Mealtime of a toddler - Need advice!!!

Ha, FutureHKmum: Yes, iPhone is a great invention when it comes to making my son sit down in his high-chair for 10 more minutes. I've uploaded some Nursery Rhymes videos with kiddies singing and dancing in the video. He LOVES it but after watching the videos 10~15 times, he is bored and demanded to be released from his chair (I'm not surprised. I am bored myself too!)

After reading advice from all mamas here, I will first try to tell him he should sit and finish his meal (95% fails however!) then if he demands to go I will let him. Let him run around for 15-20 minutes I will try to put him back to the chair and feed him more... and I will certainly STOP chasing after him.

Talking about having interest in adult food, he shows great interest in our meals. Say he's just finished a big bowl of his meal he still comes over and demands soemthing from our plates! He is just a curious tod.

Some of you say "when he's done, he's done." Yes, I understand the concept.. but how can I believe he's really done, after he's taken two tablespoons of rice? And that's why I keep demanding...

This morning, he is a good boy (he is a good boy one day a week!) He sat in his chair and finished almost one slice of bread and 25 blueberries. :))
 
:-) but he's only got a little tummy!

Many babies just don't need the same amount of food every day. My boy is 12 months old and eats way less than that on most days and then some days he just eats and eats - it's up to him. I still offer him milk three times a day and again, sometimes he wants it sometimes he doesn't.

Great on the stopping chasing, but honestly I wouldn't bother putting him back in his high chair after 15 or 20 minutes. He's old enough that you can tell if he's hungry so just feed him his meal, let him get down and if he's hungry several hours later (and I bet it will be several hours not 15 minutes!) as Carang said you can offer him a substantial snack. Putting him back after 15 minutes running around is such a faff and really, not how meals normally work so why teach him that it is.

As you said yourself, it's you who wants him to eat, and making him eat is making you feel better, not him. Why not let him get used to the new routine and then trust him to know when he's full for a couple of weeks and see how it goes.

And if he likes adult food - why not let him have that :-)
 
My son, at 19 months, is turning out not to be a great eater. He's gone down hill a lot since 12 months, in fact, ate more then than now.

My eating philosophy for my child is that he sits down in his chair to do so. I have actually tried the chasing thing from time to time, but he doesn't really eat any more than in his chair. I've been giving him toys at the chair for a long time now. Sometimes I turn on the TV (cringe) when I'm desperate. But this is the boy who will eat no more than 1 pot of yogurt OR one jar of pureed fruit for breakfast (always had problems with breakfast) and lately with nothing or up to 5-6 bites of lunch (dinner is usually ok). So I have been at my wits end lately.

I think a lot has to do with teething. Little dude has been getting in sooooo many teeth these past 2 months, but I just wish he'd hurry up and get them all so he can eat again.

The reasons I don't like chasing are #1 - it's DIRTY. More for me to clean up. #2 - it gives him the impression that he can just go and do whatever he wants and I will cater to his every whim. #3 - it gives him the idea that mealtimes are not important, nor is table etiquette.

The reasons I like him in his chair are #1 - this is normal life - most people sit at a table to eat. It teaches him that. #2 - it's cleaner and easier for me to control:) #3 - it gives him limits, which I think are very important.

I'm not even a big fan of grazing. I just would like him to sit down and eat. And yes, he gets tired of it SUPER quick, that's why I feed him as fast as I can and distract him with toys, talking, songs, (TV), whatever, because it STILL is important that he eats. And I get freaked out, and sometimes I lose my temper, and last week I started bawling when he refused his lunch completely (pregnancy hormones:).

Ah, it's an ongoing battle. If it's not one thing it's another. But for everyone's sake, I think you made a good choice to stop chasing him.
 
Jess, i think you are just going to be creating more frustration for yourself if you put him back 15-20 minutes later. besides, it is only teaching him to graze...he knows he doesn't have to eat his meal because you will put him back in the chair in a few minutes anyway.

how can you believe he's really done? he's telling you! you just aren't willing to accept the answer. he will not let himself starve to death. of that you can be sure. it's REALLY difficult, i know, i struggle with it myself. my eldest is just 1 lb heaveier than his sister who is 2 years younger! he is skin and bones. but, i do not chase him around. i do demand that he sit at the table (he's 5.5, so mummy's demands are usually met!LOL!) he KNOWS if he doesn't finish his meal, he'll get nothing else, so he usually finishes it. it just takes a really long time....
 
OK Cara, then I shall not try to put him back on his chair... But, if he has taken two tablespoons of rice and demanded to go and I should let him... Is that it? Lunch is finished until 3pm when he is hungry? It is not a question to challenge you at all (I fear it looks like so)... I just need some 'guidance' and you can see I am adjusting myself to accept this is the way a toddler behaves over mealtime... Argggghhh! Will it give an impression to him that he can have two bites and he can play, lunch/dinner is over?!? Sorry if I sound like a pain :((
 
jess, this isn't about challenging. don't worry, i don't look at it that way. i'm just telling you how i would handle it. it is up to you if you want to take it whole, in part, or not at all. no one has all the "answers", we all just have our own experiences. each of us does the best we can, you included. no one is right and no one is wrong. (although, it may sound like that is what we are saying, what we are really saying, is that what you are doing/intend to do is not necessarily how we would do it ourselves.)

as for your questions:
yes, let him go. BUT, he cannot have anything else until snack time, which will actually be a "mini-meal", in that it might be a slice of toast and a banana etc. it isn't just a biscuit and a glass of milk.

