Random people touching my little one (rant)

Gataloca

Gataloca

Registered User
Since I take my little one out on his carrier, we got lot of attention from random people. Usually people would just comment on how handsome or cute my little one is, or would give me some unwanted advices, which I don't really mind.

But this morning I was seating in McCafe waiting for my order, when that lady came and sat down on the table next to me, and without asking for permission, said "Oh baby!" and started touching my little one. First she touched his face. I said politely that he has cream (hydrocortisone) on his face and pulled my baby a little bit away from her touch. Then that lady sat closer to us, and touched and held my baby hand and didn't let it go. I was uncomfortable and looking for another place to seat, when my decaf coffee and cake arrived. With my order on the table, it was harder for me to move, so I just told my baby that is time to eat, and moved a little bit to my right side, away from the lady. She finally let my baby's hand go, but a minute later, she also moved closer, and started touching my little one's head. I really had enough, so I move further to my right away from her. She then sat quietly for a while, and after a while, she left and sat on another table. Later I had to take a wet napkin and wipe my little one's hands and head!

Should have been a crazy day at McDonald, cause there was also a lady seating on the table in front of us, who was having a full conversation with an invisible man!... It was hilarious! If my phone weren't broken, I would have taken a video of it! And the woman who was touching my baby wasn't even eating there. After she moved to another table, she just sat there with her eyes closed, taking a nap!!!
 
Well, it has happened many times with my first son too, and for sure I won't let people do it again with my daughter !! generally they are not that invasive, but I sometimes made it clear and lound that they were going too far (touching my boy's mouth !!).
I think the worst place I've been too is Repulse Bay Beach, as it's a spot for mainlanders, and they are always very curious to see westerners baby... so I don't mind them taking a picture, but taking him from my arms without asking... it made me really angry !
 
Yes, HK is very strange like that. I have been angry on many an occasion when my son was a little baby. After a short while, I would just tell the toucher not to touch my baby. I am sure I caused a lot of sadness to the old ladies, but too bad, that my baby and I don't know where your hands were five minutes ago. Plus they all touch the face or the hands, disgusting. I will be even stronger when my second baby comes. hands off!
 
*smile*
Wait till your little one turns into a toddler and you start visiting Ocean Park / Disney.
You will be in real shock then
*smile*

Anyone with a toddler that has been to those places will know that I'm talking about mainland tourists and their cameras. Taking pictures in groups, taking pictures individually, taking pictures while picking up the toddler etc etc etc. You will need to get used to it otherwise every one of your visits will turn into a very stressful ordeal.
Dont get angry, dont get anxiuos - they are just curious and dont really mean any harm.

HC
 
I know they don't mean harm... but aren't those people selfish? I mean, they are enjoying themselves playing and touching the little one, without thinking that the parents may not like it, or that their hands are dirty and can get the baby sick.
 
I've had random people pick up my daughter at Disneyland and start taking photos with her!

I generally don't really care that much though - as long as I can see what's going on and it's not creepy, I figure it's not harming anyone. So what if it's different to my culture? If I was really offended by it I'd say something but sometimes I figure that my daughter brings so much joy to my life, why would I deprive others from interacting with her and maybe they need a bit of joy in their lives too?? As long as it doesn't harm her of course... I don't think someone's going to give her a disease just by touching her. But I'm not germophobic like many people in HK are!!
 
I have somewhat gotten used to this since coming to hong kong. When we first came here I just had my son and he was 4. People in Disney used to try to pick him up, take pictures etc. and now they do it with my daughter (I once had a queue form in Tsuen Wan of people wanting to touch her!)

My biggest issue with it now is that my son is 6. He has been learing a lot about stranger danger etc and it gets confusing for him as we have two completely different reactions depending where we are! In hong kong if strangers come up and start talking to him, and taking pictures we don't really react any more but in the UK if a stranger started taking pictures of my children I would be calling the police.

When we are out and people come up to talk to my son, he doesnt answer as he can be very shy and I always say "say hello" etc and he turns to me and says "but they are strangers mum and you told me never to talk to strangers". It is very confusing trying to explain that in HK it is fine but in UK it is not!
 
Yes, I had people before touching the baby (head, face, hands), and I was fine with that...But it was really creepy when that lady hold the baby hand and didn't let it go. I was still carrying my baby with the baby carrier, so couldn't see well what she was doing.. she was like holding his little hand and squeezing it for like a minute! and she still insisted on reaching to my baby when I was seating farther and farther away..... Probably I just overreacted, but it was like a kind of psycho behavior to me! ... Made me feel very uncomfortable. And the baby is 2 months old, and starting to suck his hands!
 
And didn't know that westerners children are part of the attractions at Disneyland and Ocean Park! You guys should be able to enter to the parks for free!!!! hahah... in fact, the parks should pay you guys!
 
i, too, had to get used to it. still do and mine are 3.5 & 5.5. from a very young age, when people would ask if they could take a photo, i ALWAYS asked my kids if they wanted their photo taken. if they said no, then too bad. if they said yes, then ok.

as for touching hands etc. if you are really that worried about it, then just make sure you take wipes with you. it's going to happen, why get upset over it?

just say to the woman who won't let go, 'sorry, it's very difficult/ uncomfortable holding the baby in the sling when you've got her hand.' and remove yourself from the situation.
 
AmyH said:
My biggest issue with it now is that my son is 6. He has been learing a lot about stranger danger etc and it gets confusing for him as we have two completely different reactions depending where we are! In hong kong if strangers come up and start talking to him, and taking pictures we don't really react any more but in the UK if a stranger started taking pictures of my children I would be calling the police.
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Personally, I continually encourage my kids to talk to strangers as I dont believe in StrangerDanger. I'm a big believer in FreeRange and do my utmost to encourage my kids to be independent and not fearful. Be cautious and wise, but dont be fearful. Talking, taking pictures and playing are OK. Leaving the area, getting into cars is a big NoNo!

