Missing the family...

F

fingerscrossed

Registered User
Just venting.....

I've been in HK for 15yrs now and when it comes to leaving my parents or them leaving me when they visit HK, I cry big time coz I still miss them a lot. I have a 2yr old now and its sad to see them say goodbye to him. I know it sounds insane but I just can't control it. I usually get over it within a few days but it drives me nuts.

Actually, I have a strong urge to go home and be with them as I feel that the love and care they give me is what I need right now. Sometimes, the pressures of HK and the occasional strain it can put on a relationship makes me want to just go back to basics. BTW, husband is too attached to this place to just pack up and go.

Dear oh dear....sigh
 
i understand COMPLETELY where you are coming from! i'm in exactly the same boat. been here 15 years, 2 kids now (3 &5) and i HATE that my kids don't really "know" their grandma.

in the summer, she is moving to vancouver, which should cut our travel time by almost 1/2 and also the cost....i'm SOOOOO looking forward to that!
 
I empathize too..... it is hard being away from support and friendly faces .... and family in general. I miss Sunday lunches!

I always cry when my mother catches her flight out of HK - I feel like such a baby - but it IS hard. It IS hard to let family into your life when then come over and it IS hard to let them out - when they go home.

I have learned to really enjoy my time when my mom/ family come across...... this is because - I have always felt so bad and guilty when they go home when we have had a disagreement etc...... I do bite my tongue sometimes and in the long run - it is so much better for me mentally - and it is usually about something trivial.... I always think - "when will I see them again?" - and that makes me sooo sad. WHo knows?

On the upside..... what DOES keep me sane is involving my family in my everyday life..... I take photos of bubs, new things around the home, the markets I go to - what I am cooking for tea - you name it - I love to take photos of MY LIFE and let them in....

Take care
 
I know what you mean! It's heaps hard being here and having family far away. I often get upset by it. Especially since money for us and my mum is scarce so we will probably see them once a year if we're lucky. I was hoping it would get easier but seeing as you have been here 15 years and are still feeling it then I guess it doesn't. Arrghh!!
 
Oh but yes on a positive note, I also take lots of pics and send them by email very often as well. Helps mum and dad feel up to date with baby's progress. :) Thank God for the internet!! I can't imagine how much harder this would be without skype and emails! Other people have it much harder. :(
 
After my mom came to visit here for 3 weeks in Jan, when she left I felt like she died. It was like I had the taste of the good life for a few weeks, and my son bonded with her immensely. I hate him not having any family here (plus it makes him EXTREMELY dependent on me and me only), and I hate my family not being able to witness him growing up and older. I`ve been out of Canada for the better part of 12 years now, but with a kid/family now, it is harder to be away (even though my husband is not Canadian).
We`re planning to move (back) to Canada after 2 years, though a lot of it is because of the kind of life we want to give our son and any future child.
It gets tedious after a while with all the skype/emailing pictures/blog, etc. Maintenance.
 
Thanks for the replies and its good to know I'm not the only 'sook' around here.:redface: Yes, Skype is wonderful! We log on a few times a week but after having them here for a few weeks and seeing them interact with my son and seeing him run to his grandparents is something else.

I still wonder when I can actually move back to Sydney and have a house with a lawn and backyard. At times like these, I reckon I can survive without a maid, haha.
 
fingerscrossed, I go through the same thing everytime I see my family once a year, and we've been in HK for 8 years. I start thinking about the emotional goodbyes even before I leave Hong Kong to go home, which drives me nuts and makes me feel so sad! My mom starts crying the week before we need to leave to come back to HK! My folks are getting older - 76 and 81 - and I always feel guilty about not living closer to them so they can get to know their grand children and vice versa. I didn't come to HK to spend the rest of my working life here, but feel we may be here for some time still.

Every time I bring up the subject of moving at least closer to home, my husband says "we'll see". I really miss the support of my family, too. For example, hubby is away with work for two nights this week and I'm home alone with a 2 year old and 5 month old... Would have really liked to have the option of visiting the folks for these 2 nights and sharing the grand kids with them!
 
Ladies, I empathise with each and every one of you. This thread really hit a chord with me as I feel exactly the same way.

