Pick up or not to pick up?

A

ayzeng

Registered User
I have a 1-month old baby. Starting in the last couple of weeks, he would stake awake for 1 to 2 hours before going back to sleep each time, during which time he would only play on his own for short period of time and then would require someone to hold him for a while. He also now requires holding to fall asleep.

My husband and I have been discussing whether to pick him up every time he cries or let him "cry himself to sleep". A couple of friends have told us not to pick babies up and slowly they will learn to play on their own and fall asleep on their own.

Personally I don't have the heart to let the little one cry. We tried it out for 10 min yesterday and I had to pick him up. That 10 min already made me feel bad enough and I cried even though the little guy seemed completely fine as soon as I picked him up.

Should I toughen up and try not to pick him up? I'm willing to give that a try if it means a non-fussy baby aferwards. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated!
 
i'm sorry, but one month is WAY too young to be left to cry himself to sleep.

crying is the ONLY form of communication your child has. not only that but being held is a FUNDAMENTAL NEED of a child so young!

every child is different. some LOVE to be picked up and some are ok without it.

think about it, even when your child is older, they LOVE to be carried, not because they are lazy, but because they feel loved, treasured, secure and special!

to me, that is NOT being fussy.

PLEASE pick your baby up!
 
You need to go with what your instincts are telling you. If you feel bad about your baby crying then you need to pick him up. This is your mothering instinct at work. It is normal (and beneficial) that you get upset when your baby is upset. You will find that your baby crying upsets you much more than anyone else - this is because he is your baby.

There are lots of ways to mother a baby. You'll find some people who tell you to pick the baby up at the first whimper and others who say leave him to cry. But don't listen to others do what you feel comfortable with whether that be picking him up or not.

Remember that you are your baby's mother. This makes YOU the expert on him. You're the one who's been with him for the last month - no one else.

But be reassured that even those who are picked up non-stop as babies grow up into normal (sometimes good, sometimes not so good) children.

Best wishes,
SARAH
 
i agree w/ sarah and carang. my first did this and my husband and i would take turns carrying her. she needed to be walked. and the phase eventually passed. she's not even 2 yet. my second is a little easier and it occurs less often w/ him. he's happy just sitting between our legs in bed, so we can half sleep while sitting. he's now 5 mos. trust yourself and your instincts. do what works for you and your child.
 
It is too much to let a One Month old Baby cries to sleep. Babies at this age need cuddle and assurance and love the most as they are new to this beautiful world that they have yet to see properly! I train my baby to sleep on his own when he was like 12weeks old and it took about 2 weeks but before that i really carry him, walk him up and down and keep assuring him that we are around to love him, never forsake him. I guess he was so secure that when I train him to sleep he just sleep so well. he did cry a few times, I only pick him up after 5 minutes and asure him again that dad and mom are around to love him and put him down as soon as he stops. He is now 17 months, he sticks to routine more than i wanted him to and he never wanted us to cuddle him to sleep. He sleeps thru't he night when he was slightly over 3 months old until now with ocassonally waking up bcause of teething or hungry from not having enough solid in the day because we were out doing something.

My advise is to pick him up. Too much to let him alone crying at this tender age.
 
Having two toddlers of my own, I couldn't imagine letting them cry it out at one month old!! Sorry, but it almost seems cruel to me. It's already been said, that crying is their only form of communication. I would act upon it. However, if you feel comfortable with it, then give it a try for a couple of minutes. I think your heart will tell you to go and pick up your baby anyway :-)
 
thank you for all the replies!

yes i swaddle him, it helps but he still requires holding, otherwise he won't fall asleep or play on his own for long.
 
The article helps, thank you! I've read others similar, but this one is more comprehensive.

Honestly I'm relieved to get advice to pick up the baby rather than not to. I posted this thread b/c three separate friends told us that we were "spoiling" the baby and that "one month is STILL trainable", and that their babies don't require holding much. I was worried that we were spoiling our little one. Your replies help to clarify things. Every baby is different.
 
my 'baby' is 12 months old and i always pick her up when she's unhappy (doesn't have to get to the crying level). crying is STILL the way she can tell me that she needs me, and that some action is required! and she's not spoiled.
it may also sound a bit romantic, but i think holding your baby is an essential part of being a mother. i could never leave a helpless little one crying in the crib for one minute :(
i don't understand what kind of advice 'friends' can give, too.
anyway, sorry, this is just one topic i get carried away...
 
The time with a new baby is precious, and before you know it they grow up into toddlers. Enjoy the time you can spend nursing and holding your tiny newborn, it will do them no harm enjoying the comfort and warmth of their mum, and its a wonderful time for you too. When my second baby came along, I didnt get the chance to cuddle her and hold her as much as the first which was a real shame, but an unfortunate reality when you have more than one. I am sure your friends mean well, but go with your heart and instinct.
 
PICK UP! A newborn needs LOVE, LOVE, and MORE LOVE. The baby is much too young to be crying it down. Newborns definitely need skin to skin with you as well.

My son is 7 months old and I still pick up when he sometimes cries and he just needs a cuddle. My son hated being swaddled so we did it for about a two weeks and then just found other ways to make him feel safe and secure.
 
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