Hello, I will be expecting my second child in May and have a 3 year old currently. With my first one I struggled quite a bit; she was colicy and I wasn't the most confident with my parenting skills. In order to prepare for the second baby we hired a helper before even getting pregnant so we could get used to her and trust her. Also, we don't have any relative and few friends that can help. The helper just informed us that she is pregnant too and due on July. That means she won't be any help once the baby comes. My question is to all the moms who have either experienced this or have two children here without any help. How do you do it? Any positive or useful advice is appreciated. Thanks so much.
Preparing for second child
- Thread starter megan2008
- Start date
erina320
Registered User
The second time around is different than the first time. Easier in some ways, harder in others. I think a far as caring for an infant I was alot more confident and relaxed, but having a three year old myself who doesn't nap I was alot more tired. It is completely doable without a helper, as millions of women around the world who don't have helpers prove everyday!
carang
Registered User
i agree. somethings are easier, some are a little more difficult.
your confidence should be greater as you've "been there, done that" for things such as bathing, feeding, nappy changing etc.
where it is a little more difficult is when you are trying to care for the newborn while at the same time, not neglecting your older one...
your confidence should be greater as you've "been there, done that" for things such as bathing, feeding, nappy changing etc.
where it is a little more difficult is when you are trying to care for the newborn while at the same time, not neglecting your older one...
For me, when I gave birth to my first child, I didn't have a helper and was even opposed to having one. After I had a really rough recovery from childbirth that left me immobile at times with back problems, my husband hired part-term local help which was greatly needed.
I had such a hard first 18 months with my son that I thought I would probably never have any more children. Then when my son was about 2-years-old we hired a full-time helper who is amazing and capable. The possibility of perhaps having more children became something to consider for me--only at that point. So, when my son was 2.5-years-old I got pregnant again.
For me, personally, I would not want to have small children without help for many reasons--especially with two children. Yes, many women around the world do take care of 1, 2 or many more children without the benefits of a helper but there is a price to be paid for that. It is totally possible to do so but I often talk with a close friend in the States who is managing her nearly 3-year-old and her 9-month-old by herself without a helper and she really struggles. Getting a spare moment to even take a shower or have a few minutes of "me-time" is rare for her. It's even worse when one or both of her children gets sick--which has happened a lot this winter--not to mention if she gets sick too.
The strain has even started to put her health at risk and has been hard on her marriage as well. Every time I hear about the things she's going through two things go through my mind 1) I remember those times that brought me right to the brink of sanity in my own life 2) I am so, so, so thankful we have a good helper.
Yes, I could definitely manage without a helper but I don't think I would like that life very much. That's just my personal experience. So, for now, with small children, I'm thankful to have help.
As far as second child goes...I think it's much better than the first--at least for me. The situation with your helper sounds sticky. I don't know what protocol is for handling the situation where a helper falls pregnant during her contract. The first part-time, local helper I had was 8 weeks pregnant when we hired her and she worked until she was about 6-months-pregnant. However, her workload only really included watching my son--very little, if any, household chores or cleaning.
If I were in your shoes, I would to my best to get a helper on board who is capable and great to work with before my second child was born. Good luck and congratulations!
I had such a hard first 18 months with my son that I thought I would probably never have any more children. Then when my son was about 2-years-old we hired a full-time helper who is amazing and capable. The possibility of perhaps having more children became something to consider for me--only at that point. So, when my son was 2.5-years-old I got pregnant again.
For me, personally, I would not want to have small children without help for many reasons--especially with two children. Yes, many women around the world do take care of 1, 2 or many more children without the benefits of a helper but there is a price to be paid for that. It is totally possible to do so but I often talk with a close friend in the States who is managing her nearly 3-year-old and her 9-month-old by herself without a helper and she really struggles. Getting a spare moment to even take a shower or have a few minutes of "me-time" is rare for her. It's even worse when one or both of her children gets sick--which has happened a lot this winter--not to mention if she gets sick too.
The strain has even started to put her health at risk and has been hard on her marriage as well. Every time I hear about the things she's going through two things go through my mind 1) I remember those times that brought me right to the brink of sanity in my own life 2) I am so, so, so thankful we have a good helper.
Yes, I could definitely manage without a helper but I don't think I would like that life very much. That's just my personal experience. So, for now, with small children, I'm thankful to have help.
