need your thoughts...

solidstars

solidstars

Registered User
it's been bothering me a bit but didn't know where to voice it...

just found out today that hubby thinks baby is skinny (even though his weight/height ratio is way above his average age group) and that his arms/legs are too slim so he got his mom to buy formula milk and feed it to him when i'm at work.

I can't decide whether :-

1)i should be happy cuz hubby is taking part in caring for baby or

2)angry cuz he never discussed it with me and when i asked him questions about what type of formula, what other brands did they look at, he couldn't answer them because he didn't know, he just delegated it to his mom or

3)really pissed off cuz the way he said it, it sounded like it was my fault baby had skinny arms and legs and even when i mentioned the weight/height thing he said that's besides the point (re arms and legs)...

Honestly, we weaned baby recently to fresh milk so I don't mind the whole feeding him formula thing, but not discussing it with me and then doing it when i'm away just feels like they're sneaking around behind my back?

THEN there's a whole separate issue where hubby's uncle recently told me that perhaps my husband minds the fact that i genetically passed on G6PD deficiency to my son (5% of Hong Kong boys have it, basically you just have to avoid moth balls, camphor, and broad beans for life, if you're careful it's no big deal. My brother is G6PD def and he's now healthy, playing sports and will graduate from uni in a few months). So I did try to talk about that with my husband and he said he didn't mind but this whole 'skinny arms and legs' thing makes me think that he DOES mind?

Sorry, really didn't know where to put this and it's just been niggling at the back of my head all evening...
 
Ignore the whole thing, trust me it is way better than brooding over it, its very difficult to change a person's way of thinking.
 
First a big hug to you! Sorry that your husband is driving you crazy again.

Probably you can tell hubby that the baby is skinny because he didn't eat butter?:-)
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I'd just ignore your husband...thinny hands and legs is not a big deal, so I won't worry about it - just let your husband do whatever he needs to reassure his worries.
 
thanks, you're right, no point getting into an argument about it, formula milk is not poison.

gataloca, you're right, i should have wrangled 'lack of butter' into my conversation with him when i found out about the skinny thing. hahahah it might have brought up more arguments though!
 
You can't "decide" how you should feel. You just feel it. Obviously you are bothered by it a bit. if it really does, it's better to deal with it now than bring it out weeks later in the next fight. Perhaps casually said sth like hey it's good idea to try some formula for baby, why didn't you tell me about it?
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I don't think there is anything wrong with giving formula but he probably should have mentioned it to you first or at least discussed it. I don't think skinny arms and legs is anyone's fault! Some kids eat a lot and still are skinny - just the way they are. Nothing wrong with skinny arms and legs. Plus I don't see a connection between skinny arms and legs and the G6PD deficiency, so I wouldn't worry about it.
 
thanks everyone, i'm going to 'let it go' and like baffelly mentioned, maybe somehow casually praise/query him at a later stage...
 
One question - did you find out b/c your husband confessed to you? If so, that's a good thing, so I would advocate not being too hard on him. Anyway at some point your son, who it sounds like favors you over anyone, will be vocal enough to tell you these kinds of things, too.
 
solidstars, your hubby sounds like a real gem...

my thoughts are with you....good luck, however you decide to deal with this...
 
Hi there, it sounds like you've worked out how to deal with this situation but I have to make a comment.
Firstly, I can completely understand your feelings, I'd be pretty annoyed if my husband made a change like that without discussing it with me. Secondly, every baby is different, your baby may always be skinny. If the doctor isn't worried about it and he's not underweight then neither of you should worry about it either. People come up to us and tell us all the time our baby is fat and I get worried sometimes, but he's not overweight and he eats really well so I just ignore them. As long as your baby's happy and healthy that's the most important thing, and your husband should realise that too. Good luck!

http://typhoonsandtantrums.blogspot.com
 
as you probably know, i have 2 kids.

my older son has ALWAYS been skinny. he looks like he's skin and bones. he was born early and it took him 9 months to go from the bottom 2% upto 50%, which is where he is now. we have a hard time buiying trousers for him because we need to have the adjustable waists. he's just tall and thin. he's 5.5 years old and weighs almost 40lbs.

my daughter, who is exactly 2 years younger, is solidly built. she's NOT fat, she's normal for her age, but because her brother is soooooo skinny, all of hte chinese people we know say she's fat. i HATE IT! she is average height for her age and weighs only 1 lb less than her brother.

i don't stress about it at all, it's just the way they were made...and they are so little yet, nothing is written in stone as to how they will develop over the next 10-20 years...
 
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