Need help with your helper?

J

Julie Jacobson

Banned
Living with live-in help may seem like a dream, but it can be a difficult transition if you have never employed home help before.

If you have questions, problems or praises about your helper, I'd be happy to help.
 
Hi Julie

I bought your book about 6 months ago - I didn't know you could reasonably expect your helper to do so much!

Up until this week we had the same helper for almost 6 years, and after reading the Helper's Helper I decided to try out a few suggestions, such as developing a schedule of cleaning chores around the house.

Our circumstances have changed a lot since our helper joined us (another child, two cats, bigger apartment, and finally me not working fulltime anymore). Your book really helped me clarify what sort of domestic support we now need, and now we are in the process of looking again it's going to make our job of setting out our expectations so much easier.

We were babes in the woods 6 years ago, and our helper really "trained" us. I highly recommend your book as a tool to first time employers (and people like us!). I still think there is probably a need for a similar book for employers too. Any plans to write one????
 
Thank you.

I am thrilled to hear you have found "Heler's Helper" so useful. That's why I wrote it!

I have started wrting a new book, more targeted to employers for the US market, as that is where I am living now. But I am pleased to report life is very full and it may take some time.

Again thanks for your support.

Kind regards Julie
 
Armstroe,

I know what you mean. We employed our first full-time helper just before D was born and although she's been great with D I would have to admit she's also "trained us" very well.
Her contract ends in a couple of months and I'm going to start interviewing new helpers shortly. Armed with my copy of "Helper's Helper" I'm hoping I'll do a better job at selecting the right person. I've also made out a list of Questions that I failed to ask last time when interviewing. Here are a few:

Do you smoke? (always forget to ask this)
Do you have a boyfriend? (Will we be getting calls from drunk boyfriends in the middle of the night?)
Do you have any outstanding debts? ( I know I'll probably won't get an honest answer. but no harm in trying)

Julie, can you recommend any other?

Thanks
Rani
 
Suggestions

Hi,

I would suggest trying to find a woman over 30 who is either married, widowed, or divorced, with children over 10 years old. With that sort of "demographic" you have less to fear about calls from boyfriends (drunken or otherwise).

I also like to ask them an open ended question about how they would discipline a child.

For example "Let's say you were in the playground and it's time to go home, so you can start dinner. But my child says no, he wants to play. What would you do?" [this is a question for people whose kids are over 2].

Are you willing to follow my schedule?

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Also, since many helpers from the Philippines are very fervent Christians, it might be well to ask her about prosyletzing [sp?]. Since I go to church and so forth, I don't mind my helper talking to my kids about Jesus (or not much) and religion. But, other people might object to this strongly, so you might want to ask her about that sort of thing, or make it very clear from the begining that you do *not* want her to discuss religion with your kids.

Please name a few dishes that you know how to prepare.

Can you speak some Cantonese? [very useful if she needs to go to the market, or for example, deal with workmen who come in to fix things in the flat, delivery people, etc.]
 
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Loupou,

Thanks again for the great advice. Our helper is over 35 and a widow so I kinda overlooked asking about bfs. :eyesroll:

Questions on discipline...excellent! Will definitely add this to my list.

Thanks again.

Rani
 
Hi Rani and Loupou

I am still a babe in the wood having just read your questions!

Maybe other members could throw in their top questions as well.

I'm actually thinking of using an agency this time too. Last time our helper came to us from a friend, so you feel you are inheriting certain conditions (well I did). Obviously it is nice to be in the position of having a friend's reliable reference, particularly over issues of how children are treated, and honesty issues.

I guess there are no guarantees that you are going to get truthful answers always, but like the corporate interview techniques, there must be some good questions you can ask to get a more honest picture of the person you are going to entrust with your children and home.

Any more suggestions?
 
Discipline should be somewhere near the top of the list. I sent our previous helper on the Matilda Helpers Course and they cover discipline. I discovered that she thought that screaming at a child having a tantrum was the best way to sort it out!

For me the most important thing was to ascertain whether she would follow my routines and the way that we interact with our daughter. We like rough and tumble and I couldn't bear the thought of someone cooing 'baby baby' at her or rocking her to sleep so we spent some time coming up with various scenarios that we could ask her about.
 
If you use an agency...

If you use an agency, be very stern w/ the agents and REFUSE to consider anyone who does not have positive references with a telephone number with which you can reach the former employer to ask about the helper's performance.

Last time we did that, it reduced the number of candidates for use to consider to about 3.

If the former employer speaks Cantonese and you can't speak Cantonese, ask a friend to act as your trasnlator (in my case my DH spoke to the Cantonese speaking employers and I spoke to the English speaking ones).

Also, be aware that super-woman does not exist. If a woman is gentle and patient w/ babies and toddlers, she may not be an A-1 cleaner, or strict disciplinarian w/ school-age kids.

If she is a fantastic cleaner and cook, she may not be much of one for playing in the playground w. the kids or making up craft projects to entertain them on rainy days.

Other questions...

Another discipline question - how to deal with bath refusal?

What would you do if my child made a big mess eating crackers and there were crumbs all over the floor?

