same way they need white paper to write on and draw on. Every child sees a large patch of grass differently; some see a game of tag, while others see a stage for somersaults.

Similarly, doing things outdoors is inspiring. The outdoors feeds a child's imagination and creates endless possibilities for learning. To this day, the best laboratory for science is the outdoors.

The lack of outdoor activity for our children is alarming. It means that, compared to their counterparts in other places, they have one fewer platform upon which to be creative.

But, because being indoors is so easy, children take to it. The many comforts of being inside - stable temperature, constant lighting and purified air - mean it is addictive.

Yet, over time, it feeds our increasingly superficial lifestyle. After all, for most children growing up in Hong Kong, the easiest place to stay inside and yet still be out is the shopping mall. If you spend your whole childhood in a mall, you are bound to come out highly trained to, well, consume. And we wonder why Hong Kong children are so materialistic.

Our children are missing out on a real childhood. And it is not because of our school system or extracurricular classes. It is because they do not play outside enough. So, take your children out; take them somewhere they can get their hands dirty - that means getting out of the bubble of Hong Kong Island.

And when you are out and about, do not automatically reach for your iPhone. At any given park in Hong Kong, parents can be seen shoving their cameras into their child's face. God forbid we leave one fun moment undocumented! But children do not want to be chased by Blackberries. They want to be chased by their parents, sans electronic devices, just enjoying the day with them, outside.​
 
Thanks JayJay for posting that article. I was just talking with my husband about this the other day. There is something very nourishing to the soul about being close to nature for me. I know this as I grew up in a place where sunrise to sunset, everywhere I went, all I needed to do was look out a window to have a view of nature. Just stepping outside my door there were trees and places to walk in solitude in nature--five minutes from my front door!

So, for me, particularly, being in Hong Kong has often been a wearying experience. For this reason, we've done the best we can do to be nearer to nature. This week we've been taking my 3-year-old to an empty field/lot (where they are likely going to start construction on new apartments soon) to just walk around and pick weeds/flowers/grass and pick up stones--it's certainly not a nice park but for a 3-year-old it's an adventure.

I really do miss the solitude/solace of walking in nature like I did back home--I think that's the number one thing I miss actually. It's really not the same here in HK but we do the best we can.
 
My parents encouraged my brother and I to start working at an early age. At age 10, we rode our bikes up and down hills delivering the daily paper and at the end of every month, we'd go house by house collecting subscription fees. That was hard work and really taught me the value of money.

As a teenager, I earned CDN$8 - 17/hr at different jobs during my teenage years, and always spent it carefully. I think it was when I watched a show (no idea what it was) and learned to calculate how many hours I would have to work to buy something. That really woke me up!! (Buying a pair of shoes it would take 30 hours of work to cover was out of the question!!)

My parents only gave me necessities by the time I was about 16-17. Yes, I got the occasional "just because" gift. For big purchases like cars, they would buy for us only after we earned the amount needed.

As for being materialistic, I think for many it's using brand name products to make up for something missing in their lives. "Buying" confidence for example. Of course, true confidence cannot be purchased. Perhaps this is also something to consider...
 
Okay, I'm not joking, my first job at 14 was flower shop, cutting thorns off of roses. I'm 42, still have the knife. My kids are younger. Rather than just give them an allowance, I hooked up with Kidworth.com. My sons use it as an online way to manage their money. So, they track what they get for birthdays, holidays, etc. Then they pick what they want to spend it on, chart it out. We added buttons to save for college and they picked charities. Then they manage it. What they can't afford, they have to keep saving for.
 
That's a really interesting idea - having your kids save for their own college educations! Given how extremely pricey primary/secondary schooling is already (assuming your kids go to international school), I never thought about this. That is an interesting idea and could also teach the value of an education in a financial sense!

My main comment however was that we usually learn spending habits from our parents (at least I did), so beyond teaching them by telling them something, having an allowance, etc, look at how your family discusses money in the household and how you spend. For example, for a long time my husband would be seduced by the latest 'gadget' and buy it when he felt like it. There was no sense of waiting, saving, discussing the price, discussing whether it was necessary, etc., and we ended up with a lot of functional but wasteful and useless gadgets in the house. Or for example, when we buy groceries with our child sitting in the cart, usually we don't discuss or consider which olive oil is the best priced or whether to buy the meat that is on sale. It's small stuff like that, but I think if money is never a consideration or a concern, children will end up mimicking the spending habits of the parents and/or not realizing the value of money via observation. It's hard to explain to them that different rules would apply to them - Daddy can buy all the electronics he wants because he works hard - doesn't mean that much if they just see Daddy buying whatever he wants. Anyway, our baby is still too little for these lessons but a lot of you have some great strategies I will employ!
 
Well, I'm not REALLY having him save for college, but we came up with a number ($US 4,000) that seemed like an understandable goal for an 8 year old. We plugged that into the site as a goal and he puts a little bit in.

As for buying stuff, I agree - if the parents don't have limits, kids don't learn limits. But that's kind of two joint discussions-- being a role model, then letting kids manage their own money.
 
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