Miscarriage

J

JANE892

Registered User
Hi Ladies,
Unfortuately I've just had a miscarriage at only about 5 weeks. Very distressing as i am only new to HK and was very excited about having a baby. I got right into looking for a hospital and working out medical insurance etc etc and then this happened. It's really sad.
Everyone tells me its really common and that the next time will be fine etc etc.
Is there anything anyone can tell me in regards to what we/I should do differently next time. I want to try and get pregnant again as soon as I'm allowed to (I think I have to wait a month before trying). I have my fingers & toes crossed it works out next time....
Thanks for any advice you can give me.
 
Hi Jane,

I don't think it is "common", could be that you are so stressed out since you just move to HK etc...

Why don't you try putting a pillow under your hips before you sleep, this maybe a traditional thing to do but who knows. They say, it can help uplift our ovary & maybe next time you get pregnant your ovary can hold onto the developing weight properly.

I have not been pregnant myself & keep my fingers crossed that hopefully i will be able to concieve this year as it has been two years of waiting.

Goodluck to you & may you get pregnant soon...&, me too:-)

Take care
 
hi Jane892,

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.....I had an ectopic pregnancy (and miscarriage) before I gave birth to my son 2 years ago (and am now pregnant again) so I have been through the emotional rollercoaster post-miscarriage. It's very easy (esp when you have every Tom Dick and Harry try to explain how you had a miscarriage as a result of something you did!) to "blame" it on something you did or ate or forgot to do etc.....unless you have been exhibiting extreme behaviour like sky diving OR alcohol binging, it's just your body's way of taking care of you.....if you check statistics, you will find it's very common to have miscarriages (esp if it's your first - maybe it's your body's way of trying to get the whole pregnancy thing right)....if there is anything you can do, it's to take care of you, emotionally and next physically (relax, exercise, get out and about, do things you like to do) and let nature take it's course......

take care!
 
I have been there...twice..... & i'm sorry to hear about your story. and yes, it IS very common, especially for the first timers. There is a study that says 2 in 10 first timers will result in a early miscarriage. it's only that most ppl don't even know that they were pregnant & treated it as a late period. it's nothing you did that caused it so stop blaming yourself. it's just that your uterus wasn't ready or maybe the egg wasn't splitting right or some DNA thing went wrong.

for me i waited 3 mths before trying again. altho my ob sasid i only need to wait for one cycle. i wanted to be safe. i went to a chinese doc & started watching my lifestyle. i was smoking & drinking & partying so i stopped all that & started caring more about myself. i eventually became healthy & got pregnant & my little girl is 2 now.

i was very anxious about getting pregnant too, and when i was giving up & thinking, oh what the heck, i'll just make-love without worrying about getting pregnant.... and that's the time my period didn't come 10mths after that.

so relax, stay healthy & good luck.
 
JANE892

I'm very sorry about your loss. When I got pregnant, my OB told me and my husband on our first visit that miscarriage can happen for a lot of reasons BEYOND the mom's control.

Right now, the most important thing is to stay healthy, eat well, exercise and relax. Good luck, will pray for you!
 
Hi Jane,

I am so sorry.
It is very common in the first 12 weeks, you just don't always hear about it as a lot of women are yet to annouce they're are pregnant and tend to keep it to themselves.
If it's any comfort, you can be glad your body recognised that things maybe weren't going exactly right rather than continuing an unhealthy pregnancy.
I'm sure that you'll go on to have beautiful healthy babies.

Give me a call if you want to get together and have a cry.

Luv
Matty.
 
Hi Jane,
it is VERY common, which is why doctors encourage women to not tell anyone until the 12 week mark. Lying on your back with a pillow isn't going to help stop it from happening, if it's not meant to be. It's nature way of dealing with pregnancies that have gone wrong in some way.

My doctor scared the beejesus out of me when I was first pregnant so anytime I had a twinge or a bit of bleeding I would panic. I'm not sure how helpful it is to scare us like that but since so many women miscarry it's probably reasonable. Apparently, if you were to have four children you would very likely have at least one miscarriage along the way. The statistics that are out there are already high but supposedly the reality is higher. Many women miscarry but do so early on when they don't even know they are pregnant.

All of this doesn't make it easier for you but you just have to trust that there was something wrong with the pregnancy and it was nature taking its course.

You should probably wait a couple of months before trying again. A friend just miscarried at 9 weeks. She is a midwife and her husband is a doctor. They are waiting three months before trying again.

Good luck.
 
