Parents and Children

[green1706]

What is the ideal relationship between parents and children? This relationship should be more severe, parents imposing their terms automatically, or should it be a friendship? In the latter case, if the child benefit from parents' indulgence and do something stupid? I know that the situation varies from case to case, but I speak in general. My husband and I get ready to be parents again, we want to adopt for the first time, and therefore we want more opinions. So, what do you think?

 

[carang]

a child needs boundaries. you are NOT your child's friend. your child will have many friends in his/her life. he/she will have only ONE mother and ONE father.

you need to decide at the beginning the boundaries you want to set. then figure out ways to discipline when the child over-steps them.

 

[thanka2]

This classic book is probably the best place to start:

Boundaries with Kids

Children, above all, crave love and security (safety). It is not very loving or secure to try to be your child's friend if it means that you are allowing them to have control of a situation that they are emotionally and mentally (and physically) not mature enough for. If you ever watch "Super Nanny" she talks about this a lot--especially in cases where little toddlers have been allowed to dictate how the household runs.

So the job of the parent is to parent--friendship comes later--much later. There is time to be friends once children have reached an age mature enough to handle themselves and relate to their parents as friends (probably late adolescence or adult years).

All good relationships are built on love and respect--so there definitely is an amount of age-appropriate respect and decision making allowed in the child-parent relationship but remember, giving a small child too many choices is too overwhelming for them and creates chaos in their little brains. Allowing children to manipulate parents into doing what they want is also very damaging. As the parent, you call the shots and you lead the team for better or worse and if you find that letting the children have some choice or input in decisions is appropriate sometimes then that's okay but overall it's "Whatever mom/dad says goes." Make sure you know what your gameplan is and set the agenda for your family.