Pregnancy involvement damages dads' confidence

L

Lisainhk

Registered User
I just read this article:

UK researcher says dads should stay out of the delivery room and leave pregnancy to their partners.
June 1, 2010
Fathers-to-be who play an active role during their partner's pregnancy lose their parenting confidence because they feel like a failure, a UK researcher claims.

Dr Jonathan Ives from the Centre for Biomedical Ethics at the University of Birmingham is the lead researcher on a two-year study titled The Moral Habitus of Fatherhood, evaluating the philosophy and sociology of fatherhood, the UK's Guardian reported.

Men who attend antenatal classes and attend the birth of their child can emotionally shut down when they realise the only role they can really play during pregnancy and birth is a passive role supporting their partner, Dr Ives told the Guardian.

"Having begun the fathering role already feeling a failure may destroy his confidence," Dr Ives said.

"It can then be very difficult for him to regain faith in himself once the baby is born and move from that passive state to being a proactive father. His role in the family is no longer clear to him. He effectively becomes deskilled as a parent and this can lead to problems bonding with the child."

In the last two decades men have been encouraged to become more involved in their partner's pregnancy, but Dr Ives said this is "deskilling" men as fathers. Instead, he suggested men do not attend antenatal classes and do not attend the birth, staying outside until after their child has been safely delivered.

Playing a part in either of these elements of their child's gestation and birth caused men to feel helpless, Dr Ives said.

What do you think of this???
 
I think the article is a load of rubbish and it's just another excuse for men to be men (or big babies). I know a lot of men who are very hands on with the parenting and others who would rather sit on the sideline and watch.
 
"Men who attend antenatal classes and attend the birth of their child can emotionally shut down when they realise the only role they can really play during pregnancy and birth is a passive role supporting their partner, Dr Ives told the Guardian."

So I guess if men don't go to antenatal classes or watch the birth, they assume they can physically give birth? Haha - ridiculous.

I think most men are smart enough - regardless of antenatal classes or witnessing the birth - to realize their role prior to the birth of the baby is to support that baby by supporting the one carrying the baby. I wouldn't call the things my husband did to support me as 'passive' either; if anything, I was the one sitting around while he got all the luggage loaded for the hospital, called our family, ran around buying any baby gear we were missing and made sure to fill out all the insurance information and speak to the hospital staff on our behalf. He stayed up all night with me and cut the cord and took our daughter's first photos. All things he would have missed playing an active role in if he weren't in the room for the birth. Sorry, but calling any of that passive is insulting to men, too!
 
My father was not at my birth or at antenatal classes and throughout my childhood was not very hands on (don't think he ever even changed a nappy!)

I have had two children and my husband was present for one of the births (not allowed for second due to swine flu - emergency c-section!) He is a very hands on father and always has been - has at times lost his confidence in his parenting skills but so have I - as I would suspect most parents have! - 3am crying for no reason can knock anybody's confidence!!!

I would suspect that he is youngish and his wife is currently pregnant so he has invented a study to prove that he should not be in the delivery room!
 
I'd suggest the men who participated in this study were maybe a a bit useless to start with and their participation or lack of it in pregnancy and birth has nothing to do with their levels self esteem.

What are they going to do when their kids are 3 and go through a rejecting Dad phase, what are they going to do when they are teenagers and yell "I hate you Dad" through the slammed door.

Seriously though, there was a thread on here recently about how many father's feel a bit awkward and unsure with new babies anyway and I think the last few hundred years or so have categorically shown that taking a less active role as fathers certainly doesn't help them to bond with their kids!
 
I could actually follow an argument that prenatal classes are not *the best* way to involve many fathers i.e. that for many fathers some sort of powerpoint presentation which at no point names any parts of the body and is liberally scattered with sports analogies would be *best* but to seriously suggest the only other solution to dads feeling mildly uncomfortable is for them not to bother is ridiculous.
 
I agree with jvn - I can see partly where they are coming from. I know that my husband did feel very "helpless" throughout my pregnancies, through the antenatal classes and in delivery. I don't think that's uncommon at all - but the solution isn't "therefore they would feel better by not being involved at all" - we need to give our husbands something that they can actively do that will help. I know when I was in labour, my husband was freaking out a bit - although putting on a brave face - and I managed to convey to him that if he helped me by counting through my pushes, it'd really help. And so he had something small that he COULD do that really DID make a difference. I think that helped him to feel less powerless.

I do think that wives should also acknowledge their husbands insecurities about the whole process - because they are real (or maybe my hubby was just a bit more of a baby about it all) - but when we acknowledge it, we tell them that we're on the same side as them - and we can actually empower them to overcome it too :) Because the solution is not to put more distance between men and pregnancy - the solution is to address their fears but then move on from it. But don't force them to cut the umbilical cord if they don't want to ;)
 
Wow, I can't believe someone paid for that research! I believe it's an individual and possibly cultural thing. My husband was at the birth and he is closer to me and our baby because of it!
 
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