Miscarriage

Hi, I did lose a baby at 14 weeks once. I thought that because I was past the 12 week mark, it would all be fine (despite knowing the quite high statistics). I went along for a scan one day, they couldn't find a heartbeat, and told me the baby must have died. So I had to go in for an operation to get it out - one of the least pleasant things i have ever had to do. Everyone kept telling me that it must have happened for a reason, i.e. something was wrong with the baby, but it was very hard to take at the time. Most people expect you to move on. It has happened to so many women, but it's rarely talked about.
 
I should clarify - the statistics for early miscarriage is fairly high, but for later than 12 weeks I would have thought the rate would be lower...
 
Sorry to hear your loss. I am starting a supporting group with late miscarriage loss and please send me a private message if you would like to join this group and share your loss with other parents.
Hopefully it will help with the Grief and make more ppl aware of it which based on statistics it's unusual but i believe it's more common nowadays but ppl just dont talk about it.
 
I have just found out (today) that i have a miscarriage at 4 weeks. Although it is so early on the pregnancy i feel terribly upset and helpless. For a start, i cannot tell my friends that i have had a miscarriage like i have broken up with a boyfriend, people do not talk about miscarriage openly, and second, i feel that no one can share my experience or understand the loss of hope.

I do feel very deeply of the guilt, anger and sadness right now.

One thing i must mentioned, i went for a check up with Dr Katherine o'hoy to ask her about what caused the miscarrage, (she was referred by my GP and this is the first time i met her today) she asked me if the conception was planned, i said no not really (well i am married and we didnt 'work' at it to concieve, we just let it go naturally), her immediate reply was 'oh congrates to you then, since it is not plan, now your problem is gone!' I was fuming and i was also in shock at the same time! How insensitive she was!! And not to say unprofessional. I told her 'excuse me, how could you say that?' And she even went on defending herself.
This Katherine o'hoy is terrible in 360 degrees without the slightest compassion for her patient and i will never come back again.
Now i am upset with my loss and at the same time angry, which is great day for me!
 
Hello Honeybee,
I'm very sorry about your loss. It doesn't matter whether you lose a baby early in the pregnancy or later, it can still be traumatic. It's a shame that the specialist that you saw could not seem to understand this. Planned or not, a baby can be wanted equally. I hope you can take the time to let yourself recover, go easy and wait until you're ready to see someone more sympathetic and helpful.
All the best, take care.
 
Sorry to hear for your loss. I also lost my first baby 3 yrs ago, in 9 wks. It was emotionally and physically traumatic experience and i also have a similar experience as Honeybee's when it comes to people's reaction... My obgyn at that time was Jenny Ng, a specialist who was totally apathetic and even unprofessional (on the day of the removal surgery, she came in late, left me laying down in a cold operating room for nearly an hour and didn't even apologize). When I retunred back to work aft 3 wks of sick leave due to the surgery, my boss was clearly unhappy and even told me (miscarriage) "is common" and thus I shouldn't make a big deal out of it. As a foreigner, I sometimes find people in Hong Kong incredibly rude and insensitive and I wonder if it has to with their languague issue or if that's just the way people are... I was clinically depressed for 2-3 mnths but was able to get back on track with time and professional consultation. As the issue of miscarriage highly personal and touchy subject, I suggest you to seek support and help from the right people. Take care and be strong.
 
Thanks Lillibet and Chihuahua, i am surprised at how people react and i now realised it all comes to self healing and that it takes time.
 
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