My baby can only nap in my arms

J

jamiexchan

Registered User
My baby girl, now 5 months, can only nap in my arms. She is very easily waken up by sounds, and when i put her in her crib, most of the time she will wake up within 10 mins, sometimes when she is really tired, she can nap for 30 mins, very occassionlly. But when she nap in my arms, she will sleep for over 2 hours wiithout waking up.

I don't know if I should try to make her get used to napping in crib, as so far not so successful, and would these short naps bad to her growth? As sleeping is so important to babies. But on the other hand, I don't think it is easy to let her sleep in my arms when she grow heavier and heavier...will babies sleep better as they grow up?

I offered her with pacifiers of different shapes, but she refused...

One interesting thing is, she sleeps perfectly well in crib from 10:30pm to 6:00am! Waking up just once for milk.
 
the only way for her to learn how to do it is to teach her.... stay in the room with her. pat her back and comfort her when she wakes so she'll go back to sleep again.

it's a terrible habit to only sleep in your arms and it will likely only get worse. it's better to deal with it now and not wait until she is a year or more...
 
I agree with Carang. Teach her now, the longer you wait the more difficult it will become. I followed Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, and teaching your child to fall and stay asleep by themselves is referred to as Method A. It's a helpful book and I highly recommend it. Got excellent, well sleep trained children. You have to make sure you put her in the crib awake, but sleepy/drowsy, then she'll learn how to fall asleep by herself. Good luck.
 
Reading this post makes me think about when my LO was 0-3 months old and would only nap in my arms or in a sling. I enjoyed it very much until she began to nap terribly even in my arms! I completely agree with carang. It'll take a few days to teach her to nap in her own bassinet or crib. Put her down drowsy, rock her for a few minutes, or nurse her just to the point of drowsiness. If she cries and protests, pat her back and say some comforting words. If she becomes distressed, pick her up, calm her down and put her straight back down as soon as she stops crying. Rinse and repeat. Eventually she'll fall asleep. She may continue to take short naps in this manner, but within a week or two, she'll probably learn to take longer naps on her own.
 
You will have to get her to sleep on her own.
She's a cute, tiny, 5-month-old now. But if you don't change her, time will fly, and you will soon have a back-breaking, strong toddler who refuses to sleep anywhere but on you. I mean back-breaking literally. This happened to a friend whose child is 1.5 years. And her helper just went to the hospital with spine pain.
I held and rocked by baby to sleep the first few months, and let her sleep in my arms.
But I started cutting back when she was 3-4 months.
She will be unhappy at first. You may have to endure some crying. She may skip a few naps in the beginning.
But do pick up / put down and hush / pat. Have patience, and soon she will learn.
 
A slightly different perspective... both my babies are/were rocked to sleep and slept on someone quite a bit. I noticed that it did get better with time. Like around 3 months we started trying to put them down for a nap and they were able to do at least one long stretch on their own. Sometimes they would wake up, cry, we would rock them, put them down again. But if they kept waking up and crying, we'd let them sleep on us. Gradually, they started sleeping more and more on their own. My five-month-old sleeps one long nap in the afternoon on ehr own now, and half-an-hour or so in the morning and maybe longer. It varies, though generally at least one long nap on her own. And like yours, she is a great sleeper at night.

We went with this because it was manageable for us, the adults in the house. I have two helpers, one of whom is more or less exclusively dedicated to caring for my baby. A couple of days ago, I raised the idea of being more insistent about my baby taking all her naps on her own and noone wanted to do it. My helpers were the most reluctant, basically they think it's normal for babies to be rocked to sleep, wake up multiple times at night etc. The attitude is the same in my home country, India, where many many people don't sleep train.

My son, who is now 18 months, was a much worse sleeper than my baby girl. He had reflux so initially there was a medical reason and once he outgrew that, it was habit. But from his experience, we know that usually babies just get better at sleeping on their own as they grow. At some point, on his own, my son no longer wanted to be rocked. Now we have to hum and pat him and he goes to sleep. It could take half an hour. But we're okay with that, although it's probably not in the sleep training manuals.