As far as second child goes...I think it's much better than the first--at least for me. The situation with your helper sounds sticky. I don't know what protocol is for handling the situation where a helper falls pregnant during her contract. The first part-time, local helper I had was 8 weeks pregnant when we hired her and she worked until she was about 6-months-pregnant. However, her workload only really included watching my son--very little, if any, household chores or cleaning.
If I were in your shoes, I would to my best to get a helper on board who is capable and great to work with before my second child was born. Good luck and congratulations!
Thank you all for the advice. I don't think it is possible to hire another helper as we don't have the money to pay for two helpers. She hasn't given us the exact due date yet and I am worried that we won't have anyone to watch our daughter when it's time to deliver. I delivered prematurely with the first one and I worry that it may happen again. Has anyone had a pregnant helper before? What is the process for that? Do they have the baby here on back home?
My old helper went home 1 month before she was due as she wanted to b with family when she delivered ( husband, mother, etc) and after a month of her delivering she decided ahe didn't want to come back...had to hire someone else...lucky for me I want pregnant...make sure your intends to return if she is delivering in her hometown.
carang
Registered User
maybe your helper would be willing to "quit" if you paid her to go? you cannot legally fire her, but she CAN quit (with financial incentive) so that you can hire someone else.
carang
Registered User
i read that blog and it seems so...ummm..... superficial. there aren't many tips and the advice is very wishy-washy....nothing that hasn't been contributed here already.
while having a blog is a great idea, if you want to keep people reading it, you need to give REAL advice and tips for dealing with situations, not just gloss over it with a rose-coloured brush.
while having a blog is a great idea, if you want to keep people reading it, you need to give REAL advice and tips for dealing with situations, not just gloss over it with a rose-coloured brush.
Our neighbor's helper was pregnant a few years ago. They are entitled to the HK statutory maternity protections as any other mother. But she has obligations to communicate with you, as her employer, as well.
She needs to give you a notice of pregnancy and intention to take maternity leave. Usually this is done with a note or certificate from her doctor (they are used to providing these in HK) which should have the expected due date on it.
The general rule regarding maternity leave in HK (including for DHs) is:
The 10 weeks leave would start 4 weeks before the expected date of birth, unless the employer and employee can agree a date, which would usually be between 4 and 2 weeks before the birth. If the baby is born early, and prior to the agreed commencement date, the 10 week maternity period will start on the date of the birth.
Once you have her expected due date you can start to set up plans for alternative cover, if affordable, from a local or part time helper. Be very upfront with your helper regarding your expectations and that while you respect her and her pregnancy she must also respect you as an employer and communicate what is going on with her so that you can make appropriate arrangements for your family.
http://www.tannerdewitt.com/media/publications/working-mothers.php
http://www.labour.gov.hk/eng/faq/cap57h_whole.htm
One other thing to consider is how long your helper has been working for you. She is only entitled to PAID maternity leave IF she, and I quote a government document:
"-has been employed for not less than 40 weeks immediately before the commencement of scheduled maternity leave;
-she has given notice of pregnancy confirmed by a medical certificate to her employer; and
-she has produced a medical certificate specifying the expected date of confinement if so required by the employer."
So, if she has not yet been working for you for 10 months or more before the confinement date (stated on the medical certificate she submits to you) then you actually are not required to pay her maternity leave. Of course she will take maternity leave but it will be unpaid. In my case, last year I gave birth and had to take unpaid maternity leave as I had not been at my employer for 10 months before I gave birth. Of course, if she's worked for you for more than 10 months then this doesn't apply.
Also, "The daily rate of maternity leave pay is equal to four-fifths of the average daily wages of the helper. It should be paid on the normal pay day of the helper."
"-has been employed for not less than 40 weeks immediately before the commencement of scheduled maternity leave;
-she has given notice of pregnancy confirmed by a medical certificate to her employer; and
-she has produced a medical certificate specifying the expected date of confinement if so required by the employer."
So, if she has not yet been working for you for 10 months or more before the confinement date (stated on the medical certificate she submits to you) then you actually are not required to pay her maternity leave. Of course she will take maternity leave but it will be unpaid. In my case, last year I gave birth and had to take unpaid maternity leave as I had not been at my employer for 10 months before I gave birth. Of course, if she's worked for you for more than 10 months then this doesn't apply.
Also, "The daily rate of maternity leave pay is equal to four-fifths of the average daily wages of the helper. It should be paid on the normal pay day of the helper."