Preparing first child for a sibling!

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FutureHKmom

Registered User
Hi - I have a 13 month old boy and am expecting my second child in October when my first will be just about 19 months old. I'm looking for advice on how to prepare my son for the arrival of a sibling. I have been pointing for awhile at my belly and telling him that there is a baby inside...but at his age, I'm not so sure he knows what's going on. He's pretty clingy to me, so I worry about him being super jealous when his sibling is born. Any ideas on what I should be doing now to get him ready?

Also, on another note - any other second time mommies find the second pregnancy harder than the first? I work full time and between work and a just starting to walk toddler, I'm wiped out all the time! Guess it's not going to get much better when the second one is born - I'll have even less time to sleep!
 
hi, i am also expecting my second one, my first will be 2 1/2 when the second arrives. i kept telling my first about his little brother in my tummy and bought him a book "I am a big brother" I try to read it to him as often as I can, i also have a book on pregnancy which is suitable for very yound kids, which shows the different stages in which the baby is growing. I have also tried play acting with his toy eg. elmo, putting on a diaper and telling my son that elmo needs his milk and he is expected to help etc...

i am also worried that he will be jealous but we can only prepare the first born as much as we can, the rest is up to them.

the second pregnancy has its challenges especially when the toddler want you to carry him after a hard day's work.
 
Hi FutureHKmom, looks like we'll have a similar age gap between children. It's not easy with two this young but I guess we'll get the hard part over and done with! :-)
One little thing that helped is that No 2 'brought' a nice gift for No 1 when he came home from the hospital. It's a small thing, but it helps.

With No 1, I was really keen to get out of hospital and go home and actually checked out early. With No 2, I thought hospital was a great holiday: nurses around to help do things, no housework, a welcome bit of time with my baby. I did miss No 1 but I stayed till the end of my package. That extra bit of sleep helps!
 
I'm 6 months pregnant and have an 18 month old - she'll be 21 months when the bub is born. I'm not really actively "preparing" her because she's still too young to understand. I do know that she will need to adapt when the baby is born - but at that age, you can't really explain to them in any way that they will really understand what it's all about. I do talk about the baby, and when we see other babies when we're out, I tell my oldest that we'll have her baby sister in our family soon. But really, I think that it's going to be a bit of a shock and a bit of adjusting no matter what you do to prepare, particularly when they're still too young to understand...

In addition to the bub, we just moved homes last week, and we also have a helper arriving in 2 weeks or so, and also I want to transition my daughter to a big girl bed in the next couple of weeks (it's getting made and we don't have it yet). It's a lot of changes for such a little girl!! But I know that she's never going to be able to remember life as an only child - and I kind of think that's a good thing :)
 
nicole, you are exactly right. they are too young to "GET IT" still.

buy them a doll. buy them a pram for the doll... when new baby comes home the older one gets a baby too. (worked wonders for my two, who are exactly 2 years apart.)
 
Hi, mine are 19 months apart also and yes, the second pregnancy and working full time was much harder and more exhausting.

In terms of getting her ready, we did the 'baby doll' thing, read special books about baby brothers. We made sure there would be no big adjustments made (school, new cots etc.) to coincide with the baby's arrival. Plus a big pressie (scooter) from the 'baby' when she came home.

She was jealous at times, especially when I was BF'ing - but all in all it did not get too bad and passed quickly.

They are pretty good friends now (1 and 2.5), she is quite protective at times and usually likes having him around. But, when she is feeling low or sick, she wants me or my husband exclusively.
 
FutureHKmom, My #2 arrived as soon as my #1 turned 18 months a last week. I prepared as follows-
1. I gave my helper responsibility of putting him to bed as #2 is on a feed on demand schedule and sometimes I need to feed the baby at the same time toddler is running around getting wound up in the evening. Till he was 15 months, I always put him to bed except when I was working late- after that I let the helper do so more and more often; and since then he is very comfortable with her.
2. Try to keep as many things same for them as possible- specially the routine but also including the playschool, teacher whom he knows now, playmates he meets often through playdates or other activities.
3. I felt around 18 months is a transition stage anyway so I have also been making a lot more playdates for him so that he learns to play one on one with other children rather than in a group setting like a panda junction or any other playgroup.
4. Bought him a pram and a doll
5. This one has worked very well- Hulda at Annerley gave me this idea. I have a box that I keep near me when I am feeding the baby. In this box are some small board books, a doll, crayons, big brother book and small soft toys. She told me not to ask the older one to come back or to wait. But to invite them in and join you and it slowly becomes their special time instead of again its baby's time. Its a little scary when you have a newborn at your breast and #1 sitting on your lap reading. For the first couple of times, I had another adult with me just in case #1 decided to be rough or throw something and I couldn't handle the situation. My #1 has responded really well to this strategy. He has been quite sweet and gentle with the baby when curious but also sits next to me engrossed with his new box.