Again, this worked for us. Everyone in our house didn't feel enthused about doing it any other way. And my babies did take at least one long nap down in the day so that helped the primary caregiver.

In your case, seems like it's too much for you, especially as you don't even get one break in the day. So yeah, maybe you might have to force the issue with your little one.
 
Different approach for different people. I agree with Charade, and also agree with the other posters as well. Most people would say that you need to correct the behavior before it turns into a bad habit, but sometime the behavior get corrected by itself.

I don't remember well, but at some point, I was also concerned that my baby might not be getting enough sleep. I ended up letting him sleep on my bed, sometime laying next to him till he fall asleep, and even laying back next to him and pretending to be asleep when he seems to be waking up (for naps). He (23 month old now) is still not the best sleeper, but can fall asleep by himself, specially when we offer him his pacifier (we are in the process of weaning his pacifier now). I know that my helper would still rock him to sleep (even when I told her to try not to do so... somehow indo helpers seem to like rocking/carrying the baby around), but luckily, that didn't turn into a bad habit as he doesn't need us to do that for him...
 
I think it also depends on how much help you're getting. If you have two helpers, with one dedicated to the baby, then that gives you more room to be relaxed. You can afford to have someone doing lots of rocking, patting, etc.
If you're like me -- a working mom without a live-in helper and a husband who doesn't do naps or night wakings -- then you're under more pressure to get the child sleep trained. Since you can't humanly do it all yourself if the baby is not self-settling after a few months.
Good luck!
 
gracey, i have an honest question for you.

how & why do you put up with a husband who doesn't do those things? doesn't it take two to make a baby?

i'm not being nasty...i am truly curious. personally, i could never tolerate a husband with that attitude. raising a child, while it can be done by one person, is far easier if you have someone to share that load with. and that someone, unless absolutely necessary, should be a parent. (my thinking anyway).

please don't take offence to my question. it is not meant in an insulting way to your or your husband. i am blessed to have a husband who considers his kids to be his #1 priority...i'm a close #2! ;)
 
At some point, I did do some training (before I went back to work) following the pick up/put down method so he could sleep by himself at night (or at least, stay in his cot without crying)... But I don't know if the training really worked... probably did, or probably he just got into the idea of staying in bed after his night feed.

I am also a working mom. I do have a live-in helper, but I never ask her to do night shift. My husband doesn't do naps or night wakings either. I probably preferred to do it myself as feel my boy is much closer to me.

For night waking, I didn't find it too hard cause I have never been a great sleeper myself, so I am use to getting up several times at night. And as we are co sleeping, it is easy for me to pick up my baby, put him on my breasts for his midnight feed, and then back to sleep on his cot. As he got older, it got easier as well, as he would eat faster and go back to sleep faster as well.
 
My husband doesn't do naps or night wakings either. I have live-in help and prefer not to let her work night shifts as I want her to be alert and rested for the day. Like Gataloca, I prefer to do the night wakings because I like feeling close to baby. My husband works 12-hour days, so he needs his rest!
 
I can understand a SAHM taking care of naps & night wakings, but if both parents work outside, it just seems unfair for the dad to opt out in such a way.

Like i said, i wouldnt tolerate it
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I know it's ironic, but sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself. Although I work part time so it's not too bad.

Mums have the instinct as to what the problem is, what the cries are like, what works for soothing. I'm not saying dads do not do a good job, but sometimes they don't quite have the "it" factor, and more often than not, I will lie awake wondering why it's taking him so long to settle, why she screaming her head off etc. Then I think I might as well do it myself. My hubby does stay up to do the dream feed though, and he pretty much is totally hands on with our other toddler when he's home.
 
sorry, my phone cut me off mid-posting....

i was not/am not being judgemental. i just find it astounding that men today can still get away with not helping out with the baby.

my husband's best friend, a local (like my hubby), was completely stand-offish towards his first born. he didn't do anything to help. my husband got really upset with his friend for this attitude and told him there was more to being a father than ejaculation! lol!

every day i thank my lucky stars to have such a supportive husband. because i know that if he weren't the way he is, he would no longer be my husband....
 