Are you willing to work to teach the kids to clean up after themselves, even though it is sometimes more time consuming than just doing it yourself?

[Can you tell I have school-age kids?]


*************

Once hired, I made it very clear to my helper that we would not tolerate my kids speaking to her disrespectfully.

I explained the discipline methods we use (sitting on chair in corner, sending to room for 1 minute, denial of being taken out to the playground, etc.).

I used a naval analogy to explain it to her.

"My husband and I are the captain. You are the first mate, the kids are the crew. When we are gone, you are the "Officer on Deck" and the kids should do as you direct them. If not, they are in trouble." (I also explained this to my kids).
 
HI Loupou

I fully agree with your point about compromising on certain aspects to having a helper. Although the way I feel at the moment, I don't know what I would compromise on. I feel we compromised too much over the last few years.

While I was working our daughter was the priority, so housework became a very distant second. Now the housework is important, because I'm at home for the kids (one school age, the other a baby). One of the very key things is having someone with a pleasant disposition, my husband particularly just wants someone to smile and say hello when he gets home! (yes, I know I should do a better job!!!)

And how do you know you are going to get a happy helper? I'm very depressed about the search already.

Thanks again for your tips about the agencies.
 
Finding & interviewing a helper

The following may be a bit long winded but hopfully it will help with all your concerns.

Many first time home help employers may choose to use the services of an agency and this can minimize complications if the agency is a reputable one and adequately screens candidates prior to your meeting them. However when hiring someone who you will have to trust with your child or your personal life, you owe it to yourself to interview the candidates thoroughly yourself. If you do not feel you need the services of an agency to find candidates, placing or answering an ad in a local newspaper or doctor?s office notice board, is a good way to start, but you should always ask for references and trust your instincts. Success often comes from asking friend?s who are happy with their helpers, if they know of anyone experienced and reliable who is looking for a job. Some of the most successful home helpers are not always qualified or highly experienced, and if you are prepared and able to offer some training and guidance, it is best to choose someone you feel you can trust over someone you are not sure of but stacks up well on paper. This is one time when the rules are personal and not business.

Plan ahead. Before you begin looking for a helper, take the time to clearly identify yours and your family?s needs, and prioritize them. Make a work plan of daily, weekly, biweekly and monthly tasks that you would like your helper to be responsible for

Make a list of personal qualities you would like to see in your helper; maturity, gentle disposition. Skills such as cooking, first-aid and laundry care are obviously important however without references confirming skills, even years of experience may not necessarily translate into superior performance so be prepared to do a little training to get things done just as you like them..

Create, copy and complete a check-list, for each candidate. Using your work plan and priority list as a base, think of relevant questions with space to make notes of observations. (See example below)

Get personal. Asking personal questions that do not have an incorrect answer will help the candidate to relax. This person is going to be living in your house, primarily responsible for your most personal and precious things and you have a right to know if they are married, have children, have a hobby, are in good health, like movies, church or dancing etc. Avoid being too intrusive, but don?t be bashful either. Asking for three qualities they like about themselves will give you great insight into a candidate?s maturity, confidence, personality and level of independence. To help you recall them and introduce them to other members of the family, you may consider taking a polaroid snap-shot or digital picture of them to attach to your check list. (Remember to ask permission prior).

Give a small but significant practical test. For example, if laundry would be a big part of their job, hand the candidate an item of clothing and ask how they would clean it. If they are able to follow the laundry instructions on the care label you know they are experienced in clothes care. Or give a children?s book and ask them to read a few pages to you. You will immediately find out if the candidate can read English and whether or not they would be capable of helping your child with reading.

Give yourself a time frame in which to make a decision. Allow enough time to interview several candidates, remembering that many will only be available for interviews on weekends. Never make a snap decision, even if one candidate appears to be everything you want. Sleep on it and see several candidates before you offer the position to any one.

Remember the candidate is there to decide if they would like to work for your family too. Be prepared to walk them through the house, show them their living quarters, introduce them to any children or pets they will be responsible for and ask them if they have any questions for you.
If you are prepared to pay over the minimum salary for specific qualities or qualifications, tell them. Take this opportunity after they have answered most of your questions to spell out the personal, ethical and moral qualities you expect from someone living or working in your home. This will let the candidate know you will not tolerate being taken advantage of. Discuss days off, expected work hours and any other expectations or terms of employment such as health insurance and salary. Remember, unless you employ them on a purely contractual basis, you will be responsible for with-holding tax etc. just as you would if you were the owner of a business employing office staff. (More on this subject covered in Chapter 14 ?Home help Handbook?.) As labor laws differ from state to state, it is advisable to check with a lawyer before committing to compensation terms.

If you like the candidate fix a date and time when you will contact them if they have been successful. Remember to ask if they are interviewing with anyone else and if so, ask them to contact you if they are offered another position prior to your confirmation date, this will help to avoid loosing a good candidate to another employer.


CHECK-LIST - (SAMPLE)


Name:??????????????????.?? Age:??? Contact #:????????????????????????.