Dear Jane,

I was sorry to hear your sad news. I found my miscarriage to be a very lonely sorrow as most people weren’t aware that anything had happened. But for me it was all I could think of.

As almost everyone has said it is common but I think it is something that no one talks about until it happens. When I told some quite close friends about my miscarriage they told me about theirs. Until that time I had no idea they had such sad stories even those I’d been friends with for a while.

I must admit that I found my pregnancy after the miscarriage very scary as I constantly worried about the baby. My doctor was very reassuring when I met with him but I would return to worrying again before my next visit. Fortunately nothing when wrong in the next pregnancy and I had a beautiful baby girl.

I spent a lot of time reading on the internet trying to find out the reason for miscarriages. But it seems no one really knows. Many people think that it is because of chromosome disorders in the baby and so it is definitely not because of something you did.

Best wishes,
Barb
 
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I really want to thank each and everyone of you ladies for replying to me. Honestly- I did not expect this sort of response and I feel so touched at the tenderness and encouragement of your words.
This really has been so hard. I've been in HK for 3.5 weeks. My husband is always away travelling for work, my job is not what I imagined..our apartment is a nightmare due to a nasty chinese landlord and zero storage space....and then the one thing that kept me smiling was my pregnancy...and then it too ended. So things in HK have been pretty bad. :(
Anyway...I guess things can only get better. I'm so glad to hear that an early miscarriage is very common and that many many women go on to have successful, healthy pregnancies afterwards. I will look after myself even better than before. Limit stress and eat well (I don't smoke). I definitely need to do some exercise here..!! I've done zero since arriving!
Again I appreciate and your kind words and support.
Jane xxx
 
hi jane
i have just read this and i too miscarried with first pregnancy, waited 3 months b4 trying again. now have a beautiful 6mth old boy he was born nearly exactly 1 year later. They have no idea why i miscarried and from the group of friends that i have i would say its 1 out of every 2 friends have miscarried in the first 12 weeks - they say that it is 1 out of every 3.

i read everything i could, i wondered what i might have done wrong etc but really there is no answer.

I was very scared when i fell pregnant a second time and i went for lots of scans and check ups, so do what's best for you and don't listen to anyone who wants to be negative, i still travelled, went on holidays and ended up going home to aus to have my baby. When you fall again, do as many appointments as you need to make yourself feel better. I spotted a fair bit in the third trimester which scared me alot, but after going for scans every few weeks i was at peace.

good luck
 
Hi Jane

I feel for you as have just had my second miscarriage in 4 months, first one was Dec 06 and I was 8 weeks 3 days and second was last week when I was 8 weeks 2 days.

My doctor is going to run tests so I don't yet have any answers, but he says that sometimes even after tests there might be no answers. Miscarriage is more common than people think, just about every SINGLE women I am friends with has had at least one.

I got pregnant one month after the first miscarriage, but it seems it was just too soon for my body. My doctor has assured me that it is nothing that I am eating or doing physically, it is just nature's way.

He has recommended a baby dose of aspirin for the next pregnancy, but he is talking about another pregnancy so we can try again. I am not giving many answers, but I do feel for you. Get your body going again at 110% and it is sure to happen again soon. I am upping my exercise and am watching what I eat, and have my fingers and toes crossed!

Good luck xxx
 
Dear Jane

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Having had 4 miscarriages, I can well imagine what you are going through. As the other posters have mentioned it is extremely common, but that does not help your grieving process. Neither does the knowledge that it does happen for a reason, a fietus usually miscarries if the genetic make-up mean that it will not survive outside the uterus.

Having a miscarriage does not mean that you will have trouble getting or staying pregnant next time. Despite my history, I have 2 perfect children and am 6 months along with my 3rd. Must admit that I am totally neurotic every time though, and my doctor is probably sick of the sight of me (I assume that every little twinge or drop of blood is bad news).

There is nothing that you can do to prevent a miscarriage, especially at 5 weeks. Neither is there any set time that you should wait before trying again. Give yourself time to recover from this loss and try when you are physically and emotionally ready. Some doctors say to wait one or two periods, which helps with dating the pregnancy etc. With modern ultrasounds, the dating is no longer a problem. Some doctors will prescribe aspirin, progesterone etc. for future pregnancies, but that is done on a case by case basis.

I promise that it gets easier. Just allow yourself time but keep reminding yourself that you did nothing to cause this and could not have doen anything to prevent it. Very best of luck!!!
 
book

perhaps you would like to read this book:
"How to prevent miscarriage and other crises of pregnancy" by stefan semchyshyn, m.d. and carol colman.

good luck.:grouphug:
 
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