I have also just had a couple of days of frustrated screaming about every possible thing from him including trying to push his play stroller against the wall.... but it has passed.....:) I am more together this week so I can spend some more time with him and that helps too. I will know more as the weeks roll by.... Goodluck to us!:)
 
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Thanks everyone for your responses!

SUV - I like the idea of the box and will definitely try that!

SUV, Louisouis and Leah - Also, was wondering what big brother book you bought? I'd like to buy one to start reading to my son.
 
At the ELC store, you can get this one about pregnancy called "There's a house inside my mummy" - v cute!! I got mine at Megabox but I've also seen it at Bumps to Babes in Central...
 
im a huge fan of the 'Im a big brother' book by Joanna Cole

we are expecting #3 and using this book for the second time around. highly recommend it
 
There are 2 books by Joanna Cole for older siblings. One for kids up to 3 or 4yrs and one from 4-8years. I ordered from ShopinHK, just order the age appropriate one.
 
Suv, what kind of doll did you buy for your son? We are expecting #2 this fall and my son will be 30 months so a bit older, but he obviously has no concept of another baby coming his way soon. I like the doll idea, but not sure his daddy will like him playing with dolls :)
 
seriously> tell your hubby to take a hike!

one of the HUGE pet peeves i have is the stereo-typing we put our kids through starting a such a young age!

every woman i've ever met has said how much they want their husbands to nurture their childand help her take care of it, but god forbid we teach our boys that using a doll!

i get so angry when people comment on my son's painted fingernails, 'oh, you look like a girl! what a girlie thing to do!'...he's gone from thinking they were pretty to being embarrassed and demanding that i remove the polish right then and there, even though he spent 20 minutes deciding what colour he wanted! it's not a big deal. so he's got some colour on his fingernails???

sorry, had to get that out of my system.

any doll will do, but if you can find one that comes with "extras" like bottle, potty, nappy etc that's even better as your son can help his baby when you help yours.
 
i know - so true! my son loves his kitchen and i had to fight for that one!

thanks for the advice...i think a doll would do wonders for him!
 
sorry, southside... hope i didn't offend you... like i said, it's just from personal experience.

just last saturday, i explained on three occasions to parents at my playgroup that we let the children play with what THEY want to play with NOT with what the parents want them to play with. i had TWO dads separately make disparaging remarks about their son playing with dolls/kitchens etc.

i read a study/saw a programme (can't remember which) that theorised that the measured differences in girls' abilities in maths/sciences is directly proportional to the toys that they are given to play with... not as many "building" toys (bricks/lego/blocks) as boys, so the girls' spacial awareness and the ability to visualise objects from all angles is not as well developed as it is in boys. that their poorer results have NOTHING to do with their abilities, rather with what they've experienced from childhood.

i HATE toys'r'us for that very reason! have you ever noticed the pink "prettiness" of the "girls'" section.... all dolls, clothes, make-up, VACUUM cleaners, kitchens etc....
while the "boys" section is robots, cars, dinosaurs, smash'em'ups and science toys??? completely DRIVES ME CRAZY!

ps> caps for emphasis, not intended as yelling... welll most of the time! LOL!
 
absolutely not - don't worry about it carang! :)

it's funny b/c when my son is at nursery he loves the kitchens and the feeding the dolls their bottles....we let him play with whatever he wants in that situation....but when it comes to buying him his own toys, it's a different story i guess. we got a kitchen for him that's very boy so no problems and my son loves it! :)
 
:) my son loves pretend kitchen too- am about to buy him one. Hope he will cook his wife some fabulous meals....

Southside, I found a non blonde, sort of a gender neutral looking doll at Smarty Pants on Lyndhurst terrace. Its a bit on the small side, but he likes "him" since he has a baby brother now. He also puts his baby panda and baby gorilla in the pram to take them for walks.
 
we got our doll from toys r us, it's gender neutral and came with a blue winnie the pooh stroller. we got it for 1st son when 2nd was on the way but now both boys 3.5 and 2yr love the doll and like to pretend they are daddies. i think it's really cute, when their little girl friends come over to play, they "let her be the mommy" LOL

we don't have a kitchen set, but my boys love to pretend to cook and feed me pretend food that they have made : )
 
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