1. Where are you from?????????????????????..??????

2. Have you brought any references with you? ?????????????????????????

3. Tell me about your last job? ?????????????????????????????..???

4. Why are you looking for a new job? ?????????????????????????????

5. Do you like cooking? ???????What kind of things did you have to cook for your last employer?

6. Have you looked after children before? ???? What ages? ????.

7. Do you like looking after children? What ages best? ?????????????????????.

8. Are you married? ??????????? Do you have children??????????..???????

9. Do you have brothers and sisters? ????????????????????????????.?..

10. And your parents??????.. ???????????????????????????.?????

11. Would you wish to live here with us full time or do you have a home you would like to return to in you time off?

????????????????????????????????????????????????

12. Tell me three things (qualities) you like about yourself. ??????????????????.???..

13. Tell me three things you think you are good at. ?????????????????????????

14. Have you ever been seriously ill? Yes / No With what???????????? When?????....

15. Would you be happy to have us send you to a Doctor for a physical exam before you start? Yes / No

16. What do you like doing in your free time? ?????????????????????.???????

17. Do you have any hobbies? ???????????????????????????????

18. Have you ever done a first aid course? Yes / No ?????????????????????????

19. When would you be available to start? ?????????????????????????????.





SUMMARY

Personal qualities:
Punctuality, Early On time Late
Maturity, Good Fair Poor
Gentle disposition, Good Fair Poor
Independent thinker, Good Fair Poor
Artistic, Good Fair Poor
Grooming Good Fair Poor
Ease with children & pets Good Fair Poor
Self confidence Good Fair Poor
Skills:
English Good Fair Poor
First Aid Training Qualified Some None
Cooking Confident Unsure Inexperienced
Childcare Confident Unsure Inexperienced
Elderly-care Confident Unsure Inexperienced
Laundry Confident Unsure Inexperienced
Practical Test: Confident Unsure Needs training



Comments and observations?????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
 
Sorry if I confused you a little with the "State to State" and "withholding tax" references - I have just got back from a trip, I am a little tired - and the section I posted is from my new book for the US - although the advice is the same!
 
thank you thank you thank you!

Julie, this is a great help. And a big thank you to everyone else for their suggestions too.
 
Elizabeth - why don't you give Helen a call - she may still be in the country and has recommended her helper highly on our notice board at work - not sure what salary she will be looking for but might be worth seeing if she's still available. Send me a PM and I will give you her contact details.

Alison
 
Hi, I'm new here (although not new to HK).

Could somebody tell me where I can buy Julie's book 'Helper's Helper'?

It sounds just the ticket, as we have our first ever domestic helper and first child both arriving soon.

Thanks,

Graham
 
I would like to add that it's best to get the rules of the house sorted out as soon as possible. It would be hard to change certain ways of doing things a few years or even a few months after the helper has started work for you.

I made a mistake of always doing things my helper's way, given it was my first baby, I was clueless, she had been a maternity ward nurse back in the Philippines and was higly recommended by a relocating friend. I ended up feeling very helpless. Took me a while to say hey... it's my baby, I am the employer.... but despite attempts to show her who boss was, some things have been too entrenched to change.
 
thank you julie and everyone else. all this is helpful info.
julie i do agree with you that you must use your instinct when interviewing. i hired my first "amah" 4 years ago without a face-to-face interview. i hired her through a video and a profile sheet. guess i was a risk taker (or just didn't know any better)! she turned out to be what i expected. she was not a 100% though because nobody is....but she was diligent, gentle, patient and efficient and cooked a marvelous meal! she loved my baby so much she called him her own. we had to give her up when we moved back to the states and now relocating one more time to hk.....we're on the search again.

we are planning to re-hire her and possibly employ one more helper (that in itself is another conversation! -does anyone have experiences with 2 helpers? fights, jealousy....etc...)

tell me if this sounds right....one cleans, laundry and take care of infant....one cooks and take care of 4 yr old. or one should clean and cook whilst the other take care of both children??

cindee, i agree that we must lay down our rules and set straight our agendas her 1st day otherwise she gets into a routine. since my 1st child i've been through abit of a learning curve with my helpers...and yes my list of "rules" and what "we" want now has become very long.

if anyone knows of a good agency....please let me know!
 
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Living with 2 helpers

I had two helpers for several years and it was a great experience. They shared their roles but primarily one took responsibility for the baby and the other the cleaning etc.

If you already have one helper and are looking to hire another, it is very important - in ensuring a smooth relationship between the girls - to include your existing helper in the interview process.

Tell your helper you need her input. Ask her what jobs she would like another helper to assist with and use that combined with your own expectations to create a job description and time management plan.

During the interview try to read her body language to indicate whether she likes a candidate or not, as she may be too shy to say anything negative. It is VERY important that the two get along especially if they are sharing living quarters.

Also there has to be a "boss" between the two and this is likely to be the exisiting helper. However it is a good idea to win the trust of the new helper by ensuring her - privately - that although the exisitng helper has been with you a long time, you want her to know that YOU are her employer and that if she has any problems she may come to you for assistance.

Good luck!
 
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