Need a bit of help from other mum's making big decision please x

E

Em B

Registered User
Hi All,

I'm a mum of two little ones. Two boys of 22 mths and 7 mths. My boyfriend has been offered a job in Hong Kong and am obviously looking into it.

I'm no stranger to living abroad, I lived in Sydney, Australia for 10 years but without kids. I've read all about Hong Kong and am looking in the Discovery Bay area. I can look at pictures all day but it doesn't give me an idea of what real life is like.

As you other mum's know, it can be tough being mum and a good support group helps loads. I was hoping someone could give me an idea of what the mum and toddler groups, if any, are like? And if there is a good social life for kids and mum's alike?

Any info or help will be appreciated as it's a frightening decision to make with little ones.

Thank you, Em B x
 
you will not be eligible for a visa that allows you to live here (and work if you wish) unless you are married. THAT might be a decision you want to talk about with your boyfriend first.

if you settle in DB, that is the closest you will get to a "western" lifestyle of any place in hk. every "village" has a playground. many western foods are available at the supermarkets. baby playgroups, small/intimate pre-schools are abundant, you can get a membership to one of the clubs and have access to the swimming pools, cheaper classes, bowling alley, tennis courts, playrooms etc.
 
I think HK is one of the easiest places in the world to be an expat, since there are so many other people just like you. Making friends happens fairly quickly, and with kids it's fairly easy to get involved via this site, some FB groups, etc.

The bigger issue is what Carang mentioned. You won't be granted a dependent visa unless you are married.
 
Alternatively, what some people do is to come over here and look for a job which will sponsor you while you are here. Problem is that usually you would have to be working full time in order for a company to want to sponsor you. Some other people who I have known come here on their regular 90 day visa and for example go to Macau near the end of the 90 days. When you re-enter, you get another 90 days. This might work for 6-9 months, but is probably not a good long term solution if you want to stay here legally.
 
nicolejoy said:
Alternatively, what some people do is to come over here and look for a job which will sponsor you while you are here. Problem is that usually you would have to be working full time in order for a company to want to sponsor you. Some other people who I have known come here on their regular 90 day visa and for example go to Macau near the end of the 90 days. When you re-enter, you get another 90 days. This might work for 6-9 months, but is probably not a good long term solution if you want to stay here legally.
Click to expand...

Getting sponsored for work in Hong Kong is not easy. It's wholly dependent on your qualifications, work experience and field. The government puts quotas on employers because there is a policy of "hire local" in Hong Kong. So, in order for an employer to hire you they have to be able to demonstrate that you offer a skill that cannot be found easily within the local market. On top of that they only have a quota of so many non-local people they can hire in a year. It's a real gamble to come to HK and then look for employment. Sometimes it pays off. Sometimes it really doesn't. Multi-nationals that hire usually hire their people abroad and bring them here and they operate under a slightly different system.

I do know people who did the "exit every 90 days" thing but it is truly not a very efficient long-term plan to stay in HK and it is possible that you could get stopped by immigration if you do that long-term (although the people I know were never stopped).

And yes, without a marriage certificate you won't be granted a dependency visa through your boyfriend's work. Not sure how it works with the children--probably depends on if they carry your boyfriend's name or not.

Otherwise, if you can get the practical things sorted out HK is a pretty expat-friendly city. I would say DB is really not a typical living environment for HK. Even though I'm an expat I wouldn't feel comfortable living there kind of "separated from the reality of HK"--because DB is really like a whole new world. But, I do know people who enjoy that lifestyle and if you're one of those people and you can afford to live there then that is definitely an option.

All the best with your choice.
 
Agree with the others, your major issue will be getting a visa if you're not married. As for life here, I think if you're inclined to like it it's a great place to be, there are lots of groups and classes where you can meet other mums and children and even just in the playground people are pretty friendly.
 
I just came from Sydney a year ago & have found that it is easy to find mother & toddler groups as long as you put yourself out there.