Living in HK I have always missed my family back 'home' but now that we have a little one I miss them even more. Like you have all mentioned, it is the fact that my mum/in-laws are missing out on seeing our boy grow up that makes me the most upset. I almost cry when we do Skype calls and my MIL says things like, "oh he doesn't even remember us anymore" or my mum says things like, "I really want to be close to my grandson but feel I can't whilst you are in HK." Our baby is changing so much everyday that it cuts deeply that my mum/in-laws are missing out.

To the OP, I too cried for days both before and after my mum left HK at Christmas. The two of us were in tears at the Airport Express station. I had to do laps of IFC mall until the tears stopped just so I could then get in a taxi and be able to give coherent directions to the taxi driver!

Yes - Skype is brilliant. So too are cameras. We do emails, Skype calls, videos - all of these things and it does help to capture the moments and keep family updated on our baby's progress.

As for the house with the lawn and the backyard (isn't this the 'Great Australian dream?') I too wonder if we will ever have that. I did mention Sai Kung to hubby but he wasn't so keen!
 
Hi All,

I know how you all feel, we were away for 10 years all up, 8 in London and 2 in Hong Kong before we returned to Australia. We would of stayed away longer but I fell pregnant while we were in HK and was also made redundant just before our son was born. I think it was all the pregnancy hormones that made me want to come back home so we were returned when my son was 4 months old. We were also lucky that my husband could get a transfer with his work.

So we have been back nearly a year have bought a house with the backyard, our son gets to see his grandparents and all our family is happy, except me! I had a very good career in investment banking and now I'm struggling to find anything similar in Sydney, I really miss Hong Kong and London and feel I could of stayed away alot longer.

I guess I've struggled with the shock of returning home, its actually been a bit of a culture shock, and the challenges of being a parent. I would feel terribly guilty if we went back overseas as my son is the only grandchild on both sides. And its hard dealing with family again after having 10 years of more or less a phone/email relationship and seeing them every couple of years.

So we will give it another year or 2 and see what happens....
 
I'm kind of half half. I love my family and have a great relationship with them and miss them like crazy - but I think it's been good for all of us since we've been over here. It's only been 3.5 years though so maybe it'll get worse later ;) I don't cry when I talk to them or when I put them on the plane to go home. Sometimes I'm even relieved ;) the living space is so tight here that it seems like it's easier to tread all over each others toes.

The hardest times for me is during pregnancy. Particularly this pregnancy, with all the issues going along with it... looks like chances are, we might have a bub with special needs. I think that if that happens, it might end up accelerating our plan to go back to Australia just because the culture here I think is not as good for people who are "different"...

I actually have mixed feelings about going back though. On one hand I can't wait, but on another hand it marks the end of a journey and I really have enjoyed my time here in HK and I know it's been good for us as a family. I'll miss it a lot when we move back!!
 
Seeing people who have longed to go home then wanted to come back again is a bit confusing to me. What would you miss about HK? I'm not complaining here but I simply enjoy the layback kind of lifestyle a lot more in Australia. The space, beautiful sunny days and clear blue sky and sea water and the white-sanded beaches...I can only trade all these away for a limited number of years , knowing I would definitely go back some day.

I feel a lot more settled now that I have a full time job to keep my mind occupied. I have blended in quite well with my collegues and met a few local or foreign friends, and I even managed to pick up Cantonese. However, I'd always be looking forward to moving back some day.
 
my problem is that i have now been here for pretty much my entire working life (came here right out of uni when i was 22 yrs old)...

i look forward to the day we move back to canada, but to be honest, the idea also terrifies me.

hk, i know. i know what business ideas will succeed. i know many of the ins and outs. i know where to buy stuff. i know how to get about. i have friends here.

i also know that the canada i left is not the canada that is there now. friends have gone on with their lives, and i've not been a part of them. when i go back for a holiday, everyone makes a point of getting together, but that is because i'm not a major part of their lives. i'm only there for a few days, then i'm gone again. the city where i grew up has had a population explosion... since i've been gone, about 30,000 more people have moved there. i have a difficult time finding my way around. besides, my mum and brother have both moved away, so if we do go back, it won't be to my hometown...i'll have to start all over again from scratch.

for those of us long-timers, it's completely different from those that have only been here a couple of years.
 
