Rant : Unwanted advice and opinions

[wasabibunny]

I was just reading a post about choosing and sharing baby names and so many people wrote about people being insensitive about your choices with your baby. I am one of the first among my group of friends to have a baby and I find so many of their comments infuriating. Obviously, it's adds oil to fire that none of them are speaking from experience. It's as if everyone and there mother has an opinion about what you should or shouldn't do, eat, wear etc. etc. I've also very westernized and hate it when people bring up weird and useless traditions. I just wanted to hear everyone else share their storied about annoying friends and family telling them what they should do Sometimes I get so annoyed that I've avoided seeing some people. I don't mind advice from people who have gone through similar experiences or have similar view as you... it's just the random imposition on me when I am pregnant that I find most unenjoyable

 

[lucy0]

Same problem!!!

I have the same problem with my in-laws. Let's me start with a little background about us; my husband and his family are from HK and my family r from Canada, we got married and moved to HK about 3yrs ago. We're both Chinese but my family is not very traditional and my in-laws said that they're not that traditional either but they would get advices or opinions from their friends and then tell me what to do and not to do. By the way, this is their 1st grandchild and I know that they're excited but their dos and don't dos put a lot of pressure on me. For example, whenever we go over to their house for supper they would ask me not to sit in front of the table corner or don't watch scary movies or shows. They would buy expensive stuff and announced to everybody that it is for "me," or made stuff for me to eat without asking first, etc. Anyway, enought about my complaining. I know that they're doing all this for the benefits of baby and my health and out of good intention so I am trying to appreciate but it feels good to let it out of my system.

Lucy :yeah2

 

[Sleuth]

You get the same type of thing in the US. Everyone is an expert and everyone wants to help. I think most, if not all, have good intentions.

 

[nanzbier]

I got it alot when I was pregnant. Everyone telling me that I can't hold a scissor, can't step on cracks on the sidewalk, cannot hang pictures on the wall, cannot iron clothes. The list went on and on...and it got worse after my daughter was born. You don't have enough milk, you carry her too much, you dont carry her enough, blah blah blah. I also ended up shutting a lot of people out. When people ask for my opinion, I will give it, but never shove it down their throats. If they don't listen, then I still respect their choice although I may not agree.

 

[mosmom]

And it starts when you become pregnant (or when they know you're pregnant) and increases when the baby is born! :blahblah Same experience here. Unfortunately, you can't stop people giving 'expert' advice, quite frustrating indeed.

 

[joannek]

i think i was one of those who keep "gving advice" before i was pregnant. once i started being pregnant I became the other side of the conversation & stop giving advice. after being a mom, i stop critising mothers & fathers, and people in general!

 

[Sucellia]

I can understand how you feel. My local (HK, Chinese) friends keep giving me soooooooo many advices based on their culture, traditions, customs and etc. I usually just say "thank you for advice" and do not practice it since I am not Chinese and their culture does not apply to me. But some of them get quite pushy about it. In such case, I will ask them the reason why I should not do it or should do it. (They usually cannot give good reason or explanation and stop talking about it.) If they still do not stop, I talked to them with non-offensive manner and tell them "I have soooooo many friends who are from different countries, cultures, beliefs, customs and so on. So if I have to practice every single advice I get, it will not work for me. Therefore I decided that I will take all the advices in to account but only practice / follow what works for me. I hope you can respect it." They usually stop pushing me to follow and practice their advice afterwards. But of course, when it comes to family member / in-law family, I do not offend them and cause any trouble or hard feeling so I will just smile and say "thank you" to them. (I will pretend I follow their unwanted advice when they are around.)

Anyway, people who is giving us advice is usually with good intensions. So I am trying to take it positive way.
It is no point to let them bother you or stress you out.