he will learn that if he doesn't sit in his chair, he won't get his food. i'm not saying to make a big deal of it, i'm actually saying that you need to stop making a big deal of it.

if he eats 2 bites then wants to go, let him. do not keep offering food to him. leave him. if he eats lunch at 12pm, then offer something at 2:45-3pm-ish. see if he will sit down to eat. if not, don't force the issue. offer it and if it's not wanted, leave it. at dinner time 6-ish? offer food again, then milk or a banana etc before bed.

it might take a couple of days of him not eating much but he WILL come around.

the other thing is, somedays, he will eat more than other days. you need to look at what he eats, not on a daily basis, but on a weekly basis. so maybe, monday & tuesday he doesn't eat much, but on wednesday he eats everything in sight. and then thursday, not so much again... but a little more on friday. on saturday he pigs out but eats virtually nothing on sunday... this is normal.

maybe it would be easier, i know you are not a SAHM, if you had whomever is caring for him write EVERYTHING he eats down and when he eats it. do it for a week or two, then you will get an idea of what he eats and when... a pattern may emerge that you never knew was there. you may find that breakfast is difficult at 7am but he's starving at 9am. in which case, it might make more sense to shift to having a later breakfast and just something small when he wakes up. you may find that he doesn't eat much at dinner, but he is hungry before bed, in which case, it might be a good idea to move dinner 45 minutes later etc.

good luck! we've ALL been there! you are not alone!
 
I don't think you sound like a pain, you sound like a mum who cares but honestly - he won't starve himself, no healthy child will.

It really can be true that all he needs is two bites - two table spoons of rice (do you mean teaspoons, table spoons is quite a lot) may be all he needs right then.

And maybe, in the first few days he will have a bit of an adjustment because he is used to you trying and trying and putting him back so maybe, for a couple of days he'll be thinking, "oh, I wish I hadn't got down 'cos I'm a bit peckish now"... but isn't that what you want him to learn, that eating is for meal and snack times. It won't take him long to realise that if you are consistent and then he will eat what he needs at meals and no more.

Children are not like us, they don't eat too much of something 'cos they like the taste, they don't feel the need to scrape their plate clean. He will eat as much as he needs and left to himself he won't eat any more.

On the getting bored front, do you let him feed himself? He sounds like an active little boy so I'm sure he'd enjoy mealtimes more and be willing to stay if you let him do it for himself. My son is very active and easily bored but he will sit in his high chair happily for between 15 minutes on his own and over an hour if we're all eating with him - this is because we put his food in front of him and let him feed himself, it takes him longer and is messy but he enjoys it immensely. He picks up most food with his hand and can spoon feed himself yoghurt, mash or rice if we hold the pot for him.
 
Thanks a bunch, Cara. Now I get the whole picture of what you suggested and I have a better idea of what to do.

Thanks, jvn. Two tablespoons is quite a lot? Really? On every meal (lunch & dinner) I insist he eats up a half bowl (a normal small size of rice bowl) of rice/pasta before I will finally leave him alone... [now you must laugh at me for being 'ridiculous' LOL >< !!! ]

He LOVES the idea of feeding himself but he can't really manage a spoon/folk well yet. Lately at mealtime he always demands to have a spoon in his hand, either have it for messing about or for really trying to feed himself. I can't leave him to feed himself cos' I don't want the mess (I don't mind a bit of mess but what I am talking about is disaster mess like a whole table and his chair and the floor are full of bits of rice / pasta / tomato sauce here and there!! Once I left a jar of yoghurt for him for 30 seconds you guessed what happened to my sofa!!) And, he is not a big fan of eating with hands, if he gets a bit of sauce/sticky bits on his finger he will get annoyed and determine to get rid of it. Looks a bit funny to me though~~

Anyway, after reading all the replies here I know I will surely be a lot at ease than before when I have to deal with his 'refuse-to-sit-and-eat' behaviour again ***
 
OX Jess said:
I can't leave him to feed himself cos' I don't want the mess (I don't mind a bit of mess but what I am talking about is disaster mess like a whole table and his chair and the floor are full of bits of rice / pasta / tomato sauce here and there!! Once I left a jar of yoghurt for him for 30 seconds you guessed what happened to my sofa!!)
Click to expand...

i think they have a term for this: collateral damage, i.e. damage that happens for a good purpose
 
Yeah, the mess does get better, he needs to spend a bit of time fully exploring all the mushyness and squish that food has to offer which will take a few weeks but with The Boy now most meals are fairly tidy - just requiring a wipe of the high chair and table and dustpan and brush and cloth on the floor immediately underneath.

Stuff like pasta is great for self feeding as it's easy to pick up, with the rice you can make little rice balls, potatoes you can boil or bake and slice into wedges for him. Veggies are easy - just steam them and give them to him like that and just slice fruit for him. For me, if I was as worried as you are and he loved feeding himself then I'd let him do it.... maybe just avoid tomatoey sauces for a while and spoon the really gooey stuff like yoghurt.

I think two tablespoons is a lot, well maybe not a lot but a perfectly reasonable amount - I guess that's what I'm saying about how the food is just a random amount chosen by you that you want him to eat. For me that's fine as a meal, for you it's not enough... it's just the ideas in our heads - The Boy had less than that for lunch and then walked all the way around Ikea... he's not lacking in energy, maybe he'll eat more tonight as he's done lots of exercise... maybe he won't.

And you're right, it is constantly funny to watch them feed themselves :-) enjoy!
 
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