Your mothers group is likely to revolve around those who have kids the same age as yours. My days are planned around birthday parties & playgroups for my daughter to attend.

A good starting point is to meet mums who live in your area. This forum has heaps of meet & greets. Good luck!
 
Thanks ever so much for your response everyone. Didn't realise not being married would be a problem. We've been together 17 years, just never tied the knot. We will do now because of the children but wasn't thiking about it too much. Will have a chat with boyfriend and get him to find out through his work what the situation is. The person offering the promotion and position in Hong Kong to my boyfriend lives in Hong Kong so you'd think he'd be aware of this problem!

Yeah I understand there is a huge expat community, like when we lived in Oz. We found it very easy to make friends pretty quick over there cause your all in the same boat. So I would imagine with children it would be even easier. Discovery Bay does look very 'westernised'. Is it very expensive then compared to other places? I thought HK cost of living was very expensive regardless to where you live? Mind you I live in South East UK so is bloody expensive!
 
I've lived in various countries including Oz but found it easiest to make friends here. Thinking about where to live, you won't get as much space as back in UK, definitely not as much (if any) outside space which is a big part of the reason why the playgrounds are a good place to meet people.

If you get the visa issue sorted I would definitely recommend getting your boyfriend's work to arrange a short term serviced apartment for you or at least have him come out first and have a look around the different areas (assuming he'd know you well enough to make a good decision about where you'd like to live) before you make too many plans. The issue of where to live in HK is very polarising, personally I wouldn't want to live in DB, no offence to the people who live there but it just isn't for me. On the flip side I'm sure a lot of people would hate to live where I do which is right near the centre of town but it really suits us.

I think getting the right area for you will make a huge difference to your enjoyment or not of Hong Kong and that's very personal to you and your family, we can describe places all you like but none of them are like anywhere I know in Oz or UK so you won't really get a feel for them until you're here so it really is important to come and see for yourself.
 
Thanks for your advice. Yeah I think if, like you say, we get the visa and make the decision it would be silly not to come and have a look. Me and my boyfriend have very similar tastes and ideas on life so he could come over. I'm not expecting as much space as here and definately not Oz.

Whats the health care like over there?
 
For day to day stuff I think the healthcare is pretty good. If you have any specific conditions or worries it's worth finding out about the specialists in that area here as some specialisms seem better covered than others.

It's easiest if you can negotiate a good healthcare package for the whole family with your boyfriend's company, that way you can pick the gp that suits you without any worries about costs. Having said that I've not heard anything bad about the public system here, others can correct me but I don't think it's any better or worse than the kind of treatment you'd get on the nhs back home.
 
I don't have anything to compare the public system to as my country doesn't have a public system but healthcare in HK is good. You have a lot of choices and it's relatively cheap even if you do have to pay out-of-pocket. Get a decent insurance plan and you'll be fine. I've used the public system here for certain things and the only problem is the wait-time. But, as far as the quality of care, it's fine. I've given birth in the public system and, medically, everything was fine.
 
Thanks again for advice. Me and the boyfriend keep talking about HK but don't seem to be getting anywhere with a decision! Theres so much more to consider with little ones. And as they are both so little i'll know they adapt fine but I can't help but keep thinking about them not seeing their family.
 
i've been here for almost 17 years. when i came, i really only missed attending the weddings, funerals etc of friends and families back home. after i had kids, that changed a little. now, i DO miss that my kids don't know my side of the family as well as they know daddy's side (he's local). however, now my kids are older, they talk on the phone, send emails, talk on skype etc to family in canada. we spent a month in canada in 2010 and grandma and grandpa are coming tomorrow for a month. they DO know their family, they remember them very clearly and remember what we did with them the last time we saw them. seeing that and experiencing that makes it a little easier for me.

i will admit, though, that one of the reasons i would have for moving "home" would be to be closer to grandma and grandpa.
 
one other thing to think about... the older the kids get the more difficult the decision will be.
 
enjoy having grandma and grandpa. Little ones love their grandparents around. Really think we're swaying to the hong kong thing x
 
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