regarding helpr..at a loss

S

salseros

Registered User
My current helper has been working for us for 7 months, and we have
been believing her very much. I had been thiking that we will continue to hire her as long as possible until yesterday...

There is a playroom in our apartment, and I ask my helper to take kid there until i come back from work. I am Japanese, and so many japanese living in the same apartment, so my friends have a lot of chance to see my kid and helper there.

Yesterday my japanese friend told me that my helper always looks reluctant to take care of my kid, and sometimes she even talking on the phone (i myself have never called her recently).

I have alarted my helper once not to make calls or e-mails (not use mobiles) when she is on duty, especially when taking care of kid.
Also, my huz and i often told my helper to focus on our kid, take care of her sincerely.

I am now very sad that our helper was doing like this. I started to think that she does not like my kid, or kids in general at all.

I will discuss this matter tonight with helper, but if this was all true, i want to dismiss her. However, I am at a loss since i also work and we need someone urgently to take care of our kid....

Please give me any advise.
 
I hope you and your helper have come up with some workable agreement for the benefits of all involved. If she has been with you for 7 months, and you believe she has been great for your kid, chances are that her style of child-caring and that of your friend' are different, resulting on your friend telling you differently. Any maybe those phone calls were emergency for her?

Maybe you could try asking other friends how they think your helper is with your kid? If a lot of them say the same thing, maybe it's time to look for a new one.

Good luck.
 
employer at a loss

Actually for 6 months since my helper came to our house, i have been a housewife. Therefore, i could see how my helper was doing all the time.

I started to work just one month ago, so i do not stay in the hosue now. My kid goes to kinder in the morning, so it is helper to look after kid in the afternoon until i come back home (around 18).

I think I prepared a lot before starting to work, and I told and wrote down a lot of things. Top of all, we wrote down "not to use phones while on duty, especially when taking care of the kid".

I once showed up without notice, and at that time she was not using the phones, but it is true that she was not focusing on the kid so much.

I am starting to think that our helper had two faces. I belive there is no heper with bad attitude in front of employer. But we do not now if she is like that without us.

When you encounter any troubles, do you report them to the agency?
 
I think you have to be very careful how you handle this situation since your child is sometimes left alone with her. (How old is your child? - speaking age?) You don't want her (the maid) to be angry at you and have her take it out on your child.

If you do decide to dismiss her, I would rather pay her the one month in lieu instead of having her stay on for one month.

I can try reporting her to the agency. Some agencies will help you get a replacement (no agency fee) if you are unhappy with the maid you chose from them. So no harm speaking to them.
 
Also keep in mind that its quite reasonable for an adult to be able to both look after a child and have a phone conversation at the same time - this would depend on the circumstances. It probably depends more on the amount of time and the frequency of the calls.

How many mums would turn their phone off for hours at a time when taking care of children?
 
I agree w/ HappyV. If the helper is one the phone for hours and hours while looking after the child, or walking across the street on the phone and not looking after the kid, that would be a problem. But, if a child is doing something absorbing (like playing w/ legos or toy cars or something) and the helper makes or receives a quick call, then I think it should be OK.
 
I can't use my mobile phone while I'm at work i.e. teaching which is my core duty. Hence, I would impose it on my DH. Her basic descriptor would be to take care of my child and while she is doing so, I expect her to give 100 %. While she is cooking, cleaning etc. I'm not fussed. But while taking care of my child, I am. Accidents can happen anywhere in a blink of an eye.
When I was a SAHM mum and took care of my son, I simply did not take phonecalls unless they were necessary i.e. emergencies. So, I'd expect my DH to adhere to the same principle too.
If DH and you cannot agree on when and where is appropriate to use HP, then you'd have a problem. But if you can, it's a workable working relationship.

But honestly, from a working mother's perspective, the guilt knowing that you are leaving your child in the hands of someone not interested in your child let alone not focused by being on the phone, is hard enough to bear. So I'd find someone else rather than be wrought with guilt.
 
I wouldn't expect a teacher to use a mobile while in class - but I think most mums will say that they do, in fact, use the phone (and the tv, and the computer) and still manage to keep a close eye on what their kids are up to.
 
I guess I'm just not in that circle of mothers who use the phone while caring for bubs. I know from my personal experience, non of the moms I associate with would spend time on the phone fullstop. It's just not a priority for us and not the norm where I'm from. So if there are mums out there who can do so multi-task with media/IT/Telecommunication related objects, great! All of us are different.

A distinction must be made though for a mother's keen eye and a hired helper's keen eye. Even father's have differences from mums as far as expectations regarding keeping a watchful eye out on our precious bubs.

Expectations comes with all our jobs. You simply need to set it. And precisely my point HappyV, a teacher is not expected to use the phone in the classroom, and I wouldn't expect my domestic helper to use the phone while caring for my child afterall, she is my hired child care provider.

Salseros, to each his own. As what is acceptable for you may not be acceptable for others and vice-versa. If you are not comfortable, take the necessary steps for positive change.
 
Last edited:
I typed this up alredy, and my laptop ate it.......

There are fathers who are more vigilant than mothers. Ditto for helpers.

Spockey, to say that our demands are 'different' makes the spectrum of demands invisible. You cannot teach a class whilst on the phone. However, you can be a kind and careing helper and use the phone. Just as you can be a kind and careing helper and cook or clean. It's just a question of when and how much time. I wouldn't have thought that a few minutes on the phone in the playroom was much different than having to leave a child in the living room while you cook your employer's dinner.

I would have said that a blanket ban was not reasonable - how many of us would think that such a ban was reasonable if it came from our bosses?

Salseros, If you were otherwise satisfied with your helper's care, would you really consider dismissal over a few phone calls? Especially when the only negative information comes from a neigbour?

You only have to read these forums to see how many people are unhappy with their helpers - it seems it is hard to find one that satisfies all the requirements. So I would tink very carefully before you fire someone: what you end up with may be even worse.
 
The playground in my estate is front of the gym. There have been numerous times that I've seen helpers are on the phone talking away or chatting with their friends at the playground and kids in their charge fall out the slide or swings. And they are nonchalant about it. Kids get hurt and who is going to be responsible? In other words, if the helper is meant to look after the kids, do the job then!
 
after a while

I asked more Japanese friends regarding my helper. Actually, all except for one told me that my helper is caring for the kid very good and they never see her using the phone. Therefore, I started to think if my helper was really using the phone.

Last week, I did not discuss this matter with helper since I got doughtful after listening to other japanese. I just told her just to follow our rules...

I really appreciate every one of your comments, and I noticed that our thinking is not always the same. I decided to ask as many japanese as possible to watch our kid and helper. Thanks.
 
salseros said:
I asked more Japanese friends regarding my helper. Actually, all except for one told me that my helper is caring for the kid very good and they never see her using the phone. Therefore, I started to think if my helper was really using the phone.

Last week, I did not discuss this matter with helper since I got doughtful after listening to other japanese. I just told her just to follow our rules...

I really appreciate every one of your comments, and I noticed that our thinking is not always the same. I decided to ask as many japanese as possible to watch our kid and helper. Thanks.
Click to expand...

Just remember that, the child is yours and what you think is more important that what others' think. As a mother, you would want your child to be safe and happy and you have the right to ask of that from your helper and if this helper is not going to work, then talk and explain to her or get a new helper. You want the best for your child.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top