I am quite curious though why you have chosen to give your child such conflicting messages. Whats wrong with a UK citizen talking and/or taking pictures of your child while a Chinese one is perfectly alright?

AmyH said:
When we are out and people come up to talk to my son, he doesnt answer as he can be very shy and I always say "say hello" etc and he turns to me and says "but they are strangers mum and you told me never to talk to strangers". It is very confusing trying to explain that in HK it is fine but in UK it is not!
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Its no wonder he is confused :-( Kids really do need reinforcement and consistent messages.

In our family, it doesnt matter if its White, Chinese, Indian, Black - man or woman. Be polite, smile, say hello and talk and play but stay in the area and stay in public. Whether we are in Canada, UK, Hong Kong or China; the same consistent rules apply.

HC
 
i belong to the camp that firmly believes its not right to let them touch my baby. I have no idea who they are, where their hands have been and I dont want to encourage the notion that anyone can pick my child up and later on , even walk away. The little one is going to get very confusing messages about boundaries.

but i know every parent is different and we all make our own personal decisions.
 
1stimemum said:
i belong to the camp that firmly believes its not right to let them touch my baby.
but i know every parent is different and we all make our own personal decisions.
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As you are in Hong Kong and the norm here is a bit different, prepare yourself for a lot of stress and anguish for your personal decision. Whether you like it or not, people *will* come up and touch your baby/toddler and in general they wont ask for permission. You will then get upset and stressed and in turn, most likely you will make the other person feel bad in the process when all they wanted to do was to show some love and affection to a beautiful child.

It would be much better for everyone (including you) if you just get used to the idea as this is the norm here.

1stimemum said:
I have no idea who they are, where their hands have been and I dont want to encourage the notion that anyone can pick my child up and later on , even walk away. The little one is going to get very confusing messages about boundaries.
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Suggestion to avoid confusion:
Talk, play, take photos == OK
Try to leave the area, away from mummy's eyes == Its NOT OK; Kick, yell, scream!

HC
 
HC as you have pointed out, it is the norm in Hong Kong so we have tried to adjust to this as we live here and expect it to happen but it certainly is not the norm in the UK or Ireland for a stranger to just come up and start taking pics of your children and I personally have never ever felt the need to take pictures of other people's children.
When he is with us, we have no issues with him talking to strangers but when he is alone he is not allowed to.
 
I know what everyone means here :) Yes, I got that a lot too while travelling with my little girl since she was 2 months old and she is now 22 months. There was one incident when a lady jumped out of nowhere while I was pushing her stroller into the MTR station. She had strange makeup on, like a little child who is trying on makeup for the first time. She ran up to us, laughed really loud, grab my little girl and planted a big kiss on her cheek, leaving a deep red lipstick stain! I was stunned for a couple of seconds and then the lady ran off. Other than that, my little girl waves goodbye to everyone and says it in a very loud voice whenever we leave a shop or a cafe :) I figure it's quite harmless. Just bring a pack of Messy Times wet tissues with you whenever you go out with your little one :)
 
AmyH said:
HC as you have pointed out, it is the norm in Hong Kong so we have tried to adjust to this as we live here and expect it to happen but it certainly is not the norm in the UK or Ireland for a stranger to just come up and start taking pics of your children and I personally have never ever felt the need to take pictures of other people's children.
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Fair enough, its certainly not the norm in the UK, but calling the police (as you mentioned in a previous post)? Isnt that a bit extreme? What harm does/did the photographer do?
If it was me, I'd just smile and move on. Most likely the photograph taker is a tourist who doesnt know that taking pictures in the UK is a sensetive thing.

AmyH said:
When he is with us, we have no issues with him talking to strangers but when he is alone he is not allowed to.
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Hmmm; so what do you tell your 6yo about getting lost and getting help? If he is not allowed to talk to strangers without your presence, how will he get help?

We started telling our kids from about 4 years old that if we get seperated or they get lost, try to stay in the same area and dont go off too far. Find the nearest person and ask politely to use their cell phone to call us so we can come and find them.

HC
 
There is a big difference between him approaching an adult for help if he is lost, and a stranger approaching him when he is out with his friends alone (this happens in Ireland as my parents live in the countryside so they play in the field in the back of the house).

He is fully aware of what to do if he gets lost and it is very similar to what you have said. He is told to just stay where he is, speak to a grown up and he has memorised my mobile number since he was 4 so can contact us.

PS you are right - the calling of the police is a bit extreme and has never been done!
 
When I say (this happens in Ireland.....) I don't mean that strangers approach him! I mean he goes out alone!
 
I have mixed feelings about this, I absolutely think there's no point in getting wound up about the usual occurrences of this sort of thing as every excursion out of the house would be annoying, it's nicely meant for the most part, and even the occasional unwanted advice can easily be ignored. But yes, some people any country are odd and can make you feel uncomfortable, I personally don't want to be unkind as they probably can't help it but at the same time there is a protective instinct that cuts in when they're overly interested in your baby.

Having said that, The Boy was reaching fingers-in-the-mouth stage around the height of swine flu and I did feel the need to wipe the bits that strangers had touched back then. Now he's happy to eat shoes every time my back is turned so I'm pretty sure nothing a stranger has got can be any worse!

AmyH - :-) I was wondering what you were saying about the people in rural Ireland!
 
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