I understand your feelings and questions carang. I feel the same way. My husband is very supportive, even though he works long hours (he's away from home for at least 13 hours and that was the same when our children were born; they're all in Primary now). We always took turns, also with our oldest, and later with twins, we had no choice. We didn't live in a country with full time live in helpers, etc. Care was very expensive, and even though we did spend money on it (well spent), there were plenty of nights we had to do it ourselves. Even though at that time I didn't work. I had 3 kids under the age of 3 to take care off curing a cold harsh winter (a real winter, not a Hong Kong winter)

I agree everybody does things differently, but honestly, with 3 kids by myself (my husband doesn't come home until 8/8.30 pm) I had to put them to bed. I didn't have time to rock children to sleep, to lay down with them for 30 minutes. I fed them, bathed them, read them a story, gave them a bottle, and in bed they went. And they did learn to fall asleep by themselves within days. They went (and go) to bed early, slept through the night from a very young age, basically every single night (and still do) and they go to bed when it's time to go to bed, which is early by HK standards. I wouldn't do it any other way, I couldn't back then, and I don't want it differently now. And I would still advice others to give it a try, because it will make a difference. Learning to fall and stay asleep is learned behavior. And one of the greatest gift you can give your child is sleep. Well rested children are soooooo much easier.
 
MommyTo3 said:
Learning to fall and stay asleep is learned behavior. And one of the greatest gift you can give your child is sleep. Well rested children are soooooo much easier.
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Hmmm. So are you saying that half the world (or more) who do not follow the method you did and do have the time or sufficient help to rock their children to sleep are depriving their children of some great gift or that their children are bad sleepers/do not get enough rest?

I fully agree that is many countries where there is no help, parents have no choice. I also agree that even in places where there is help parents might still want to try sleep training because it suits them and the child takes to it fairly easily. I do not agree that not trying and following through with this method is depriving your child developmentally of something which the above statements seem to suggest.
 
carang said:
sorry, my phone cut me off mid-posting....

i just find it astounding that men today can still get away with not helping out with the baby.
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Cara, I agree that there are many men who still see the baby as the wife's responsibility, and brook no discussion on the issue. But in some cases, it is a negotiated one. Like one parent might have longer working hours and the other parent feels he/she can cope with the night shifts. If the mum is breastfeeding then she has to wake up anyway, which is one of the things that makes breastfeeding so hard, you can't share those night shifts. One parent might be the type that needs more sleep - that's me...my husband can routinely wake up at 5 am or even 4.30 and not be exhausted; I need 10 hours. It also depends on the balance of work in the house. I do a little more baby stuff than my husband because he does way more other stuff (cooking, chores etc.) around the house than I do.

My husband did a huge amount of work with my first baby; I would not have it any other way because frankly I am physically incapable of shouldering so much work. For my second baby, my husband is a bit more hands off. His opinion is that we have hired a second helper to help out with the slog stuff and he wants to only do the fun stuff with our girl. It annoyed me I could see that in terms of division of work, he wasn't being unfair. That said, even his hands off version, seems more hands on than some of the dads in my family. My brothers-in-law (one an American, one Indian) are so much less involved in the hard work part and I would find that intolerable. But my sister and sister-in-law say that although they would like their husbands to step up, it isn't a dealbreaker in their marriages... they have physically more stamina than me though, which is maybe why they can take this position.

What I'm trying to say is that what seems to be a cliched paradigm might actually be a thought-out one that works fairly (or balances out somewhat) for both parents.
 
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