I'm not a long-timer, only been here for 3.5 years... but I'll miss people from over here, I'll miss the transportation system, I'll miss the sushi!! A lot of restaurants. We eat out a lot over here. I do think that wherever you live, it becomes a part of yourself... and HK is the place where my daughter was born, where I've gone through a whole lot of stuff and really grown as a person... so in that way, when I move back I'll feel like I'm leaving a part of myself here...
 
Carang, I absolutely understand you. You've settled down here and HK is your home. You've worked everything out, including moving away from the city to Saikung to enjoy the space and greenery etc. And also for those who truely enjoy the fast-paced, exciting and vibrating lifestyle of HK, they feel like they are in heaven. I sincerely feel happy for you.

That's why I don't want to stay here for too long. As Carang said, back home things are changing fast too. We'd feel like a complete stranger if we had left it for too long. Especially finding a job could become an issue again. Even we can save a lot faster here with the low tax etc, I sometimes ask myself: how much is enough? Is it really worth what we're giving up, ie. the space, the clean air, and a much more relaxed educational system for the kids? I don't think so.

That's why we must go back. However I would forever appreciate the opportunity of having lived and worked in HK, and having the chance to broaden our experience and horizon.
 
Monty - isn't it ironic? We long to see our families but when it comes to saying goodbye, it's the hardest thing. I remember hiding in the AEL toilets to cool off my eyes with a wet tissue when I saw my mum off a few years ago. And when I say goodbye at Sydney airport, I must look really stupid going across customs with swollen red eyes.

Like another poster said, it's hard to see parents age and it's harder not being able to spend time with them. My parents are pretty understanding about things and don't spell it out for me to go home but I know damn well its what they want. It must be hard for them when their friends all have grandchildren visiting on weekends etc. I love the convenience of HK, feeling 'safe' being out at midnight(compared to Sydney anyway), and like Carang said, we know how to 'play the game' after being here for so long. But now that I have a child, I want him to have what I had as a child because my childhood is still something I boast about. A lot of people I know who grew up here can't say the same, which I think is a real shame.

It's amazing how much some of us have in common!
 
Wow. This thread has made my day... in the sense that, I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. We've moved to Beijing now after 7 years in HK. When I moved from Canada to HK, it was a culture shock, but I wasn't a mother yet. Now I'm a mother so moving to BJ with a 3 month old, and staying at home with her has been extremely stressful. My husband is local Chinese from near Beijing and so, my mother-in-law is staying with us to help out. MIL living with us is stressful... but that's another story.

I miss my family more than ever and am thinking about every day how I'd love for them to know their grandchild more. The Internet has done wonders for us though. I actually think she recognizes them a bit now.. :)

I also miss Canada more than ever, ... although I've told my hubby I will settle with HK if we have to stay in Asia. But in my heart, I really want my children (or "child" for now) to be able to ride their bikes around the block, run through the sprinklers, go to the many many parks with lots of green grass and a blue sky.
 
@ Carang, I understand you completely. Many of my high school friends (all Asian) are in HK now, and our HK group is bigger than our Vancouver group! I also wonder if Canada would still be a good fit for me now...
 
i still have the pangs of homesickness. but i find that when a new challenge presents itself, the homesickness eases quite a bit. i'm in the middler of opening a new playgroup centre and i've just found out that my two teachers at my current centre are leaving... coupled with my helper moving to canada about 6 weeks ago, helping my husband with his business, i just don't have time to think about it so much lately. which is good because it was getting so bad, it hurt.

i'm a little disappointed because i was planning on taking the kids back for a month during the summer, but it doesn't look like it will work out... too much going on, i'm afraid.
 
Carang, keeping busy is definitely good. Being a stay-at-home mom right now in a new place with a 7 month old is definitely taking its toll. If I were working, I wouldn't be able to do a 3 month home visit which I am planning now. So I feel lucky. We are not, by any means, wealthy... I chose not to work actually because I didn't want my MIL taking care of my daughter full time. I saw what "damage" (and I use this word very loosely) can be done. So I sacrificed my own career I took so long to build. :( C'est la vie. I get told it will pay off... I hope so.

As she approaches one year, I think I will be on the lookout for business/career opportunities that allow flexibility. If we're going to go back to Canada, we need money!!

I love this thread. Vent vent vent.
 
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